Just Engaged and Proposals

Who takes care of what?

Hi all-sooo previous posts of mine trying to get info/advice on engagement parties i learned that i should not be holding my own. However-as a newly engaged bride to be-i have NO idea of the proper ettiquette as far as who traditionally hosts certain parties (ie. in this case-engagement party). Now my biggest thing is the fact i know an engagment party would be around this time-give/take a few weeks/months. But no one has offered to or mentioned anything about having an engagement party. SO what do i do? I don't have one? Do i talk to my wedding party mine/his parents? Which if i talk to them i would feel awkward as hell-especially because i don't want anyone to feel they aren't doing enough? I feel like i am in such an awkward situation and i have no idea how to proceed at this point...

Re: Who takes care of what?

  • JennyColadaJennyColada Awesometown, CA member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    I totally agree with Maggie and she took the words out of my mouth!

    I can see how you might be a bit, um, disappointed (?) that your loved ones don't want to celebrate this moment how you imagined, but I think you'd be focusing on the wrong aspect to dwell on those feelings.

    The engagement isn't the important part here, the lifelong commitment is. And they will celebrate that with you via the wedding itself.
    melbelleup
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    If nobody offers, then, no, you don't get one. I have only ever known one person in real life who had an engagement party. Why are you so obsessed with getting one?
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    jenna8984
  • No one offered for us, so we don't get one.
    Well we went out with FMIL and FSIL to dinner if that counts

  • Agreed with everyone else. But if you want to get together with your family and friends, feel free to host a party. Just don't make it a celebration of you and/or your wedding, and don't call it an engagement party, bridal shower, bachelorette party, or whatever.
  • Alh728 said:
    Hi all-sooo previous posts of mine trying to get info/advice on engagement parties i learned that i should not be holding my own. However-as a newly engaged bride to be-i have NO idea of the proper ettiquette as far as who traditionally hosts certain parties (ie. in this case-engagement party). Now my biggest thing is the fact i know an engagment party would be around this time-give/take a few weeks/months. But no one has offered to or mentioned anything about having an engagement party. SO what do i do? I don't have one? Do i talk to my wedding party mine/his parents? Which if i talk to them i would feel awkward as hell-especially because i don't want anyone to feel they aren't doing enough? I feel like i am in such an awkward situation and i have no idea how to proceed at this point...


    A few things:

    1. You mentioned in your last post about the engagement party that you aren't getting married until 2015. . . . . you now reference a wedding party.  FYI, you have chosen a wedding party very early.  While the ship has sailed, you should have waited until much closer.  Wedding parties do not have to be even either.

    2. You "don't want anyone to feel like they aren't doing enough.:  With regards to a wedding party, all they have to do is show up in the required outfit (which you will have asked them in private what their budget is, and not required hair/shoes/makeup unless you are buying them, right?) and stand by your side.  They are not free labor for pre-wedding anything.  They aren't to be made to organize events, make centerpieces, go on crazy diets to fit your idea of the perfect wedding party, etc.

    3. You only get any pre-wedding party if someone chooses to host it for you.  If MIL wants to host a shower for you, great. . . . If your bff wants to host a bachelorette party for you, great.  If nobody chooses to host any pre-wedding party for you, you put your big girl panties on and have a lovely wedding where you get to marry your FI (yay!!!)  pre-wedding parties do not make you any more or less married.

    4. Please do not have a cash bar at your wedding.  If you choose to have alcohol, host it.  If you can't afford a bar, have a dry wedding.

    5. Don't ask anyone (especially parents) to fund your wedding, nor should you have a honeymoon fund or the like.  Host the wedding that you and FI can afford. . . . it's your responsibilty.  It's also a wise decision not to go into debt for a one day party.

    That's it for now.  I am not at all saying that you are going to do any of these things, but it seems that you are quite stressed already, and not to familiar with wedding etiquette, so I figured these suggestions might be helpful to you.

    Most importantly, enjoy being engaged!!!!  Time will keep on ticking and before you know it you will be an old married hag like many of us.  You can't get your time as a fiancee back, nor can you relive your wedding day, and it will all go by quickly, so take the time to live it!

    JCbride2015KatWAGCookie Pusher
  • I agree with the other ladies. However, if having a party is that important to you - as this is your time - my only suggestion would be to throw a party to celebrate your exciting news, but make it informal. Make it known that gifts are not expected and that it is just a get together to see everyone and celebrate.

    I honestly don't know anyone who has had a formal engagement party like they do in the movies. When we got engaged my parents hosted a BBQ and everyone was invited. However, three days before I had just finished taking the BAR exam so it was a mixture of engagement and celebration that I was back in the real world. I think the main focus is not to have people celebrate with you every step of the way, but to focus on the excitement that you soon will be marrying the person you want to marry
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Uklaw88 said:
    I agree with the other ladies. However, if having a party is that important to you - as this is your time - my only suggestion would be to throw a party to celebrate your exciting news, but make it informal. Make it known that gifts are not expected and that it is just a get together to see everyone and celebrate.

    I honestly don't know anyone who has had a formal engagement party like they do in the movies. When we got engaged my parents hosted a BBQ and everyone was invited. However, three days before I had just finished taking the BAR exam so it was a mixture of engagement and celebration that I was back in the real world. I think the main focus is not to have people celebrate with you every step of the way, but to focus on the excitement that you soon will be marrying the person you want to marry
    No, this is terrible advice. Don't throw any sort of party for yourself. If you want to have a party, then have a party. Just don't have it involve your engagement or wedding at all.
    BabyFruit Ticker
    NYCBruinAddieCake
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Uklaw88 said:
    I agree with the other ladies. However, if having a party is that important to you - as this is your time - my only suggestion would be to throw a party to celebrate your exciting news, but make it informal. Make it known that gifts are not expected and that it is just a get together to see everyone and celebrate.

    I honestly don't know anyone who has had a formal engagement party like they do in the movies. When we got engaged my parents hosted a BBQ and everyone was invited. However, three days before I had just finished taking the BAR exam so it was a mixture of engagement and celebration that I was back in the real world. I think the main focus is not to have people celebrate with you every step of the way, but to focus on the excitement that you soon will be marrying the person you want to marry
    Informal or not, you should never throw a party in honor of yourself.  Unless you really don't give a shit and think that the world revolves around you rather then the sun.

  • Anyways throw your own engagement party. I think it is way more rude to expect someone to throw one for you. There is nothing wrong with it. I have been to countless engagement parties hosted by the couple themselves and nobody has seen it as rude. In fact it's only been seen as a wonderful celebration and the people invited were honored to be a part of it. So ignore the jealous trolls who do not know how to simply answer your questions and have to make arguments out of everything. They have nothing better to do with their time.
  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    rheinand said:
    Anyways throw your own engagement party. I think it is way more rude to expect someone to throw one for you. There is nothing wrong with it. I have been to countless engagement parties hosted by the couple themselves and nobody has seen it as rude. In fact it's only been seen as a wonderful celebration and the people invited were honored to be a part of it. So ignore the jealous trolls who do not know how to simply answer your questions and have to make arguments out of everything. They have nothing better to do with their time.
    Because throwing out juvenile, personal insults is a great use of your time.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

    KeptInStitches
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Jealous of......someone who could embarrass herself by committing a faux pas? Yeah, that must be it.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • Awe I am so glad my post meant enough to you to quote! 
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited January 2014
    rheinand said:
    Anyways throw your own engagement party. I think it is way more rude to expect someone to throw one for you. There is nothing wrong with it. I have been to countless engagement parties hosted by the couple themselves and nobody has seen it as rude. In fact it's only been seen as a wonderful celebration and the people invited were honored to be a part of it. So ignore the jealous trolls who do not know how to simply answer your questions and have to make arguments out of everything. They have nothing better to do with their time.
    Because throwing out juvenile, personal insults is a great use of your time.
    I'm afraid this one came in on the troll train. Within her first 5 responses, she advocates throwing parties to honor yourself, INCLUDING the "new-but-spreading-fast-fright fest" currently being dubbed "The 365 day" party. She also believes the "E" in wedding stands for entitled. I wonder if it counts to give up trolls for Lent?
    KatWAG
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