Chit Chat

People expecting to be invited...

While I was in college, I worked in the front-end of a grocery store (for about 4 years). Of course I made close friends there; we used to go out after work, have work parties, etc. I graduated in 2006 and moved away in 2007 and haven't really talked to any of them since. We're friends on facebook, but that's about it... we've just grown apart. Anywho, this store is about 30 minutes from my parents' house and my mom occasionally shops there while she's running errands in the area. Every time she goes in, they're always mention how they are so excited about the wedding. When she told me this and I was confused, my mom said she assumed I would invite some of them, and looked at me like I had 3 heads when I said "uh, no..." I haven't had contact with the most of them in over 5 years, except for one who messages me via facebook for legal advice. Which is annoying. While we were super close while I worked there, that doesn't guarantee they will be invited to my wedding. If I used that reasoning, our guest list would be crazy! I feel like this is super weird for them to expect an invite after all these years, but my mom thinks it would be hurtful not to invite them, and she "doesn't want it to be uncomfortable" when she shops there. ::head desk:: We're splitting the cost in thirds, between my parents, FI & I, and FI's parents. Someone please tell me I'm not crazy here.

 

 

Re: People expecting to be invited...

  • You're not crazy. I wouldn't invite those people either. 
  • Your not crazy. Just tell her it is not in the budget to invite them. The venue will not hold the extra people, ect.

    If she persists tell her she can put them an HER 1/3 of the guest list; you do not have room on your 1/3 because you wish to invite people you are SUPPER close to.
    Good Luck
  • I wouldn't invite them either. It's ridiculous for them to assume they would be invited when they haven't spoken to you in years!


  • You're not crazy. Tell your mom if she thinks they should be invited, they can go on her third of the guest list.
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • You're not crazy. I worked part time in a shoe store while going back to school and was close to my coworkers there. I left that job before I met FI I would occasionally stop in and talk with them cause I still work in the mall.  Back in like the summer two of them came to visit me at my job and were like "We're so excited for the wedding!" and I was like "Uh.....Venue size restrictions....."


    It was super awkward.
    image



    Anniversary
  •  
    I wouldn't invite them either. It's ridiculous for them to assume they would be invited when they haven't spoken to you in years!

     

    RIGHT???? I'm a little peeved that they'd bring this up to my mom. It's one thing to think "Oh cool, I hope I get invited" but it's another thing to have the balls to say this to my bend-over-backwards-for-anyone mom. Not cool man....

     

  •  
    I wouldn't invite them either. It's ridiculous for them to assume they would be invited when they haven't spoken to you in years!

     

    RIGHT???? I'm a little peeved that they'd bring this up to my mom. It's one thing to think "Oh cool, I hope I get invited" but it's another thing to have the balls to say this to my bend-over-backwards-for-anyone mom. Not cool man....

    Same. If I were on the verge of whether or not to invite, something like this would really put me over the edge and cross their name off.

    I mean, I feel for them, especially if they have one understanding of what your friendship is versus what you do (I know that for me, personally, I feel very close to some of my friends even though we do not see or talk to each other often). I'm not sure what their other friendships feel like, and it is possible that they think of you as a very close friend, so I can see why they might think that they should be invited to your wedding. But even still, seems kind of rude and out of place to mention it to your mother.
  • yeahhhh no thank you. I'm inviting some of my old co-workers, but because we still get together every time I'm in town and talk occasionally. I would use every excuse in the book and your mom can relay it back to them if they mention it again.
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
  • You're def not crazy for not inviting them. I think some people lose all common sense as soon as they hear the word 'wedding' (similar to those brides who get engaged and suddenly, having a ring makes them think that PPDs and potlucks are okay).

    We've had sooo many people expect invitations, including distant friends/family of FI's whom I've never met, and vice versa. Sadly, the expectations for some continue even after we explain that we're having a SMALL, immediate-family-only wedding. These are the people natural selection has yet to weed out ;)


    image
  • You're not crazy. We've had this too, and well... we're restricting our guest lists to immediate family and close friends only, but we've got people we've just met (literally, we meet them, they find out we're getting married and go "we can't wait!") and people we haven't spoken to in 10+ years inviting themselves.

    I do think a lot of it is the "free food and booze" thing, but also I have African tradition to contend with - which holds that for ANY celebration/event (from baptism through to funeral), the family MUST invite the entire neighbourhood AND welcome anyone who happens to walk past, and every guest must be allowed to eat their fill. Not adhering to this is disrespectful to the ancestors. FMIL's domestic worker (who comes in once a week to dishes and clean the bathrooms) said last week that I must invite her.

    Luckily for us, there's a precedent in both our families for not inviting the entire family because it would be like 200+ each if we did, so most of the extended family know not to expect an invite. We are inviting FMIL's family from the US, because she really wants them to be invited, but we're 99% certain that none of them will come because of the cost of travel.

    As for the randoms, I just ignore them, or tell them that seeing as there are family members who haven't made the list... Of course I only say that to the ones I really don't like.
    imageDaisypath Friendship tickers
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards