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Is anyone else feeling this way?

So our wedding is about nine months away, and I'm really beginning to feel the pressure to lose weight. My fiance is a doll and always tells me how much he loves the way I look, etc., but I can't stop looking at pictures of skinny brides and being brought to tears. I love my dress and it makes me feel pretty confident, but I can't help but fear disappointment when we get our wedding pictures back. Despite all of this fear, I somehow feel "stuck." I feel like an effort to lose weight is futile (I have PCOS, so it's a vicious battle). Although I am a proportionate plus-size girl, 5'4" and 225 looks disgusting to me, even on paper. So now I'm stuck between days of weight-loss motivation and days where I feel that I will have to accept myself as a fat bride and try to move on. I know this was kind of rambling, but...am I alone in feeling this way?

Any thoughts/words of encouragement would be much appreciated, as I feel very alone in this struggle.

Re: Is anyone else feeling this way?

  • Dignity100Dignity100 Northeastern Ohio member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    I'm hoping on a October wedding (still waiting on my venue to call me back).  I would LOVE to lose 40-50lbs by my wedding.  I look at all these other girls who are losing weight and can work out 5-7days a week and I just wonder where the heck they find the time and then I feel depressed that it'll never happen for me because of my 'busy life' (which might also include some laziness on my part).  So glad you found a dress you love - I'm still not loving the way I look in any dress - I've found some that I 'like' but I don't LOVE.

    So what I'm trying to say is - you're not alone!!

  • You're not alone!  I have the same daily battle.  I am just under 6 months away and I'm mad at myself for having an engagement period of over two years and I only started last summer trying to lose some weight.  The worst part is I really have only lost what I gained from the last time I tried on my dress because I couldn't bear having to ask the seamstress to take my dress "out".  

    I struggled with our first engagement pictures because they're virtually unusable because as I've said on other threads, my spanx didn't hold up their end of the bargain and they look awful.  I have since switched photographers and will be retaking my engagements, so there's still hope! But, what really helps me is to look at the photos from when I bought my dress and see just how beautiful I look in it.  And do I dare say, I look ALMOST thin?  Well maybe not thin, but my figure is on point.  My dress makes me so happy and flatters my body and that's where I find my motivation.  A good photographer, the perfect dress and you'll be marrying the man of your dreams on a day you have worked a long time to plan is what should make you smile.

    TBH, your figure sounds amazing.  I would love to weigh that!  I'm 5' and a good 40 lbs heavier.  Just know that your FI loves you the way you are, and he means it.  It took me years of mine telling me that until I finally believed it.  Once you love yourself, you can see how other people can love you no matter how you look.  Don't lose weight for anything, but yourself.  Maybe start out with a small goal.  You'll start to feel better even after 5 lbs! That's the best motivation there is.

    Good luck and if you feel up to it, maybe we can start some sort of challenge because I could use some motivation to lose weight in my life!
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  • Inkdancer said:
    Your fiance loves you the way you are. He proposed to you because he wants to spend his life with the person you are now. When you get discouraged, try to see yourself through his eyes. He loves you and thinks you're perfect.

    I say this as someone who has struggled for a very long time to love who I am. It took realizing that my fiance loves and values me as I am now for me to finally realize that maybe he isn't crazy. You should of course try to do things that make you feel better about yourself, and if that's making healthy choices then go for it. But healthy has nothing to do with a number on the scale, and not loving yourself is the least healthy thing you can do. Don't focus on losing weight. There is no magic number that will show up on the scale and make a fairy pop out that will give you self-esteem. You have to find that on your own.

    I had the goal to loose 50 lbs prior to my wedding. I didn't, and ultimately happier that I didn't. I went to the gym regularly, but didn't pay attention as well as I should have to what I was eating. 

    At the end of the day, I looked like me, and that's all I really wanted. 

    I was SO happy on my wedding day and THAT's all I can see in the photos, not the back fat or the fat arms or the double chin. I think I look stunning in photos because of the smile on my face and the look on my husband's face when he looks at me.
  • I feel the same way, it helps to know we're not alone, right?  I've been trying to do something every day, even if it's little.  My goal for this wedding is to be able to get a smaller dress than my first wedding/marriage 13 years ago.  Even if it's only one size:)
    I'm 5'4" and currently 207.  I've lost 15 pounds since july but have been stuck since October. FH and I are trying to run together but hardly are able to manage it more than once a week.  
    Thanks for letting me know I'm not the only one:)
  • It really does help to know I'm not alone. I've been feeling like no one understands what I'm going through so I really appreciate all of your responses. I guess I need to focus more on feeling good than a number on the scale. Thanks everyone! :)
  • InkdancerInkdancer The Shire member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    /great big squishy hug for everyone/
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  • Wow - these same thoughts were going through my mind tonight and it's comforting to know I'm not alone.  I recently got engaged and while we haven't set a date, I feel some panic when I look at dresses and see the skinny models.  My fiance loves me for who I am and has told me I will be a beautiful bride but there is a part of me that has been questioning it.  I'm so glad I found this board!
  • Your fiancé loves your for you and that's all that matters.  Plus you found a beautiful dress that makes you feel confident so work it and feel amazing.  

    I had the same thoughts before my wedding and I was much bigger (close to 300).  I got married last October and let me tell you that day was about me and my new husband, I wasn't worried about how I looked and what others thought about me because it was about the two of us sharing a special day.

    Was I worried about getting our pictures and video pack feeling horrified about myself and how I looked, YES! But they all turned out amazing because it was the happiest day of my life. 

    Here is a link to my wedding video, yes there are moments that I look at it and feel so fat but what I can also see is how happy I was to be marrying the man of my dreams.

  • I am trying to lose 20-30 lbs for the wedding that is 4 months away (let's pray on that), so I too feel the same way.

    But what I have learned is that what you put into your body affects your weight much more than exercise/activity - unless you are seriously working out 2 hrs a day 4 days a week or something, and like some of you have already said, who has the time?

    If you have the willpower, I highly suggest cutting red meat, sugars, and white carbs from your diet. Also upping fresh fruits and low starch (green) veggies, drinking 80 oz of water daily, and maybe eveb replacing one meal per day with a nutritional shake may help you lode 1-2 lbs a week.

    I;m down about 11 lbs in the past 6 weeks doing this and I "hope" to keep it up.

    BUT set a realistic goal, and go into knowing that your fiance' loves you regardless of what you weigh, and that you will look great in your dress regardless. Its your day and you're gonna shine.

  • I understand exactly how you are feeling.  My fiance loves the way I look and I have never had someone who loves me and tells me all the time how beautiful he thinks I am.  I am going on the extreme side of things with my weight loss.  I am doing a liquid fast provided my doctor and will lose 80-100 pounds in 6 months.  I am not doing it for the wedding but I am doing it to go into my marriage a more healthier active version of myself.  I think what you are feeling is normal for any girl, skinny, average, or plus to feel like they need to be the "best" version of them on their wedding day.  I hope you keep a smile on your face knowing you are beautiful to the most important man in the world and if you want to lose weight do it for you!  :) 
  • I completely understand what you are going through.  My wedding is this June and I have PCOS.  I never like having my picture taken so the thought of paying all this money for my photographer is really weighing on me.  What if I hate every single picture?  I have been trying to loose weight for so long but the PCOS has been hindering my journey.  I have insulin resistance and even with diet and exercise I wasn't loosing weight.  I was prescribed Metformin because of my insulin resistance due to my PCOS.  I have been on Metformin for a couple of months now and paired with a low carb diet the weight has been coming off.   It has been a dream come true.  Just remember no matter what, your fiance thinks you are gorgeous.  He loves you exactly the way you are.  

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  • So many feelings of agreement!! I've not dressed shopped yet, in fact I'm kind of terrified. We just booked our venue, and we're over a year out, but my mother is already itching to dress shop. Being a former wedding gown consultant I understand how she's super excited about this part, but I'm just so scared of going into shops and being told they don't even carry samples that would fit around my frame. On top of being large I'm oddly proportioned, tall but carrying most of my height in my torso instead of my legs and shaped like barrel with all my weight on my mid section. Who makes dresses for that shape???

    What is great is that my fiance is super supportive helping push me to get in the gym and cook healthier. I know I won't lose the probably 100 pounds I "NEED" to lose to be "normal" sized but I'd at least like to be a size 20 again like I was when I went to college.

    Anyways sorry for the rambling. It's good to see that there are others who feel this struggle. I'm sure in the long run we're all going to look beautiful on our big days.
  • wandajune6wandajune6 Chicago-ish member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    I know just how you're feeling!

    I bought a dress already. It's pretty tight. I can either let it out or lose weight. I would have bought a size up but as it's discontinued, it wasn't workable.

    I had great plans to lose 30-40 pounds before our October wedding. Then reality set in. Now, my goal is to save the alternations money for something else. I need to go down about an inch. I don't care if it's from Spanx or weight-loss. An extra inch beyond that would make the dress actually comfortable!

    We're getting engagement pictures on Saturday. I'm terrified. I've been trying to remind myself that my FI loves me regardless of my weight and that I need to focus on looking as happy as I feel. Hopefully that will actually work!

    Thank you all- feeling so much less alone now too!
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  • I love this community! There are so many supportive ladies on here. Update: I've been calorie counting for the last two weeks using an app on my phone. I'm down five lbs so far! Not much, but it's a start :)
  • Megusler you need to find places that specialize in plus sizes and have sizes over a 20 to try on. your best bet is to call up all bridal salons within a 1-2 hour radius from you and find out  what sizes they have in plus range and how many.  a few salons i called had 1 or 2 larger samples but i was not going to waist my time and visit them for nothing.

    if you are in the new england or ny nj pa area i can message you a listing of salons that have true plus size samples
  • @hyechica81 Thanks for the advice! I'm actually down in the Louisville KY area, but we're gonna be driving all over to shop. From Cincinnati to Indianapolis we're gonna be on the prowl. 
  • @megusler good luck shoping make sure to call the salons and see how many gowns they have in sizes you can fit into.

    when i called a few places they were like we have 1 or 2 dresses in your size do you want to make an apt. i said no a few were pushy and said well we have some dresses in 14s 16s we can try to get you into them or you can place them with the hanger under your neck to see how it would look.

    no way if i cant fit into a dress then how am i suposed to know how it fits holded up to my body no way
  • @megusler I live in Louisville, too. I actually bought my dress (in a size 28) from Bridal Warehouse off Hurstborne pkwy... I did see another place up in Cinci called Bella Bridal Boutique (I think that's right) and they specialize in plus size. But I agree with PP that you should call around. I knew going in that I'd probably need a bigger size in my gown anyway due to how they are sized and while in day clothes I wear a 22, my dress is a 28, so be prepared and wear good undergarments.
  • As I sit here crying and reading everyone's replies, Its wonderful to know that I am not alone. I am also terrified to actually buy a dress because I keep telling myself that I will lose weight and so far all I've been doing is gaining because my fiancé loves to eat too :( I have tried on dresses for fun but now I found a dress that I think is "the one" and I'm so afraid I will look horrible in it! But now I see that it truly doesn't matter because my fiancé loves me for who I am, and my wedding day and pictures will be amazing just as long as I am confident!
  • Every. Single. Day.

    I'm lucky to have a fiance, friends, and family who love me for me and think I'm beautiful as I am, but it's hard not to struggle with self-image when so much attention will be on you.

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    "They say there's no such place... as Paradise. Even if you search to the ends of the Earth, there's nothing there. No matter how far you walk, it's always the same road. It just goes on and on. But, in spite of that... Why am I so driven to find it? A voice calls to me... It says, 'Search for Paradise.' " - Kiba, Wolf's Rain

  • For anyone worrying about their pics, go check out the Show Us Your Dress thread in this Plus-Sized category.  You will see tons of your fellow, voluptous bride Knotties who look stunning in a variety of different dress styles.

    I was extra worried because I hate the way I look in pics, but I loved my wedding photos.  I picked a dress I loved and looked beautiful in.  I married the man I love and who loves me and thinks I'm beautiful, even if I'm nowhere near the size 5 he first met, lol.  I felt amazing and radiant on my wedding day and that is exactly how I look in my pics.  We are always the hardest on ourselves, but there isn't a doubt in my mind that you all will be gorgeous brides on your happy day, especially to your friends, family, and new hubby! 


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  • You are not a fat bride. You are a beautiful bride

    Your wedding day is not about how you look in your dress, it's about how you feel standing next to your prince charming. 

    If you want to lose weight, begin a workout and diet plan. But do it for you, not for your wedding. Because I promise that when your wedding day comes along, you will be the most beautiful person there!

    You were created exactly the way you are for a reason. Your FI fell in love with every inch of your beautiful body. Just because the media shows people who don't look like you, that doesn't mean that they are more beautiful. 

    I promise that you will look more beautiful than ever on your wedding day whether you lose weight or gain weight. Do you want to know how you can tell?
    Skip over the "oo's" and "ahh's" from your friends and family as you walk down the aisle and look at your groom's face.

    You're beautiful, I promise. 
  • bekahjo1119bekahjo1119 member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited May 2014

    I am so glad I'm not  the only one.  I became engaged on April 19th, but I had started a diet before that.  I am a music teacher and do a lot of community theater - I majored in vocal performance in college and am a trained opera singer.  I wanted to put that training to use, but I was so tired of being put in the back in the chorus because I wasn't thin and pretty enough for a lead role.  The last show that I was in was Pippin, and I ended up getting to play Catherine, the romantic lead, because the skinny girl who had the role dropped out two weeks before we opened.  When I read the reviews, all that was said about me at all was that it was obvious that my director picked someone because he wanted to hear them sing it.  There were lots of comments about how "non-traditional" I was.  It was very hurtful. 

    I started Weight Watchers around this time and I have been sticking to it pretty well, even though I drive my fiance crazy with checking my points.  I was so discouraged when I was being strict with myself and only lost 7 pounds in the first month.  I, too, have PCOS.  My recent blood tests also showed that I was severly vitamin D deficient, which explains my lack of energy.  I am currently trying to juggle wedding planning, a full time job, a job hunt, home repairs, getting ready to music direct the summer theater camp that I do, and being a full time graduate student.   There simply aren't enough hours in the day to work out two hours every day, especially when you factor in my two hour communte.  My MOH and I have joined a gym, and we've been making an effort.  Saturday was my first day, and since then I've also gone on Monday and Wednesday.  I've lost 22 pounds total since I started all of this on March 11.  I've gone from being 5'5'' and 307 pounds, to 285.  I know this is a big deal, but most of my clothes aren't fitting that differently and I can't really notice any weight loss.  It is just depressing.  My fiance tries to reasure me and I know he loves me, but it still really bothers me that I weigh about 45 pounds more than he does. 

    I'm honestly just glad I'm not alone.

  • @Kate McCay - thank you for sharing your video..... to all the ladies thank you for words of encouragement... I have been having similar thoughts as my dress is strapless, and I absolutely hate my arms and back fat.... this post has helped me to get to the place where I am like.... IDGAF what anybody other than my baby thinks...... Arms, back fat, and all! :-)
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  • I've always been kinda a big girl ever since I was little. I didn't really ever have that much support when it came to my weight until I met my fiance almost 3 years ago. He is a big man himself and yet he has such confidence in him that I neverhad which is what really attracted me to him. That and his big gorgeous blue eyes ;). My family doesn't even like the fact that I'm bigger than they are even though they have weight problems themselves. I've always tried to ignore it but it's difficult when you hear it every single day. My fiance doesn't care about my weight, I've even gained a few pounds since I met him and he still loves me and thinks I'm beautiful. I can not wait to marry him
  • akheuerakheuer member
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    @Nikita2013, we have very similar stories. He's the first guy to really make me feel like I'm not just an overweight body. I've found that owning up to my size and not being ashamed to tell people my dress size, etc. has really helped me with my self confidence. Of course, I have my moments (or days, lol) where I feel incredibly insecure, but I just have to remember that he chose to marry me the way I am, and at the end of the day, that's all that really matters. I have a little under five months to go. I am using hand weights to work on my arms and am making a conscious effort to eat better/less, but I am not going to drive myself crazy and let this consume me. I want to remember this time as a happy point in life!

    Thank you all so so much for your responses. It truly does help to know that you're not alone.
  • You are definitely not alone. :( I am with you on it, but I just can't get out of the depression over being overweight to actually get the weight off... if that makes any sense..

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  • @bekahjo1119‌ I recently joined WW as well, mostly because I want to feel better, but also with my wedding in mind. If you're looking for a support buddy I'd be happy to volunteer! Lord knows I can use all the help I can get lol
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  • @bekahjo1119‌ (((BIG HUG))) YOU ARE NOT ALONE, TRUST ME!!!! I stand 6ft and currently weigh in at 275 lbs. I'm also a twice cancer survivor, one of those Caners was breast cancer. I had a reconstruction on the breast that had the cancer so that breast is smaller than the natural one....I have an ugly train track scar across my stomach from emergency gall bladder surgery, (had only a 24 hour window of life or it would ruptured and I would have died), plus a whole host of surgeries stemming job created injuries, to othropedic issues dating back to childhood. I have always been a big girl....my weight goes up and down faster than gas prices. Trying to diet has never worked for me because I can't afford the foods and working out have never really worked something would always happen and I wouldn't be able to go to the gym on a regular basis, (transportation issues or health issues). My fiancée tells me I'm his queen, that I'm gorgeous, sexy, etc..etc...but we are talking about getting married and in every bridal magazine I see this skinny girls wearing gorgeous gowns and my self-esteem goes on break...(BTW, did mention that my fiancée is an artist who has a habit of drawing those girls that in the 'gentlemen' magazines, ( penthouse, Playboy, etc...), Not to mention that my wedding gown is tea-length and very beautiful...except I don't like it now and the one I really want is the style that skinny girls wear? Support group?? Count me in!!
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