"23 Things to Do Instead of Getting Engaged When You're 23"

smalfrie19

pumpkinsandturkeys said:

smalfrie19 said:

Jennja22 said:

The article sounds like it was written by someone fairly immature, and a lot of items on the list aren't really that "bucket list-y".  (not for me anyway, I mean "bake a cake" isn't something I MUST do before I die.. I've made a hundred cakes.. sometimes it is fun, but life changing? Nah)

BUT...

In my opinion, the general idea behind the article is "don't settle - live your life - have some life experiences before you settle down" and I do agree with that.  I fully believe that there are certain things that you should do before you get married, mainly living on your own - even if it is only for 6 months.  I learned SO much about myself from that experience, and I have friends who have always lived with someone (roommates, parents, boyfriends) and it always seems like there is a little bit of independence/confidence missing.  Obviously, there are exceptions to this, and some people do just fine making the transition.  But, this is the advice that I will always give to my friends and family, because I can see how much it taught me.    

question, how many of these experiences can I do WITH having a spouse....the only ones I really cant do is date two people and make out with strangers.... I can do ALL THE REST of those things with my FH. I don't need to be single to "live life"

If you decide to be swingers/have a semi-open marriage, you could technically accomplish those things... Haha

haha are you propositioning me?!?!?! lol

smalfrie19

pumpkinsandturkeys said:

smalfrie19 said:

Jennja22 said:

The article sounds like it was written by someone fairly immature, and a lot of items on the list aren't really that "bucket list-y".  (not for me anyway, I mean "bake a cake" isn't something I MUST do before I die.. I've made a hundred cakes.. sometimes it is fun, but life changing? Nah)

BUT...

In my opinion, the general idea behind the article is "don't settle - live your life - have some life experiences before you settle down" and I do agree with that.  I fully believe that there are certain things that you should do before you get married, mainly living on your own - even if it is only for 6 months.  I learned SO much about myself from that experience, and I have friends who have always lived with someone (roommates, parents, boyfriends) and it always seems like there is a little bit of independence/confidence missing.  Obviously, there are exceptions to this, and some people do just fine making the transition.  But, this is the advice that I will always give to my friends and family, because I can see how much it taught me.    

question, how many of these experiences can I do WITH having a spouse....the only ones I really cant do is date two people and make out with strangers.... I can do ALL THE REST of those things with my FH. I don't need to be single to "live life"

If you decide to be swingers/have a semi-open marriage, you could technically accomplish those things... Haha

haha are you propositioning me?!?!?! lol

pumpkinsandturkeys

pumpkinsandturkeys said:

smalfrie19 said:

Jennja22 said:

The article sounds like it was written by someone fairly immature, and a lot of items on the list aren't really that "bucket list-y".  (not for me anyway, I mean "bake a cake" isn't something I MUST do before I die.. I've made a hundred cakes.. sometimes it is fun, but life changing? Nah)

BUT...

In my opinion, the general idea behind the article is "don't settle - live your life - have some life experiences before you settle down" and I do agree with that.  I fully believe that there are certain things that you should do before you get married, mainly living on your own - even if it is only for 6 months.  I learned SO much about myself from that experience, and I have friends who have always lived with someone (roommates, parents, boyfriends) and it always seems like there is a little bit of independence/confidence missing.  Obviously, there are exceptions to this, and some people do just fine making the transition.  But, this is the advice that I will always give to my friends and family, because I can see how much it taught me.    

question, how many of these experiences can I do WITH having a spouse....the only ones I really cant do is date two people and make out with strangers.... I can do ALL THE REST of those things with my FH. I don't need to be single to "live life"

If you decide to be swingers/have a semi-open marriage, you could technically accomplish those things... Haha

haha are you propositioning me?!?!?! lol

Hahaha I feel as though I'd have to run that by FI first... His traditional brain may not be able to comprehend the concept haha

MadHops21

loves2shop4shoes said:

I found it to be offensive.

I got engaged at 22 (which is YOUNG, I know.)  But believe it or not, I had a passport before then.  I had traveled before then.  I had done almost all of those things before then.

All this. I got engaged when I was 21 (22 now). I have traveled to 4 continents, made friends, hung out with monkeys, yada yada yada. Just because I'm young doesn't mean I haven't experienced anything. My feathers were definitely ruffled, especially since some FB friends posted it after I got engaged. 

firebabe6519

This article is ridiculous. You don't have to be alone to live life. Besides most of the time, its more fun to live life while sharing it with someone else!

Just because you haven't hit menopause yet doesn't mean that you haven't gotten to live life or chase your dreams!

jenna8984

 

I also get frustrated by the line of thinking that getting married inherently means settling down. I am getting married in June, and I have no intentions of sticking to one job, never traveling anywhere, buying a house, and popping out kids anytime soon. Just because I'm committing to stand by a single person for life doesn't mean I'm giving up on life adventures. Why can't one have adventures with a spouse and a friend? I just don't understand the idea that once married, you're shuffled into this new cocoon where you're "settled."

I am SO with you on this. That's actually something I feel so strongly about that I'm writing it into my vows. That a true love and life partner is there not to stifle your dreams, but to enhance them and live them with you!

When I met FI, I had traveled to 20 countries and he had been to 1. Travel is a passion of mine and even though it wasn't his dream to go to Asia, we went because he wants me to live my dreams and he wants to share that with me. (he did not have a good time but he was such a trooper lol) He has snowbaorded since he was 13 and I never have, I've been trying to take lessons and learn so I can share something he loves with him and one day go on a ski trip. It doesn't mean let's get married and give those things up forever!

jdluvr06

I have pets, 7 tattoos, and a passport. I guess I'm ready to get married. Seriously though this article is so dumb. I got engaged when I was 22 and my FI has nothing but encourage me to go after the things I want. Honestly I have done some things that I've always wanted to do but probably would have chickened out on if my FI wasn't so supportive of me.

JennyColada

misssunshine17 said:

Jennycolada said:

I just read the list. I got engaged at 29 and have no interest in half those things. Here's a new list: 1. Do what makes you happy. The end.

You win the internet for today. xoxo.

Then where is my trophy damnit? How will I ever prove to my e-friends that I've won if I don't have a trophy?! /tantrum

tcnoble

THAT WAS THE MOST OBNOXIOUS ARTICLE I HAVE EVER READ. and worthy of caps to express my anger with it.

Who is this 22 year old, and why did she write this article, instead of just sitting with her sad self in a closet in China eating twinkies?

Start a band? I don't want to.

Join the Peace Corps? I don't want to.

Sounds like she needs to get laid.

aurorajanette

I read this a couple of days ago and found it totally laughable. It's obvious that her own insecurities and lack of a committed relationship have pushed her into bitterness. I hate to say that, because I genuinely stick by the theory that most people are able to be happy without a relationship, but this entire thing just sounds bitter.

HaileyDancingbear

My feathers are ruffled.  The author sounds really full of herself and bitter. The whole article sounds like it's coming from that little kid mentality where everything you have has to be the best.  She reminds me of myself when I was young, and I used to like the middle seat in the back of the car. I always wanted to sit there, but if my siblings took the middle seat and I was stuck with the window, I'd spend the whole car ride going on and on about how much better the side seat was than the middle. All because I wanted them to think I got the best seat even though I wasn't happy about where I was sitting.  

Frankly that's exactly what all these people who can't shut up about how great being single is sounds to me- don't get me wrong, I get that a lot of people enjoy it, but usually the people who actually like being single just shut the hell up and enjoy being single. When you really enjoy something, you don't feel the need to friggin explain it to everyone all the time, and you CERTAINLY don't feel the need to put people down for being married when you're actually happy about being single.  

Also, I think it's stupid as hell that the author really thinks you can't cut your hair, get a passport, or have a "Thing" after you're married.  Frankly the only things on that list you can't do after marriage is make out with a stranger or date two people at once, and that's not everyone's cup of tea anyways.  It seems like the author has a really twisted view of marriage.  If you really can't do any of the things on the list, the issue isn't that you're married, the issue is that you're married to a friggin dictator.  

ETA: In fact, you know what, Challenge accepted, I'm engaged and I'm still gonna do most of that stuff.  Cake time, because my FI isn't a slave driver and I'm allowed to bake whenever I damn well please.