Nervous...

TeriBeri06

Anyone else getting nervous as the days pass? I'm excited too, but at the moment nervous best describes how I feel. As we plan the wedding, and plan for our lives after the wedding, I'm learning things about my FI that I hadn't noticed before. We've been in a long distance relationship for most of our time together, we met in college, and we don't have the benefit of seeing one another every day, or even, until recently, liveing in the same time zone. I know everyone had bad habits, and I don't believe there is anyone in the world who I will love absolutely everything about. But as I see new sides of my FI I can't help but wonder how life is going to be 7 months from now, a year from now, 10 years from now. I haven't really told anyone I'm nervous, but the fact that when I talk to people about marriage in general, many of them say love isn't enough...The relationships we have as models also scare me...both of our parents are in dysfunctional, at times abusive, albeit 20 yr + marriages. What if I don't know how to be a good wife...or what if he hates the way I do my hair in bed, or bite my nails...or never finish the milk when I eat cereal...

I'm excited to wake up to him every day and to create new memories, but the great thing about the internet and strangers is that I can say I AM NERVOUS...and not care.

muenginerd

I'm not nervous...I'm just over done with the whole wedding planning thing.  I just want the day to be over so we can move on with our lives

When you say your nervous have you talked to your FI about anything that has surprised you.  Have you looked into any kind of counsoling or enrichment activities?  These help just to identify areas that you may not be on the same page and give you two a chance to talk about things before marriage.  We are getting married in the Catholic Church and have to go through plenty of enrichment activities, while most of these thing seems crazy to FI and I (but we've arleady been together for 13+ years), it's really helped others who may have not talked about more difficult issues.  It can be painful at times but working through these issues can also really strengthen your relationship.

I don't believe marriage is necessarily about completely loving each other, you will probably never 100% love everything about a spouse.  It's about how the two of you are together.  Sure you can have your disagreenments and drive each other crazy.  But at the end of the day if you strengthen and support each other, and your spouse makes you a better person by being together.  That means more to me that being crazy little love birds. 

I wouldn't worry about what examples you've had in the past.  Each relationship is different, just because you come from some sort of dsyfunction doesnt mean your dsyfunctional.  You write the story of your own relationship.

 

 

mcgarci2

It's normal to be nervous. I am beyond excited, but still nervous.  I have lived with my FI for just about 2 years now so I've seen it all and we've had our share of annoyances, but in the end we talk it out and fix it.  I don't know if living with your FI for a while is an option, but I don't regret it at all.  In fact, FI's father recommended we live together at least 6 months before considering marriage because had he done that with FI's mother they would never have married in the first place.  They were married close to 20 years also.  

Knowing everything about each other and living together are two waaay different things and if you fully accept that person for everything they were, are and will be, then it's easy to talk through those little pet peeves. We also started out long distance and it's rough.  I loved it though because it forces you to get to know each other a bit faster than when you're always nearby IMHO.

Good luck OP! It will work out.