.

k1b9sp1

bethsmiles

Personally, I would leave the kids at home. I'd much rather hire a babysitter I know to leave the kids with than to take them on an 8 hour drive to leave them with someone I don't know.

But I'm sure there are some parents who would be happy to take you up on your offer.

Cookie Pusher

Some might but others won't. I mean, it's not like they'd be leaving the kid with a random hobo - it's a certified care provider who they can check up on beforehand. Some people still may not feel totally comfortable leaving their child with the babysitter for the entire reception, so you'll want to be prepared for that as well. I think as long as you don't say "you must leave little Bobby in the other room with the caregiver, he is not allowed anywhere else", I think you'll still have plenty of guests who will take you up on the free babysitting.

Inkdancer

I think that is very considerate of you.

KickAssMOH

depends on the parents. I offered two nanny options: one was a certified childcare specialist and the other was an experienced nanny and a coworker/friend of mine. My guest felt uncomfortable leaving her child with a stranger regardless of their certifications/experience.

jdluvr06

I think it is nice of you to offer but if I had kids I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving my kid with a stranger no matter what their qualifications. However some might not feel this way and will really appreciate the option.

Jen4948

Some might, others won't be "comfortable leaving their kids with strangers no matter what their qualifications" like the PP.  But it's nice of you to offer, and if anyone complains, you can stand firm.

delujm0

This completely depends on the parents.  If it were me, i'd be leaving my kids with the grandparents for the whole weekend.  Some parents would have no problem bringing them and using your sitter - others would be horrified at the prospect of leaving their kids with a stranger.

 

But for what it's worth, when you say "whisk them away after the ceremony" i hope you're not implying that you will be inviting the children to your ceremony but banning them from the reception.  Invitations are an all events or no events kind of thing.  And that includes the kids who are in the wedding party - they should be invited to the reception.  if you don't want the kids at the reception, you shouldn't have them in your ceremony. 

 

when you want kids to be in your cermeony, but then disappear for the reception, it basically says "i am using these kids for the cute ceremony pictures that they will provide.  i don't actually want to hang out with them though."  I know you don't intend it that way, but that's how it looks.

kmmssg

Are you banning  your child attendants from the wedding?  Please say no.

2 schools of thought here.  1.  It is a very nice thought and some parents might feel comfortable with it.  2.  Parents won't go for it due to the sitter being a stranger.  I get this.

If the children are on site, what are you going to do when little Susie Sugarpants starts crying for her parents and wants to be with them?  You can't tell them no.  You are going to have a situation where everyone is going to want to do this, kids included.  If the kids start crying for parents, or parents don't like the vibe from the sitter they are going to bring their children into the reception with them.  Would you be cool with that?

Maggie0829

This is the issue you run into when you have a DW and don't want to invite the kids of your guests.  I know if it was me I wouldn't want to leave my child with a stranger regardless of their qualifications.  If my child wasn't invited and I couldn't find a sitter of my own I would decline your invitation.

I also don't understand why you would be fine having the kids at the ceremony but not at the reception.  You know that parents can still have a good time even if they have their kids there.

k1b9sp1

JoanE2012

k1b9sp1 said:

Maggie0829 said:

I also don't understand why you would be fine having the kids at the ceremony but not at the reception.  You know that parents can still have a good time even if they have their kids there.

Here's where I reveal what I jerk I really am. 

The kids are in the wedding because they're family - it's expected, and we can't really get around it.   I couldn't really care less if we didn't have the kids in the ceremony, so it's not about them being props for the pictures. 

The reception area is not kid-friendly.  In fact, they're specifically not allowed.  If the guests don't use the childcare, they'll have to leave.

Do your guests know this?  Because if I heard there was babysitting, I would say thanks, but pass.  If I found out we all had to leave, I'd be pissed.  

This would be an invitation I'd decline.

Maggie0829

k1b9sp1 said:

Maggie0829 said:

I also don't understand why you would be fine having the kids at the ceremony but not at the reception.  You know that parents can still have a good time even if they have their kids there.

Here's where I reveal what I jerk I really am. 

The kids are in the wedding because they're family - it's expected, and we can't really get around it.   I couldn't really care less if we didn't have the kids in the ceremony, so it's not about them being props for the pictures. 

The reception area is not kid-friendly.  In fact, they're specifically not allowed.  If the guests don't use the childcare, they'll have to leave.

If you don't care if they are in the wedding or not then yes you are using them as props.  If you actually wanted them involved then that is when you wouldn't be using them as props.  And you are an adult right?  Capable of speaking?  If so then you are able to say 'no'.

And does the venue have a policy that states no children or is the fact that they aren't allowed a policy you are putting into place?  And you are basically going to piss some family members off by giving them the ultimatum of either using a complete stranger to watch their child or having to leave the premise.

What do you really think is going to happen if you allow these children to stay.

Honestly if you didn't want kids there then you shouldn't have included them whether you were 'forced' to or not.

AddieCake

What is your venue that kids are flat out not even allowed?

huskypuppy14

When I was 14-17 I did a few babysitting gigs at my mother's friends weddings. Thinking about it now, 1 was just for the ceremony, the parent's wanted their kids for the reception with them. One was at a hotel/restaurant and I took the kids back to their hotel room after dinner. And one, when I was older probably 17, I drove the kids (2) back to their hotel room, and stayed with them until there parent's came back. The parent's didn't know me, and I don't think I would ever allow a stranger to drive my kids somewhere, let alone a 17 year old one! 

Anyway, OP I think you should just not invite the children of your guests. If they're not even allowed at the reception venue, they should just not be invited at all. I agree with maggie, in that it is rude to have a flower girl and ring bearer and not have them come to the recpetion. Are their parent's aware of this? Is it a 21+ venue or something? They won't make an exception for some 5 year olds (or whatever) with their parents for a wedding?

k1b9sp1

kmmssg

OK - you have a logistical problem you have created for your guests.  You have chosen a venue where if the childcare doesn't work out or they don't want to use it they have to leave.

You need to skip the childcare and make this an adult only event.  What are your guests supposed to do if Susie is having a meltdown because the sitter is a stranger?  Leave because you chose a venue where their children are not allowed to enter?  Extremely poor venue choice if you weren't going exclusively adult only.

Put it on your website that children under 12 are not allowed on the premises so they can make solid plans instead of being surprised during dinner. 

What kind of venue is this?  In wedding planning with 4 DDs I haven't come across requirements like that anywhere.

Maggie0829

k1b9sp1 said:

The venue has a 12-and-up only policy, so the no kids rule is theirs.  Having them in the ceremony is the exception.

The kids are our niece and nephews.  It's our moms who would be mad if the kids weren't involved in the wedding, so if anyone is using them as props, it's them.  Yes, we're capable of speaking - yes, we're adults.  But, having the kids in the wedding is literally the ONLY thing we're letting our family contribute, so it's a big deal for them.  (We're paying for everything, so we're making the decisions.)

I'm thinking that we'll communicate the kids policy and the babysitter plan.  We'll just have to be ready for some guests to not attend. 

Do the nieces and nephews know that they are in the wedding?  If not, then talk to your Mom's and tell then that due to the venues policy that the kids cannot be in the wedding.

If they do know then you are stuck.  Do their parents know about the child policy?  If not, then you need to tell them ASAP so that they can make arrangements for their children whether that be a babysitter of their choice comes to pick them up or they miss the reception entirely.

Chipmunk415

I attended a wedding with my parents where the couple imposed a "no kids" rule. I was 14. Their rule applied to under 18 year olds. That meant me, and two little boys, aged 2 and 4. I was voluntold I would babysit. I'd never babysat before. It was no fun trying to wrangle the stroller into the one place in the hotel where the reception was to get food- the tiny ass cafe. I also got dirty looks from patrons, as due to my nice clothes, I looked older than 14, but younger than 20 (the assumed single mom who can't control/support her kids) with one kid howling and the other running like a maniac. We then were holed up in a guest room with a tv and the stroller (which had toddler/young child snacks, diapers, a change of clothes for each boy and wet wipes) for 3.5 hours.

13 years later, this is a standout to me as horrible treatment by the couple who acted as if I was a child who couldn't behave and had to be squirreled away somewhere (For the Record, both my parents are strict disciplinarians when it comes to child behavior, and I could be taken to a nice restaurant establishment by age 7 and sit quietly behaved through the meal, as I knew what a butt whupping I'd get at home if I didn't). Said couple also acted like I should be grateful for the opportunity to babysit and got snippy when I had to come down and get the mother of the boys for something. The mom of the two boys was nice though- as a thank you to me, she went to an exclusive boutique store (this was in St. Augustine, FL), and got me a lovely set of wonderful scented lotions and beauty stuff, the type a 14 year old girl likes.

I don't have kids yet, but if I found out I had to travel 8 hours each way to a wedding with my small children, then dump the kids with strangers, I'd be pissed. Especially if the kids were in the wedding and then "dismissed"

Maggie0829

Chipmunk415 said:

I attended a wedding with my parents where the couple imposed a "no kids" rule. I was 14. Their rule applied to under 18 year olds. That meant me, and two little boys, aged 2 and 4. I was voluntold I would babysit. I'd never babysat before. It was no fun trying to wrangle the stroller into the one place in the hotel where the reception was to get food- the tiny ass cafe. I also got dirty looks from patrons, as due to my nice clothes, I looked older than 14, but younger than 20 (the assumed single mom who can't control/support her kids) with one kid howling and the other running like a maniac. We then were holed up in a guest room with a tv and the stroller (which had toddler/young child snacks, diapers, a change of clothes for each boy and wet wipes) for 3.5 hours.

13 years later, this is a standout to me as horrible treatment by the couple who acted as if I was a child who couldn't behave and had to be squirreled away somewhere (For the Record, both my parents are strict disciplinarians when it comes to child behavior, and I could be taken to a nice restaurant establishment by age 7 and sit quietly behaved through the meal, as I knew what a butt whupping I'd get at home if I didn't). Said couple also acted like I should be grateful for the opportunity to babysit and got snippy when I had to come down and get the mother of the boys for something. The mom of the two boys was nice though- as a thank you to me, she went to an exclusive boutique store (this was in St. Augustine, FL), and got me a lovely set of wonderful scented lotions and beauty stuff, the type a 14 year old girl likes.

I don't have kids yet, but if I found out I had to travel 8 hours each way to a wedding with my small children, then dump the kids with strangers, I'd be pissed. Especially if the kids were in the wedding and then "dismissed"

I think it is funny that the couple thought you weren't capable of being good at their reception but was more then capable of babysitting a 2 and 4 year old for hours in a strange hotel at only 14 years of age.

mrsbanany

This family I babysit for on a regular basis are taking me with them to a wedding in Colorado (we are from Boston) the oldest, age 2, is in the wedding but won't be going to the reception just because he is too young and it is past his bed time.  The younger child will be only about 3mos at the time of the wedding. The only reason I am going is because I have a very strong relationship with the older child. I don't think the parents would go if they could not get someone they really trusted to go to the wedding with them.  I don't know if other, older children are invited to the wedding but I think that the parents would have a hard time leaving their very young children with someone they don't know, especially when they are out of state.  While the gesture is very nice, I just don't think a lot of people would use it. 

k1b9sp1

k1b9sp1

JoanE2012

k1b9sp1 said:

Maggie0829 said:

Do the nieces and nephews know that they are in the wedding?  If not, then talk to your Mom's and tell then that due to the venues policy that the kids cannot be in the wedding.

If they do know then you are stuck.  Do their parents know about the child policy?  If not, then you need to tell them ASAP so that they can make arrangements for their children whether that be a babysitter of their choice comes to pick them up or they miss the reception entirely.

The first thing the niece said when she found out we were engaged was, "I'm the flowergirl!" -and you could practically see the cartoon hearts circling our moms' heads.  We can't tell them no, and we can't have her and not the boys.  So, you can see the dilemma. 

"Stranger" childcare isn't an issue with these kids - our sisters aren't complete derelicts, but they're happy to get any help they can get, especially if they're not paying for it.  The issue would be with other guests, but it is what it is.

  

So you decided to have them in the wedding party, and THEN you booked a venue that doesn't allow kids?  Sounds to me like someone wanted their dream venue over properly hosting kids that are in the wedding party.  If I agreed to have kids in a wedding, I would make damn sure I picked a venue that would allow them to stay the entire event. 

ETA: As for the other guests, address the invites to the adults only and you solve the problem.  I suppose you can spread the word or put it on a website that you have onsite childcare if they want to travel with their kids.

k1b9sp1

Jen4948

k1b9sp1 said:

JoanE2012 said:

 

So you decided to have them in the wedding party, and THEN you booked a venue that doesn't allow kids?  Sounds to me like someone wanted their dream venue over properly hosting kids that are in the wedding party.  If I agreed to have kids in a wedding, I would make damn sure I picked a venue that would allow them to stay the entire event. 

Yep - sure did.  Like I said, kids in the ceremony is not our priority. 
...but this thread was about the other guests, not the wedding party. 

Yeah, you make that very clear.  Don't be too surprised if the parents of those kids don't make your wedding their priority.  They're going to make their kids their priority because you didn't.

k1b9sp1

Maggie0829

Jen4948 said:

Yeah, you make that very clear.  Don't be too surprised if the parents of those kids don't make your wedding their priority.  They're going to make their kids their priority because you didn't.

The parents of the kids are our sisters.  These aren't just random kids - these are family members asserting their "right" to have the kids in the wedding.  Could we cut them out completely, sure - but it's the only input our family has at all, so we shouldn't.   Seriously, nobody listens around here. 

We are listening. It doesn't matter if this is the only input your family has had. It was rude of them to assert their kids into your wedding and dumb of you to let it happen if you didn't want the kids in it to begin with. 

But what is done is done and we are just trying to let you know that by not having a venue that allows children under a certain age to attend you are now making a very hard choice for your sisters, which is either use the child care that you are providing (even though they may not be comfortable with it) or miss the reception.

PrettyGirlLost

k1b9sp1 said:

Jen4948 said:

Yeah, you make that very clear.  Don't be too surprised if the parents of those kids don't make your wedding their priority.  They're going to make their kids their priority because you didn't.

The parents of the kids are our sisters.  These aren't just random kids - these are family members asserting their "right" to have the kids in the wedding.  Could we cut them out completely, sure - but it's the only input our family has at all, so we shouldn't.   Seriously, nobody listens around here. 

Why should your family be entitled to any input in your wedding, though?  They aren't paying for anything, right?

It's a nice gesture if you want to include them in some way in the planning of your wedding, but you are not obligated to have your nieces and nephews in your wedding party if you do not want to simply because your family will be upset about them not participating.  They are adults, they will get over it.

Do not invite any other children to your wedding since your reception venue doesn't allow them.  If guests RSVP and add them in or call and ask you about it, simply tell them that you are very sorry but your venue has a strict "No Kids" policy.  Then expect some people to decline because they don't want to leave their kids behind or cannot get childcare. 

lyndausvi

You are making this way more complicated than necessary.  

I don't agree with using your nieces/nephews as props, but if everyone is on board I guess it works for you and your family.   That said, just because your nieces/nephews are coming to the ceremony does not mean in anyway you need to invite other kids to only the ceremony.   Just do not invite kids and if someone inquires (rude on their part) just say it's the venue's policy.  

Pretty simple actually.

arrippa

Uh oh, someone didn't get the answer they wanted. It's simple really anyone you invite to or be in the ceremony should be at the reception, however, you do NOT need to invite other kids. Just address the invitations to the parents.