Wedding Etiquette Forum

Joint Bachelor/ette Destination Weekend

We are planning a joint bachelor/bachelorette party weekend. Destination: Vegas. I would like to have a girls room and a guys room, for the bridal parties, hopefully adjoining. One night: joint party. One night: separate parties. 
Since it is a destination weekend, do we invite plus ones? For instance, my Fiance's brother is the best man. I don't like the best mans girlfriend (she is self absorbed and rude). If the guys have a guys only room, do I invite her? would she then be in our girls room? Or if she did come, would the best man and her have their own hotel room? but I wouldn't want my fiance to then not have the same "guys room" thing. Do I suck it up and invite her? 
To make it more confusing, does my bridesmaid invite her boyfriend? If she is going to be in my girls room, would he go into the guys room? My fiance and bridesmaids boyfriends are friendly, but not necessarily friends. (no animosity, just not close)
What do I do??

Re: Joint Bachelor/ette Destination Weekend

  • InkdancerInkdancer The Shire member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    I have a few questions for you:

    1. Are you and your FI planning this yourselves? If so, you shouldn't be. It is rude to host parties in your own honor.

    2. Have you checked on budget with the people who are coming? Vegas could get expensive. I for one would not be able to go on that kind of trip.

    If your group is okay on budget and fine with spending a whole weekend with you, you do not have to invite SOs to a bachelor/ bachelorette event. It is perfectly fine, in this case, to invite just the guys to the bachelor party and just the ladies to the bachelorette party.
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    climbingsingledoeydomelbelleup
  • Nope, not planning it myself, just wanted to check on etiquette about inviting the SOs. My sister is MOH and planning the whole thing. She asked me for guest list, so I'm double checking!

    Girls room and guys room - for sleeping only.

    as far as budget, we are keeping it low. My dad drives a limo in vegas, so that helps out a lot.
  • I would like to extend the bachelorette party weekend invite to a few of my fiance's girl cousins, whom i like and get along with, but aren't really close to. does that mean I should invite the best mans girlfriend as well? since she is in the age area of all of us?
  • InkdancerInkdancer The Shire member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    I wouldn't invite anyone I wasn't close to. Even if you don't intend to get tattered, I can't imagine hanging out tipsy with someone I don't know really well. What if they get smashed and start being weird? What if I get sick and embarrass myself in front of them? Too many awkward possibilities.
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  • Inkdancer said:
    I wouldn't invite anyone I wasn't close to. Even if you don't intend to get tattered, I can't imagine hanging out tipsy with someone I don't know really well. What if they get smashed and start being weird? What if I get sick and embarrass myself in front of them? Too many awkward possibilities.
    LOL.  That would embarrass you?
    sexy, harry styles, best song ever, cute, beautiful, asdjglñlñ, marcel
  • InkdancerInkdancer The Shire member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Inkdancer said:
    I wouldn't invite anyone I wasn't close to. Even if you don't intend to get tattered, I can't imagine hanging out tipsy with someone I don't know really well. What if they get smashed and start being weird? What if I get sick and embarrass myself in front of them? Too many awkward possibilities.
    LOL.  That would embarrass you?
    I have thrown up from alcohol exactly once in my life. It would embarrass me deeply.
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  • Inkdancer said:
    Inkdancer said:
    I wouldn't invite anyone I wasn't close to. Even if you don't intend to get tattered, I can't imagine hanging out tipsy with someone I don't know really well. What if they get smashed and start being weird? What if I get sick and embarrass myself in front of them? Too many awkward possibilities.
    LOL.  That would embarrass you?
    I have thrown up from alcohol exactly once in my life. It would embarrass me deeply.
    Bless your heart.
    sexy, harry styles, best song ever, cute, beautiful, asdjglñlñ, marcel
    jenniferursmimiphin
  • If I was the Best Man and you didn't want to invite my FI for a long weekend.... I'd probably decline or just want a "boy's weekend" where no one's SOs are invited. It's an all or nothing game. If you invite one person's SO the other has to be invited. I wouldn't make girl and guy rooms.. let them pick their own bed. If there is only 4 total, and the 4 want to share 2 double beds, okay, but I wouldn't require them to all sleep together.
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  • InkdancerInkdancer The Shire member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Inkdancer said:
    Inkdancer said:
    I wouldn't invite anyone I wasn't close to. Even if you don't intend to get tattered, I can't imagine hanging out tipsy with someone I don't know really well. What if they get smashed and start being weird? What if I get sick and embarrass myself in front of them? Too many awkward possibilities.
    LOL.  That would embarrass you?
    I have thrown up from alcohol exactly once in my life. It would embarrass me deeply.
    Bless your heart.
    It is probably super obvious that I spend more time watching the History Channel than partying.
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    KeptInStitches
  • My BFF's bachelorette party was in Vegas this past summer and while it wasn't joint, the BMs agreed to get a suite to share as the meeting room for all of the other guests where we supplied booze and food for everyone.  Everyone else was on their own to find a room that suited their cost needs. And one girl did bring her H on the trip, but obviously he didn't hang out with us during the Bachelorette night.  

    I think it's kind of strange to invite SOs to a bachelor/ette party.  
    sexy, harry styles, best song ever, cute, beautiful, asdjglñlñ, marcel
    Amyzen83
  • Inkdancer said:
    Inkdancer said:
    Inkdancer said:
    I wouldn't invite anyone I wasn't close to. Even if you don't intend to get tattered, I can't imagine hanging out tipsy with someone I don't know really well. What if they get smashed and start being weird? What if I get sick and embarrass myself in front of them? Too many awkward possibilities.
    LOL.  That would embarrass you?
    I have thrown up from alcohol exactly once in my life. It would embarrass me deeply.
    Bless your heart.
    It is probably super obvious that I spend more time watching the History Channel than partying.
    And that would be obvious why?
    sexy, harry styles, best song ever, cute, beautiful, asdjglñlñ, marcel
  • InkdancerInkdancer The Shire member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Inkdancer said:
    Inkdancer said:
    Inkdancer said:
    I wouldn't invite anyone I wasn't close to. Even if you don't intend to get tattered, I can't imagine hanging out tipsy with someone I don't know really well. What if they get smashed and start being weird? What if I get sick and embarrass myself in front of them? Too many awkward possibilities.
    LOL.  That would embarrass you?
    I have thrown up from alcohol exactly once in my life. It would embarrass me deeply.
    Bless your heart.
    It is probably super obvious that I spend more time watching the History Channel than partying.
    And that would be obvious why?
    Well not necessarily the History Channel part, but I am not much of a hard-core partygoer. Thus the awkwardness if I got sick in front of anyone.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    eyeroll
  • Inkdancer said:
    Inkdancer said:
    Inkdancer said:
    Inkdancer said:
    I wouldn't invite anyone I wasn't close to. Even if you don't intend to get tattered, I can't imagine hanging out tipsy with someone I don't know really well. What if they get smashed and start being weird? What if I get sick and embarrass myself in front of them? Too many awkward possibilities.
    LOL.  That would embarrass you?
    I have thrown up from alcohol exactly once in my life. It would embarrass me deeply.
    Bless your heart.
    It is probably super obvious that I spend more time watching the History Channel than partying.
    And that would be obvious why?
    Well not necessarily the History Channel part, but I am not much of a hard-core partygoer. Thus the awkwardness if I got sick in front of anyone.
    Got it.
    sexy, harry styles, best song ever, cute, beautiful, asdjglñlñ, marcel
  • I honestly would not want to be split my SO for an entire weekend, but that is just me.  If you want to do Vegas and those who you really want to go can aford it then I say go.  I think everyone should find their own lodging though...then just meet up at certain times and places and do whatever you want!
  • tammym1001tammym1001 Akron, Ohio member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    If it were just a bachelorette party then I would say no don't invite SO's. I would feel weird though if my FI was invited to a co-ed bach party and they said I wasn't invited. I think he would feel weird if it were reversed also. It's one thing to say guys only or girls only, but when you have both there I don't see why SO's can't come. I also wouldn't stay in one hotel room with a bunch of other girls, but it's because I'm too old for that mess. I need it to be quiet and comfortable so I can sleep :)
    image
    doeydocruffino
  • Personally, while this kind of thing would be in my budget, i don't know that i like the idea of "girls room and guys room."  But that's because i don't know your crowd i guess.  Do all of the guys/ladies who are attending know each other?  Are they in the same friend group and will they be comfortable sharing a room?  Is there enough bed space for everyone in attendance?  As an adult, i refuse to sleep more than 2 people per bed in a hotel room these days.  This isn't college, and i'm not down to sleep on the floor because someone thought it was a good idea to cram 7 people into a room that only has two queen beds as a way to save money.

     

    It might make more sense to invite everyone and let them decide their lodgings amongst themselves.  Again, if everyone that is going is already super close and wouldn't care about rooming together, that's another story, obviously.  Especially provided that there is enough bed space for everyone.  But it would be wise to ask about their preferences.

     

    I'm doing a destination bachelorette...i used my time share to get us a two bedroom unit (sleeps up to 9).  The 4 girls who are already close and hang out all the time will be sharing the bedroom that has two queen beds and its own bath.  My sister and i will share the master, because she won't know anyone else really, and my friend from college is going to take the sofa bed in the living room (which has its own full bath as well).  No one will have to be sharing a bedroom (or bathroom for that matter) with someone that they've never met and don't really know.  And i ran this by all of them first - they were definitely more interested in the free room than the sleeping arrangements.  But it's nice to ask.

  • The way I'm thinking is this: I would think of the guests as his guy guests, your girl guests.  If I were in a wedding party that went to something like this, I would not assume my FI would be invited.  Just like if it were a regular bachelorette party, he wouldn't be there.  If they wanted to go to Vegas together, they can get their own room.  It'd be awko taco if she stayed with you IMO.
    image


    Korene84melbelleup
  • Thanks everyone for the thoughts and suggestions. 
    The guys/girls separate rooms are specifically for the bridal party peeps.  (bride, moh, bridesmaid, groom, best man, groomsman) for sleeping and a meeting place. All others that we invite have the option of looking for their own lodging. I was just trying to figure out about the invitation for SO's. Specifically if I have to invite the best mans girlfriend.  
  • Korene84 said:
    Thanks everyone for the thoughts and suggestions. 
    The guys/girls separate rooms are specifically for the bridal party peeps.  (bride, moh, bridesmaid, groom, best man, groomsman) for sleeping and a meeting place. All others that we invite have the option of looking for their own lodging. I was just trying to figure out about the invitation for SO's. Specifically if I have to invite the best mans girlfriend.  
    Do they all want to sleep in one room though? They might not want to share a room.
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  • as an adult, i'm not a fan of sleepovers. so if i went to this, i would be in my own room. and if it was co-ed, i would bring my FI. and if either of those things were a problem, i wouldn't go. 
  • cruffino said:
    as an adult, i'm not a fan of sleepovers. so if i went to this, i would be in my own room. and if it was co-ed, i would bring my FI. and if either of those things were a problem, i wouldn't go. 
    I think this makes complete sense and is acceptable.


    sexy, harry styles, best song ever, cute, beautiful, asdjglñlñ, marcel
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Korene84 said:
    We are planning a joint bachelor/bachelorette party weekend. Destination: Vegas. I would like to have a girls room and a guys room, for the bridal parties, hopefully adjoining. One night: joint party. One night: separate parties. 
    Since it is a destination weekend, do we invite plus ones? For instance, my Fiance's brother is the best man. I don't like the best mans girlfriend (she is self absorbed and rude). If the guys have a guys only room, do I invite her? would she then be in our girls room? Or if she did come, would the best man and her have their own hotel room? but I wouldn't want my fiance to then not have the same "guys room" thing. Do I suck it up and invite her?

    I would invite the plus ones and not do the "guys/girls only" room thing-especially if these people have SOs.  If that's the case, your not honoring their relationships and expecting them to spend the night away from each other is going to be problematic-and your wedding party members may well not go for it.

    To make it more confusing, does my bridesmaid invite her boyfriend? If she is going to be in my girls room, would he go into the guys room? My fiance and bridesmaids boyfriends are friendly, but not necessarily friends. (no animosity, just not close)
    What do I do??

    See above.

  • After talking to my MOH and bridesmaid, I think the most tactical way to handle it is:
    Invite my girlfriends for the girls/bachelorette part, and let FI invite his own guys. If Best man asks to bring her, I can respond with "I am only inviting my close girl friends. I am not that close with your girlfriend".

    The guys/girls rooms things is only for the bridal parties. If Best man chooses to bring his girlfriend, they can get a separate room. This would have the guys a bit more spread out, but I feel it is the best option. It is being polite and allowing Best man to bring her, but it is also letting me have my close girlfriends and not feeling absolutely terrible for not inviting her.
  • Korene84 said:
    After talking to my MOH and bridesmaid, I think the most tactical way to handle it is:
    Invite my girlfriends for the girls/bachelorette part, and let FI invite his own guys. If Best man asks to bring her, I can respond with "I am only inviting my close girl friends. I am not that close with your girlfriend".

    The guys/girls rooms things is only for the bridal parties. If Best man chooses to bring his girlfriend, they can get a separate room. This would have the guys a bit more spread out, but I feel it is the best option. It is being polite and allowing Best man to bring her, but it is also letting me have my close girlfriends and not feeling absolutely terrible for not inviting her.
    I don't think you really need to say that.  I think that if she chooses to come, it would just be understood that she would be on her own that evening.
    sexy, harry styles, best song ever, cute, beautiful, asdjglñlñ, marcel
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