Out of State Bridesmaid

beautiflaw

This is my second time in a year being an out of state bridesmaid. I'm a Navy wife so most of my close friends and family are spread out. Right now the bride lives about 1800 miles away from me. Her wedding is next November. I'm really kinda worried about awkwardness at the wedding. At the last wedding I was in it was kinda weird for me, since I hardly knew anyone else in the wedding party since I am from out of town.

See, it was my sister-in-law's wedding. We've known each other almost all our lives and I am married to her older brother. We were besties in elementary school and we love each other like sisters. I am really close with DH's siblings. My toddler was her flower girl and we flew into town to be present at the wedding and the pre-wedding events like the rehearsal and bachelorette party, etc. I had never met any of the other bridesmaids before the bachelorette party and I didn't even know she was having one until the night I flew in. It was a last minute get together. My in-laws picked us up at the airport and the bride texted me asking if I wanted to come to the party, which had already been in full swing before I got there. I said yes because I wanted to spend as much time with her as possible (we rarely get to visit since its so expensive to travel. I hadn't seen her in over 6 months) even though I was exhausted from flying. I went to the party and it was just... weird. I tried to be friendly and nice to the other ladies in the bridal party. I figured they had to be awesome women if they were friends of the bride. They seemed nice but after I got there the bride spent a lot of time with me catching up on the last 6 months and the other ladies were kinda like wtf and kinda giving me looks. I am guessing maybe they were jealous or just not sure what to say or something. I gave them the benefit of the doubt because I felt like maybe it was because I was basically a stranger. No one said anything to me and I wasn't intentionally monopolizing the bride. But we never see each other and she sees her other friends all the time at work, one of them is her next door neighbor. I didn't think it would be a big deal since they see her all the time. I definitely wasn't MAKING her sit and talk to me or anything. I would not have cared if she'd hung out with the other ladies more than me. No one was outwardly rude to me but it was a definite vibe of "you don't belong." They did a lot of things to make it so I wasn't included on the day of the wedding... I just felt uncomfortable. It was a little high school-ish. I never said anything to the bride obviously because I didn't want her to worry about drama on her special day. Plus I knew it wouldn't matter anymore once I got back home. I felt kinda bad because I tried REALLY hard to be friendly and get along with everyone. The groomsmen were the same way but I didn't really care because I didn't have to be around them so much.

So I am worried about this happening again. This time the bride is one of my very best friends and I have been waiting FOREVER for this girl to get married! I am so excited for her and could not be happier for her. But again, I barely know anybody in the wedding party. There are 5 other bridesmaids and I have only met 2 of them in the past. I don't know them really well but we are friendly with each other. One of the girls I know well enough to be able to carry on a decent conversation and I know she doesn't have a rude bone in her body so I'm not worried about not being included or treated like crap. I just have no idea what to do to get over the awkwardness. I know the groom and the groomsmen okay too but I am not as close with anyone in the wedding or in attendance as I am with the bride. Plus, this time DH and our daughter won't be with me. (Its going to be way out of our budget for all 3 of us to travel since we have another big event right before this wedding. All 3 of us can't go to both things.) I'll be totally alone. I won't have anyone to dance with or sit with at the reception. (Not a big deal but still, kinda blah) I don't want to be that one person sitting all alone playing on her phone or staring into space with nothing to do. I really don't want to tell the bride my concern because I think that would sound selfish.

Any advice? Anyone else been in a similar situation?

abbyj700

If she's one of your very best friends - there shouldn't be a question in your mind. Go - be supportive, loving and enjoy a few days not having to be a busy mom and wife. You're completely right - don't be selfish and bother the bride with this one. If you said you couldn't afford to go at all - I think it might be a different story, but you just seem more worried about not knowing anyone and being alone. Use your alone time at the wedding to help out the bride, get to know some of the other wedding party members and just have fun! I don't know about the weddings you've been at - but there are lots of instances typically of groups of women dancing together with guys sitting back at tables talking and drinking - so go dance with the ladies and don't think too hard about it!

AddieCake

beautiflaw said:

This is my second time in a year being an out of state bridesmaid. I'm a Navy wife so most of my close friends and family are spread out. Right now the bride lives about 1800 miles away from me. Her wedding is next November. I'm really kinda worried about awkwardness at the wedding. At the last wedding I was in it was kinda weird for me, since I hardly knew anyone else in the wedding party since I am from out of town.

See, it was my sister-in-law's wedding. We've known each other almost all our lives and I am married to her older brother. We were besties in elementary school and we love each other like sisters. I am really close with DH's siblings. My toddler was her flower girl and we flew into town to be present at the wedding and the pre-wedding events like the rehearsal and bachelorette party, etc. I had never met any of the other bridesmaids before the bachelorette party and I didn't even know she was having one until the night I flew in. It was a last minute get together. My in-laws picked us up at the airport and the bride texted me asking if I wanted to come to the party, which had already been in full swing before I got there. I said yes because I wanted to spend as much time with her as possible (we rarely get to visit since its so expensive to travel. I hadn't seen her in over 6 months) even though I was exhausted from flying. I went to the party and it was just... weird. I tried to be friendly and nice to the other ladies in the bridal party. I figured they had to be awesome women if they were friends of the bride. They seemed nice but after I got there the bride spent a lot of time with me catching up on the last 6 months and the other ladies were kinda like wtf and kinda giving me looks. I am guessing maybe they were jealous or just not sure what to say or something. I gave them the benefit of the doubt because I felt like maybe it was because I was basically a stranger. No one said anything to me and I wasn't intentionally monopolizing the bride. But we never see each other and she sees her other friends all the time at work, one of them is her next door neighbor. I didn't think it would be a big deal since they see her all the time. I definitely wasn't MAKING her sit and talk to me or anything. I would not have cared if she'd hung out with the other ladies more than me. No one was outwardly rude to me but it was a definite vibe of "you don't belong." They did a lot of things to make it so I wasn't included on the day of the wedding... I just felt uncomfortable. It was a little high school-ish. I never said anything to the bride obviously because I didn't want her to worry about drama on her special day. Plus I knew it wouldn't matter anymore once I got back home. I felt kinda bad because I tried REALLY hard to be friendly and get along with everyone. The groomsmen were the same way but I didn't really care because I didn't have to be around them so much.

So I am worried about this happening again. This time the bride is one of my very best friends and I have been waiting FOREVER for this girl to get married! I am so excited for her and could not be happier for her. But again, I barely know anybody in the wedding party. There are 5 other bridesmaids and I have only met 2 of them in the past. I don't know them really well but we are friendly with each other. One of the girls I know well enough to be able to carry on a decent conversation and I know she doesn't have a rude bone in her body so I'm not worried about not being included or treated like crap. I just have no idea what to do to get over the awkwardness. I know the groom and the groomsmen okay too but I am not as close with anyone in the wedding or in attendance as I am with the bride. Plus, this time DH and our daughter won't be with me. (Its going to be way out of our budget for all 3 of us to travel since we have another big event right before this wedding. All 3 of us can't go to both things.) I'll be totally alone. I won't have anyone to dance with or sit with at the reception. (Not a big deal but still, kinda blah) I don't want to be that one person sitting all alone playing on her phone or staring into space with nothing to do. I really don't want to tell the bride my concern because I think that would sound selfish.

Any advice? Anyone else been in a similar situation?

I feel you b/c I would feel just as awkward in that situation. I always feel awkward and uncomfortable in situations like that. I don't have any advice other than to say if you feel really uncomfortable at the reception, you could always leave early. That's probably what I would do.

Go with an open mind.  I had to go to a housewarming party w/o my husband when we first moved here, and I was dreading it b/c I barely knew anyone there, but I wanted to go b/c I didn't want to be that wife who never goes to things and then we stop getting invited, you know? So I went, fully prepared to leave early, and I ended up having a great time and was sad when I had to leave. The same thing happened when I had to go to a birthday party for one of my husband's friend's kids. It was a mix of our adult friends and kids, so I wanted to go even though I would only know a couple of the adults. My husband is gone for work for 2 months at a time, so I am having to step out of my comfort zone with this kind of thing a lot.