Chit Chat

house hunt vent

So imagine a clock. My work is at 1 o'clock. FI's job is in the dead center of the clock. We absolutely can't afford anything in the areas of 11, 12, 1, 2. So I'm looking to find a house at 10 or 3. Hopefully you're still following me here....FI thinks I'm being unreasonable for shutting down all these houses he keeps finding at "7 o'clock". 
Grrrr it's so tough because our money would go much further at "7" but I refuse to make that drive. I will compromise on just about anything EXCEPT spending 55 minutes commuting each way. Sure, he wants me to do it because he knows he works in the middle and will never have more than 20 minutes no matter where we choose. I realize that jobs change but I spent the last year job searching (I was employed just looking for better) and literally every job in my field is in the "12-2" area. I also realize plenty of people drive that far every day but I am just not someone who can handle that, I already dislike my 35 minute commute. 

I know at the end of the day he wants me to be happy and he would never force me into anything I didn't want, but I just wish he would quit it with the guilt trips about what a better house we could have if I would just suck it up. 

                                                                 

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Re: house hunt vent

  • That sucks.  Long commutes drain you, and I think studies say about 30min each way is the max for most people while still keeping your sanity.  I changed schools partly because of my commute.

    What kind of house are you looking for??  Could you do something like a duplex or condo instead of a bigger more expensive house in the 10-2 area??  

  • No, unfortunately we already own a small 2 bedroom house and we're looking to upgrade so we can have two kids in the near future :) 

                                                                     

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  • ugh, I would be right there with you.  I hated long commutes...and mine used to be from traffic.  In the bay area, a 10 minute non traffic commute was easily 45 min + (on a good traffic day commute!)  I was miserable.  And leaving work, if I did not leave right on time, it would take me at least an hour to get to the school I coached at (15-20 min tops if I did not hit the start of traffic).  Would make me so angry!!   Anyway, now my husband and I live farther up Nor Cal and our commute from our house to work is literally 1 min, with one stop sign, lol.  :) gotta love small towns! 

    Good luck, you will find something, just need to compromise :)
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    Anniversary
  • I feel you! While not house hunting, I did go from a 5 minute to a 40 minute commute when the FI and I moved in together (he has a HS aged son so moving from the burbs was a non-option). I also might maybe have a wee bit of road rage, so the extra car time proved extra difficult at first. I've got no words of wisdom other than I hope you can find your zen-like place if you end up at 7 o'clock…but fingers crossed that a gem pops up in 10 or 3!
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  • We ran into a similar situation during our house hunt. My fiance and I actually work within a mile of each other but he starts his day two hours before me so driving together wasn't an option. We had the choice of either buying a much older house that needed more work but was closer to the office, or a newer house that had a longer commute. We decided to go with the longer commute because we absolutely loved the house we found. Without traffic we're about 30 minutes but with traffic it can take up to an hour to get home.

    My advice would be to take your time and not settle. Unless you're in a serious rush the right house will pop up and you'll be glad you waited.
  • DH and I each have a nearly 1 hour commute in opposite directions.  We're used to it and it doesn't bother us.  But we bought our house right in the middle so neither of us would be more disadvantaged with the commute.
  • My commute is about 75 minutes. Stick to your guns and don't do it. It sucks. Too much life sucked away.
  • I really find it so weird when people talk about an hour commute as being long, because that's pretty much the norm in most of SA. Very few people actually live where they work. Before FI and I moved to his hometown, he was doing a close on 2 hour one way commute, so 4 hours a day spent in traffic. Now it's a 30-40 minute drive for him from home to work. I work from home, but my last job was a 30 minute commute and most of my co-workers thought I was lucky, there was just one guy who lived in the apartment complex across the street from the office park. The job before that was an hour and a half travel time (public transport because I don't drive).

    This isn''t a comment on you specifically, OP, but from watching house-hunting shows as well, it just kinda blows my mind that there are people who don't live like this.

    Anyway, are you in a position to hold out for something else to come up? Or do you have a move-out deadline?
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  • H and I were watching House Hunters the other day and the man took a 1.5 hour commute just so his wife could have her 'perfect' house. I was shocked at that - I would never do that to H. I could understand if there were absolutely no other option but heck, I do not want to spend any more time than I have to driving to and from work. The closer the better. I hope he stops with the guilt trips and you find something you both love close to your job!
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  • jenna8984 said:
    So imagine a clock. My work is at 1 o'clock. FI's job is in the dead center of the clock. We absolutely can't afford anything in the areas of 11, 12, 1, 2. So I'm looking to find a house at 10 or 3. Hopefully you're still following me here....FI thinks I'm being unreasonable for shutting down all these houses he keeps finding at "7 o'clock". 
    Grrrr it's so tough because our money would go much further at "7" but I refuse to make that drive. I will compromise on just about anything EXCEPT spending 55 minutes commuting each way. Sure, he wants me to do it because he knows he works in the middle and will never have more than 20 minutes no matter where we choose. I realize that jobs change but I spent the last year job searching (I was employed just looking for better) and literally every job in my field is in the "12-2" area. I also realize plenty of people drive that far every day but I am just not someone who can handle that, I already dislike my 35 minute commute. 

    I know at the end of the day he wants me to be happy and he would never force me into anything I didn't want, but I just wish he would quit it with the guilt trips about what a better house we could have if I would just suck it up. 
    I know how you feel. I am currently employed and we just moved so that my commute was cut down from one hour to 40 minutes. I still wanted to stay in the city where I live now. I am hoping to find another job in the near future where the commute is less (and the pay is more) but one thing that is been going through my mind is that while I really want a house I do not one until I find a job closer to the area where I want to live. Why buy a house that I cannot enjoy when I have to drive almost two hours every day for a job that I'm at for at least 8 hours? So keep up the house hunting and I hope you can find a house that allows for a lesser commute!
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  • urbaneca said:
    I really find it so weird when people talk about an hour commute as being long, because that's pretty much the norm in most of SA. Very few people actually live where they work. Before FI and I moved to his hometown, he was doing a close on 2 hour one way commute, so 4 hours a day spent in traffic. Now it's a 30-40 minute drive for him from home to work. I work from home, but my last job was a 30 minute commute and most of my co-workers thought I was lucky, there was just one guy who lived in the apartment complex across the street from the office park. The job before that was an hour and a half travel time (public transport because I don't drive).

    This isn''t a comment on you specifically, OP, but from watching house-hunting shows as well, it just kinda blows my mind that there are people who don't live like this.

    Anyway, are you in a position to hold out for something else to come up? Or do you have a move-out deadline?

    Where is SA? All I can think of is San Antonio? That is definitely a weird concept for me that you find an hour commute normal lol. I'm at 35 minutes and everyone in my office is about 15-20 minutes.

    But, no, we're not in a rush. We'd like to be in a bigger home in the next year and a half so luckily we can be picky and wait for something to pop up!

                                                                     

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  • jenna8984 said:
    urbaneca said:
    I really find it so weird when people talk about an hour commute as being long, because that's pretty much the norm in most of SA. Very few people actually live where they work. Before FI and I moved to his hometown, he was doing a close on 2 hour one way commute, so 4 hours a day spent in traffic. Now it's a 30-40 minute drive for him from home to work. I work from home, but my last job was a 30 minute commute and most of my co-workers thought I was lucky, there was just one guy who lived in the apartment complex across the street from the office park. The job before that was an hour and a half travel time (public transport because I don't drive).

    This isn''t a comment on you specifically, OP, but from watching house-hunting shows as well, it just kinda blows my mind that there are people who don't live like this.

    Anyway, are you in a position to hold out for something else to come up? Or do you have a move-out deadline?

    Where is SA? All I can think of is San Antonio? That is definitely a weird concept for me that you find an hour commute normal lol. I'm at 35 minutes and everyone in my office is about 15-20 minutes.

    But, no, we're not in a rush. We'd like to be in a bigger home in the next year and a half so luckily we can be picky and wait for something to pop up!

    South Africa. It's a whole other world out here ;P

    It's good that you're not in any rush. I'd say just keep your eyes open and your fingers crossed - you never know what the property market's going to do!
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  • urbaneca said:
    I really find it so weird when people talk about an hour commute as being long, because that's pretty much the norm in most of SA. Very few people actually live where they work. Before FI and I moved to his hometown, he was doing a close on 2 hour one way commute, so 4 hours a day spent in traffic. Now it's a 30-40 minute drive for him from home to work. I work from home, but my last job was a 30 minute commute and most of my co-workers thought I was lucky, there was just one guy who lived in the apartment complex across the street from the office park. The job before that was an hour and a half travel time (public transport because I don't drive).

    This isn''t a comment on you specifically, OP, but from watching house-hunting shows as well, it just kinda blows my mind that there are people who don't live like this.

    Anyway, are you in a position to hold out for something else to come up? Or do you have a move-out deadline?
    That kind of commute would kill me.  I currently have a 5 min commute to work.  And I walk.  I love it, even if I have to see my students when they walk by my backyard.  A lot of my old work stress is gone

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