Grandma in Precessional

JSTexas22

My grandmother is acting like a diva. I've never been close with her- she lives 16 hours away and I see her about every 5 years (when I go to see HER). She only recently came to see me for the first time in about 15 years. During her visit, we went shopping and we were talking about the formality of my wedding. It is an evening cocktail ceremony/dinner at a very nice restaurant. I mentioned how I would like her to walk down the isle and be a part of the precessional. Our conversation went something like this:

Her: "I'm not wearing a dress" 

Me:  "OK, fine." 

Her: "i'm not buying anything new" 

Me "OK...also fine."

Her: "I don't do cocktail" 

Me: "OK, well i'm just letting you know that's the formality of the event." I walked over to the ladies section and showed her a nice pants outfit with black pants and a nice sequined top w/ matching jacket.

Her: "WELL, I'VE NEVER HEARD OF THE BRIDE TELLING HER GRANDPARENTS WHAT THEY HAVE TO WEAR!! I'm just going to wear what I wore for ___'s wedding" (which is a pink Hawaiian shirt and long skirt, BTW) 

Me: ....

She was completely serious and kind of mad at me that I was trying to get her to wear a certain type of clothing. Am I ridiculous in changing my mind in having her walk down the isle? We aren't very close, and none of my other grandparents will be in the precessional. (my only other grandparent is in a wheelchair and will be seated before the ceremony). I just don't want her to stick out like a sore thumb and have either of us be embarrassed. Everyone else, including my fiancé's grandmother, will be in appropriate MOTB-like attire.

Maggie0829

jordanshea22 said:

My grandmother is acting like a diva. I've never been close with her- she lives 16 hours away and I see her about every 5 years (when I go to see HER). She only recently came to see me for the first time in about 15 years. During her visit, we went shopping and we were talking about the formality of my wedding. It is an evening cocktail ceremony/dinner at a very nice restaurant. I mentioned how I would like her to walk down the isle and be a part of the precessional. Our conversation went something like this:

Her: "I'm not wearing a dress" 

Me:  "OK, fine." 

Her: "i'm not buying anything new" 

Me "OK...also fine."

Her: "I don't do cocktail" 

Me: "OK, well i'm just letting you know that's the formality of the event." I walked over to the ladies section and showed her a nice pants outfit with black pants and a nice sequined top w/ matching jacket.

Her: "WELL, I'VE NEVER HEARD OF THE BRIDE TELLING HER GRANDPARENTS WHAT THEY HAVE TO WEAR!! I'm just going to wear what I wore for ___'s wedding" (which is a pink Hawaiian shirt and long skirt, BTW) 

Me: ....

She was completely serious and kind of mad at me that I was trying to get her to wear a certain type of clothing. Am I ridiculous in changing my mind in having her walk down the isle? We aren't very close, and none of my other grandparents will be in the precessional. (my only other grandparent is in a wheelchair and will be seated before the ceremony). I just don't want her to stick out like a sore thumb and have either of us be embarrassed. Everyone else, including my fiancé's grandmother, will be in appropriate MOTB-like attire.

Well she is right that you shouldn't be telling her what to wear. I also think it would be childish of you to nix her from the processional. What she wears does not matter nor will it affect your wedding. Just let this go and let her wear whatever she wants. She is a grown adult who has been dressing herself for years.  This really is a non-issue.

adnam08manda

I would just not stress it. Even if you aren't super close and all you have already asked and it would be rude to ask her not to now. You didn't say which side she was (mom or dads) but I'm sure before the day if they hear about it they may talk to her about her attire. Don't stress over it because I know my parents tend to think of under dressing but then right before some event they go "oh gosh! I can't wear THAT to this event" and then an immediate shopping experience begins. Tell her to wear what she wants because you love her and want her to be happy. She may still wear Hawaiian but at least she made that decision.

Jen4948

She has a point that it's not appropriate for you to try to control what she wears.  If she wears something inappropriate then that reflects on her, not you.

Don't put any pressure on her to wear or not wear anything specific.  Hopefully she'll realize for herself that wearing something inappropriate just because she's comfortable in it ultimately won't be doing her or you or whichever of your parents she is the mother of any favors, but you need to leave her alone to make that realization.

MairePoppy

You're grandmother is right. The bride doesn't tell the grandmothers or mothers what to wear. The bride only has a say on what the bms wear, and even then she should consider their budgets and comfort. You owe your grandmother an apology for trying to micromanage her style. 

Regardless of what your grandmother wears, you have no reason to be embarrassed. Her clothing reflects her taste, not yours and no one will judge you for that. Yes, you're ridiculous to pull her from the processional for such superficial reasons. 

logana1

I made suggestions on colors to wear for my mother and grandmother, but I told them ultimately whatever works. My mom is helping my grandmother pick her outfit mostly because she has a hard time remember a conversation she had 15 minutes ago or what she ate for lunch. Can the respective parent try talking to your gramdma?