Snarky Brides

My friend keeps pressuring me to have a shower.

This shower nonsense is driving me crazy. A little background - this is my second wedding. I unfortunately married the wrong guy 10 years ago when I was 24. I registered and received lots of gifts. 

So, now I'm getting married again - thankfully to the right guy :-P. I've been on my own for a long, long time. I have tons of stuff. My FI is 40 and owns a house. He's also been on his own for a long time. Between the two of us, we actually have too much. 

First, my FMIL was insistent on throwing me a shower. I tried explaining to her that I really, really didn't want one. She's a doll and I love her, so I'm not going to die on this hill. I have a feeling that when I visit her in Florida, she will do something. Either a bridal tea or some sort of a shower with her friends. 

Now my good friend is pressuring me to have a shower. She's great and I love her. But, she did some really tacky shit at her second wedding. She had a honeymoon fund. I actually planned on contributing to it (it was with a local travel agent) but right before her shower, my debit and checking account numbers were stolen and used overseas. My whole account was locked up with my bank for about a week. The day after her shower, she called to ask why my name wasn't on the list of people that contributed. 

She has asked me 10 times if I want a shower. Every single time I tell her no. "Not even a honeyfund?" NO!  I bean dip her every time, but she brings it up like once a week. Also, I have a MOH (and only a MOH). This friend knows this. Yet I feel like she's trying to step on my MOH's toes. She keeps asking about a bachelorette party too. Ugh. Can it just be September already????

Re: My friend keeps pressuring me to have a shower.

  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher Looking over your shoulder member
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    @ClimbingBrideNY Other than this being for your second marriage, your story sounds so similar to mine. My friend's girlfriend that I only know in passing (and who most of our friend group thoroughly dislike because she is superficial, tacky, and pretty much like the people on "Jersey Shore") keeps offering to throw me a shower and bachelorette, neither of which I want. I picked my sisters are my bridesmaids for the very reason that I knew they would respect my wishes (plus, they are broke so can't afford to throw me parties). I totally feel your pain! *hugs*

    ~*~*~*~*~

  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    @Cookie Pusher - that sucks. Isn't it so annoying?? I don't get why people have to insist on things like this, even after you tell them you're not interested. 

  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher Looking over your shoulder member
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Well, this is the same girl who posted a copy of the contract for her venue on social media. And the prices/payment schedule were not blurred out. So obviously, there are a lot of people with no class floating around in the world. I think a big part of it is that people are so focused on THINGS now - keeping up with the Joneses, living outside their means, putting themselves into debt just to they can show people they have more than they do.

    ~*~*~*~*~

  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Well, this is the same girl who posted a copy of the contract for her venue on social media. And the prices/payment schedule were not blurred out. So obviously, there are a lot of people with no class floating around in the world. I think a big part of it is that people are so focused on THINGS now - keeping up with the Joneses, living outside their means, putting themselves into debt just to they can show people they have more than they do.

    What!?!?!? I've seen some crazy wedding stuff posted on social media, but that just takes the cake. 

  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher Looking over your shoulder member
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Oh, this girl is a gem. I once invited a bunch of people over for a party and she went into my kitchen, rummaged thruogh my cabinets to find tupperware, and loaded up several containers of leftovers (nearly everything we had left, and not all the guests had finished eating yet). I could go on for days listing different things she's done that has rubbed our social circle the wrong way.

    I feel like people who pressure others to do things they don't want to have serious issues with boundaries and respect for others. It makes me mad that so many people in my generation are like this because I certainly wasn't raised to behave that way. I was telling some of my coworkers about the etiquette threads here and they couldn't believe I sided with the "old fashioned, proper" advice instead of being spoiled and IT'SALLABOUTME!

    ~*~*~*~*~

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Be firm: "Friend, I have told you repeatedly that I do not want a shower.  Please drop the subject."
    grumbledore
  • abbyj700abbyj700 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    edited January 2014
    Totally agree - you gotta be firm and direct. Tell her no and that your answer isn't going to change.
  • Well, this is the same girl who posted a copy of the contract for her venue on social media. And the prices/payment schedule were not blurred out. So obviously, there are a lot of people with no class floating around in the world. I think a big part of it is that people are so focused on THINGS now - keeping up with the Joneses, living outside their means, putting themselves into debt just to they can show people they have more than they do.

    What!?!?!? I've seen some crazy wedding stuff posted on social media, but that just takes the cake. 
    Yep, I had a friend do that too. I'm like, "Yea, I'm excited you are getting married, but does everybody on facebook need to know your wedding date/venue price/details of your wedding?" I mean really, do you plan on inviting every person on your friends list? Keep it limited to your actual guests!
  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher Looking over your shoulder member
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Yep, I had a friend do that too. I'm like, "Yea, I'm excited you are getting married, but does everybody on facebook need to know your wedding date/venue price/details of your wedding?" I mean really, do you plan on inviting every person on your friends list? Keep it limited to your actual guests!


    Seriously! I think part of it, also, was this girl wanted to "show off" how much they were spending on their wedding. She spends a lot of time on Facebook bragging about things they just bought (and detailing how much they cost) even though she and her FI don't have full-time jobs. She even told her FI that she didn't care if he had to take out a loan, she would not accept a ring that was below a certain size, color, and clarity. I guess he did as she demanded since they're getting married soon!

    Definitely stand firm, @ClimbingBrideNY! These people will get tired of us constantly shooting them down eventually!

    ~*~*~*~*~

    climbingsingle
  • HaileyDancingbearHaileyDancingbear Arkham Asylum member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Yep, I had a friend do that too. I'm like, "Yea, I'm excited you are getting married, but does everybody on facebook need to know your wedding date/venue price/details of your wedding?" I mean really, do you plan on inviting every person on your friends list? Keep it limited to your actual guests!


    Seriously! I think part of it, also, was this girl wanted to "show off" how much they were spending on their wedding. She spends a lot of time on Facebook bragging about things they just bought (and detailing how much they cost) even though she and her FI don't have full-time jobs. She even told her FI that she didn't care if he had to take out a loan, she would not accept a ring that was below a certain size, color, and clarity. I guess he did as she demanded since they're getting married soon!

    Definitely stand firm, @ClimbingBrideNY! These people will get tired of us constantly shooting them down eventually!

    I'm sorry, if I were a guy, and my girlfriend had the nerve to tell me that, I'd tell her to get her materialistic bitchy ass out of my life.  It sounds like she's really irresponsible with money, irresponsible to the point where those two are going to go broke.  Neither of them have full time jobs and she's demanding he take a loan out for her ring?  How does she think any of that is going to not end in debt?  If I were you I'd be popping popcorn, because when that all crashes and burns it is going to be one hell of a fireworks display.  
    image
    wajohnson09
  • OP I completely understand. My BMs really want me to have a shower but I just don't want one. I see them as an excuse to get gifts and I don't want any gifts. Stick firm to what you want and hopefully they will get the picture.
  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher Looking over your shoulder member
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I'm sorry, if I were a guy, and my girlfriend had the nerve to tell me that, I'd tell her to get her materialistic bitchy ass out of my life.  It sounds like she's really irresponsible with money, irresponsible to the point where those two are going to go broke.  Neither of them have full time jobs and she's demanding he take a loan out for her ring?  How does she think any of that is going to not end in debt?  If I were you I'd be popping popcorn, because when that all crashes and burns it is going to be one hell of a fireworks display.  

    He has low self-esteem. Plus, our social group in college like 90% male because we were math/science/tech/engineering so he has had limited interaction with "girls" and thinks this is totally normal. We've done everything short of kidnapping him and performing a lobotamy!

    Some, not all, people who put on pressure to have these gift-giving events are just furthering the entitlement agenda. Etiquette is long forgotten by these gals.

    ~*~*~*~*~

    HaileyDancingbear
  • HaileyDancingbearHaileyDancingbear Arkham Asylum member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    I'm sorry, if I were a guy, and my girlfriend had the nerve to tell me that, I'd tell her to get her materialistic bitchy ass out of my life.  It sounds like she's really irresponsible with money, irresponsible to the point where those two are going to go broke.  Neither of them have full time jobs and she's demanding he take a loan out for her ring?  How does she think any of that is going to not end in debt?  If I were you I'd be popping popcorn, because when that all crashes and burns it is going to be one hell of a fireworks display.  

    He has low self-esteem. Plus, our social group in college like 90% male because we were math/science/tech/engineering so he has had limited interaction with "girls" and thinks this is totally normal. We've done everything short of kidnapping him and performing a lobotamy!

    Some, not all, people who put on pressure to have these gift-giving events are just furthering the entitlement agenda. Etiquette is long forgotten by these gals.

    Poor guy!
    image
  • This shower nonsense is driving me crazy. A little background - this is my second wedding. I unfortunately married the wrong guy 10 years ago when I was 24. I registered and received lots of gifts. 

    So, now I'm getting married again - thankfully to the right guy :-P. I've been on my own for a long, long time. I have tons of stuff. My FI is 40 and owns a house. He's also been on his own for a long time. Between the two of us, we actually have too much. 

    First, my FMIL was insistent on throwing me a shower. I tried explaining to her that I really, really didn't want one. She's a doll and I love her, so I'm not going to die on this hill. I have a feeling that when I visit her in Florida, she will do something. Either a bridal tea or some sort of a shower with her friends. 

    Now my good friend is pressuring me to have a shower. She's great and I love her. But, she did some really tacky shit at her second wedding. She had a honeymoon fund. I actually planned on contributing to it (it was with a local travel agent) but right before her shower, my debit and checking account numbers were stolen and used overseas. My whole account was locked up with my bank for about a week. The day after her shower, she called to ask why my name wasn't on the list of people that contributed. 

    She has asked me 10 times if I want a shower. Every single time I tell her no. "Not even a honeyfund?" NO!  I bean dip her every time, but she brings it up like once a week. Also, I have a MOH (and only a MOH). This friend knows this. Yet I feel like she's trying to step on my MOH's toes. She keeps asking about a bachelorette party too. Ugh. Can it just be September already????
    How stressful!  I think it's time to have a serious come-to-Jesus talk with this friend.  She's totally overstepping her bounds, and it's not appropriate for her to keep pressuring you.  You sound more patient than me, I would have had a serious talk the second time she brought it up. This is a time for you to enjoy, and frankly, she has no place trying to push her way in.  I wouldn't be suprised if she's doing this to try to get attention since you didn't ask her to be a BM.  She needs to accept that she's not a part of your wedding. Good luck!!  
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    climbingsingle
  • Sorry that your friend is not respecting your boundaries!  If she won't take the hint, or an outright statement of disinterest, is there any way to limit your encounters with her between now and the wedding?  
    image

    image
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    RWS2011 said:
    Sorry that your friend is not respecting your boundaries!  If she won't take the hint, or an outright statement of disinterest, is there any way to limit your encounters with her between now and the wedding?  
    Not exactly. She's my hairdresser! She'll be doing my hair and makeup for the wedding. And her husband is really good friends with my FI. Her and I have actually been friends for close to 20 years. 

This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards