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Etiquette

Bridal Shower with no gifts/registry Invite wording

I'd like to have a bridal shower and ask for recipes and advice. My fiance and I are not registered since we have everything but are moving to another state right after the honeymoon and could use the money for the big move. What's the best way to word the invite? I'm also looking for themes for this type of shower. Thank you!

Re: Bridal Shower with no gifts/registry Invite wording

  • Please put XP in a post that you posted in another subforum.

    I will go ahead and paste my answer here as well.


    A shower is to SHOWER the bride or future mothers to be with gifts. If you do not want to be showered then I suggest you not accept the shower.

    Also, you do not host your own shower, so if you want to mention a cooking theme to whomever is hosting it... that would be fine.

    They can get cooking inspired invites, and when the guest come to the shower that can fill out recipe cards.

    Theres no NICE way to ask for money, it is super against etiquette, and very rude to guests.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    1. A shower is a gift-giving event, and while money is technically a gift, you cannot ask for money for a shower (or for anything else for that matter). 2. If you want recipes and advice, your BMs (or whomever is throwing your shower) could call it a lunch or a tea instead, and include recipe cards in the envelopes with the invites. 3. Why are you looking for themes? You should not be involved in the theme-picking or the shower-throwing at all. And you absolutely shouldn't be throwing yourself a shower.
    Yes to all of this. 

    If you're not registering, why are you having a shower? 

    PrettyGirlLostMarzipan13
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I'd like to have a bridal shower and ask for recipes and advice. My fiance and I are not registered since we have everything but are moving to another state right after the honeymoon and could use the money for the big move. What's the best way to word the invite? I'm also looking for themes for this type of shower. Thank you!
    There isn't one.

    First, you can't host the shower-someone else has to host it for you.

    Second, showers are for the purpose of being given gifts.  If you don't want to receive gifts "since you have everything," don't have a shower.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • You both are correct. I will not be hosting my own shower but my fiance's family insists on having one. They asked if I had an idea of what I would want hence why I am searching for themes.

    I'm also not going to ask for money. I agree with the two of you that it is in poor taste to ask for money. I have heard of Tea Parties with just women so they can provide advice and recipes though. We're just looking at how to word the invitation correctly. Most people already know our status and know that we aren't registered and won't be asking for money directly.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited January 2014
    You both are correct. I will not be hosting my own shower but my fiance's family insists on having one. They asked if I had an idea of what I would want hence why I am searching for themes.

    I'm also not going to ask for money. I agree with the two of you that it is in poor taste to ask for money. I have heard of Tea Parties with just women so they can provide advice and recipes though. We're just looking at how to word the invitation correctly. Most people already know our status and know that we aren't registered and won't be asking for money directly.
    You do not have to have a shower because they are "insisting."  In fact, "insist" against having a shower.  If they want to throw you a party, "insist" that it be called something else.

    The only way to word the invitation correctly is to not mention gifts at all.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • You can call it a bridal tea, or just a tea.
  • Thanks Emmy!
    Amyzen83
  • I think it would be fine if it was called a "Recipe Shower", and you included recipe cards in with the invite. I would try to come up with some cute phrasing for the invite that basically says "Joe and Jane have all the kitchen gadgets they could ever want, but don't know what to cook with them! Please join us on X day at X time to honor the couple and 'shower' them with recipes! Blank recipe cards have been provided--fill out as many as you'd like!".

    And then when the guests are there, there can be other ways to collect advice in the manner of "games" and things...like everyone gets to fill out one (or as many as they want) "advice card" that then gets sealed into an envelope to open on a certain anniversary (1 year, 5 years, etc.). 

    I once went to a "book shower" instead of a baby shower. All the guests were asked to bring a book instead of a typical baby shower gift. It seemed to work well. This seems like a similar concept. 
    Sugargirl1019mbross3Amyzen83
  • I was in the same boat. We didn't register but my family wanted the traditional ladies get together. So I had a "bridal luncheon".

    We included recipe cards and advice cards in the invitation, which had no mention of gifts or registry. It turned out really nice, IMO.
    PrettyGirlLostAmyzen83
  • When people RSVP maybe the hostess can inform them then that you are requesting copies of people's favorite receipes as to have a family receipe book. If they ask what else you can use, have a few places like Target, Lowes, Bed Bath & Beyond in mind & the hostess can also advise them that you are going to be moving out of state shortly after the wedding and to limit the amount of items that you will have to move, gift cards to whatever stores (or even resturants) would be appreciated.

  • Thank you ladies! This has been very helpful! I'll pass the info along to my hostess!
    PrettyGirlLostAmyzen83
  • JennyColadaJennyColada Awesometown, CA member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    This is great into, and I will definitely keep this in mind if my friends insist on a party. I love the recipe idea!
    Amyzen83
  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    I love the idea of a Bridal Tea/ Bridal Luncheon.  That way everyone knows no gifts are expected but your Fi's family can still have the party they want.  And including a recipe card in the invite is a really cute idea.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image

    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

    Amyzen83
  • I've been to a Recipe Shower for a bride, and it was very fun! The invitation included a recipe card. The guest was to write one of their favorite recipes on the card and bring an ingredient for the recipe. The bride got some great recipes with some interesting ingredients, like a couple of live lobsters in a cooler, and a few kitchen items too, like a bunt pan and a nice cheese grater. You get the idea. The shower was fun and interesting, andthe main reason to get together is just the celebrate the bride!
  • These are quite common in Australia and usually called kitchen teas. I have never been to a wedding in Aus that has a registry, or a kitchen tea with one!
  • Also consider checking out what stores are in your area like Target, Walmart, Bed Bath & Beyond etc or even Home Depot and Lowes. Think of what places you would enjoy shopping at to get things for your new home once you do move. Then whoever is hosting your shower can let people know that due to moving out of state & not wanting to have to move more items, you didn't register, but that gift cards from whatever stores would come in handy to help you settle in after your move.
  • I am throwing this exact same thing for my friend.  I am mailing recipe cards along with the invite and will be adding in "in lieu of gifts, please bring your favorite family recipe" you could add another insert for advice and have them read it aloud to the bride. 

    Also, I am not calling it a shower.  It is a bridal luncheon.  
    image
  • InkdancerInkdancer The Shire member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    antoto said:
    I am throwing this exact same thing for my friend.  I am mailing recipe cards along with the invite and will be adding in "in lieu of gifts, please bring your favorite family recipe" you could add another insert for advice and have them read it aloud to the bride. 

    Also, I am not calling it a shower.  It is a bridal luncheon.  
    As this is not a shower, gifts are not expected. Therefore you should not say "in lieu of gifts." Instead, say something like "Please bring a favorite recipe to share with the bride".
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    eyeroll
    antotopinkshorts27
  • antoto said:
    I am throwing this exact same thing for my friend.  I am mailing recipe cards along with the invite and will be adding in "in lieu of gifts, please bring your favorite family recipe" you could add another insert for advice and have them read it aloud to the bride. 

    Also, I am not calling it a shower.  It is a bridal luncheon.  
    As this is not a shower, gifts are not expected. Therefore you should not say "in lieu of gifts." Instead, say something like "Please bring a favorite recipe to share with the bride".


    Gahhhhh box.  YES.  Thank you for this.
    image
    pinkshorts27
  • InkdancerInkdancer The Shire member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    antoto said:
    antoto said:
    I am throwing this exact same thing for my friend.  I am mailing recipe cards along with the invite and will be adding in "in lieu of gifts, please bring your favorite family recipe" you could add another insert for advice and have them read it aloud to the bride. 

    Also, I am not calling it a shower.  It is a bridal luncheon.  
    As this is not a shower, gifts are not expected. Therefore you should not say "in lieu of gifts." Instead, say something like "Please bring a favorite recipe to share with the bride".


    Gahhhhh box.  YES.  Thank you for this.
    :) You're welcome!
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    eyeroll
    antotopinkshorts27
  • This sounds super cute.  I need one or all of my friends to get engaged now so I can offer to host her a kitchen tea ;)
    Formerly known as flutterbride2b
    image
    Amyzen83
  • Since a "shower" is a gift-giving event and you do not want gifts, it is better to call your gathering a "Tea" -- not really a "tea party" which implies six-year-old girls with dolls and teddy-bears. Anyone including you yourself may host a tea; and if you are a fan of traditional elegant "Afternoon Tea" I can let you know the secrets of how to stack your three-tier server and how to get those tiny thin little cucumber sandwiches to hold together. I don't know that I can tell you the secret of fluffy scones: I am told that the gift is innate and since I have never had a problem with my scones' fluffiness I have never been able to test that belief.

    Teas are held to be "informal" gatherings even when they are very formal, so the proper invitations are hand-written on "informals" using natural sentences, such as "Please join me for tea on Saturday the first of March at two o'clock. As I am putting together a recipe book in preparation for my married life ahead, I would be very grateful to use the opportunity to trade recipes with you: please bring along one of your favourites if you would like to take part." If you are inviting more than a dozen ladies and suffer from carpal tunnel syndrome, you can probably get away with using your computer to print out the fold-over notes if you use a script font: I would hand-write them but I know a lot of people nowadays do not learn script so allowances have to be made.

    gwalleston
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