Social media and wedding photos

Cookie Pusher

Amyzen83 said:

I just flat out hate what FB has become

Me too! Someone posted a photo of my Save-the-Date and they have zero privacy settings. A bunch of her friends I'd only met in passing (but I guess thought we were friends) made snotty comments about how they didn't receive THEIRS yet and why weren't they getting invited even though they were pleasant to me when we met, blah blah blah. At least before social media, you didn't hear/see that kind of negativity in real-time!

Amyzen83

That would Piss me off! How rude of your friend. Oh my personal favorite is when FB makes a change to the privacy settings and without warning low and behold all your private stuff is suddenly public! Grrrr! That sh-- happened to me and I hella wanted to rip FB a new one

Cookie Pusher

I don't know if it really happened or not, but a friend of mine said her cousin was having wedding pictures taken at her house the morning of the wedding (the family pictures, to save time after the ceremony). One of the other family members posted a picture of the bride in her dress, tagged the bride and groom. Since the groom didn't have anything to do that early in the day, he was on social media and saw the dress even though they had agreed they weren't doing a first look or anything. It's not the worst thing in the world to happen, but I can imagine how disappointing it could be.

phira

Musikalbunni said:

Unplugged Weddings give me a North Korea vibe...

If you truly want an intimate affair, then have a small wedding. Otherwise, you really can't request true privacy. 

We're almost definitely having an unplugged ceremony. We're not trying to be North Korea. We're in a small space for the ceremony, our photographer works solo, and some of my uncles are really intrusively photo-happy. We're paying a lot of money (for us) for professional photos, and while we're sure people will still take cell phone photos, at the very least we can try to encourage people to stay out of the way of the pro. All bets are off for the reception, though, which is fine with us.

Like I said, for us, it's less of a privacy issue (or an "emotional presence" issue) and more of a photography issue. 

jenna8984

I know some of you were asking what type of job besides the FBI/CIA would affect having your photos online. FI's best man is a corrections officer at a prison- he's not allowed to have social media, he's not allowed to wear his wedding band to work, his wife isn't allowed to list on her social media that they're married or post pictures of him. It's for their protection so if a prisoner is released he can't "find" best man or his wife and do something to them. 

HaileyDancingbear

jenna8984 said:

I know some of you were asking what type of job besides the FBI/CIA would affect having your photos online. FI's best man is a corrections officer at a prison- he's not allowed to have social media, he's not allowed to wear his wedding band to work, his wife isn't allowed to list on her social media that they're married or post pictures of him. It's for their protection so if a prisoner is released he can't "find" best man or his wife and do something to them. 

I think it's rude to put up signs or have it in writing anywhere that guests can't post photos to social media.  That said, in this situation, I would say the breach of etiquette would be justified. Given the choice between being kind of rude and putting yourself in danger, be rude.  Etiquette is important, but some things are more important, and in rare cases like this it's ok to bend the rules.  

OP, if your situation is similar, and either you or your FI would be at risk due to photos on social media, then although it's not the most polite thing to do it would be understandable for you to put your foot down.  Definitely spread it by word of mouth that you don't want photos posted, and put a few signs up.  

phira

Yeah, I 100% think that if it's a job-related reason, then it's not an etiquette issue, it's a safety issue. But when it's just, "I don't want people I don't know to see pictures of my wedding," or, "I don't like social media," then prohibiting guest photography across the board comes off as picky and controlling.

I think it's worth mentioning again that unplugged weddings (at least ceremonies) really do cut down on the amount of photography that guests do, and can be done without being obnoxious or rude. But even then, if your goal is, "NO PHOTOS!!!" then you probably should have a wedding ceremony that's just you, your partner, the officiant, and witnesses.

thisismynickname2

I have to be honest that I don't understand the unplugged trend.  A PP mentioned a job that would justify the request. I also think if there are restraining orders against exes or something similarly serious that would also be justified. Perhaps the bride and groom both work for a company that frowns on inter-office relationships.

Back before social media, what stopped people from taking pictures at the ceremony or reception and rushing to the store the next day to develop the film (with doubles! and triples!) and showing everyone they knew long before the professional photographs could be distributed? Social media isn't the sole driver of oversharing; it just makes oversharing happen that much quicker. 

I also suppose it stems from knowing your crowd. While my crowd will take pictures, nobody would dare fiddle with social media to instantly share because they are in the moment. They're socializing with all their friends and/or family that are there. I can't remember the last time I saw someone fiddling with their cell phone at a wedding unless they were specifically taking the picture with it. 

Amyzen83

Maybe I'm weird like this but I really only take a few key photos of the couple at other people's weddings. I'm going to be honest and say that when I take photos at a wedding, it's primarily of my date, me and whoever I interact with, which will occasionally include the bride and groom since they are the stars of the show, but those are rarely the photos that I throw up on Social Media because it's somebody else's special day and not mine and I don't want to steal their thunder if they are waiting to announce their marriage.

PrettyGirlLost

jenna8984 said:

I know some of you were asking what type of job besides the FBI/CIA would affect having your photos online. FI's best man is a corrections officer at a prison- he's not allowed to have social media, he's not allowed to wear his wedding band to work, his wife isn't allowed to list on her social media that they're married or post pictures of him. It's for their protection so if a prisoner is released he can't "find" best man or his wife and do something to them. 

Wow that seems extreme to me, what state is this?

I also have a friend who is a CO and both he and his wife have FB accounts and post constantly.

jenna8984

missax said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

jenna8984 said:

I know some of you were asking what type of job besides the FBI/CIA would affect having your photos online. FI's best man is a corrections officer at a prison- he's not allowed to have social media, he's not allowed to wear his wedding band to work, his wife isn't allowed to list on her social media that they're married or post pictures of him. It's for their protection so if a prisoner is released he can't "find" best man or his wife and do something to them. 

Wow that seems extreme to me, what state is this?

I also have a friend who is a CO and both he and his wife have FB accounts and post constantly.

Same here. An old friend of my sister & the friends husband were both COs and both had FB accounts. 

In Connecticut....could be that they work in different types of prisons with different rules (maximum security, low security), could be that your friends don't take the rules seriously, could be that my friend is overexagerrating on what his rules really are or does it more out of personal preference, not sure!

[Deleted User]

Does anyone feel like there may be a difference depending on the wedding ceremony? I don't take pics during the ceremony because I know I would prefer not to have others do that at mine, but does a religious ceremony verses one that is not based on religion make a difference in comfort of taking those ceremony photos? I couldn't care less if they take them during the reception

PrettyGirlLost

TexasBride2014 said:

Does anyone feel like there may be a difference depending on the wedding ceremony? I don't take pics during the ceremony because I know I would prefer not to have others do that at mine, but does a religious ceremony verses one that is not based on religion make a difference in comfort of taking those ceremony photos? I couldn't care less if they take them during the reception

I doubt it.  I have seen the people who like to take pictures at events take them at both religious and secular wedding ceremonies.  And no one was distracting, obnoxious, or got in the way of the photographer.

A few Brides on these boards have shared photos from their weddings taken by relatives that were gorgeous and at a better angle at that particular moment than their professional photos. . . so you gals may want to have your guests taking pictures ;-)

Maggie0829

Amyzen83 said:

Maybe I'm weird like this but I really only take a few key photos of the couple at other people's weddings. I'm going to be honest and say that when I take photos at a wedding, it's primarily of my date, me and whoever I interact with, which will occasionally include the bride and groom since they are the stars of the show, but those are rarely the photos that I throw up on Social Media because it's somebody else's special day and not mine and I don't want to steal their thunder if they are waiting to announce their marriage.

This is usually what I do.  If I am really good friends with the couple and they have FB pages and such I may take one or two of them or with them and then tag them it it (only if they typically are tagging type of people and post lots of pictures of themselves and such on their FB).  But when I take pictures at weddings it is usually pictures of myself and my H and our friends, not just the couple.

TexasBride2014 said:

Does anyone feel like there may be a difference depending on the wedding ceremony? I don't take pics during the ceremony because I know I would prefer not to have others do that at mine, but does a religious ceremony verses one that is not based on religion make a difference in comfort of taking those ceremony photos? I couldn't care less if they take them during the reception

Whether the ceremony is religious or not is irrelevant.  I have been to weddings in both religious institutions and non-religious institutions and have taken pictures freely without feeling weird. Sometimes certain churches will have a no-flash photography rule but that is determined on a church by church basis, not because of religion.

ktjanesmom

I say BS to what most of you are saying!  Why do guests have all the rights here?  If this woman does not want pictures of herself and her groom splattered all over social media that should be HER right!  When did a man and woman lose their rights just because they are a bride and groom? Nothing is private and personal anymore. YUCK!

And so what if there is no polite why to ask them not to post pictures.  Ask/tell away I say! 

jenniferurs

ktjanesmom said:

I say BS to what most of you are saying!  Why do guests have all the rights here?  If this woman does not want pictures of herself and her groom splattered all over social media that should be HER right!  When did a man and woman lose their rights just because they are a bride and groom? Nothing is private and personal anymore. YUCK!

And so what if there is no polite why to ask them not to post pictures.  Ask/tell away I say! 

Well aren't you a treat.

manateehugger

ktjanesmom said:

I say BS to what most of you are saying!  Why do guests have all the rights here?  If this woman does not want pictures of herself and her groom splattered all over social media that should be HER right!  When did a man and woman lose their rights just because they are a bride and groom? Nothing is private and personal anymore. YUCK!

And so what if there is no polite why to ask them not to post pictures.  Ask/tell away I say! 

Why don't they just not invite anyone if the wedding is so personal and private?

Maggie0829

ktjanesmom said:

I say BS to what most of you are saying!  Why do guests have all the rights here?  If this woman does not want pictures of herself and her groom splattered all over social media that should be HER right!  When did a man and woman lose their rights just because they are a bride and groom? Nothing is private and personal anymore. YUCK!

And so what if there is no polite why to ask them not to post pictures.  Ask/tell away I say! 

Sure the couple could demand that her guests not post pictures on FB or Instagram or wherever, but unless she puts a gun to their head then there really isn't anyway to stop guests from posting pictures.  By demanding the couple or the bride just comes across as a controlling bitch and people will be even more apt to post pictures.  All we are saying that no matter how you word it there is no stopping people from posting pictures.  Period.

ktjanesmom

"demanding" is YOUR word not mine.  I said its ok to ask/tell.

Maggie0829

ktjanesmom said:

"demanding" is YOUR word not mine.  I said its ok to ask/tell.

Okay fine.

Sure the couple could ask/tell their guests not to post pictures but that will not stop the guests from posting pictures.  So unless the couple puts a gun to the guests head when asking/telling them to not do something they have no control over what their guests do with the pictures taken. To ask/tell your guests to do something makes you look like controlling bitch.  Period.

Better? 

ktjanesmom

No not better.  Why do you have to go from A to Z all the time.   "Put a gun to their head" Is there no middle ground with you?   Politely asking guests not to post her pictures on FB certainly does not make her look like a controlling bitch! Holding a gun to their head and demanding it might though.  Everything is black or white to you.   I think you like to argue.  

Maggie0829

ktjanesmom said:

No not better.  Why do you have to go from A to Z all the time.   "Put a gun to their head" Is there no middle ground with you?   Politely asking guests not to post her pictures on FB certainly does not make her look like a controlling bitch! Holding a gun to their head and demanding it might though.  Everything is black or white to you.   I think you like to argue.  

FFS sake.  Again, no matter if you hold a gun to their head, say pretty please, or somewhere in the middle you can't control what your guests do.  Period.  So instead of coming off like you are trying to control freaking adults, you just have to accept the fact that people will post pictures of your wedding day.  It is inevitable.

ktjanesmom

No you cannot control it.  But it IS ok to ask. 

Maggie0829

ktjanesmom said:

No you cannot control it.  But it IS ok to ask. 

I never said you can't ask, but it can come across as rude and controlling.  Why not just not ask and then you won't have to worry about coming across like that to your guests?

phira

@ktjanesmom Telling your guests that they are not allowed to take photos is not distinct from demanding that they not take photos. Different words, same meaning.

You can't control guests. You can invite people or not invite people, and you can make requests (e.g. wedding website, "We ask that guests refrain from taking photos during the ceremony"), but what's the OP going to do? Confiscate phones and cameras? Have people kicked out for taking photos? Demand to go through SD cards and phone pics to make sure there are no photos of the bride and groom on there?

Maggie0829

scribe95 said:

Look, if it was so important that the moment be personal and private then don't invite people. But once you do you can't control people's behavior. And frankly I think brides spend too much time worrying about what a guest might or might not do.

If I could love this a hundred times I would

ktjanesmom

She doesnt want her pictures on social media.  Its ok to ask her guests not to post them. Thats all I am saying.  Its OK to ASK.   Yes, they are still going to do what they want to do, but if she asks, maybe some of them wont.   I really do not agree that it makes her sound controlling.

Maggie0829

ktjanesmom said:

She doesnt want her pictures on social media.  Its ok to ask her guests not to post them. Thats all I am saying.  Its OK to ASK.   Yes, they are still going to do what they want to do, but if she asks, maybe some of them wont.   I really do not agree that it makes her sound controlling.

Well then by that notion it is also ok to ask your guests to wear a certain color or dress a certain way for your wedding.  It is also ok to ask your guests to donate to your HM or wedding.  Sure ask away, but it will not change the fact that you look controlling and nit-picky about what you want.

I really just think this a dumb thing to worry about.  People like to take pictures.  Get over it.

PrettyGirlLost

ktjanesmom said:

I say BS to what most of you are saying!  Why do guests have all the rights here?  If this woman does not want pictures of herself and her groom splattered all over social media that should be HER right!  When did a man and woman lose their rights just because they are a bride and groom? Nothing is private and personal anymore. YUCK!

And so what if there is no polite why to ask them not to post pictures.  Ask/tell away I say! 

Hahaha good luck with all that!  Because people ALWAYS listen when other people tell them what to do. . .

photokitty

ktjanesmom is trying to say. I can also understand what others are saying.

I think the issue here is not the taking of photos, but the posting of them. OP said she doesn't mind the photos being taken, but posted on social media.

Here's what would make a difference to me - do the OPs friends and family already know that the OP and FI do not want photos of them on social media? Do they routinely ask not to be posted or avoid group photos that will end up on SM?

We have a close family friends that do not want pictures of their kid on social media. Now I could go and take photos of her and plaster them all over the interwebz, bc I can and they are "my" photos to do as I please. But it would be rude of me as there is an existing baseline and long standing request that I not do this.

If you just don't want photos bc you want to be the first to post or only have perfect images, than that's dumb. But if you have a history of requesting not to have your photo or info posted on SM I would hope people would respect your wishes. I think reminding people politely as the wedding approaches is not appalling either.

ETA - I think this might be a troll tho, bc I'd be surprised that someone who is so anti SM would post on this very public forum. But that's just MHO