Destination Wedding-No Reception-Wedding Announcement/Registry Etiquette

KBlovesBG

This will be my second wedding, FI first. We have decided to have a small destination wedding about 4 hours from our hometown which will include parents, siblings, and close friends. Only downside is my two close friends will have both had babies about 2-3 months prior to the wedding date; therefore, I realize there is a big chance they will not come. Which means I could possibly not have any friends attending, which I think I am ok with since I orginally wanted to just go away with FI to marry but FI wanted to include family and close friends so we've reached a compromise.

We are now trying to decide if we want to have a small appetizer like reception/party with extended family and friends after the destiation wedding back home. We are currently in the stages of building a home so we feel the cost of the reception is something we don't want to take on right now. We are now considering just sticking with the destination wedding and sending out wedding announcements to those that would have been invited to the reception/party to announce our recent marriage at XYZ location. My question is: is the typical usage of wedding announcements? Are these people going to be offended they weren't invited to the wedding or a reception, which I realize I cannot control? And do we include registry info on the announcement?

Also, I realize the opinion on registries are very different, but I need some advice on it: FI and I have been living together for about 6 months now, my mother has an "issue" with this because she is "traditional"....she has also made it very known to me in the past that she thinks when people who have been living together get married (or as she's say "shacked up") they are rude to "ask" people for gifts by having a registry and invite them to a reception to celebrate their marriage because they've been "playing house" for so long. I am of course worried I may offend or embarass her if I include registry info on an announcement. What to do!?!

photokitty

KBlovesBG said:

This will be my second wedding, FI first. We have decided to have a small destination wedding about 4 hours from our hometown which will include parents, siblings, and close friends. Only downside is my two close friends will have both had babies about 2-3 months prior to the wedding date; therefore, I realize there is a big chance they will not come. Which means I could possibly not have any friends attending, which I think I am ok with since I orginally wanted to just go away with FI to marry but FI wanted to include family and close friends so we've reached a compromise.

We are now trying to decide if we want to have a small appetizer like reception/party with extended family and friends after the destiation wedding back home. We are currently in the stages of building a home so we feel the cost of the reception is something we don't want to take on right now. We are now considering just sticking with the destination wedding and sending out wedding announcements to those that would have been invited to the reception/party to announce our recent marriage at XYZ location. My question is: is the typical usage of wedding announcements? Are these people going to be offended they weren't invited to the wedding or a reception, which I realize I cannot control? And do we include registry info on the announcement?

Also, I realize the opinion on registries are very different, but I need some advice on it: FI and I have been living together for about 6 months now, my mother has an "issue" with this because she is "traditional"....she has also made it very known to me in the past that she thinks when people who have been living together get married (or as she's say "shacked up") they are rude to "ask" people for gifts by having a registry and invite them to a reception to celebrate their marriage because they've been "playing house" for so long. I am of course worried I may offend or embarass her if I include registry info on an announcement. What to do!?!

You can send out announcements after the wedding telling people you were married. These should have absolutely no mention of a registry. The same goes for invites. No paper materials sent by the B&G should ever mention gifts. Any mention of gifts is gift grabby and rude, sorry.

There is nothing wrong with having a registry when you get married, regardless of your living situation. Your mom is wrong here. I would register so your DW guests have idea what you would like in case they choose to get you a gift.

I caution you against having an AHR (at home recp) if you can't afford it. You will not receive gifts totally more than the cost of the recp. If money is tight I would skip the AHR. You shouldn't be having one just to get gifts - which I'm not saying you are. But you mention gifts and concerns about the cost. You shouldn't have a recp hoping to make money, this pretty much never happens- you almost always spend way more than you receive.  

It is normal for DW and/ or AHR to receive fewer or lesser gifts due to the cost of attending or lack of invitation to the wedding. Not trying to be mean - just give you a baseline for realistic expectations.

GL!

KBlovesBG

Photokitty, Thanks for your honest opinion, I needed another opinion on this.

I am not concerned about receiving gifts, I guess I am more concerned about providing people with registry information so they have it rather than leaving them questioning what gift to give, if they choose to do so. However, I'd rather not appear "gift-grabby" than be over informative and I suppose those that want to know any registry type information will just ask. Thanks!

photokitty

Yep, people will ask or find it on their own. If you have a registry at a large national chain they are very easy to find. 

It is never ok to offer registry info without being asked - hence why it should not be included on wedding invites, STD or wedding announcements. 

Glad I could help give you another opinion. GL!

MikesAngie

Announcements are totally acceptable to send out to those who you would like to know that you were married.  They won't be offended that you were married and they were not invited, people tend to understand the want for small private or intimate ceremonies. 

Registering is also totally acceptable, this information is usually passed along via word of mouth though.  Putting the registry on any form of paper does appear gift grabby. 

If you don't have the funds you can forgo the AHR.  You can at a later time have an anniversary celebration at your home if you want and can afford. 

Fairyjen1

   It's my first wedding and fi's second. We are most likely going with a small, immediate family only destination wedding and calling it good. No parties at home afterwards. We will probably send out announcements as we do not live together and won't until after we are married. Fi wants them because his family and college friends are all in other states so he wants to not only announce we are married, but also give them our new address. There will be no mention of gifts on these as we do not expect or need them. My family is all local and I see them all the time so I probably won't give then an announcement unless someone specifically asks for one.

   We are doing a small registry at Macy's, mostly for the registry star awards and for the completion discount. Even if not a single person buys off it I want to take advantage of those  Also because, in my family anyway, we tend to get each other wedding gifts even when the person has an immediate family only wedding. Not everyone, and it's certainly not expected, but there are a lot of us in my family who like to shop and give gifts for the most trivial of reasons so there will probably be a few anyway.