Just kidding, I don't like wine. But I still want to get this out of my system.
Basically, C is being mean, and it's hurting my little feelings. After we broke up a couple months ago, he contacted me quite a few times to get together, talk, etc., which was too much too soon. I tried ignoring him but finally had to tell him to stop, and he backed off for maybe three weeks. When he then apologized for contacting me too soon and asked if he could take me out that weekend to have some fun, I was like, "...I guess this is really not sinking in." From the things he said, it seemed like he felt that we were just separated for a while, that maybe reconciliation was possible, etc. I know now after spending time thinking about this and in counseling that our relationship was not right for me, and I felt it was important to say so to him, in no uncertain (but still as kind as possible) terms, so he could move on.
C is a big emailer (for some reason through our five years together, that's how we preferred to contact each other...weirdo strange introverts, we are), so I typed up a short letter basically detailing that I'm sorry, I don't see us getting back together successfully, you don't have to like it or agree with me, but please respect that this is my decision for myself. I also told him I was sorry that the past couple of months have been so hard and painful, and that I hated that I was such a part of causing that (I feel like I wasn't firm enough initially and that he probably carried some false hope from that, even though I was completely honest with him about how I felt).
Basically, he responded that I'm not who he thought I was, my "true colors" are starting to show, and that I'm "no one worth fighting for." He also said he would be writing back later with some other things he wants to say, and then he'll be able to move on. Can't WAIT to read this one; I have a feeling it's going to be much worse and harder to get through.
Sigh. So, I basically need to get over it. I think he's speaking from a place of being hurt and disappointed, and I kind of expected this kind of reaction at some point. It just smarts a little to hear someone who knows me so well say that I'm basically worthless and that any of the good things he saw in me must have been an act. I'm definitely not perfect and I made some HUGE mistakes in our relationship, but he will never understand that every single one of those mistakes was made because I was trying to protect his feelings and put his happiness before my own. Lesson learned...It just stings a little right now.