No flower girl.

themuffinman16

I didn't want any flower girls in my wedding party.  I am inviting my niece, who is 10, to the wedding.  My FI wants to have a flower girl. And now he is mad that I didn't want his niece to be in the wedding party.  She is 10 and would be a Jr. bridesmaid if she were in the wedding party, as she is too old to be a flower girl. I really didn't want either.  I just feel like wedding parties are not meant for little kids, as I am sure people will be drinking in the limo, and the child will probably get an earful of inappropriate things.  My personal belief is that flower girls are a little showy, and it just is a ridiculous buildup to the bride.  I am all for anyone who wants a flower girl, but I have never understood flower girls. Do I just cave, and have his niece in the wedding party. Or is it my side of the wedding party, and I can have who I like in it, and not ask certain people to be in it? I really don't think his niece will care if she is in it, or not. But I just don't see what the big deal is.  Please let me know, would you have a flower girl, or if you didn't really want one, would you go with your desire.

hlvonb

At the end of the day it doesn't really matter. I would just keep the peace and have a flower girl.

themuffinman16

Also, another reason why I didn't want a flower girl is because I have 4 nieces, and I thought it would be bad form to pick between them, and too many to pick them all.

vk2204

I have two younger cousins (9 and 7) who we wanted to ask to stand up in our wedding. When we asked them to be in our wedding we gave them the option if they wanted to be bridesmaids or flower girls and they both picked bridesmaid

Their Grandma (my aunt) made their dresses to match the older girls and it was perfect!

ETA: So we did not have a flower girl in our wedding.

abbyj700

It's both you and your FI's wedding - so discuss it at length calmly. If you do have flower girls - I agree, they shouldn't be in the limo, doing all of the getting ready stuff with the ladies, etc - where they can hear and see some craziness. There parents should be bringing them to the ceremony and reception. 

I'm sure you guys can work this out. Relax and remember in the end - you probably won't remember this about your wedding day 30 years down the line. :-) 

artbyallie

He wants a flower girl. She's not too old unless she tells you she is. Our FG was 9 and loved it. At the end of the day, will it really cause you personally any pain if she's in the wedding? Since your fiancé wants her to be?

And ten is not really a 'little kid.' That's close to teens. I do agree that very small children should not be forced into weddings when they're really serving more as a prop, but plenty of people successfully have children in their wedding parties. For that matter, Europeans, particularly royals, tend to have parties of exclusively or mostly children.

MyNameIsNot

I agree with you about the personal preference not to have children in the WP.  Luckily, my husband felt the same way, so it was a non-issue.

Since you and your FI don't see eye to eye, you'll have to discuss this and come to a resolution that you can both be happy with.  In the grand scheme of things, whether or not to have a flower girl is a pretty minor disagreement.  Maybe you will compromise and agree to it if she's not with the rest of the WP to get ready or ride in the limo.  Or maybe he will give in if he understands your point or there's something else he wants.  Either way, you need to discuss it and reach a resolution together.  

Maggie0829

I think that if he feels so strongly about having a flower girl then I think you should just have one. IMO, the flower girl and ring bearer aren't technically on any on particular side but rather a joint decision made by both the bride and groom.  I really don't think this is a hill to die on and I seriously doubt that the parent of the kid is going to drop their 10 year old off wherever you are getting ready or just let her be carted around in the limo.  Typically with children the parents bring them to the ceremony area at whatever time you give them and then take them to the reception once pictures are done.

mimiphin

I have a set of twin cousins who will be 8 at the time of the wedding (Boy and Girl) who I want to be our ring bearer and flower girl. I want them to be apart of the wedding and I think that they would really enjoy it, I am going to ask them in person next time I see them (in November)
God I know how this is going to sound and please bear with me but I don't know how else to put it, I know that they are getting to be a bit old but becasue there are 2 of them, they are a matched set- literally, and they are the same age, it's not like one is 2 and the other is 10. Ugg I sound like a dreadful bride-zilla who thinks of people as props!

For me I want the kids involved, I want to be able to share in the day with them. Really for me if I didn't have young family I wouldn't care if we had a flower girl or not. Who knows they may still say no, haha. I think for you OP that you have already decided that this is not your hill to die on. I would just let it go, ask the girl to be a flower girl, give her some petals and let'er go. 

Jen4948

If he wants his niece to be in the wedding party, there's no reason she couldn't be a flower girl-for him.  She doesn't have to be one for you.  You don't have to ask any of your nieces because he wants to include his.

AddieCake

If your fiance would like to have a flower girl, I think you should have one. Grooms ask for very little, usually. You can't give him this? And she doesn't have to ride in the limo.

themuffinman16

I just don't want to be accused of picking favorites.  She would be a jr. bridesmaid, because she is 10, and not a flower girl.  I had all ready told my other niece I did not want a Jr. Bridesmaid, when she asked if she could be in my wedding. (she is 16) My 16 year old is my step-niece and I am very close to her, and I feel she would think I thought she wasn't my family if I said yes to the one girl and no to her.

Jen4948

A 16 year old is old enough to be a full-fledged bridesmaid. For that matter, so is a 10-year-old. (Most of us recommend not using "junior" in front of "bridesmaid" or "groomsman.")

Minors can't drink alcohol, act as witnesses on the marriage certificate, or go to adult venues legally, but there is otherwise no part of an adult attendant's duties they cannot fulfill, given that the only "duties" they have are to acquire the designated outfit, show up on time and in good spirits, and go up and down the aisle with the couple.

You are not required to have his niece on your side because she is female. If it's really important to your F that she be in the wedding party, she can be on his side.

themuffinman16

I feel if i do that, my 10 year old niece will think I don't love her.  And if I have her on my side, my 16 year old niece will think I don't think of her as family.  That is why I was avoiding  young people in the wedding party. I all ready have 6 bridesmaids. But if it will end the fighting between my FI and I, I should just let him make the call.

[Deleted User]

If you haven't already told him the part that you don't want to be appearing to be playing favorites by picking his niece and not including any of yours, especially when they have asked to be in the wedding, hopefully he would understand that. If he says, well we'll just have all of them, then go, that's great but then for each girl we're going to have to pay for flowers, gift, for them & their parents to be at the rehersal dinner, that's going to add a lot to the expense of the wedding. If he stil insists, then this is important to him and you should consider it.

Maggie0829

I think you are making a big deal out of nothing.  If your FI wants to include his niece then there really is nothing that should stop him.  I don't understand how him including his niece makes you look like you don't love your nieces.

renegade gaucho

You get to pick your attendants and your fiance gets to pick his.  If he wants his niece to stand up in the wedding for him, then she gets to stand up for him, with whatever title the two of them decide on.  I do understand that it puts you in a somewhat difficult spot with regard to your nieces, so I hope he would take that into consideration, but ultimately he gets to make the decision as to who is on his side of the wedding party.

I'm kind of scratching my head at the idea that a flower girl is just a ridiculous, showy build-up to the bride when you're already having six bridesmaids preceding you.  How is one more person in the wedding party going to change it into some kind of spectacle? 

vt&dt

OP, after reading your post on Wedding Woes, I think all of your wedding planning should come to a screeching halt while you sort out the other things going on.

Flower girls, bridesmaid dresses, tuxes, etc- are a drop in the ocean compared to the other issues you're dealing with.  I'd stop all wedding discussions (with FI, his family, your family) as you try to sort it out.  I don't mean to sound unsupportive, but I think there's a chance a wedding might not happen, and I've seen/heard of/experienced firsthand people using "exciting wedding planning details that are so fun" to distract from real issues that are huge and potentially wedding-cancelling. 

themuffinman16

I have, this was a post before I made the last one.  No more wedding planning until our issues are resolved.

FurtureMrsWhitehead

I must agree w some of the others you guys have to discuss and resolve that one together. As far as the flower girl and ring bearer being props I disagree. I think it gives the kids a part just like the BMs and GMs. We have kids so deciding on the ring bearer and flower girl was easy for us. My mom thinks I should have 2 flower girls which I disagree w because I think it would cause a conflict. She says I should have her niece through flowers w my daughter. But the way I see it is that if I were to have more than one flower girl then I should choose one of my sisters girls or his sister little girl who I adore. Truth be told the child my mom wants me to have annoys both me and my daughter. She's 2 years younger than my baby and my child hates visiting her grandma cause she don't like to play w her. But I truly think having a flower girl adds a fairy tale aspect to a wedding.