Reception dress change...

SmileDamnit

...as IF!

So FI & I were talking about our reception last night over post-dinner cocktails and I about choked on my martini when he casually mentioned me changing out of my wedding dress after the ceremony. I was appalled at the thought and told him, quite definitively, that brides absolutely do NOT change dresses for the reception. Aaaaand, then I did some digging and see that some do, so I kind of looked like an ass. But really?? I get where he was coming from as we are doing dinner at fairly casual BBQ smokehouse and I am a hot mess around food (read: spill on myself at least once daily), but I'll wear a damn bib before I take my dress off on my wedding day. 

Moral of the story? Planning a wedding is confusing. And olives are a choking hazard.

tmclawchick

Haha, actually it's fairly common! Sometimes brides have large gowns that they might want to change out of in favor of a party dress they could dance freely in. Or sometimes they might want something super formal for the ceremony, and then a fun party dress for the reception. FWIW, it's not really my cup of tea either but eh, to each his/her own right?

PolarBearFitz

I am going to wear my gorgeous gown all day and I might just sleep in it.


Edit: I am a super klutz but that's a part of me and FI loves my goofiness so if something spills I'll get it cleaned and if something tears I will fix it. I am definitely going to be having too much fun walking around cloud 9 to fuss over a spill or a tumble.

My dress is a ball gown I never thought I would ever like or wear but I'm still dancing my tail off in it! Plus who wants to spend extra money they don't have to spend?

FurtureMrsWhitehead

I must agree w you. My FI said the same thing he thinks I should wear a 2nd dress what is wrong with men not too often we get to over dress. I'm a stay at home mom and I think I deserve to be in my dress all day besides me decided to have a sit down formal reception. One dress is enough! True a lot of women opt for 2 but I don't see the point. My FI isn't worried about me wasting anything on it he says he worried about me moving in it because I'm cluts. I'm always  falling and dripping over my own feet. I really must have 2 left ones.

SmileDamnit

prettybirdy27 said:

Some brides do change, some don't.  I didn't because I was head over heels in love with my dress and didn't want to take it off a moment before I had to.  I was actually super sad to take it off at the end of the night - the moment it came off, the magic was over.

I love mine, too, and fear it'll have to be pried off of me. It just never occurred to me that someone would want to take it off, but after digging through old threads, I get that logistically (huge dress, lots of dancing, etc) some girls might want to. 

tmclawchick said:

Haha, actually it's fairly common! Sometimes brides have large gowns that they might want to change out of in favor of a party dress they could dance freely in. Or sometimes they might want something super formal for the ceremony, and then a fun party dress for the reception. FWIW, it's not really my cup of tea either but eh, to each his/her own right?

Absolutely!

edited cuz I was slow to respond.

Cookie Pusher

I'm changing. Twice. Is it ideal or even remotely convenient? No. But it was really the only way to make me, FI, and my mom happy. And with all 3 dresses and their accessories coming in under $500, I'll live with it.

KytchynWitche

It's quite common here. We're kind of a cultural melting pot. There are a lot of brides who feel they need to represent their culture and their FI's culture, or have a traditional/cultural dress for the ceremony but want to wear something more modern or more comfortable for the reception.

I'm wearing my dress for most of the reception, but I will probably change before I leave the reception because a) we're driving 4 or more hours to our honeymoon destination so I want to be comfortable and b) I'm pretty sure that the skirt on the dress I want isn't going to fit in FI's car.

SmileDamnit

Cookie Pusher said:

I'm changing. Twice. Is it ideal or even remotely convenient? No. But it was really the only way to make me, FI, and my mom happy. And with all 3 dresses and their accessories coming in under $500, I'll live with it.

Damn, girl! Not only are you a trooper, but also one helluva shopper. Nice work!

urbaneca said:

It's quite common here. We're kind of a cultural melting pot. There are a lot of brides who feel they need to represent their culture and their FI's culture, or have a traditional/cultural dress for the ceremony but want to wear something more modern or more comfortable for the reception.

I'm wearing my dress for most of the reception, but I will probably change before I leave the reception because a) we're driving 4 or more hours to our honeymoon destination so I want to be comfortable and b) I'm pretty sure that the skirt on the dress I want isn't going to fit in FI's car.

See, that makes perfect sense to me. It's amazing what one learns when climbing out from under a rock. I stick by the 'wedding planning' is confusing stuff sentiment.

sofakingmad

This is one of those "I don't get it" fads.

You get to wear your wedding dress for one day, then never again.  Why would you want to change out of it.  And it's the only time you can parade around in a large white dress without looking silly.

But I don't judge women who do this, I just think it's a big waste of money.

sofakingmad

Now that I think about it though, I did a TTD and that's kind of like wasting money.  But it actually wasn't ruined and I was able to donate it afterwards.

and I got to wear it a second day for the pictures. 

But yeah.  LOL

Cookie Pusher

Niccirf said:

Damn, girl! Not only are you a trooper, but also one helluva shopper. Nice work!

FI wanted the long white dress for the ceremony - so I found a really nice, simple one on eBay for $75. I'll donate it to one of the charities who collect gently used gowns for proms. My mother was sad my younger sister didn't have a traditional qipao at her wedding, so I am having one of those made. It will only cost $300, and I can have it shortened after the wedding so I can wear it again. And, since the reception is outdoors in July, I will change out of the silk brocade qipao into a tea-length white dress that's ben sitting in my closet for the better part of 8 years (I bought it for my sister to try on for her confirmation, but she didn't like it so I kept it). 

FI has put his foot down on so little for the wedding that I don't mind letting him have the long white dress. My grandparents are too old to travel back to the US from China for my wedding, but I know how happy they will be to see me in a traditional red dress, serving tea to my mother. That, in and of itself, is worth the extra expense. However, it's not worth it enough for me to keep that stiff, fitted, heavy dress on for the rest of the reception!

DragonBlood13 said:

This is one of those "I don't get it" fads.

You get to wear your wedding dress for one day, then never again.  Why would you want to change out of it.  And it's the only time you can parade around in a large white dress without looking silly.

But I don't judge women who do this, I just think it's a big waste of money.

 

For some of us, being able to represent our culture is worth the expense. And I will ALWAYS look silly parading around in a "large white dress"! (90% of the dresses I saw at David's Bridal are wider than I am tall. Seriously.)

JCbride2015

Cookie Pusher said:

Niccirf said:

Damn, girl! Not only are you a trooper, but also one helluva shopper. Nice work!

FI wanted the long white dress for the ceremony - so I found a really nice, simple one on eBay for $75. I'll donate it to one of the charities who collect gently used gowns for proms. My mother was sad my younger sister didn't have a traditional qipao at her wedding, so I am having one of those made. It will only cost $300, and I can have it shortened after the wedding so I can wear it again. And, since the reception is outdoors in July, I will change out of the silk brocade qipao into a tea-length white dress that's ben sitting in my closet for the better part of 8 years (I bought it for my sister to try on for her confirmation, but she didn't like it so I kept it). 

FI has put his foot down on so little for the wedding that I don't mind letting him have the long white dress. My grandparents are too old to travel back to the US from China for my wedding, but I know how happy they will be to see me in a traditional red dress, serving tea to my mother. That, in and of itself, is worth the extra expense. However, it's not worth it enough for me to keep that stiff, fitted, heavy dress on for the rest of the reception!

DragonBlood13 said:

This is one of those "I don't get it" fads.

You get to wear your wedding dress for one day, then never again.  Why would you want to change out of it.  And it's the only time you can parade around in a large white dress without looking silly.

But I don't judge women who do this, I just think it's a big waste of money.

 

For some of us, being able to represent our culture is worth the expense. And I will ALWAYS look silly parading around in a "large white dress"! (90% of the dresses I saw at David's Bridal are wider than I am tall. Seriously.)

Sounds like a perfect reason to change!

Fi put his foot down on me having the white dress, period.  I wanted a color, like dove grey, silver, or lavender.  Compromise: it will be ivory or blush, and probably big and foofy, preferably with a LOT of sparkle.  I will not be changing out of that sucker.

ETA detail

photokitty

I think it's pretty sweet when the change involves a cultural aspect. Like yours @cookiepusher

I went to a wedding where the groom was Nigerian. His family was in traditional Nigerian attire and hallway through the reception the B&G changed into it as well. I was super impressed the rural American bride was willing to change out of her big white dress to honor her husband's culture. They looked awesome in their matching Nigerian outfits with incredible hats too boot!

PolarBearFitz

@cookiepusher - I think when it comes down to heritage and tradition for other cultures some dress changes are required. I have been to Indian and Vietnamese ceremonies where multiple changes occurred and since it was cultural it was perfectly acceptable and welcomed.

I think in the case of cultural dress having more than one outfit isn't a trend as much as it is a part of the ceremony/event itself.

BTW the Chinese tea ceremonies are so beautiful and sweet.

Cookie Pusher

Thanks, @photokitty and @aefitz29! FI is Irish so we are incorporating some Celtic tradition into the ceremony, and I felt it was really important to incorporate bits of my heritage into the ceremony since most of our friends and his family don't really know much about it (I mean, other than what they've read on the back of takeout menus. Like, his sister was confused by the fact that English isn't my first language... cuz, like, doesn't everyone speak English first?). I didn't go as far out as doing 8 dresses (8 is a super lucky number), but I would not have felt right not having a qipao and doing the tea ceremony. FI is behind this 150%, and has loved learning even more about my heritage.

PolarBearFitz

Cookie Pusher said:

Thanks, @photokitty and @aefitz29! FI is Irish so we are incorporating some Celtic tradition into the ceremony, and I felt it was really important to incorporate bits of my heritage into the ceremony since most of our friends and his family don't really know much about it (I mean, other than what they've read on the back of takeout menus. Like, his sister was confused by the fact that English isn't my first language... cuz, like, doesn't everyone speak English first?). I didn't go as far out as doing 8 dresses (8 is a super lucky number), but I would not have felt right not having a qipao and doing the tea ceremony. FI is behind this 150%, and has loved learning even more about my heritage.

That's wonderful! I am of Irish decent myself so that's awesome in my book. Glad you two are excited to experience and learn more about each of your cultures. *le sigh* about the little sister's ignorance...please tell me she's under the age of 10?

MrsDeRuyter87

I wore mine during our entire wedding. I loved my dress and everyone was blown away at the choice of dress I made (i'm a jeans and t shirt kind of girl) my gorgeous dress though put me in the girly mood. At about 1:00am when the party was over we went to our favorite tavern with a bunch of people from the wedding. My dress was large and I was so scared someone random drunk person would spill on it or step on it or try ruining it on purpose at the bar so I had a friend make me a giant sparkly white tutu to put on after we left the wedding. When I got to the bar EVERYONE went nuts over it. Had I not let my fear consume me over my wedding dress, I would have worn it to bed and then again to breakfast the next morning! lol

eta: spelling

Cookie Pusher

aefitz29 said:

That's wonderful! I am of Irish decent myself so that's awesome in my book. Glad you two are excited to experience and learn more about each of your cultures. *le sigh* about the little sister's ignorance...please tell me she's under the age of 10?

She's in her late 20s. Part of her confusion stems from the fact that I was born in the US and speak English with no accent. I didn't learn to speak English until I started pre-k when I was 4. My parents speak limited English, so I don't know why she was shocked that I exclusively spoke Cantonese as a young child.  Then again, she's kind of an ignorant, classless bitch in many other ways so this fits right in with it!

jenna8984

I thinks it's really awesome when they change into something for cultural/ heritage reasons like mentioned above.

What I don't find really awesome was a friend of mine took off her stunning $1500 dress immediately after the ceremony AND PUT ON SWEATPANTS AND A WIFE BEATER. I swear to God. This was not a casual, backyard wedding, it was a traditional fancy, wedding. I wanted to punch her and put her dress on because really for that much money someone should be wearing the damn thing!! hahahah

Also she said it was "too heavy" and that she wanted to be comfortable to dance........ok I'm sorry but then chose a freakin dress with THAT in mind! I purposely chose a lightweight dress that I can dance in- what's so hard about that?

PolarBearFitz

Cookie Pusher said:

aefitz29 said:

That's wonderful! I am of Irish decent myself so that's awesome in my book. Glad you two are excited to experience and learn more about each of your cultures. *le sigh* about the little sister's ignorance...please tell me she's under the age of 10?

She's in her late 20s. Part of her confusion stems from the fact that I was born in the US and speak English with no accent. I didn't learn to speak English until I started pre-k when I was 4. My parents speak limited English, so I don't know why she was shocked that I exclusively spoke Cantonese as a young child.  Then again, she's kind of an ignorant, classless bitch in many other ways so this fits right in with it!

Wow...mid-20s and cannot figure out how linguistics and the spoken word work? Bravo educational system. Sorry you have to deal with this kind of ignorance.

My FSIL is Turkish and I have been studying things about her culture and learned how to say some basic phrases for when her mom came to visit. Her mom does not speak English whatsoever so it was nice to be able to say hello and nice to meet you. It didn't take very long and helped me see things from her perspective a little.

Maybe your FSIL should do the same.

KPBM89

My SIL changed out of hers last year, but only for like the last hour of the reception, when things were winding down.  We also had an after party with them and her second dress was much more appropriate there.   

I personally will not be changing out of my dress.   My dress was twice what I wanted to spend, but I fell in love with it!  I wish it were socially acceptable for me to just wear the thing every single day: to the grocery store, to the mall, while walking the dogs...but since it isn't, afterwards I plan to frame my gown and hang it like art in my closet.  

MairePoppy

I don't see anything wrong with having two dresses. 

My daughter tried on a short, cocktail style wedding dress just for fun. It fit her like a glove and the price was right. She knew she wasn't leaving the store without that dress. It was definitely an impulse buy. Then she found 'the dress.' A long ivory organza dress. It was perfect. She ended up wearing the cocktail dress to the RD because she knew she wouldn't want to change out of 'the dress.' 

stef42188

I am thinking of doing this... I know, I know.... but to be honest it is because I don't feel comfortable in long dresses. I am 5'1, wedding will be in summer 2015 at a vineyard, so it will be warm. I found a cute bridesmaid dress from J Crew in ivory that I will put on after the ceremony, it's only $250, and I can wear it to showers and other things after (not weddings obvi ). Also, because of the sound ordinance in the town the wedding is in, music has to be off at 1030pm. There is a casino 6 miles away that I think everyone will want to go to after - I would love to wear the 2nd dress there. Here it is: 

https://www.jcrew.com/wedding/Wedding_Bridesmaid/silkchiffon/PRDOVR~93100/93100.jsp

sofakingmad

Changing for a cultural reason is much different than just wanting to buy a second dress.

jdluvr06

I might change at some point but not to wear another dress. It would be for the comfort factor. Our reception is outside and it is going to be pretty casual. So after the first dance, cake cutting, ect I might change into something more comfortable.

Simky906

@steph42188 I'm the same way; I don't feel comfortable in full length dresses. I tried a couple on and felt like they just swallowed me. I ended up finding a gorgeous tea length dress that I can be happy in the whole day! That said, I do like the J Crew dress; it looks cute and very danceable.

Jessa617

I changed out of my gown at the end of our reception because I knew everyone was coming back to my place for the after-party. My apartment is a tiny one bedroom and we had about 30 people there so there's no way I could maneuver around my apartment in my dress. I actually didn't even change into another dress, I changed into a nice pair of jeans and a nice top. 

HaileyDancingbear

I'm not personally a fan of changing dresses, but I can see the appeal in it.  There are some dresses, that are very nice, that I just look at and go "How the hell can someone dance in that?"  So I could see a bride who isn't willing to compromise on their dress, but still wants to dance, change into something that moves a bit easier for the reception.  

However, I do barf in my mouth a bit when I see someone with an extremely expensive gown, buy a second extremely expensive gown, and only plan to spend like an hour or two in each.  I think there's a definite line between spoiling yourself because you can afford it, and flat out burning money.  At some point I feel people should just realize they have way more than they need and just put the leftovers towards a good cause.  Imagine how many people's lives could be significantly improved if the wealthy did so out of the kindness of their hearts.  

jessieloowho

I want to get as much wear out of my dress as well! A lot of time and effort went it to finding that bad boy, right? Not to mention, it cost a lot. My FMIL tried to convince me to get a dress for the reception and I told my FH that she was crazy if she thought I was okay with wearing a $1000 wedding dress for 30 minutes and changing to another one. I'm with aefitz29. I might just sleep in it if I want

jenniferurs

I fell in love with two dresses while shopping and honestly couldn't decide. So I bought them both. They both came in under the budget I had originally set for myself for one dress, so I didnt feel too bad about it. There's also a third dress in the mix, but that's for the post-reception bar jaunt where I needed something short.

To each their own. I get the premise of falling in love with a dress and not wanting to take it off, but what if you fall in love with two? The last thing I wanted was buyer's remorse, so I just made sure I'd never have it .