So much WTF going on here

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,
My husband is a loving man, a wonderful father, and a sex offender. Before you or your readers assume the worst, when he was 16 years old he had sex with his 13-year-old girlfriend. Despite his girlfriend’s pleas, her parents got angry, he was convicted, and now his life is now ruined. I knew all this when I met him and I thought I could make things better. It happened 17 years ago and was his only offense, yet it is destroying us on every level. He cannot find work. Anytime he gets a job, someone finds the sex offender registry, complains to management, and he is fired. We recently moved because our neighbors were threatening us and our children. Our children are mocked and rejected at school and our home has been vandalized. We have been married 10 years and I am no longer the strong woman I once was. I am tired of struggling to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table because he cannot find work. No lawyers will help us, no lawmakers, representatives or senators, ever respond to my pleas for help over the last seven years of writing to them monthly. My conclusion is a harsh one, but I see no other way to help my family. Secretly, I have purchased a life insurance package on myself. And once I have paid for the allotted time, I plan on wrecking my car in a way that could never be described as suicide. The money will provide my family with a decent life. I am tired of drying the tears of my children. If my sacrifice can make their lives more stable, it is a small price to pay. If you can see any other option for me, please tell me.

—Rendezvous With Death

NOLABridesmaid

She needs to get some help quick because she is definably going through a major crisis.

PMeg819

And I guarantee the insurance company will find a way to deny payment on that claim.

Fran1985

Its such an odd jump to make. Why not just divorce him and change your name and your kids name? Obviously if you love him its weird to divorce him but surely that is better than killing yourself. But there are a lot of weird things going on here. Can't he proactively explain the situation to the neighbors? I have a feeling his originally story might be not as rosy...

dharmabunny

Fran1985 said:

Its such an odd jump to make. Why not just divorce him and change your name and your kids name? Obviously if you love him its weird to divorce him but surely that is better than killing yourself. But there are a lot of weird things going on here. Can't he proactively explain the situation to the neighbors? I have a feeling his originally story might be not as rosy...

The relationship DIY project that turns into the quagmire you have no prayer of fixing on your own.

I was thinking the same thing. Not sold that this is all there is to the H's infraction. Just get the divorce and name change and reboot. The writer's more or less the sole breadwinner anyway, why be legally bound to the baggage?

And it never occurred to mom what would happen to the kids in the courts if their sole custodial parent was a convicted sex offender that can't seem to purge the record from the registry?

GBCK

THIS right here is where my head went right away

 And it never occurred to mom what would happen to the kids in the courts if their sole custodial parent was a convicted sex offender that can't seem to purge the record from the registry?

CLI242009

That is an extreme solution.

I feel for the guy only because my parents tried to do the same damn thing to an ex of mine. (I was 14 he was 17 soon to be 18. Nothing physical just intimate messages, emails and photos to each other.) Parents were trying to get him arrested for pedophilia.

So i think what happened to this guy is utter bullshit. Yeah he shouldn't of had sex but I don't think his entire future should be screwed over because of it.

ReturnOfKuus

four men even in the afterlife

Wzz

she's kind of an idiot if she thinks that suicide is the only solution here when she really probably isn't suicidal. so that makes me think there is more to the story - i don't really believe that this one incident that happened at age 16 is ruining his adult life the way they claim. maybe it is, i don't know really. but i thought there were levels of "sex offender" that put you on different registries. so ultimately, i think there may be a more darker version of what really happened to get him a record.

Wzz

and his inability to find a job wasn't a flag before? i'm not saying that he deserves to be persecuted forever, but at what point do you require a partner to support themselves? it really should be long before children.

themuffinman16

Being close to someone that took their life, I find this woman's indifferent attitude to taking her life  extremely insulting. First off, most people who commit suicide, do not think about it two years down the road.  It is usually depression that gets you close and an immediate decision that will take you to the other side. If she is serious about taking her life, reconsider.  Money never replaces a loved one. She seems to be capable of thinking things through, as she has scheduled her suicide. I know from experience, if you are thinking clearly, and rationalizing, you are not suicidal.  Suicide is an extremely depressed mood, and in the period of extreme low, a fleeting thought passes your mind to take your life. That thought makes you euphoric, thinking there is a way out.  But it is not rational thinking. If you are able to come back from the brink of those thoughts, you will not commit suicide. I find it insensitive to her children to not have a mental illness and talk about suicide like it's an actual and logical solution.

Wzz

 

Its such an odd jump to make. Why not just divorce him and change your name and your kids name? Obviously if you love him its weird to divorce him but surely that is better than killing yourself. But there are a lot of weird things going on here. Can't he proactively explain the situation to the neighbors? I have a feeling his originally story might be not as rosy...

Conn, i suggest explaining this to your neighbor who leaves garbage on your front porch and flips off your kid.

kerbohl

I agree, that was a crazy abrupt turn at the end.  That would not be where my mind would go.  It is sad that he is being judged for a mistake so many years ago, but . . . maybe he should have thought about the consequences before he had sex with someone so much younger than him at that age?  I know that sounds judge-y, but can't kids wait until they can't be convicted of a crime to have sex?  Maybe it's time we start adding a section in sexual education about sex crimes and how you can commit one, even with someone you are dating.  It could prevent future instances of this.