Gift & Card Table Person

HisGirlFriday13

A friend volunteered to watch our gift table, and then the valet took everything to my parents' car (at my mom's insistence; local wedding), and we opened them the next day.

I have gladly done it if asked. I have gladly volunteered to do it. I have never appreciated being volunteered for it.

grumbledore

Jen4948 said:

Tell your wedding coordinator to assign a staff person at the venue to do this, because no one in your families or wedding party is going to want to.  It's not an "honor."  It's a chore.

OP specifically stated that this is not an option. There's no reason she or her FI can't take 5 minutes to take the cards out and put them somewhere safe.

grumbledore

dupe

MyNameIsNot

ashleyep said:

acove2006 said:

ashleyep said:

afaber24 said:

I'm definitely NOT thinking of this as an "honor" I know its a favor, but as many of you mentioned a very small one. If the whole process takes more than 10 minutes I'd be very surprised. So, am I correct in thinking that I could ask someone in the WP to do this? I know they would all say yes in a heartbeat. I just understand from lurking on many other conversations that we're not allow to ask them for anything. Does that still apply on the day of?

I'm sure my parents or FIL's would gladly say yes to this task as well, but I would really rather ask a bridesmaid. I feel like my parents will be having such a great time visiting with all their bff's that I'll ask my dad during the night "Did the gifts get up to the room okay?" and he'll be like "What gifts?". They'll be having too much fun to remember such insignificant details!

You could ask someone in the wedding party, just make sure they'll actually be at the cocktail hour and not off taking pictures. If you don't expect the BP to be around until you all make your entrance, it obviously defeats the purpose.

I don't really get the issue with asking for help on this board either. There's a difference between asking and demanding. I don't see why I can't ask my MOH if she'll help me address envelopes, as long as I'm not demanding it. 

There are many, many brides that come here thinking they are God's gift to humanity and should be treated as such. So of course they feel their bridal party should fawn all over them and complete the laundry list of tasks they're given (with a smile!). They EXPECT these things from the BP because they feel they deserve to make everyone else plan their wedding for them.

Then there are also the brides that feel they are so special that everyone around them is just drooling over themselves to help with the wedding. To cash in on this the bride decides to give said droolers a job (like manning the guest book- c'mon, when is that necessary? or handing out programs, etc) and acts like it's a honor they were asked to help at all. Which it isn't.

So, it's about the attitude really. Truly needing help and asking for it is not an issue. But expecting it and trying to claim it's an "honor" to help is a shitty thing to do. Which is NOT what the OP is describing.

ETA: Your FI should be the one helping you to stuff envelopes. If your MOH offered, that's one thing. But straight up asking can make the person feel pressured into saying yes.

I get it. I'm not new here, so I understand that there are lots of brides who think their bridesmaids are obligated to do work for them. 

I just don't think you should be afraid to ask for help because the other person might be afraid to say no - that's not unique to weddings. Lots of people have a hard time saying no when asked for a favor.

My question was just an example, I'm not really going to ask my MOH to help me stuff envelopes. However, I would like to ask my mom if she wouldn't mind helping me write my invitations since she has great cursive handwriting. I might like to ask one of my bridesmaids if she would help me with table numbers since she's an artist and could do something lovely with watercolors. But god forbid they feel pressured to say yes. Grow a damn backbone.

I've been a bridesmaid before and I've always offered to help however the bride needs it. But I've never said "hey, let me know if you want help stuffing envelopes" because who thinks of something that specific?

It's a lot about tone.  Many friends will ask if there's anything they can do to help, or hint that they are willing to help.  In that case, it's fine for the bride to ask the person to help with a specific task.  No one is saying you should sit around and wait for your helpful friend to guess what chore you need help with.

The difference is a friend who is not available/interested in helping with wedding chores being put in a position where she feels that all these tasks are expected of her.  

A courteous and conscientious bride knows the difference without having to ask.  The problem is that people who end up here asking questions about why the BMs aren't doing these things aren't the type to know the difference.  Thus the over simplified "party-line."  

vt&dt

I think having someone stand by the gift/card table is a sucky job that shouldn't be given out... but I don't think asking a parent/close relative/friend to spend 5 minutes moving the gifts is a big deal.

Having to stand for 30-60 minutes watching people set their gift/card on a table?  Pretty bad.  Spending 5 minutes doing something really helpful for the B&G?  No biggie.   ESPECIALLY when it's thanked with a nice, handwritten note or small gift/token shortly after (or before!) the event.

If you're unsure about who to ask, wait for someone to volunteer.  My extended family ALWAYS volunteers to do seriously anything at family events - my aunts have offered to cut cake, serve punch, etc. and my uncles/male cousins offered (and kind of want to) bartend as we're bringing in our own beer/wine.  I'm not sure I'll take all up on the offers (having cupcakes means no sheet cake to cut!) ... maybe my perception is a little different because my family always wants to help with these things.