2 Maids of Honor

FurtureMrsWhitehead

I know how crazy this is going to sound my FI and sister told me I was out of my mind for even thinking such a thing. I chose my maid of honor not long after he propose but after I gave it a little more thought and really got to thinking on who really know what I like and expect is my sister and knew I couldn't tell my aunt who had already excepted the honor and who I think truly deserves to be my maid of honor but has recently become to busy to do everything I think a maid of honor should and my sister who I normally can't stand but knows what I like has been helping. That maybe I could have 2 maids of honor since I wont have a matron of honor. My aunt who is my maid of honor that I first asked to be my matron of honor isn't married so of course that wouldn't work. And then in my head I came up w because some people have a matron and a maid of honor why can't I have 2 maids of honor. But my sister says that crazy she'll still help with all my planning and everything I asked her to do even though my aunt has the title. At first I told this particular  sister I didn't want her as a BM at all. Over the last year we've sort of ironed out all the differences and I felt bad by hurting her feeling cause I always do and asked her to be a BM along w my other sister and his cousin. I've been enjoying discussing my wedding and plans w her it's bring her closer and think she deserves the title too.

Can I have 2 maids of honor or am I crazy?

JCbride2015

FurtureMrsWhitehead said:

I know how crazy this is going to sound my FI and sister told me I was out of my mind for even thinking such a thing. I chose my maid of honor not long after he propose but after I gave it a little more thought and really got to thinking on who really know what I like and expect is my sister and knew I couldn't tell my aunt who had already excepted the honor and who I think truly deserves to be my maid of honor but has recently become to busy to do everything I think a maid of honor should and my sister who I normally can't stand but knows what I like has been helping. That maybe I could have 2 maids of honor since I wont have a matron of honor. My aunt who is my maid of honor that I first asked to be my matron of honor isn't married so of course that wouldn't work. And then in my head I came up w because some people have a matron and a maid of honor why can't I have 2 maids of honor. But my sister says that crazy she'll still help with all my planning and everything I asked her to do even though my aunt has the title. At first I told this partial sister I didn't want her as a BM at all. Over the last year we've sort of ironed out all the differences and I felt bad by hurting her feeling cause I always do and asked her to be a BM along w my other sister and his cousin. I've been enjoying discussing my wedding and plans w her it's bring her closer and think she deserves the title too.

Can I have 2 maids of honor or am I crazy?

You can absolutely have two MOHs.

First two bolded: stop right here.  You MOH has no duties besides purchasing a dress, chosen with her budget and comfort in mind, and showing up sober and with a good attitude on your wedding day.  Your MOH is not your helper or your planner.  You should have zero expectations that your MOH or any BM will help you, and you should not ask.  If someone, whether MOH/BM/guest/other OFFERS to help, then you may graciously accept.  Also, your aunt accepted the honor. If she excepted the honor, it sounds like she refused, which I know is not what you mean.

Last bolded: what is a partial sister?  And I really don't like the sound of this.  You normally can't stand her and didn't want her as a BM, but now that she is doing work for your wedding and "helping" you, you suddenly want to make her a second MOH?  How will your aunt feel about this?  Just because your aunt is not your little planning slavebuddy, doesn't mean she is somehow not fulfilling what you expect of a MOH.  The MOH is supposed to be a position of honor, not a person to run around at the whim of the bride.

Bottom line:  Can you have two MOHs?  Yes, totally.  But I think your particular situation sounds awful.  Neither of these women should be expected to do anything for you, and you're probably going to alienate your aunt by expecting so much out of her.

aurorajanette

You can have two MOHs. 

However, you shouldn't expect your MOH to do anything for you other than purchase the dress and stand next to you on your big day. 

You should not choose your MOH based on who is going to do the most work for your wedding. 

You should not ask anyone to help you with the wedding. It is you wedding and your responsibility, and if anyone offers to help, that's fantastic. 

Maggie0829

I know how crazy this is going to sound my FI and sister told me I was out of my mind for even thinking such a thing. I chose my maid of honor not long after he propose but after I gave it a little more thought and really got to thinking on who really know what I like and expect is my sister and knew I couldn't tell my aunt who had already excepted the honor and who I think truly deserves to be my maid of honor but has recently become to busy to do everything I think a maid of honor should and my sister who I normally can't stand but knows what I like has been helping. That maybe I could have 2 maids of honor since I wont have a matron of honor. My aunt who is my maid of honor that I first asked to be my matron of honor isn't married so of course that wouldn't work. And then in my head I came up w because some people have a matron and a maid of honor why can't I have 2 maids of honor. But my sister says that crazy she'll still help with all my planning and everything I asked her to do even though my aunt has the title. At first I told this partial sister I didn't want her as a BM at all. Over the last year we've sort of ironed out all the differences and I felt bad by hurting her feeling cause I always do and asked her to be a BM along w my other sister and his cousin. I've been enjoying discussing my wedding and plans w her it's bring her closer and think she deserves the title too.

Can I have 2 maids of honor or am I crazy?

Time out. So you want to add another MOH just because this person knows what you like and can full fill "everything that you think a MOH should do"?  I am reading this right?

What exactly do you think a MOH should do?

I am sorry but this is all just way too ridiculous.  Having two MOH's is fine but it is not fine to add a MOH just so that someone will have time throw you parties to your liking.

FurtureMrsWhitehead

JcBride2014 let me be honest w you and thank you all at the same time cause you just clarified a BM and what I expected. So for that I am truly thankful before things get out of control.  Partial sister was a type o and supposed to say paticular sister.

JCbride2015

FurtureMrsWhitehead said:

JcBride2014 let me be honest w you and thank you all at the same time cause you just clarified a BM and what I expected. So for that I am truly thankful before things get out of control.  Partial sister was a type o and supposed to say paticular sister.

Ha, okay that makes more sense!  Autocorrect maybe. I was thinking maybe you were saying she was a half sister or something.

cupcait927

Yup, you can definitely have two MOHs. Myself and another friend were co-MOHs in my best friends wedding.

FurtureMrsWhitehead

I was choosing my sister as well because we have started to rebuild the sister bond between us. We have been trying to do more things together like I've been helping her plan this Tea Party Club meeting thing she wants to do. And the only thing as far as my planning goes she been attending bridal shows w me and giving me her opinion on dresses for my BM as well as helping me decided on what dress to for me. All of heavy planning such as venue,food, music, invites and etc has been w my husband to be. And when It comes to planning my wedding and what role means what yeah I am a bit clueless so Thank You all ladies for setting me straight I appreciate  it. 

FurtureMrsWhitehead

JcBrise2014 at times I wish she was but surprisingly my wedding have been bring us closer

phira

The question, "Can I have two maid(en)s of honor?" has an easy answer: "Yes."

But your situation is not so simple. Here's my advice:

You should be choosing people to be in your wedding party because you want to honor them. You should not be selecting people in order to have them plan parties for you and help you make decorations.

Should you ask your sister to be your other maid of honor because you feel like the wedding has brought you closer together? Sure, sounds good to me.

Should you ask your sister to be your other maid of honor because you feel like your aunt is really not capable of doing everything a maid of honor is supposed to do, and that your sister actually deserves the honor of doing all that for you? Nope. This is a terrible reason.

As previous posters have said, all the maid of honor has to do differently than any other guest at your wedding is purchase and wear the dress you select, and show up (sober) for your wedding. She is not required to do anything else, INCLUDING planning and hosting a shower or bachelorette party. She has not failed in her maid of honor duties if she does not do these things.

You're right that you can't "unask" your aunt to be maid of honor, so yes, you would have two. That's totally fine (my partner has two best men--his brothers). But you need to rethink the whole point of the role: these are the people you're trying to honor on your wedding day.

FurtureMrsWhitehead

Now thats the reason I chose my aunt was to honor her.

phira

FurtureMrsWhitehead said:

I know how crazy this is going to sound my FI and sister told me I was out of my mind for even thinking such a thing. I chose my maid of honor not long after he propose but after I gave it a little more thought and really got to thinking on who really know what I like and expect is my sister and knew I couldn't tell my aunt who had already excepted the honor and who I think truly deserves to be my maid of honor but has recently become to busy to do everything I think a maid of honor should and my sister who I normally can't stand but knows what I like has been helping. That maybe I could have 2 maids of honor since I wont have a matron of honor. My aunt who is my maid of honor that I first asked to be my matron of honor isn't married so of course that wouldn't work. And then in my head I came up w because some people have a matron and a maid of honor why can't I have 2 maids of honor. But my sister says that crazy she'll still help with all my planning and everything I asked her to do even though my aunt has the title. At first I told this partial sister I didn't want her as a BM at all. Over the last year we've sort of ironed out all the differences and I felt bad by hurting her feeling cause I always do and asked her to be a BM along w my other sister and his cousin. I've been enjoying discussing my wedding and plans w her it's bring her closer and think she deserves the title too.

Can I have 2 maids of honor or am I crazy?

Yeah, so this is why I'm not really getting the sense that you're treating this like a way to honor the people you care about. In bold are the things you've said that reaaaaally indicate that you're thinking about who's going to be able to help best with the wedding. In italics are the times you keep referencing "the title," which really makes it sound like you're saying, "My aunt is my maid of honor ONLY in the sense that I asked her first and that's the title she has, but my sister is REALLY the maid of honor in terms of her actions."

My point here is that, regardless of your feelings or your intentions, you're coming across as if you are only having your aunt as your maid of honor because you already asked her and you THOUGHT she was going to do all these great wedding planning things with you, and now you want to ask your sister too because she's ACTUALLY doing all these great wedding planning things with you.

FurtureMrsWhitehead

Phira I asked my aunt because she has always been there for me and I wanted to thank her in a special way. And true I also want my sister to have share the title as a way of thanking her for helping me with the wedding. I never meant to come off as I expect the MOH to do all the work cause that's not the case. I'm aware it sounds that way. However I don't mean it to. No one is obligated to do any planning w me other than my FI.  I've been asking for my sister's opinion on things and she has been going to everything w me. Not by force but by choice.

phira

Look, I'm just pointing out why your original post is getting the response that it's getting.

FurtureMrsWhitehead

Phira I realize that and I'm not disagreeing w you. To be honest I respect what you said and am grateful to you just thought I'd clarify what I was trying to say. And you now that I give a little more thought to the way I explained it and the response that I got from you and others just made me realize why my sister and FI thought I was crazy. Oh my god I got to apologize to my sister. Can you possibly help me with a better way to explain it to her?

kgd7357

I would just keep your Aunt as the MOH, and keep your sister as is. My MOH is my best friend who doesn't live near me, but I have one local BM that has done some bridal things with me, which have really helped. I am getting her an extra little gift and thank you card to let her know it means a lot to me. This might be a good thing to do for your sister that has been helping. I think it's a little odd to "upgrade" her title at this point. I don't think you need to explain it to her anymore.

FurtureMrsWhitehead

kgd7357 I wish I would have thought of that. I just now have to think of the perfect thing to say thanks for your help. Thanks a lot.