Registry and Gift Forum

Out of Town Shower

Ok ladies I need some help.  I live in a different state than all my friends and family (and fiancé’s family).  My family was talking to me about having a wedding shower, but I live on the east coast and they are all in the Midwest… usually wedding gifts are quite large so its not feasible for me to fly back with the gifts.  I do not want to be rude but I am not sure about the logistics of transporting gifts across the country… driving there is not feasible because it is about a 3 day trip and I would only be able to take a long weekend to go home.  Also, should I even register for gifts at all?

Re: Out of Town Shower

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Just tell them exactly what you told us. You don't think a shower makes sense logistically.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    doeydo
  • That's true.  I was excited to create a registry with my fiance but it guess it woudn't work. Bummer.
  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    You can create a registry, just don't have a shower.

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    Anniversary
    AddieCakeAprilH81
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    scribe95 said:
    You will still need a registry for the wedding so that works.

    There are ways to ease the transport process - register for small items, take an empty suitcase, and sometimes I have heard bridesmaids chipping in to ship the gifts back as their actual gift.
    I agree with all of the suggestions listed above.  We had a family shower with similar circumstances.  All of the guests were aware of the situation.  Many guests did purchase items that could be easily flown back with the bride such as linens, and bedding.  A few guests made small purchases and paired it with a larger gift that was shipped directly to the home.  (It was arranged for the shipped gift to arrive after the shower when the bride returned.)  The bride, for example, opened a small gift containing a ladle and set of wooden spoons.  The card included a note explaining that these utensils would come in handy for the crock pot that was being shipped to her home.  
    princessleia22RebeccaB88
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I lived on a small island that you had to fly to and still had a shower in the states.   I brought extra suitcase and shipped a few boxes.      The larger gifts I returned to the store and had them ship them directly to me.

    One thing I did that might clutch some pearls was taking most things out of it's packaging to save space.  It really made packing a lot easier.  If the wedding didn't go through I had the money to replace everything, so that was not an issue. It was just some packaging is twice the size of an item.  Wrapping something with my sock worked just the same.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    MyNameIsNotprincessleia22
  • They always have the option to ship the gift to you as well.  Maybe there is a way whoever is hosting the shower can get the word out if they plan on purchasing a bigger item to ship it to your home instead so you did not have to stress about shipping it back.  I had a few people do that and when I opened the gift at the shower it was a picture of what they sent me.  My shower was a 4 hour drive from home, but it worked since my MIL had her van so we were able to transport many of the gifts back. The things we could not fit my parents brought to the wedding and we took them home after that.  Some people may think about your travel and choose to get a gift card instead of an actual gift.  Many people will want to bring a physical gift, but you never know. If someone wants to host a shower and there is a way to work out getting the gifts home, it could work.     
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    Anniversary
  • I'm flying up to my shower in NJ (i live in NC)...FMIL and FFIL are planning to drive down to the wedding from PA - so anything i can't get back with me from the shower, they're just going to take to PA in their van and drive down for us before the wedding.  Or leave it in their basement for a little while...as we live in a small condo now but plan to buy a house in the next year or so. 

     

    If it's even moderately feasible to drive, you can also consider that (it's about an 8 hour drive for them to get here...but they almost always drive rather than fly.  my family always flies).  It would just be one time.  my friend lives in PA now and had a shower in NC with her family - she just drove down for that even though typically she would fly (her now husband is a pilot, so she flies for free).

  • princessleia22princessleia22 Oceanfront Property in Arizona member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer

    I have same situation with shower 2,000 miles away from where I now live.  All of my guests know that I live far away and have to transport the gifts, so I really don't anticipate getting any/many large gifts.  I am packing an extra duffle bag that won't take much space on the way there, but will be useful to pack gifts in for the flight home.  And, if I do get anything large, we will deal with figuring it out at that time. We may decided to ship it to my home.  Of maybe see if my parents can hold onto it for a while, because my dad drives out to our area every year or two, so maybe he could bring it then.  Or, I like lyndausvi's idea of returning the gift to the store and having identical item shipped to your home or repurchase it back home.

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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    erinlin25 said:

    They always have the option to ship the gift to you as well.  Maybe there is a way whoever is hosting the shower can get the word out if they plan on purchasing a bigger item to ship it to your home instead so you did not have to stress about shipping it back.  I had a few people do that and when I opened the gift at the shower it was a picture of what they sent me.  My shower was a 4 hour drive from home, but it worked since my MIL had her van so we were able to transport many of the gifts back. The things we could not fit my parents brought to the wedding and we took them home after that.  Some people may think about your travel and choose to get a gift card instead of an actual gift.  Many people will want to bring a physical gift, but you never know. If someone wants to host a shower and there is a way to work out getting the gifts home, it could work.     

    I'm sorry Erin, I don't agree with advising guests in any way, shape or form to ship gifts for a shower. This happened to me twice and it came across as though we guests were numnuts for not figuring out for ourselves that large gifts would be inconvenient- and selfish of the bride for making guests incur costs she didn't wish to spend herself.
    Brides should be prepared to ship all gifts home themselves, period. Or don't have a shower, period.
    ________________________________


    photokitty
  • My cousin and his wife live in DC and the rest of the family is in NYC.  My aunt threw her a baby shower last year, and the guests that gave large gifts (crib, stroller, swing) printed a photo of the gift that she saw when she opened the card...they'd shipped them a couple of days prior, and they arrived by the time my cousin and his wife returned home.  There were plenty of smaller gifts on the registry as well, most of us just gave her those.
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