Invitation wording for deceased/divorce parents

msmeg26

So, sticky situation.. 

My father passed away 7 months ago. 

My parents had separated over 10 years ago (tho not legally divorced)  My Dad's GF I refer to as stepmom and will have her be part of my big day. She's also helping financially with the wedding. (We all are) 

When it comes to wording the invite, I know it's custom to list the hosting families etc. But I'm trying to be sensitive to the ummmm screwed up situation I'm in  

I think my best option would be "Together with their families" and list my name/ fiancee's name "request the honor of your presence" ?? 

Also is there any tasteful way to honor my Dad on the invite? For ceremony etc I definitely have ideas. I would've wanted nothing more than to have him part of my big day. 

Any other thoughts?? 

Thanks!! 

AddieCake

I'm sorry for your loss, but your father is deceased, and therefore cannot host an event. I would just go with "Together with their families..." like you said. As for honoring him during the wedding, you need to tread very lightly. Some things do not go over well and you could alarm people or cast a shadow on your event depending how you go about things. 

indianaalum

I would stick with "together with their families"

lyndausvi

Sorry for your loss, but like Addie said a deceased person can not be a host.       Just stick with "together with their families".

jessicabessica

I would use "together with their families" here.  The invitation isn't the place to honor or remember your dad, but like you said, there will be plenty of things you can do during the ceremony and reception--carry something of his, play his favorite song, serve his favorite dessert.  Sorry for your loss.

Jen4948

I'm very sorry for your loss.

I agree with using "together with their families" and not listing your dad on the invitation because he cannot be a host.

A good way to honor his memory would be to give him a tribute in a wedding program, wear or carry something associated with him, or provide food, drinks, decorations, or entertainment he would have enjoyed-but keep it subtle so as not to turn a happy occasion into one of grief and pain.

phira

"Together with their families ..."

As other posters have said, your father is not one of the hosts of your wedding, nor is he one of the family members celebrating with you (or, if you're spiritual, then he's not celebrating with you in person). However, I absolutely think it's a good plan to find ways to honor him at the wedding.

7 months is not a long time. I'm really sorry for your loss. There are other folks on here who have lost parents before their weddings; hopefully, they can be a good support system for you (in addition to your family and friends) and provide you with other ways for you to honor your father at your wedding.

mimiphin

My condolences on your loss.
My Mum past away 8 years ago and this is what I am doing, maybe, we may just leave families off it completely due to drama on FI side. 

Mimi Phin,
daughter of Mr. John Doe  and the late
Mrs. Jane Doe
and
 FI
Son of .....
request the pleasure of your company.
Yada yada yada.

It makes it clear that they are not inviting but still mentions the parent.  I got the idea from and it better shows the layout http://www.invitationsbydawn.com/custserv_content.jsp?pageName=Common-Wedding-Verses
Or we will do some adaptation of this for the program, how I don't know yet, our wedding isn't until 2015. I still have lots of time!

JoanE2012

mimiphin said:

My condolences on your loss.
My Mum past away 8 years ago and this is what I am doing, maybe, we may just leave families off it completely due to drama on FI side. 

Mimi Phin,
daughter of Mr. John Doe  and the late
Mrs. Jane Doe
and
 FI
Son of .....
request the pleasure of your company.
Yada yada yada.

It makes it clear that they are not inviting but still mentions the parent.  I got the idea from and it better shows the layout http://www.invitationsbydawn.com/custserv_content.jsp?pageName=Common-Wedding-Verses
Or we will do some adaptation of this for the program, how I don't know yet, our wedding isn't until 2015. I still have lots of time!

Just like the OP, your invitations should not mention your deceased parent.  Mention her in the program, wear a locket or something tied around your bouquet.....but an invitation is not an appropriate place.

dolewhipper

OP, my dad left us in Sept 2012. It sucks. 

I'm just putting "Together with our families" since I too have a step mom, mom, step dad, and FI has dad, mom and step mom. Think of THAT wording

While I was originally going to have the whole, chair left out during the ceremony thing with the photo of my dad, I decided to nix that. I want people to focus on our vows, not that dad isn't hearing them. I do however have our father daughter dance already taped, and trying to figure out how to incorporate it without it being a GIGANTIC downer the beginning of the reception. Feel free to PM me, if needed. Every day is a struggle and its hard to figure out your new normal. But it gets better

msmeg26

Thanks everyone! 

On a flipside to things, anyone who had a deceased father-- on the wedding program did you make mention of who was your escort? How did you handle that? 

My parents best friend who was there the day I was born will be the one to escort me. I feel strongly at this point to call that out and give him recognition as such, "Mr. John Doe has the honor of escorting the bride" as a * listed in the program. 

Curious for feedback on that. 

Jen4948

msmeg26 said:

Thanks everyone! 

My parents best friend who was there the day I was born will be the one to escort me. I feel strongly at this point to call that out and give him recognition as such, "Mr. John Doe has the honor of escorting the bride" as a * listed in the program.

I'd just say "Mr. John Doe has the honor of escorting the bride" without trying to define your relationship.  If you had a relationship with your escort such as uncle, brother, grandfather, etc., them that's how I'd list that person.

dolewhipper

My sister, my MOH, is escorting me. What PP said is perfect! 

msmeg26

Thanks Jen4948! 

That's what I intend to do! 

clg1213

I lost my dad in Nov. Our invites use the "Together with their families" language. The seamstress who is altering my dress is putting a patch on the inside from one of my dad's ties....I like that it is a "just for me" remembrance. FI wants to do a moment of silence (he lost his dad July '12) for those who have passed....I wouldn't want to do much beyond that as far as open memorials since I don't want it to be a sad day. My step-dad is my escort and I'll list him as such if we do a program. I'd also likely do a note at the bottom saying something along the lines of "We wish to remember those who are no longer with us physically but who are present in our hearts including....."

Rebl90

mimiphin said:

My condolences on your loss.
My Mum past away 8 years ago and this is what I am doing, maybe, we may just leave families off it completely due to drama on FI side. 

Mimi Phin,
daughter of Mr. John Doe  and the late
Mrs. Jane Doe
and
 FI
Son of .....
request the pleasure of your company.
Yada yada yada.

It makes it clear that they are not inviting but still mentions the parent.  I got the idea from and it better shows the layout http://www.invitationsbydawn.com/custserv_content.jsp?pageName=Common-Wedding-Verses
Or we will do some adaptation of this for the program, how I don't know yet, our wedding isn't until 2015. I still have lots of time!

Yeah, I'm  not so sure about this wording, it comes across as very akward and sat to use "the late John Doe" on a wedding invite, no matter what order you put it in.  My FI lost his father over 10 years ago and I used the following format  (however this may also be incorrect but the invitations are already purchased!):

Mr. & Mrs. John Smith

and 

Mrs. Jane Doe

Invite you to..... (I can't remember what else they say!)

So yeah, I stayed away from "the late" and the only mention of his father will be his parents' wedding photo that will be displayed within a whole grouping of family photos.  

MandyMost

Rebl90 said:

mimiphin said:

My condolences on your loss.
My Mum past away 8 years ago and this is what I am doing, maybe, we may just leave families off it completely due to drama on FI side. 

Mimi Phin,
daughter of Mr. John Doe  and the late
Mrs. Jane Doe
and
 FI
Son of .....
request the pleasure of your company.
Yada yada yada.

It makes it clear that they are not inviting but still mentions the parent.  I got the idea from and it better shows the layout http://www.invitationsbydawn.com/custserv_content.jsp?pageName=Common-Wedding-Verses
Or we will do some adaptation of this for the program, how I don't know yet, our wedding isn't until 2015. I still have lots of time!

Yeah, I'm  not so sure about this wording, it comes across as very akward and sat to use "the late John Doe" on a wedding invite, no matter what order you put it in.  My FI lost his father over 10 years ago and I used the following format  (however this may also be incorrect but the invitations are already purchased!):

Mr. & Mrs. John Smith

and 

Mrs. Jane Doe

Invite you to..... (I can't remember what else they say!)

So yeah, I stayed away from "the late" and the only mention of his father will be his parents' wedding photo that will be displayed within a whole grouping of family photos.  

When it's worded this way, it's listing the parents as hosts, inviting you to the wedding of their children. When doing this, it is completely inappropriate to list a deceased parent, because a deceased parent cannot host anything! It can also be a very sensitive subject if only one set of parents is paying for the wedding; it shouldn't be listed like this, which insinuates all the living parents are paying. 

The other way to do it (the first quote), is to simply list the parentage of the bride and groom. The parents are not being listed as hosts, they're essentially being used to help identify the bride and groom. In that case, it makes sense to list the deceased parent, because the purpose is still served--identifying who the parents are. I don't see it as being very different from listing your title and company on a business invitation (i.e. Mary Smith, CEO of Company, invites you to this big company party). It's just identifying information about who the person is. Since a wedding is a family affair, about the joining of families, i think it's fine to list the parents of the bride and groom in this way. 

CMGragain

IT IS NOT AN HONOR TO BE ON A WEDDING INVITATION!!!
The only people who are honored by an invitation are the guests who receive one.
It does not honor your late father to be on your invitation.  It is inappropriate, and doesn't look nice.  Honor your late father in your program.

Together with their families
Bride's Full Name
and
Groom's Full Name
request the pleasure of your company
as they are united in marriage
Day, date
time
Venue
Address
City, State

melbenso

I'm sorry for your loss.  My FI's father passed away several years ago.  Our invitations read "together with their families." 

MrsMack10612

msmeg26 said:

Thanks everyone! 

On a flipside to things, anyone who had a deceased father-- on the wedding program did you make mention of who was your escort? How did you handle that? 

My parents best friend who was there the day I was born will be the one to escort me. I feel strongly at this point to call that out and give him recognition as such, "Mr. John Doe has the honor of escorting the bride" as a * listed in the program. 

Curious for feedback on that. 

My father is not deceased, but he did not escort me down the aisle, one of my brothers did.

I did my programs as a 2 column list and for that I put:

Brides Escort              MrsMack's Brother