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After Party on Sunday Night?

mrsbananymrsbanany member
First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
edited January 2014 in Wedding Reception Forum
FI and I have finally settled on a venue. The only problem is that we have to have it on a Sunday. I know someone is going to ask, we cannot change the date it is just not possible in our situation. We originally wanted the Saturday before but our venue was booked. Anyway, I really want to include my beach house in some way and the original plan was to have an after party at the house. However, now that the wedding will be on a Sunday, is that a bad idea? It seems like the timing will be a 12:30-1:30 ceremony and probably a 2:00-7:00 reception. My beach house is about a 15min drive from the venue. Would this not be worth it since it is a Sunday night and people will have to work the next day? The ceremony and venue is about an hour drive for most of the guests. 

 We have decided go have a "meet the family" party over the summer at the house so we are including it that way. I was thinking about having the shower there but since we are getting married in April the shower wouldn't be until the late fall or winter so obviously not good weather. We also considered brunch the next day but obviously we can't have that on a Monday. 

 ETA: If we need to forget the idea of an after party at my house my FI and I are considering searching for more venues that have the Saturday before open. However, this venue is hands down the number one choice and including the beach house is important to me. I also considered having a party the day before there but I would not feel right not inviting everyone but I also do not want to invite everyone to the rehearsal dinner, which I would feel obligated to do if they were at my house earlier in the day. Also, if it is on a Sunday and in a place where a good amount of people will get hotels, do I need to have events for everyone over the weekend?

ETA (again): iPad does not like to make separate paragraphs...

Re: After Party on Sunday Night?

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    I think it depends on how far a drive the beach house is from where most of the guests who would be attending the after party need to travel.  If the drive is, say, an hour or longer, I'd end the after party at about 10pm at the latest.  But it seems to me that a 7:15-10:00 after party would be reasonable.

    I don't think you need to have events for everyone over the weekend.
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    I would assume that a lot of people would not go to the after party, even if it were a Saturday night. Would the attendance be worth it? We are inviting about 150 people with about an even mix of older and younger people.  If a decent amount of people would go, I would have it at my house.  We were planning on getting small finger sandwiches and other snacks along with more beer, wine and soda. However, if it is a small group of people it might be a smarter, and cheaper, decision to just go to a local bar. Going to a local bar also takes out quite a bit of planning. 
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    You would change venues just because you couldn't have an after party?  After parties always seem  bit forced to me as it is, and I really don't like planned ones.  If people want to continue the party after the wedding, they will.

    My opinion about after parties aside, I would never attend one on a Sunday.  Period.  Why can't you have a party the night before?  Couldn't you have a party after the rehearsal dinner?  Just invite anyone who is already in town.
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    You would change venues just because you couldn't have an after party?  After parties always seem  bit forced to me as it is, and I really don't like planned ones.  If people want to continue the party after the wedding, they will.

    My opinion about after parties aside, I would never attend one on a Sunday.  Period.  Why can't you have a party the night before?  Couldn't you have a party after the rehearsal dinner?  Just invite anyone who is already in town.
    As I said, including my beach house is very important to me. And right now it seems like the after party is the only way to include it.  We wouldn't do a party the night before because I am staying at my house the night before the wedding and I don't really want to be partying into the night, the night before the wedding. My guests are more than welcome to do whatever they want before the wedding but in my experience, it is much easier to leave a party than kick people out when you want to go to bed. I would love to have a cookout during the day. But that also brings into the issue that I don't want a huge rehearsal dinner and would not feel right not inviting everyone who was at the cookout. 
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    You would change venues just because you couldn't have an after party?  After parties always seem  bit forced to me as it is, and I really don't like planned ones.  If people want to continue the party after the wedding, they will.

    My opinion about after parties aside, I would never attend one on a Sunday.  Period.  Why can't you have a party the night before?  Couldn't you have a party after the rehearsal dinner?  Just invite anyone who is already in town.
    As I said, including my beach house is very important to me. And right now it seems like the after party is the only way to include it.  We wouldn't do a party the night before because I am staying at my house the night before the wedding and I don't really want to be partying into the night, the night before the wedding. My guests are more than welcome to do whatever they want before the wedding but in my experience, it is much easier to leave a party than kick people out when you want to go to bed. I would love to have a cookout during the day. But that also brings into the issue that I don't want a huge rehearsal dinner and would not feel right not inviting everyone who was at the cookout. 
    I am pretty sure you would have minimal attendance to a Sunday after party.

    How about hosting the rehearsal dinner for anyone who is around?  You can put specific hours on it (i.e., 6-8 pm), so that you are done early.  We did this and I was cleaned up and done with everything by 10:30.
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    You would change venues just because you couldn't have an after party?  After parties always seem  bit forced to me as it is, and I really don't like planned ones.  If people want to continue the party after the wedding, they will.

    My opinion about after parties aside, I would never attend one on a Sunday.  Period.  Why can't you have a party the night before?  Couldn't you have a party after the rehearsal dinner?  Just invite anyone who is already in town.
    As I said, including my beach house is very important to me. And right now it seems like the after party is the only way to include it.  We wouldn't do a party the night before because I am staying at my house the night before the wedding and I don't really want to be partying into the night, the night before the wedding. My guests are more than welcome to do whatever they want before the wedding but in my experience, it is much easier to leave a party than kick people out when you want to go to bed. I would love to have a cookout during the day. But that also brings into the issue that I don't want a huge rehearsal dinner and would not feel right not inviting everyone who was at the cookout. 
    Why don't you just have a cookout the day before the wedding at the beach house?  I am not following the issue with the rehearsal dinner?  Do you have to have a rehearsal?  If your ceremony will not be particularly complicated, I would just skip the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner (you only have to have the RD if you are requiring people to do a rehearsal) and invite everyone to your house mid-afternoon for a cookout so you will have a quieter night.  
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    As I said, including my beach house is very important to me.
    Why?


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    I remember your previous post about trying to find a way to use the beach house, and at that time thought the next day cookout made the most sense.  

    On a Sunday night, I just don't see many people going to an after party.  Some of your closest friends and family may take Monday off work and stay with you (especially if they are staying overnight and won't have to drive an hour home), but the majority of your guests are going to take advantage of the reception ending at 7:00 to make the drive home and get ready for the week ahead.  

    I know it isn't your preference, but I would really reconsider the rehearsal dinner.  You could do it like a cookout so that inviting everyone would be cost effective.  If you started early, like 4:00, most people wouldn't expect to stay late.  
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    @jessicabessica we are having a RD and rehearsal. The issue with that is both my FI and I wanted the rehearsal to be intimate and having a bunch of people over for a cookout and then kicking them out and only inviting our VIPs is rude. 

    @AddieL73 I grew up spending every summer there, it is where my FI and I got engaged and there are just countless other sentimental reasons to include it.  We are specifically planning the wedding in that area because not including the house is just not an option. If we were not including the house, I would not be planning a wedding an hour away. 

    @MyNameisNot would it be better if I included a card in the invitation talking about the after party? Because you are right when you say it would only be close friends and family that take the next day off and would letting them know about the after party well in advance be better so that they know to take the day off.  Also, it would then allow us to know who is coming and if not many people are coming we could just switch it to a local bar.  

    So in regards to the rehearsal dinner, which everyone has mentioned, here is my thought process.  Since we are having a "meet the family" party over the summer, which is going to be a potluck cookout, I don't really want to saturate the wedding with cookouts.  I am totally for having a cookout the day before but when it comes to the RD, I would prefer something more elegant.  Which is why I have reservations about the cookout the day before.  I would only invite VIPs to the RD because it is going to be more upscale and therefore more expensive and it just does not make sense to invite everyone to the house and then say "oh sorry only these people get to go to dinner see the rest of you tomorrow." 
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    Will people be coming up for the weekend?  Could you do a welcome party on Friday night?
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    OP, it sounds like you want us to tell you that an after party on Sunday is okay, which we all agree is not a good idea.  If the beach house is so important to you, I would think it would be more important than having a small, expensive, upscale, RD.  If using the beach house isn't more important than having your idea of an RD, then I think you need to let the idea go.
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    So I see you went with Sunday instead of your birthday, congrats that you've got that figured out lol

    Soooo...I'm not seeing why there has to be a party at the beach house in order for it to be "included". You said you're probably going to be there the night before with your family and the night of the wedding...so how is that not including the house enough? You could take engagement photos at the house/ on the beach or take first look photos there before the ceremony. That's still very much including it even if there's not 100 people there partying.

                                                                     

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    edited January 2014
    OP, it sounds like you want us to tell you that an after party on Sunday is okay, which we all agree is not a good idea.  If the beach house is so important to you, I would think it would be more important than having a small, expensive, upscale, RD.  If using the beach house isn't more important than having your idea of an RD, then I think you need to let the idea go.
    This and
    jenna8984 said:

    So I see you went with Sunday instead of your birthday, congrats that you've got that figured out lol

    Soooo...I'm not seeing why there has to be a party at the beach house in order for it to be "included". You said you're probably going to be there the night before with your family and the night of the wedding...so how is that not including the house enough? You could take engagement photos at the house/ on the beach or take first look photos there before the ceremony. That's still very much including it even if there's not 100 people there partying.

    This.

    I think you will find that very few people will want to go to an after party on a Sunday night.  Most of your guests will probably just make the 1 hour drive home after your reception so that they can go to work the next day.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    @AddieL73 I grew up spending every summer there, it is where my FI and I got engaged and there are just countless other sentimental reasons to include it.  We are specifically planning the wedding in that area because not including the house is just not an option. If we were not including the house, I would not be planning a wedding an hour away.
    ETA: that while the beach house is sentimental for you and your FI, it won't have the same sentimental value to your guests. . . it will be just another wedding related party at just another venue.  Spend the wedding night and a few days after your wedding alone with your new DH at the beach house if it is very sentimental to you.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    Why can't you have your reception there?
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    Why don't you and your FI honeymoon there or at least spend a few days post wedding there? Like PrettyGirl said the house has meaning to you and your FI no one else.

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    We have finally come to a decision. My mom, FI, and I sat down for about 3 hours yesterday and hashed everything out. Literally that was said here was said last night.  So we basically made a list of what was most important to us in the wedding. For me my top 2 were having the beach house included and a long honeymoon due to my FI's nutty schedule. FI's number one was a longer honeymoon. So we figured that we do not love the venue enough to sacrifice an extra day that could be spent on the honeymoon.  

    The decision is, we are going to have the RD there. Get a company to come in and decorate the place, hire a butler etc.  I will stay there the night before and get ready there. Then we will have our ceremony and reception somewhere else that has the Saturday date available.  I feel like I am doing this whole wedding planning thing backwards... oh my god. So anyway now we are back at square one and the venue research begins again.  Sorry for thinking out loud with you guys but objective third party opinions are so helpful. Thank you so much :)
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    We have finally come to a decision. My mom, FI, and I sat down for about 3 hours yesterday and hashed everything out. Literally that was said here was said last night.  So we basically made a list of what was most important to us in the wedding. For me my top 2 were having the beach house included and a long honeymoon due to my FI's nutty schedule. FI's number one was a longer honeymoon. So we figured that we do not love the venue enough to sacrifice an extra day that could be spent on the honeymoon.  

    The decision is, we are going to have the RD there. Get a company to come in and decorate the place, hire a butler etc.  I will stay there the night before and get ready there. Then we will have our ceremony and reception somewhere else that has the Saturday date available.  I feel like I am doing this whole wedding planning thing backwards... oh my god. So anyway now we are back at square one and the venue research begins again.  Sorry for thinking out loud with you guys but objective third party opinions are so helpful. Thank you so much :)
    Wait, huh?  Why did you cancel your original venue, if you were going to have the RD at the beach house now?

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    Wait, huh?  Why did you cancel your original venue, if you were going to have the RD at the beach house now?
    Because her venue only had Sunday available but they decided they really want to leave for the honeymoon on Sunday (he only has a week off from med school, sorry I have a freakish memory). So they are finding a new venue that has Saturday night available. I think that's a great compromise to have the RD at the house. I don't even think you need the fancy decorations and butlers but whatever floats your boat! 

                                                                     

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    @jenna8984 wow you have a very good memory. I agree with the butlers and everything but my mother insists. I think this will work out well. Figuring it out was a headache and trying to find a new venue is an even bigger headache but it will all work out, I just have to keep reminding myself. 
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