Just Engaged and Proposals

How did your own friends and your fiances friends react to your engagement?

I got engaged in August 2013 and am mid way through my wedding planning. We were together 3.5 years before my fiance proposed to me. All of my friends and family were thrilled and congratulated us. His family is very happy and were anticipating that we would be engaged. However, most of my fiances friends have not said congratulations to me. Not on social media or in person. I didn't want to feel like it should all be about me but I was hurt that most did not say anything at all. We see them at least almost every month for social gatherings. Time has gone by and I have let it go but as Im planning, I cant help but wonder if for some reason they are not happy with our engagement or have some kind of issue with me? Are they jealous? Should I confront them?

Re: How did your own friends and your fiances friends react to your engagement?

  • I got engaged in August 2013 and am mid way through my wedding planning. We were together 3.5 years before my fiance proposed to me. All of my friends and family were thrilled and congratulated us. His family is very happy and were anticipating that we would be engaged. However, most of my fiances friends have not said congratulations to me. Not on social media or in person. I didn't want to feel like it should all be about me but I was hurt that most did not say anything at all. We see them at least almost every month for social gatherings. Time has gone by and I have let it go but as Im planning, I cant help but wonder if for some reason they are not happy with our engagement or have some kind of issue with me? Are they jealous? Should I confront them?
    Do not confront them. Not all of our friends said anything but it doesn't mean that they are any less happy for us. It doesn't matter if his friends are happy or not. It's your relationship not theirs. And if they are jealous, who cares?. Also, if you're talking about your fiance's male friends, then it's not surprising they haven't said anything.
    KimmieheatonPrettyGirlLostmrsmorales2be
  • BMoreBride6BMoreBride6 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited January 2014
    My husband's friends aren;t exactly touchy feeling guys.  They were all very happy for us and loved our wedding, but I doubt many of them expressed verbal congratulations.  Some people just communicate things differently.  Unless they are outwardly saying things against you, I wouldn't worry about it. 

    ETA: typo
    KimmieheatonhlvonbPrettyGirlLost
  • Some but not all said congratulations to my fiance. I feel like if the tables were turned, I would make a point of saying congratulations to them but after reading these, I guess not everyone expresses verbally. Thanks for your reply, I am definitely not feeling alone or confused anymore. 
    hlvonblove05312014
  • Some but not all said congratulations to my fiance. I feel like if the tables were turned, I would make a point of saying congratulations to them but after reading these, I guess not everyone expresses verbally. Thanks for your reply, I am definitely not feeling alone or confused anymore. 
    Yes, but you are also a woman.  I'm not saying all woman are more verbal and all men are not, but at least in my experience, women tend to be a bit more excited about these kind of things than men. 
    PrettyGirlLost
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Some but not all said congratulations to my fiance. I feel like if the tables were turned, I would make a point of saying congratulations to them but after reading these, I guess not everyone expresses verbally. Thanks for your reply, I am definitely not feeling alone or confused anymore. 
    Yes, but you are also a woman.  I'm not saying all woman are more verbal and all men are not, but at least in my experience, women tend to be a bit more excited about these kind of things than men. 
    This.

    Most of my H's friends told him congrats and if they were mutual friends said the same to me.  But there were some of H's friends that I hardly see that never said a word to me.  Some never said a word to H about the engagement.  Also H wasn't going around telling the world that he had gotten engaged.  The way men and women react to engagements are (more then likely) very different.

    In the end does them not saying congrats to you either in person or on FB really that big of a deal?

    PrettyGirlLost
  • JennyColadaJennyColada Awesometown, CA member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    My friends are happy that I'm happy, and they were a bit surprised.

    But they didn't do a big hoopla or make a big deal about it. It's not a big deal. I'm in love, I'm getting married. It's not like I'm growing horns or moving to Jupiter. I'm still me and we still have our friendship and I still have my loving relationship.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • My friends were happy for us but I'd say that the majority did not go out of their way to say congrats.  None of his friends congratulated ME personally.  When my girlfriends get engaged, I don't typically congratulate their fiances; I usually tell my friend how happy I am for the both of them, but its not like I'd go up to them to say it.  I'm sure my own FI wouldn't go out of his way to congratulate the fiancees of his friends-he barely congratulates his own friends, not because he doesn't care, but because he's a GUY.

    It would be very weird and aggressive of you to confront your fiance's friends.  What would you say, "Excuse me, but you owe me a congratulations?  Are you not truly our friend?"  See how petty that sounds?
    PrettyGirlLost
  • We have quite a few of FI's friends stay with us for a day or two since we are between 2 'major' citys and it breaks up the 9-16 hr drive. Not one of them has congratulated me/him. I don't worry about it since they are...... image

    PrettyGirlLost
  • His friends include men and women, I never said it was only his male friends. Im not expecting everyone to throw a party because of it. I have tried to be close with his friends and supported some of their milestones in their lives such as having a baby. I think the polite thing to do in that situation is to go up to them and say congratulations, thats all. I have went out of my way to do so and also sent gifts. I dont do these things to expect something in return but since we are celebrating something awesome, I think a simple congratulations is the decent thing to do. Those are just my values. If I were to confront them, it would be a matter of asking if they support us or have I given them a bad impression or something along those lines. I like to put everything out on the table and deal with things head on. So, yes, if they act like they dont care about us then it is kind of a big deal because why invite people that do not support us. I understand now, not everyone is verbal but something in my gut is telling me that something is off and I dont know exactly what it is.
  • His friends include men and women, I never said it was only his male friends. Im not expecting everyone to throw a party because of it. I have tried to be close with his friends and supported some of their milestones in their lives such as having a baby. I think the polite thing to do in that situation is to go up to them and say congratulations, thats all. I have went out of my way to do so and also sent gifts. I dont do these things to expect something in return but since we are celebrating something awesome, I think a simple congratulations is the decent thing to do. Those are just my values. If I were to confront them, it would be a matter of asking if they support us or have I given them a bad impression or something along those lines. I like to put everything out on the table and deal with things head on. So, yes, if they act like they dont care about us then it is kind of a big deal because why invite people that do not support us. I understand now, not everyone is verbal but something in my gut is telling me that something is off and I dont know exactly what it is.
    @kimmieheaton

    Those may be your values and that's great but they are YOUR values. Not everyone shares the same values. 

    Asking / confronting them is causing nothing but unnecessary and unneeded drama and could put their friendship with your fiance and them on a bit of an awkward path for a while. LEAVE IT ALONE! Just because they didn't verbally say congrats does not mean they don't support you. 

    Honestly, reading your last post is starting to make you sound like you want a pitty party because they didn't say anything or you want the focus to be on your engagement. I say leave it alone and move on. 
    PrettyGirlLost
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    You do realize that them not outwardly saying "congratulations" is not the end of the world right? Just drop it.

    And I agree with @hlvonb it just sound like you are pissed that people are fawning all over you because you now have a ring on your finger.  Guess what?  You getting married isn't the center of the whole world for everyone around you.

    If you do decide to confront them about this please let me know when you are doing so because I would love to be there to witness their faces.  You will come across as a whiny bitch who wants attention and they will laugh at your ridiculousness as well as probably put a lot of space between themselves and your FI because who wants to hang out with someone who has a crazy ass, self-obsessed wife to be?

    PrettyGirlLosthlvonb
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited January 2014
    Please do not "confront" them. You will be so out of line doing that and make a complete fool of yourself and embarrass your fiance in the process as well. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    PrettyGirlLosthlvonb
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    hlvonb said:
    His friends include men and women, I never said it was only his male friends. Im not expecting everyone to throw a party because of it. I have tried to be close with his friends and supported some of their milestones in their lives such as having a baby. I think the polite thing to do in that situation is to go up to them and say congratulations, thats all. I have went out of my way to do so and also sent gifts. I dont do these things to expect something in return but since we are celebrating something awesome, I think a simple congratulations is the decent thing to do.   Obviously you do expect something in return- you expect to be congratulated.  Those are just my values. If I were to confront them, it would be a matter of asking if they support us or have I given them a bad impression or something along those lines. OMG don't confront them, you will end up looking like a crazy bridezilla.  Look, no one else is going to be as excited about your wedding as you and your FI.  Just because people aren't fawning all over you about your engagement doesn't mean that they aren't happy for you and that they aren't supportive of your relationship.  Plus, if you are in a happy, healthy, stable relationship how much freaking support do you need?!  People need support when there is a tragedy in their life, not when everything is fine.  I think rather than support you meant that you want validation that they approve of your relationship, and that is unnecessary.  Finally, if these are primarily friends of your FI and they aren't particularly close to you, and they have already told him congrats, who cares?  I like to put everything out on the table and deal with things head on. There is nothing to deal with, in this situation.  There isn't even a situation.  You are inventing drama.  So, yes, if they act like they dont care about us then it is kind of a big deal because why invite people that do not support us. Again, you don't need support for a happy, healthy relationship.  Just because friends of your FI haven't personally congratulated you on being engaged does not mean they are not happy for you both.  It is honestly not a big deal, but you are trying to make it into one.  I understand now, not everyone is verbal but something in my gut is telling me that something is off and I dont know exactly what it is.   I think the issue with your gut is that you need more probiotics in your diet.  Have an Activia and ignore your gut feelings.
    @kimmieheaton

    Those may be your values and that's great but they are YOUR values. Not everyone shares the same values. 

    Asking / confronting them is causing nothing but unnecessary and unneeded drama and could put their friendship with your fiance and them on a bit of an awkward path for a while. LEAVE IT ALONE! Just because they didn't verbally say congrats does not mean they don't support you. 

    Honestly, reading your last post is starting to make you sound like you want a pitty party because they didn't say anything or you want the focus to be on your engagement. I say leave it alone and move on. 
    I agree with hlvonb. 

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    hlvonb
  • hlvonbhlvonb member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited January 2014
    You do realize that them not outwardly saying "congratulations" is not the end of the world right? Just drop it.

    And I agree with @hlvonb it just sound like you are pissed that people are fawning all over you because you now have a ring on your finger.  Guess what?  You getting married isn't the center of the whole world for everyone around you.

    If you do decide to confront them about this please let me know when you are doing so because I would love to be there to witness their faces.  You will come across as a whiny bitch who wants attention and they will laugh at your ridiculousness as well as probably put a lot of space between themselves and your FI because who wants to hang out with someone who has a crazy ass, self-obsessed wife to be?
    Like @Maggie0829 please invite me as well. I would love to see it! I agree with what Maggie0829 and @PrettyGirlLost said as well
  • A sincere "congrats!" =/= a forced-because-I'm-being-confronted-by-my-friend's-fiance "congrats!" Would it really carry the same weight and meaning for you if they have to congratulate you two because you confronted them about it?

    My FI and I share our group of friends  (a vast majority of which are males in their early-to-mid 20's without serious relationships and no desire for them either), and even though I am ridiculously close to them, not too many of them actually congratulated us in person (some not at all, and I'm totally okay with that!) If anything, I got some texts from them and one or two even wrote me quick congratulations notes...but thinking back, I don't really remember too many of them going out of their way to congratulate us in person. If I remember correctly, it seems like they would congratulate in person only if the wedding were brought up--but otherwise, they certainly weren't falling over themselves to be the first to give us their well-wishes. We've even had two friends who have been out-of-town since we got engaged come back for a visit, and not one of them said congratulations--but they didn't have to, because I know that they're happy for us without them having to make a point of saying it to our faces. At least in our case, I know that our friends support us: they've been with us since before we even started dating (we actually all ran around together in one big group before he and I decided that maybe there was more to our chemistry than just friendship), so our friends have been with us every step of the way and show us how excited and happy they are for us in different ways. Being happy for someone and showing support doesn't always mean hearing the word "congratulations," and if you really are just worried that they don't support your relationship, then I would say look no further than how his family treats you. Friends and family have a weird way of knowing when someone isn't right for their loved one, and I think that if his family is genuinely happy and supportive of the two of you and your marriage, then you have nothing to worry about. Worst case scenario, his friends actually don't approve of the marriage...but the good news is, you're marrying your FI and not his friends, so does it really matter in the grand scheme of things?

    I would just highly encourage you to think about it before confronting them. If they didn't have a problem with you before, after pulling a stunt like that, I would bet their opinion of you would almost definitely change for the worse. Is it really worth that, just to squeeze out a few congratulations from them?
    Wedding Countdown Ticker

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    hlvonbLadyMorvenMacBeth
  • Thanks everyone for the advice.
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited May 2014
    Some of the comments I received when it became known that I was engaged:

    1.  You're what?  Fuck!
    2.  Are your pregnant?
    3.  You poor thing!  You are going to be FMIL's daughter-in-law!
    4.  Marrying money, huh?  Smart!
    5.  Where's your ring?  (I didn't have one.)
    6.  I'll believe it when it happens.  I'll bet FMIL shit a brick!
    7.  I didn't think you would ever get married!

    None of it matters.  I've been happily married for 37 years. 
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    flyingfoxesmichyrookie325
  • I recently got engaged a little over 2 months ago so everything is still pretty new to me and actually there are still people just finding out about the engagement. We have received nothing but good comments and happy wishes from both of our friends combined. I have had a few of his friends congratulate me personally which I thought was very sweet. But mostly everyone has just said something like "I am so happy for the both of you" and that's it. It doesn't bother me not ALL of his friends have congratulated me personally because they are just guys and they are just not gushy like that.
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