To invite, or not to invite? Co-workers...

Marzipan13

I work at my church - there are only 20 of us, and I'm the newest employee of all of them.  Despite working in a church, they are the MOST gossipy bunch...

When another girl who I work with got married last year, I had only been on the staff for 1 month - we didn't even know each other, except for names, so it was no surprise that I was not invited to her wedding.  I went to the ceremony, as all of the staff sat together, but I did not attend the reception, of course.  Now, when other members of the staff heard that I had not been invited to the reception, they were shocked.  They thought it was wrong of her to exclude me!  Meanwhile, I wasn't offended / surprised or ANYTHING that this was the case - why would it be anything different?

Now that it is my turn to get married, I'm conflicted as to whom to invite (or not) from my coworkers.  I would love to invite maybe 4 of them - the ones I work with most closely, and the ones I've gotten to be good friends with.  However, knowing how meddling and gossipy they all are, I can see this turning into a big fiasco if I don't invite EVERYONE on the staff, AND their spouses AND children (I would invite spouses, of course, but you see my point).    

TL;DR - I guess I have 3 options: invite everyone, invite no one, or invite only the handful that I want to (even if everyone gets their panties in a knot over it). Thoughts, ladies??

melbelleup

I'm not inviting any co-workers for my wedding. Of course, my wedding is also 8 hrs away from my job. Here's how I view it though: Do you hang out with any of them outside of work? Or is it pure work relationship only? If it's just at work, I'd pass on inviting any of them and would just tell them when asked that you're having a small wedding or you're not sure of the guest list yet etc.

Marzipan13

Well, the 4 (and their spouses) that I would invite, I do hang out with outside of work.  I guess, if I decided to not invite ANY of them, I could blame it on a big guest list (FI's family is huuuge) and tight reception space (only holds 200 max.)

melbelleup

I'd just invite those four and ask to keep the talking outside of work only due to space restrictions

Jen4948

melbelleup said:

I'd just invite those four and ask to keep the talking outside of work only due to space restrictions

I'd just tell them, in a social situation outside of work, "Look, I think you should know that not everyone in our office is going to be invited to my wedding, so, by way of not hurting the feelings or creating false expectations for anyone else in the office, I'd appreciate it if we not talk about my wedding at work."

Marzipan13

@melbelleup @Jen4948

That's another good solution - one I'll probably end up using!  

This small group of people has really stuck up for me since I started working here, and I really owe it to them to invite them to the wedding.

One of my bosses is very condescending and rude, and has no regard for anybody's feelings - everyone else already knows how to deal with this, but my second day in, she was ALREADY screaming at me.  They say this boss really puts new people through the wringer (which she really has), and my coworkers continually have my back.  I think it would be wrong not to invite them!  That's partially why it's a tough decision.

majesty318

I wasn't sure what to do about my small office, either. It is small but I didn't really want to invite everyone and up the guest list, and honestly I didn't even know if some would want to come or would think it more of a burden. I decided to invite my close friend who I socialize with outside of work, and my boss. In your case, not sure I would invite my boss, if she is so mean to you. But I see no harm in inviting the ones you socialize with. It sounds like they are your friends aside from work.

huskypuppy14

It's unrealistic for them to assume you'd invite 40 extra people (with spouses) to your wedding. Stick with just inviting the ones you are close to.

melbenso

Invite the four that you want to invite.  If the others can't be adults about it, that is their problem. You are under no obligation to invite people that you work with to your wedding. I work in a fairly small office (10 people).  I am not inviting all of my coworkers, only those that I am friends with outside of work.  I like my coworkers and would like to be able to invite them all, but our budget does not allow for it.  However, I want my friends to be at my wedding, and I'm not going to not invite a friend simply because he or she happens to be my coworker.

It sounds like your coworkers are a little more catty than mine.  You may have some things said about you.  But for me that would only reinforce my decision not to invite such a negative person to my wedding. Avoid talking about your wedding in the office.  I do.  If someone who isn't invited asks about wedding planning, simply tell them that it is going well.  If they ask about an invitation, tell them you are planning a small wedding and leave it at that.

CnJ2014

I'm in a similar situation.  I've been teaching at my school for six years, and the 30 faculty/staff members are very close knit, but I cannot reasonably invite all 30 people plus spouses to my wedding.

There are four other teachers my age that I am close with, we go out for dinner & drinks every month and they come to my annual Halloween party, etc.  I would like them to come to my wedding.

Two of those four friends got engaged shortly after me, and their weddings are literally one week and two weeks after my wedding in July!  Super exciting and so much fun for us to all be planning our weddings together!!  The three of us agreed that we would all invite just the five of us girls, and no one else, and we would all keep quiet about it.  As difficult as it is, we also avoid talking about general wedding planning stuff when other coworkers are around.

futuremrsog15

I hope this isn't considered a zombie thread, it is still from 2014! I work in an office of 6 people. I am very close to one, I call her a friend. The others I am very friendly with and I have been talking about the wedding with because, well it's what's happening in my life! I am comfortable inviting them all and their spouses, but does it come across gift grabby!? Everyone is older and married, and even done having babies, so I will not have a chance to repay them any favor of the type. Help!

Marzipan13

I think if you are friendly with them AND have the room / money to host them, invite them. If you don't have the room, even if you are friendly with them, don't invite them. Don't invite them just out of "obligation" or because you think you're "supposed to". (File under: things I learned from posting this thread)