Help!! my fiance wants to wear a black tux at our rustic wedding

shortyduwop1087

i am having a rustic fall wedding at a beautiful farm and i have a vision of nice but relaxed i dont want a formal wedding. heres the problem everything will be rustic and my fiance is dead set on a black tuxedo its so formal and it doesnt fit with anything else i want him and his groomsman in really nie slacks with button ups and vests maybe with suspenders. he feels like he will look like a hillbilly well i know if done properly it can look really nice. how do i convince him that black tuxedos dont go with the theme without making him feel his opinion doesnt matter!

msuprincess04

Did you discuss your theme with your FI before you chose it? Are there changes you can make to make the wedding a little more formal? He should get to choose what he wears, after all, you are picking your dress? Right?

manateehugger

Well, personally, I think the groom should get to wear what he wants within reason. I assume he didn't tell you that your dress was too formal or informal? Did he have a say in your theme? 

I think a dark suit is virtually impossible to screw up. Why don't you take him to a Men's Wearhouse or Jos A. Bank near you and have him try on a variety of suits and tuxes? Find out what he feels good and comfortable in, and then leave him alone. 

Really, when you think about it, a bridal gown doesn't really scream rustic either. 

AddieCake

Sounds like you two skipped a step.....discussing the kind of wedding you BOTH want.

mrsbanany

shortyduwop1087 said:

i am having a rustic fall wedding at a beautiful farm and i have a vision of nice but relaxed i dont want a formal wedding. heres the problem everything will be rustic and my fiance is dead set on a black tuxedo its so formal and it doesnt fit with anything else i want him and his groomsman in really nie slacks with button ups and vests maybe with suspenders. he feels like he will look like a hillbilly well i know if done properly it can look really nice. how do i convince him that black tuxedos dont go with the theme without making him feel his opinion doesnt matter!

There is just so much "I" going on in this post. You are not having a wedding, the both of you are.  And since there are 2 people involved in this wedding, your vision does not trump his. Your FI has an equal amount of say in everything about this wedding as you do. Like most of the PPs I am sure he did not have a say in your dress, why do you get a say in his tux?  

However, I agree with you when you say that button downs and vests can look nice, but I also agree with your FI, it is very easy to look like a hillbilly. A black tux is classic and will never be out of style. Also, I am sure if it was your FI's style, he would wear the casual stuff. Clearly it is not his style and you shouldn't convince him to wear something he would not normally wear just so it goes with the theme of your wedding.  The wedding is about who the two of you are as a couple, not the couple you see in the cool photos on pinterest. 

erinlin25

ditto what amandaj said.  Change the I statements to "we."  sounds like he would be uncomfortable in the button down, vest, etc, so i'd compromise your vision with that.  A wedding is not a costume party and sounds like he would look at pictures thinking about his hillbilly costume. you can still have your decor and theme be rustic, and he will look very nice in his black tuxedo. Or maybe he can compromise a nice suit instead of the formal tux.  What time is you wedding?  If it is in the evening, it (and guests) will tend to get more formal. So unless you are not wearing a formal wedding dress with a backyard BBQ at 1pm, you can pull off a more formal "rustic" wedding.

shortyduwop1087

pdhk u have a great point he would never tell me what dress to wear. so how can i tell him what tux to wear. maybe i can get him to try some suits. amandaj your right im not having a wedding we are having a wedding and i want him to be involved in planning.

jneen101

I think your fiance should be able to pick what he wants to wear to his own wedding.

PrettyGirlLost

shortyduwop1087 said:

i am having a rustic fall wedding at a beautiful farm and i have a vision of nice but relaxed i dont want a formal wedding. heres the problem everything will be rustic and my fiance is dead set on a black tuxedo its so formal and it doesnt fit with anything else i want him and his groomsman in really nie slacks with button ups and vests maybe with suspenders. he feels like he will look like a hillbilly well i know if done properly it can look really nice. how do i convince him that black tuxedos dont go with the theme without making him feel his opinion doesnt matter!

1st, I think that your FI should get to pick his attire and the GM's attire- you get to pick yours, right?

I also think that the formality of his attire should match or compliment the formality of your attire.  So if you are wearing a big floofy ballgown, then a nice formal suit or tux would be appropriate.

princessleia22

My wedding is at noon on a Sunday and my FI is pretty set on wearing a tux.  I personally think it's a bit too formal for our low key destination wedding with small guest list.  And he's the type that wears basketball short & t-shirts on a regular basis and only owns one dress shirt and one tie.  So, going that formal is not really his style and I have a hard time picturing it.  I thought just wearing a nice suit would be the best idea and tried pushing that idea, but the decision is his to make, not mine. My dress is formal anyway (simple, but still formal). So, if he wants the guys to wear tuxes, they can wear tuxes.  What they wear won't make or break my day.  I doubt I will be complaining in 10 years that the photos were too formal.  It's a small detail that doesn't really matter in the big picture of things. 

I would suggest showing him some photos of the look you are hoping for, to show him that it may not look hillbilly like he was expecting.  If he still doesn't like the look, see if he will compromise and wear a suit.  And if he still isn't sold on that, let it go and just enjoy your day.  It's his day too and it sounds like you are the one making most of the image decisions, so let him make this one decision and be happy.

vt&dt

OP, if he wants to wear a tux, does he want a rustic wedding?

Ditto PPs - he gets to choose what he wears.  

PrettyGirlLost

nicoann said:

My wedding is at noon on a Sunday and my FI is pretty set on wearing a tux.  I personally think it's a bit too formal for our low key destination wedding with small guest list.  And he's the type that wears basketball short & t-shirts on a regular basis and only owns one dress shirt and one tie.  So, going that formal is not really his style and I have a hard time picturing it.  Maybe he wants to be very formal on his wedding day since he is so casual the rest of the time?  I thought just wearing a nice suit would be the best idea and tried pushing that idea, but the decision is his to make, not mine. My dress is formal anyway (simple, but still formal). So how does your dress fit in with your low key, destination wedding then?  If a tux is too formal then so is  your dress, right?  So, if he wants the guys to wear tuxes, they can wear tuxes.  What they wear won't make or break my day.  I doubt I will be complaining in 10 years that the photos were too formal.  It's a small detail that doesn't really matter in the big picture of things. 

I would suggest showing him some photos of the look you are hoping for, to show him that it may not look hillbilly like he was expecting.  If he still doesn't like the look, see if he will compromise and wear a suit.  And if he still isn't sold on that, let it go and just enjoy your day.  It's his day too and it sounds like you are the one making most of the image decisions, so let him make this one decision and be happy.

I don't agree with this.  Brides get free reign to choose their attire, so should the Grooms.  It is their day too.  So what if what the groom wants to wear doesn't fit the bride's theme or vision?  That is where the compromise should be.  And anyways the theme or vision should be a joint decision, since again the groom is also getting married.

doeydo

I agree with PPs that he should get to choose what he wears on his wedding day.  Also, I think you could have a nice 'rustic' wedding with you and the groom in more formal attire.  Examples: