engagement ring etiquette / to solder or not to solder

ecastro23

I have two wedding bands (one to go on either side of the engagement ring ) I'm wondering what the etiquette is on that. Would it be better to have all three soldered together so that my fiancé only puts on ring on the wedding day. ..or would it be better to wait until after the wedding to have them soldered and do the traditional engagement ring on the right hand on the wedding day so that my left hand is free for the band ( s) ?

doeydo

I think it is really up to you.

manateehugger

I don't think there's really an etiquette rule on this. Some people wear their engagement ring down the aisle on the left hand (and switch them around later) or right hand and some don't wear it at all. Whatever you'd like to do will probably work here.  

I would imagine most people wait until shortly after the wedding to get their rings soldered, just so they aren't wearing their wedding ring(s) before actually being married, but I don't really know. 

312Emily

I got an enhancer-style band (so the e-ring slips into the band and then it goes on my finger, like this: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/210613720046245410/).  I'll be handing the e-ring over shortly before the ceremony, and we'll put it into the enhancer, and the whole set will go on my finger.  

phira

There's no etiquette in this question--it's really up to you. I wouldn't have them soldered just so your fiance can put one ring on your finger. If you REALLY want to have your rings soldered, that's totally cool, and it's 100% up to you if you want to do it before or after the wedding. If you do it before the wedding, you won't be able to wear your engagement ring for a time between when you bring it to be soldered and when you get married.

[Deleted User]

Something to think about prior to soldering, do you do anything where you might find yourself wearing just one of your bands & not the whole set? Example, my sister is a nurse and due to her duties she can't wear her engagement ring but can wear her band because it's a simple plain gold band so it doesn't stick up under the rubber gloves. So she leaves her engagement ring home & only wears it on the weekend.

AddieCake

No etiquette to this at all. It's a personal choice, and you can actually do whatever you want for this. 

netskyblue2

Not etiquette related, but at the jewelry store where I work, we typically have brides-to-be bring in their rings the week they are being married and get them soldered, polished, rhodium plated (if white gold) so they all match and are "one ring" to worry about. 

If you have had your engagement ring for some time, it's probably showing some wear (scratches, slight yellowing due to the rhodium plating wearing off) and it will look nicer next to the brand-new band if it's been polished and plated.  And it doesn't make a lot of sense to polish & plate it before the wedding and then solder it later, because the polish job is going to get jacked up in the soldering process and have to be re-done after that anyway.

lyndausvi

Personal choice.   My sister's is soldered. Her fingers are really small, stone pretty big and sits up high.   Her band matches her e-ring. Jeweler said the e-ring would natural slide to a side and rubbing against the band and suggested soldering the rings together.   It's worked great for her. Yes the ring does slide sometimes and now it slides together.

 Mine isn't.  My fingers are fatter and my stone sits really low.  My wedding band  is my grandmom's very thin band from 1930.  Doesn't even match my e-ring so no natural place to even solder it if I wanted anyway.

KatWAG

This is a personal choice. But I would wait until after your wedding to decide. I was surprised by how much I just wear my wedding band.

Inkdancer

Even though I have an office job, I find myself lifting packages and hauling boxes a lot more than I expected. It will be nice to be able to wear just my wedding band so I stop bonking my e-ring on stuff.

It's your choice, but I would make that choice later rather than sooner. Plus, who wants one more thing to worry about before the wedding day?

AprilH81

@netskyblue2

How long does it take to get it replated?  A good cleaning and polish does wonders for my ring and all I had planned to do before the wedding (on Saturday) but if I have time it may be worth it to have it replated.

misshart00

I also have two bands for either side of my ring. H used one band during the ceremony and we put the rest on between the ceremony and reception. I got them soldered a few weeks after we got married.

netskyblue2

AprilH81 said:

@netskyblue2

How long does it take to get it replated?  A good cleaning and polish does wonders for my ring and all I had planned to do before the wedding (on Saturday) but if I have time it may be worth it to have it replated.

Polishing takes longer than plating, and on white gold, you never polish without plating. (Cleaning, on the other hand, takes only minutes.)  At my store (obviously I can't speak for everywhere) we can do it in a few days for a wedding.  Like drop it off Monday or Tuesday, pick it up Wednesday or Thursday.  We ask when is the best time for you to pick it up. 

Call your jeweler, tell them you are wanting to get this done before your wedding on XXX date, tell them you'd like to pick it up on YYY date, and ask when would be the best time to bring it in.

delujm0

I would wait until a few months after the wedding, and REALLY consider whether you'd ever want to wear your band without the e-ring.  I had never thought of this before, but when FSIL had her baby, she started wearing just her band most of the time because she didn't want the stone in her e-ring to scratch him while she was handling him.  I can see where that would be an issue.  Also, generally when i work out now i remove the e-ring because it's annoying to have it flopping around and getting in the way - that wouldn't happen with my band, so once we're married i'll probably just wear my band when i work out.  I had originally wanted them soldered but now i'm not so sure.

 

Also, we picked up the bands a few weeks ago and i'm obsessed with mine...i really love the way it looks on its own.  So i don't doubt that i'll occassionally wear it without the e-ring when i'm just running around town.

 

I'm wearing my great-grandmother's blue topaz estate ring on my right ring finger for my ceremony (old and blue!) so i figure i'll just have my mom hold my e-ring during the ceremony so it doesn't get in the way.  Not too big of a deal.

Bubblegum5586

netskyblue2 said:

Not etiquette related, but at the jewelry store where I work, we typically have brides-to-be bring in their rings the week they are being married and get them soldered, polished, rhodium plated (if white gold) so they all match and are "one ring" to worry about. 

If you have had your engagement ring for some time, it's probably showing some wear (scratches, slight yellowing due to the rhodium plating wearing off) and it will look nicer next to the brand-new band if it's been polished and plated.  And it doesn't make a lot of sense to polish & plate it before the wedding and then solder it later, because the polish job is going to get jacked up in the soldering process and have to be re-done after that anyway.

I got my soldered together the week before. That meant no Ering the week up to the wedding but I wore my promise ring that was given to me years before (both were sapphires so it worked out nice). Then at the wedding both rings went on together. I am really happy I did it that way because a) once I was married I wouldn't want to wait a week to get them soldered and have no rings at all in that time and b)my Ering got re-dipped (rhodium plated) which after 18months of wear it needed it to match my new wedding band!

Now my Ering is a 3 stone and not huge. So there's not a huge rock that I keep catching it on etc. So depending on your ring you may not want to get them soldered together.

photokitty

If your wedding band has diamonds on it I highly recommend getting to soldered together - before or after doesn't matter. I chipped my center stone on the diamonds in my wedding band from my first marriage about 2 months after the wedding. Insurance replaced it, but if they were soldered together it wouldn't have happened.

ecastro23

The consensus seems like it's personal preference. I just wasn't sure if there was a "right" way to go about it. But thank you everyone for your advice and help.

RebeccaB88

ITA with the others, there's no etiquette rule on this.  But, I also don't know anyone who has their rings soldered together. I didn't even know this was a Thing until TK.  I'd listen to the other ladies and wait for awhile after the wedding to decide if you really want to do it or not. I personally don't get the point of it, but it might work for you.

AprilH81

netskyblue2 said:

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AprilH81 said:

@netskyblue2

How long does it take to get it replated?  A good cleaning and polish does wonders for my ring and all I had planned to do before the wedding (on Saturday) but if I have time it may be worth it to have it replated.

Polishing takes longer than plating, and on white gold, you never polish without plating. (Cleaning, on the other hand, takes only minutes.)  At my store (obviously I can't speak for everywhere) we can do it in a few days for a wedding.  Like drop it off Monday or Tuesday, pick it up Wednesday or Thursday.  We ask when is the best time for you to pick it up. 

Call your jeweler, tell them you are wanting to get this done before your wedding on XXX date, tell them you'd like to pick it up on YYY date, and ask when would be the best time to bring it in.

Thanks @netskyblue2...  I assumed that they were polishing it since when I dropped it off to be cleaned it came back without the scuffs and minor scratches, but maybe it is just a professional cleaning since it only takes them a few minutes.

I've only had my ring for 8 months, so I doubt it actually NEEDS redipped/replated so I'm not going to worry about it.  I will just have it cleaned on Friday so it is as shiny as possible for the wedding.

Inkdancer

@AprilH81 The company where my mom got her ring does a cleaning and replating as part of her insurance every 6 months. It doesn't look faded when she brings it in, until you see how bright and lovely it is afterward!