NER: Marrying a hyphen - what to do about my name?

jdluvr06

laurynm84 said:

This might be unpopular, but why do you have to change your name just because you don't have a penis? Men pretty much never have to be concerned with these problems. Sorry, but this situation is the reason why it's ridiculous that women are almost always the one changing their names. If the wife has a hyphenated maiden name, she would most likely either keep her name, or take her husbands. 

nicoann above, she said her FI really felt strongly about her taking his name. You know what, I feel really strongly about keeping my own name, and if it's your name, you are going to have to deal with it, not so much your FI/husband.  

Look I realize some states make it very difficult to for men to change their names vs women when they get married.  I live in a state where either sex can change their name at marriage. States that don't are sexist.

If I were you OP, I would keep my maiden name legally and professionally. You can decide what name you want to give your children (fight for your name!). But whatever you decide, it should be your decision.

I live in one of those states. My FI is changing his last name to mine and we were looking at the process and it is going to be a big PITA.

mbross3

I'm not married, not even engaged actually, but I am in a serious relationship and my BF has two last names. We are not a traditional couple, and I would not change my last name without him changes his as well. That is just my personal preference. But just to illustrate what we have imagined we'll do when the time comes. 

To use your examples: 

I would become Jane Doe-Darling

He would become John Dashing (changed to middle name) Doe-Darling

He will legally change part of his last name to his middle name and we will hyphenate our remaining last names together. So complicated! 

rsfan23

My brother and I are hyphenates. I changed my name when I got married. My brother's wife took her maiden name and hyphenated it with our dad's last name. I'm not sure what they'll do if they have kids.