fiance visa and 2 weddings

cluree

My daughter's now husband is from India.  He was able to come to the US on a finace visa.  This type of visa is a "sit and wait" procedure until the government decides to approve it.  They waited 12 months and honestly werent sure if it would ever come through.  When the visa is approved the couple have only 3 months to become legally wed or the finace is deported.  

They would now like to have a wedding and reception to celebrate their union which was 4 years in the making. Reading on here I understand this may appear "tacky".  Would her circumstances change this, allowing for her to have her wedding day.  It makes me sad that guests could see this as wrong.  If we were to have a cermony and wedding could I put a disclaimer on the invite "don't come if you object".  The ceremony is important, we are joining two cultures and two diverese religions, I want people to see how beatifully my children are doing this.  

MyNameIsNot

cluree said:

My daughter's now husband is from India.  He was able to come to the US on a finace visa.  This type of visa is a "sit and wait" procedure until the government decides to approve it.  They waited 12 months and honestly werent sure if it would ever come through.  When the visa is approved the couple have only 3 months to become legally wed or the finace is deported.  

They would now like to have a wedding and reception to celebrate their union which was 4 years in the making. Reading on here I understand this may appear "tacky".  Would her circumstances change this, allowing for her to have her wedding day.  It makes me sad that guests could see this as wrong.  If we were to have a cermony and wedding could I put a disclaimer on the invite "don't come if you object".  The ceremony is important, we are joining two cultures and two diverese religions, I want people to see how beatifully my children are doing this.  

Since they are already married, it's not possible to have a wedding now, barring a divorce.  A wedding is where two people get married.

They could do a vow renewal or just have a blow out party.  

chibiyui

So, they are married? Or still waiting on the visa?

If they are married, they can certainly have party to celebrate that. Is he religious? I have a friend who married a man in Korea, then had an American wedding after they moved to the states. It's not really following ettiquette, but everyone was aware of the situation and no one but the bride and groom was present at both.

Tl;DR, I personally don't find religious ceremonies re-dos offensive, but it should be noted that it is religious only. It's probably just easier to throw a kick ass party.

lyndausvi

I personally do not have a problem with religious re-do wedding in these types of situations.   I should be done as quickly as possible to the JOP wedding.  It needs to be a religious ceremony and most importantly everyone needs to know that they couple is already married.

The only time I started clutching my pearls is is when people lie about being married or get all pissy that their JOB wedding wasn't good enough and they now want a "real wedding".   When things like visas and very short time frames with do not give enough time to plan a religious wedding come into play I'm a little more understanding.

That's just me though.   Others are not as much.    Only you know how your social group will react.

KatWAG

 

cluree said:

My daughter's now husband is from India.  He was able to come to the US on a finace visa.  This type of visa is a "sit and wait" procedure until the government decides to approve it.  They waited 12 months and honestly werent sure if it would ever come through.  When the visa is approved the couple have only 3 months to become legally wed or the finace is deported.  

They would now like to have a wedding and reception to celebrate their union which was 4 years in the making. Reading on here I understand this may appear "tacky".  Would her circumstances change this, allowing for her to have her wedding day.  It makes me sad that guests could see this as wrong.  If we were to have a cermony and wedding could I put a disclaimer on the invite "don't come if you object".  The ceremony is important, we are joining two cultures and two diverese religions, I want people to see how beatifully my children are doing this.  

What does that even mean?

No, her circumstance is not unique or special. Your daughter had to make an adult decision about her marriage. And she made it. She doesnt get a re-do just because it wasnt what she/ you always dreamed it would be.

It sounds like they are already married, so just host a big party. But since your daughter is a wife and not a bride: no bridal party, no first dances, bouquet tosses, or reenacting a ceremony.

And I think that  disclaimer is a REALLY bad idea.

HisGirlFriday13

Wait, I'm confused. OP switches tenses too much. Are they married or not?

If they're married, you can have a religious ceremony, but it needs to be done quickly.

If they're not, but you anticipate the visa coming through, then you plan a wedding for within those 90 days. It might not be as big and as fancy as your daughter would like, but being an adult means making hard choices, so make them and deal with the consequences.

Adding a disclaimer is a really bad idea. 

logana1

Some times with destination weddings, when the couple comes back they have to do another "wedding" with someone that can make the wedding legal according to what country they want they're marriage recognized in. Even though this situation is a tad different, I say, PARTY ON, and those who want to share that moment with your daughter and SIL will do so.

CMGragain

What is a "finance visa"?  Does it have something to do with banking?  I have never heard of this.
If your daughter is already married, then she cannot get married again.  You can have a church religious blessing if your pastor consents, but it is not a wedding, since she is already married.  Your daughter's wedding day was the day she became a wife.
I suggest an anniversary party.  It can be fancy and formal if you like.  Just don't try to make it a wedding, because that isn't possible.  Having a fake wedding will make you look gift grabby and greedy.  It will not honor the two of them.
Thousands of couples are married quietly in courthouses and churches every year. To say that this is not enough is an insult to them.

mrsbanany

My FI's sister's husband came from China on the fiance visa. They put the wedding together in 1 month from when he arrived. They were married last month and it was amazing. The wedding was beautiful and they did such a great job of celebrating the combination of two cultures.  I am assuming from your OP that he is not here yet or he is here and they are not married.  The situation does not change the fact that they will have already been married. Believe me, you can put the wedding together in 3 months.  It may not be the grand wedding of your dreams but those are the things you need to sacrifice when you are in these sorts of situations.  You also need to realize, that his family most likely will not be able to come to the wedding which means for you it is like putting together a formal family party.  They could get married in a court house and your family can have a small get together afterwards and then you can have a larger party - not a wedding - later on when you have more time.  

The thing that people are calling tacky on here is getting married and then having another wedding, so repeating the ceremony and the first dances, wearing a wedding dress, getting a wedding cake and all of that.  If you want, send me a message and I will gladly talk to you about all of this because I just helped my FI's sister plan the fastest wedding ever so I can give you advice or answer any questions.  

mysticl

CMGragain said:

What is a "finance visa"?  Does it have something to do with banking?  I have never heard of this.
If your daughter is already married, then she cannot get married again.  You can have a church religious blessing if your pastor consents, but it is not a wedding, since she is already married.  Your daughter's wedding day was the day she became a wife.
I suggest an anniversary party.  It can be fancy and formal if you like.  Just don't try to make it a wedding, because that isn't possible.  Having a fake wedding will make you look gift grabby and greedy.  It will not honor the two of them.
Thousands of couples are married quietly in courthouses and churches every year. To say that this is not enough is an insult to them.

No, it has to do with being allowed to enter the country.  You cannot just marry someone from another country and bring them here to live.  They need to gain permission to enter the country and get married here.  There are also tourist visas, work visas, student visas that allow people from other countries to enter a different country to vacation, work, or attend school.  

Did you see the movie "Eat, Pray, Love"?  The author wrote a follow up book "Committed"  about what she had to go through to marry a non-citizen.  

MyNameIsNot

mysticl said:

CMGragain said:

What is a "finance visa"?  Does it have something to do with banking?  I have never heard of this.
If your daughter is already married, then she cannot get married again.  You can have a church religious blessing if your pastor consents, but it is not a wedding, since she is already married.  Your daughter's wedding day was the day she became a wife.
I suggest an anniversary party.  It can be fancy and formal if you like.  Just don't try to make it a wedding, because that isn't possible.  Having a fake wedding will make you look gift grabby and greedy.  It will not honor the two of them.
Thousands of couples are married quietly in courthouses and churches every year. To say that this is not enough is an insult to them.

No, it has to do with being allowed to enter the country.  You cannot just marry someone from another country and bring them here to live.  They need to gain permission to enter the country and get married here.  There are also tourist visas, work visas, student visas that allow people from other countries to enter a different country to vacation, work, or attend school.  

Did you see the movie "Eat, Pray, Love"?  The author wrote a follow up book "Committed"  about what she had to go through to marry a non-citizen.  

She knows what a fiance visa is.  Look closer.  It's sarcasm.  

KatWAG

I am assuming that @cluree isnt coming back since we didnt validate the PPD.

mysticl

MyNameIsNot said:

mysticl said:

CMGragain said:

What is a "finance visa"?  Does it have something to do with banking?  I have never heard of this.
If your daughter is already married, then she cannot get married again.  You can have a church religious blessing if your pastor consents, but it is not a wedding, since she is already married.  Your daughter's wedding day was the day she became a wife.
I suggest an anniversary party.  It can be fancy and formal if you like.  Just don't try to make it a wedding, because that isn't possible.  Having a fake wedding will make you look gift grabby and greedy.  It will not honor the two of them.
Thousands of couples are married quietly in courthouses and churches every year. To say that this is not enough is an insult to them.

No, it has to do with being allowed to enter the country.  You cannot just marry someone from another country and bring them here to live.  They need to gain permission to enter the country and get married here.  There are also tourist visas, work visas, student visas that allow people from other countries to enter a different country to vacation, work, or attend school.  

Did you see the movie "Eat, Pray, Love"?  The author wrote a follow up book "Committed"  about what she had to go through to marry a non-citizen.  

She knows what a fiance visa is.  Look closer.  It's sarcasm.  

I didn't se anything that indicated sarcasm.  All I see is that she's opposed to the idea of the couple having another "wedding".  

Nov182015

I would have to agree and say "no" to the wedding ceremony, if that is what you are planning on doing. My cousin and his wife got married a week before their " wedding" (which we traveled for). When they went to exchange vows , they dropped the ball on us. They called it a "faux" wedding.. The reaction was not good.

I would have a party celebrating their love. But I wouldn't have her in a "wedding" dress, or bridesmaids, and what not.

+1 to kick ass party.

MyNameIsNot

mysticl said:

MyNameIsNot said:

mysticl said:

CMGragain said:

What is a "finance visa"?  Does it have something to do with banking?  I have never heard of this.
If your daughter is already married, then she cannot get married again.  You can have a church religious blessing if your pastor consents, but it is not a wedding, since she is already married.  Your daughter's wedding day was the day she became a wife.
I suggest an anniversary party.  It can be fancy and formal if you like.  Just don't try to make it a wedding, because that isn't possible.  Having a fake wedding will make you look gift grabby and greedy.  It will not honor the two of them.
Thousands of couples are married quietly in courthouses and churches every year. To say that this is not enough is an insult to them.

No, it has to do with being allowed to enter the country.  You cannot just marry someone from another country and bring them here to live.  They need to gain permission to enter the country and get married here.  There are also tourist visas, work visas, student visas that allow people from other countries to enter a different country to vacation, work, or attend school.  

Did you see the movie "Eat, Pray, Love"?  The author wrote a follow up book "Committed"  about what she had to go through to marry a non-citizen.  

She knows what a fiance visa is.  Look closer.  It's sarcasm.  

I didn't se anything that indicated sarcasm.  All I see is that she's opposed to the idea of the couple having another "wedding".  

She said finance, not fiance.  That's why she asked if it had something to do with banking.  

Jen4948

Have a kick-ass party.  But the party won't be a "wedding."  That's already taken place.  Also, don't put any disclaimers in your invitation.  That would really be rude and off-putting.

misshart00

mysticl said:

MyNameIsNot said:

mysticl said:

CMGragain said:

What is a "finance visa"?  Does it have something to do with banking?  I have never heard of this.
If your daughter is already married, then she cannot get married again.  You can have a church religious blessing if your pastor consents, but it is not a wedding, since she is already married.  Your daughter's wedding day was the day she became a wife.
I suggest an anniversary party.  It can be fancy and formal if you like.  Just don't try to make it a wedding, because that isn't possible.  Having a fake wedding will make you look gift grabby and greedy.  It will not honor the two of them.
Thousands of couples are married quietly in courthouses and churches every year. To say that this is not enough is an insult to them.

No, it has to do with being allowed to enter the country.  You cannot just marry someone from another country and bring them here to live.  They need to gain permission to enter the country and get married here.  There are also tourist visas, work visas, student visas that allow people from other countries to enter a different country to vacation, work, or attend school.  

Did you see the movie "Eat, Pray, Love"?  The author wrote a follow up book "Committed"  about what she had to go through to marry a non-citizen.  

She knows what a fiance visa is.  Look closer.  It's sarcasm.  

I didn't se anything that indicated sarcasm.  All I see is that she's opposed to the idea of the couple having another "wedding".  

She said finance, not fiance.  That's why she asked if it had something to do with banking.  

And she didn't even say finance.

CMGragain

No, I wasn't being sarcastic.  If the OP meant "fiance", then that explains it.

CMGragain

Sorry.  Double post.

MuppetOverlord

She means "fiance" Visa and if I'm reading correctly: they got married 4 years ago.

These situations don't bother me personally as long as I know about the situation in advance (I don't appreciate being lied to).  However, I don't judge people who are offended by these. Both are valid feelings here.

If they're going to go through with it this way, I think it's just going to be important that some people are going to be offended and others won't be. It is what it is. Celebrate with those who come... don't grudge about those who do not.

HisGirlFriday13

Schatzi13 said:

The OP is confusing with changes in tenses, etc. Here is how I'm reading the situation based on what she wrote. Feel free to correct or interpret differently if I missed something.

OP's daughter and her "now husband" have already married "legally," probably meaning JOP, after he entered the US on a fiance(e) visa (ETA FYI: which requires the couple marry and file more paperwork within 90 days of the FI entering the US, not of receiving the visa, as is consistently misstated). They had been together for 4 years by the time they married, including 12 months for the visa process. (ETA commentary: That's long for a FI visa. If they hit snags, they might have desired to get the next chunk of paperwork off ASAP, contributing to their choice of JOP wedding.) Now that they are legally married, they want a "wedding and reception to celebrate their union," which OP knows is considered "tacky" by some people. OP would like to know if this is a special circumstance where a second ceremony is okay. She plans to tell people not to come if they "object," presumably meaning objecting to the fake wedding.

I'm willing to agree with your reading of the OP's post, but I wish she'd come back and fill in the details. However, since no one validated her PPD ideas (and four years?!? holy hell!), I'm guessing she's long gone.

MuppetOverlord

I think it's probably more likely that she hasn't logged on since she posted. Sometimes if I make comments on forums I'm not crazily active with, it takes a few days before I log back in. It's not her wedding, after all.

 

theartistformerlyknownas

FWIW, I'm personally not offended by these additional ceremonies, within reason. People want to celebrate with and support the bride and groom, even if what they're witnessing isn't the one be-all-end-all pronouncement of marriage. There can be so many hoops to jump through according to what makes a marriage legal versus what makes it official by various religious rules anyway that what typically happens at a 'wedding' isn't what makes you married - you sign the marriage certificate afterward privately. The ones where it's "crap we're having a baby, let's get married by the JOP now and have a big blow out wedding in a year when I'm skinny and we've saved enough money and pretend it's the real thing," not so much, I think those are a stretch. I'd maybe call this a commitment ceremony or a blessing in the invitation wording rather than a wedding? I definitely wouldn't put a disclaimer on it, as it's just a given that if something offends someone they won't show up or send a gift. I don't see any problem with repeating your vows in front of those who love and support you (which is the purpose of a wedding - to have all those people as witnesses to your promises, not to have a big party), having a dance of honor even if it's not your "first" dance, etc. Maybe poll your friends and family rather than strangers to see how they'll personally react.