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Etiquette

A little put off

edited January 2014 in Etiquette
I was a little put off by a baby shower invitation I received in the mail, today.  One of my FI's friends is having a baby with his new wife.  She moved here, and really doesn't have any family to speak of.  I met her at their wedding a few months ago, and then I saw her, again, at a Christmas party.  To me, only having met her twice, I thought the invitation seemed a little gift grabby. I don't have a lot of experience with showers: bridal or baby, but I thought guests of these events were supposed to be close friends and family of the girl.  Maybe if it were a Jack and Jill party and my Fi and I had been invited, and her husband would be there, it wouldn't seem so weird to invite me.   She also did some other etiquette blunders with her wedding invitation, like declaring it an adults only celebration, and naming where she was registered on the invitations, and stating that cash was perfectly fine. Ladies, am I being ridiculous, or does this woman seem like she is trying to get gifts from near perfect strangers? I felt kind of bad for her because she does not know anyone, in her new town, but I just thought it was poor taste to only reach out to me when it was time for her to receive something.

Re: A little put off

  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I agree, I would side-eye it a bit, especially in light of the other things. Just politely decline the invitation and send a nice card when the baby arrives.
  • Hmmm  I'm not sure. It good be that she's just trying to get a bunch of gifts or maybe she genuinely likes you and wants to try building a relationship with you. I wouldn't read into it too much.

     But if you really feel like she's just trying get gifts there's no harm in declining. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    PrettyGirlLost
  • She may be using her wedding list as a reference for the baby shower, especially since she doesn't know anyone. She might think that you have a closer relationship with her husband then you do since she is newer to the area. No harm in going, but if you don't really want to go, then don't feel guilty about not going either.

     

    PrettyGirlLostHaileyDancingbearMadHops21
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I was a little put off by a baby shower invitation I received in the mail, today.  One of my FI's friends is having a baby with his new wife.  She moved here, and really doesn't have any family to speak of.  I met her at their wedding a few months ago, and then I saw her, again, at a Christmas party.  To me, only having met her twice, I thought the invitation seemed a little gift grabby. I don't have a lot of experience with showers: bridal or baby, but I thought guests of these events were supposed to be close friends and family of the girl.  Maybe if it were a Jack and Jill party and my Fi and I had been invited, and her husband would be there, it wouldn't seem so weird to invite me.   She also did some other etiquette blunders with her wedding invitation, like declaring it an adults only celebration, and naming where she was registered on the invitations, and stating that cash was perfectly fine. Ladies, am I being ridiculous, or does this woman seem like she is trying to get gifts from near perfect strangers? I felt kind of bad for her because she does not know anyone, in her new town, but I just thought it was poor taste to only reach out to me when it was time for her to receive something.
    If she just moved here, she may not have many friends yet.  So she could be trying to build a friendship with you since your FI and her H are best friends.  I would attend if you have a genuine interest in getting to know her better.  

    From TK memory, there was a woman who asked on here or possibly TB about asking her brand new neighbor to throw her a baby shower.  She was new to town and knew no one, but wanted a baby shower.  She even wanted the neighbor to invite HER friends to the shower, since the mom to be knew no one. Anyone else remember that?
    PrettyGirlLost
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Oooh, Olive, I remember that crazy train!
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    PrettyGirlLost
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Showers are gift giving events.  That is the whole point, so  registry information in the invite is not inappropriate.


    I can see why you feel the way you do, but being new in town it might be a way for her to develop and closer relationship with you.    If you don't want to attend, decline it's that simple.  However I would try to refrain from being overly judgey over the invite.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    tabathafaye
  • I generally try to give people the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she's trying to make better friends because she's new in town, and she's just not very socially adept (which might explain the etiquette mistakes in the wedding invitation). If you don't want to go, you can just politely decline.
  • I'm on the fence as to whether she's being gift grabby or is genuinely trying to build a relationship with you/doesn't know many women since she's new to town.  If you really feel she's being gift grabby (or you just don't feel close enough to attend her shower) you can certainly decline the invitation.
  • Whatever etiquette faux pas' she committed on her wedding invitations are irrelevant here. I think that she might have thought adding you to the baby shower guest list was a nice thing, seeing as they are typically female-only events and your FI is friends with her H. Also, you said yourself that she doesn't have friends or family here so it could also be a way for her to reach out and get to know you or other females in your circle/group.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Anniversary 
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I've always thought of a baby shower as people who are close to the couple, not just the mother.  I would give her the benefit of the doubt and assume the invitation was because your FI is close to the father, not just because of you.  

    That said, there's no shame in declining.  If you don't think it would be fun, don't go.  
    huskypuppy14
  • My first thought was that since she doesn't know many people she's trying to celebrate with the people she does know. She's probably lonely. I'd give her the benefit of the doubt. Though I do understand why your radar is going off on this one. If you like this woman and would normally go then I'd just go and have a good time.

    After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

    KeptInStitchesgrumbledore
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    lyndausvi said:
    Showers are gift giving events.  That is the whole point, so  registry information in the invite is not inappropriate.


    That was in the wedding invitation. 

    But I also agree with Kristbot that her faux pas on the wedding invitations isn't really relevant to this. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • jdluvr06jdluvr06 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited January 2014
    If she is new in town then my guess is she is trying to make friends. Or maybe it is a curtesy invite. If your FI is close with her husband she might have felt like it would be a snub not to invite you. I got invited to my mom's friend's daughter's baby shower, even though I had only met her a few times and I didn't see it as gift grabby. I'm sure her mom wanted to invite me. My mom is close to her mom. I'm close to her mom. My mom is close to her. Therefore I got a curtesy invite. ETA: I forgot a word
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    AddieL73 said:
    lyndausvi said:
    Showers are gift giving events.  That is the whole point, so  registry information in the invite is not inappropriate.


    That was in the wedding invitation. 

    But I also agree with Kristbot that her faux pas on the wedding invitations isn't really relevant to this. 


    Sorry I missed that.   But now I think it's sort of ridiculous to still be harping on wedding faux pas.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    SlothGoalsHisGirlFriday13
  • I agree with PP's I feel like she is trying to establish a friendship with you knowing that you and your FI are friends with her H. If you feel she is being gift grabby why not go to the shower and only bring something small ie: a relatively cheap onesie or a package of diapers. Maybe you can judge her true intentions based on her reaction to your gift and move forward with either pursuing the friendship or not.
    PrettyGirlLostthemuffinman16KeptInStitchescrunchymamaof2
  • edited January 2014
    TBH, it sounds like you're looking for a reason to judge her. OK, she made etiquette faux pas at her wedding. Unless she didn't send a TY note, let it go -- it has no bearing on her inviting you to this shower.

    She sounds lonely and like she's trying to make friends in a new city and new place. Give her the benefit of the doubt.

    If the invitation annoys you that much, decline it graciously and let it go.

    One of DH's best friends is getting married. His FI had made several etiquette blunders. I won't hold them against her because why bother? This friend matters to DH and it makes life more pleasant if I can get along with his FI. If this friend matters to your FI, overlook her etiquette mishaps and try to be at least cordial.

    ETF typing fail
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
    jdluvr06JeeGooDowsterChemFanatic25
  • edited January 2014
    DH? I should have asked sooner, but what does that mean?
  • HaileyDancingbearHaileyDancingbear Arkham Asylum member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    @themuffinman16 DH= Darling Husband
    image
  • Inviting you doesn't necessarily mean she expects a gift from you. I don't know her, but she may just be trying to reach out and make a new friend. 
  • Yeah, I should give her the benefit of the doubt before I jump to conclusions.  Going to attend the baby shower and give the bun something cute.
  • 'DH' can also mean 'Damn Husband,' as it does in my post on CC in which my DH suggested his brother have a PPD.

    But generally it means 'Dear/Darling Husband,' yes.
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
    banana468
  • maybe she just wants new friends and you're just being a bitch :)

    the wedding invite thing is weird though, this not so much 
  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited January 2014
    maybe she just wants new friends and you're just being a bitch :)

    the wedding invite thing is weird though, this not so much 
    @KnotPorscha Violations of TOS: personal attacks and she just spammed this entire board ETA it's not exactly spam but seriously?
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • Um English please? How is this spam or the word "bitch" a violation - I mean it has a friendly emoticon after it. Get real
  • MadHops21MadHops21 Buried in blankets member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    @KnotPorscha ;

    There's no need to name call, even if you put an emoticon after it. It doesn't soften the rudeness. 
    ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 
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    JCbride2015HisGirlFriday13
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