Confessions

[Deleted User]

I can't remember if we have done a confessions thread lately, if we have...I'm sorry. I don't talk to anyone all day because I sit in a cubicle and type away so I feel that we should CONFESS!

-I confess that I was a bitch to H this morning and I feel really bad about it. I suck and I don't deserve him. I apologized and we made up but I still feel bad about it because he is always nice to me and treats me like I could do no wrong.

-I confess (continuation from confession above) that I don't like what H wants to change in our eating habits (eliminating pasta). I know it's healthy and we could replace it with a bunch of different things but I just don't want to. I also know that our bodies are different and he is trying really hard to lose weight so I should be a little more willing since he is trying to live a healthier lifestyle. I'm such a bitch.

-I confess I'm not excited at all about going to a new church. I loved our old church even if it took us 90 minutes to get there, I didn't want to leave. I hope we find something that feels just like that one did.

Swazzle

-I don't want to go out in the city tomorrow night for H's friends' birthdays. We don't see his friends very often but 1) their night doesn't start until 10pm, 2) We have to be up early to go to the game on Sunday, 3) 1 hour will turn into an all night thing because his friends will never "let" us leave, 4) It's at a restaurant and we already have dinner plans...at a normal hour to be eating dinner. 

-I only clean my apartment well when I know I'm having company which is why it's going to take me 12 hours to get my place ready for our friends to come over tomorrow. 

[Deleted User]

I confess I am whiny today.

I confess that I am like your H (wanting to eat healthier) but that my H makes it hard for me.  we got in a fight about it over the weekend.  he said that he doesn't force me to eat anything and that I'm blaming him when I say that he makes it hard for me when he wants fast food and pizza and junk, and then I want it too.  I don't know who was right, but we got over it.

I confess that I just want to eat sweets and pizza and waffles because I am sad, but that isn't dealing with it the right way.  so I'm crunching on an apple instead.

I confess that I am feeling angry and bitter about my H's student loans, because I worked incredibly hard during college to come out with no loans, and he screwed around and charged things up on his loans and now we're paying for it.

I confess that I am a little bitter that my boss thinks Michael Kors boots for her daughter is a cheap Christmas gift, when I flipped out and cried because my H got me a Fossil watch this year and it was too extravagant to me.

I confess that I will get over all of this in a few days and feel stupid for complaining about it today.

Hummingbird125

I confess that I'm super looking forward to not giving a shit about my diet for two nights in a row. Tomorrow I'm planning on eating wings and maybe a cupcake or something because it's my birthday and I SHOULD, and drinking a bunch of overpriced calorie-laden cocktails. Sunday I'm going to order anything I want when we're out at dinner with my parents and yes, I want dessert too.

I confess that while FI and I were doin' the deed last night, I kept thinking "We need to finish before Parenthood starts." 

I confess that I am super annoyed that my best friend won't come into the city to hang out with me tomorrow night, even though I told her I totally understood on the phone.

KeptInStitches

- I confess that it has been an embarassingly long time since I last did laundry, but at least this time I'm not going to buy clothing to avoid hauling my crap down the hall to the coin-ops.

- I confess that it has been an embarassingly long time since I really cleaned the apartment, and I really should do that this weekend, too.

- I confess that I'm already sick of studying for my orals and I'm ready to just quit, which is ridiculous because it's the just about the last academic step I need to take to get my Ph.D.

- I confess that I love my on-campus meal plan way more than I should because it means I don't have to cook in the evenings when I get home from work. When you can load up on really good healthy food at lunch, all you have to do is make a sandwich later.

[Deleted User]

@hummingbird125 - EAT ALL THE FOODZ!!!

CLoGreenEyes

I confess that I really miss C a whole lot right now, and that I can't figure out whether it's for the right reasons or not. And also that I suck at being single and need to learn to rely on myself and stop being such a big baby all the time.

I confess that I have had it with my mother for a while and I can't wait until I move out.

I confess that I've ordered pizza twice in the last week and eaten two slices of cheesecake along with it, and I feel enormous.

I confess that my financial situation is precarious and I need to stop spending money and I don't know where I can cut anymore off my budget. Other than the pizza, of course.

I confess that I just feel like shit about myself right now and am really fighting the urge to just sleep the weekend away. I know that if I keep moving and keep doing stuff I'll feel at least a little better, but I just feel so drained and depressed that I don't know if I can get to that point.

Blackbird230

I confess that FI and I got into an argument earlier this week when he kept bringing out and eating desserts way after dinner and we're both trying to lose weight so I lost my cool.

I confess I'm nervous to go to his church this weekend. I want to go back to a Roman Catholic Church, but I know he's not really a fan. I was raised Catholic and I just need some peace and quiet in my mind lately.

I confess that I'm so done with being sick after and being at work, even though I only have 3 hours until I'm out.

Swazzle

@CLoGreenEyes - Big hugs. I'm sorry you're feeling down right now. Is there anything you can do FOR YOU this weekend to try to take your mind off things?

minskat30

I confess that I want to drink a lot of wine tonight but know I also want to lose weight so should restrict it.

I confess I really don't want to pick our dog up from daycare tonight because walking him home is a pain in the ass if I come across another dog (he turns into kujo and, at 120lbs, kujo is a disaster).

I confess that I'm worried H isn't ready to have kids at all.  And I also confess that now that I'm thinking about kids, I'm worried how much it is going to change our lives.

minskat30

@CLoGreenEyes - Hugs to you.  I second @Swazzle - What can you do for you this weekend to make yourself feel better.

Swazzle

I have another...

I love my Lucy a lot. However, sometimes I really wish we had never gotten a dog at all. I hate that we can't be spontaneous anymore. I can never just book us a weekend away or if we're visiting family we can never just decide to stay over instead of driving home. I hate that now that H works these ridiculous hours, I'm the one that is mostly caring for her. I especially hate having to take her for a walk at 6am when it's negative degrees outside. 

[Deleted User]

New confession:

I'm going to drop kick the girl in the cubicle next to me and her fake southern accent!!!! I've heard her talk to people in the office and she sounds like she doesn't have the least bit of an accent but when she gets on the phone...omg...I'm about to pull out my hair!

tuarceatha

I confess that I am reading your confessions and not coming up with any I want to share.

CLoGreenEyes

@swazzle and @minskat30, thanks for the hugs. Honestly, I think that if I can get my sleep and diet back on track, I will probably feel a LOT better. So even though I have a ton to do this weekend, I'm going to try to be easy on myself. And seeing my friends tomorrow will probably help a lot too. It'll be okay.

Dignity100

I confess - I totally should be working right now but just don't wanna!!

Hummingbird125

Swazzle said:

I have another...

I love my Lucy a lot. However, sometimes I really wish we had never gotten a dog at all. I hate that we can't be spontaneous anymore. I can never just book us a weekend away or if we're visiting family we can never just decide to stay over instead of driving home. I hate that now that H works these ridiculous hours, I'm the one that is mostly caring for her. I especially hate having to take her for a walk at 6am when it's negative degrees outside. 

I totally get this. I mean, I LOOOOVE my Kaya to pieces. However, the year we lived together before we got her, we went on weekend trips all the time. We went to Philly, Boston, upstate NY, Virginia Beach, the Poconos, casinos trips, everywhere! Since we got her, we've been on ONE mini-trip, and we brought her with us. I spent most of the time we were out worried that she was figuring out a way to destroy something in the hotel room. I definitely miss the freedom of not being responsible for a little being.

blabla89

Ditto that @Dignity100 ! So instead of working I'm going to unload all my stuff onto NEY:

-I confess that I have been eating my feelings when I’m stressed out at work. I wasted $8 on a sandwich from Au Bon Pain when I knew it wasn’t even going to be that good. And it probably had 500 calories in the chipotle mayo alone.

-I confess that I have been unreasonably grumpy about getting a bad mani/pedi yesterday. I feel a little twinge of bitterness every time I look down at my hands. Talk about a first world problem.

-I confess that I really, REALLY do not want any birthday cake at all, but my boss is going to bring one on Monday and I’m going to eat it to make my boss happy. Then I’m going to feel like a fatass for the rest of the day.

-I confess that I wish BF would pick the really fancy restaurant for his birthday dinner next month, because I want to check it out but wouldn't ask him to spend that much on my birthday.

ETA one more confession:

I confess that I have ventured dangerously close to pre-planning. Knowing that BF will have a ring within the next few months, I had a meltdown over the fact that I have no way to pay for a wedding but we don't want to put it off in order to save up money. That led to wanting to know the approximate cost of having my ideal wedding in our area so that I could prepare him - which led to feeling like I should start pricing venues, dresses, flowers, etc. Finally I chilled out but I'm anticipating another meltdown as soon as we're engaged and someone asks when the wedding is.

Dignity100

@Swazzle & Hummingbird125 - I agree with you both!!  I love all my animals to pieces but I have too many and it takes a village to help me if I want to go away.  Because of Loki's aggressive nature - I cannot have company over and I've really really really let my house go because nobody's going to see it besides FI. 

Peaseblossom55

I confess I'm about to have a complete bridezilla moment.  I went dress shopping w/ my sister and niece who will be my flower girl and said the dress has to be ivory since my dress is white. We found a dress my niece loved but we looked at a few other places decided on the dress in the first place so my sister and niece would go back on their own and order it (probably my first mistake).  She did at the end of December, I asked if she ordered it ivory she didn't remember. I asked her several times to follow up and she kept saying she forgot or no one was there,  I called the salon today, the dress was ordered in white and is already being shipped to the bridal salon. I also didn't think the order would be done so fast. This is going to look awful everything else is ivory. I don't know what to do now.

labro

I confess I got ahead of myself at work today and probably made myself look like an idiot. I have so many things on my plate right now and I worried I had fallen behind on something so I skipped a step and got into trouble for it.

I confess I'm really annoyed at one of my BM's right now. She quit her job in December and has gone back to graduate school while doing some freelance stuff on the side. So she's got class twice a week and the rest of the time she's at home with her son. She's absolutely impossible to reach by phone (texting or calling) or by email and yet I see her on Twitter and Facebook all the time. Last week I sent her a text and she didn't respond for more than five days and all she said was sorry, she completely missed it. It's really making me feel very ignored and unimportant. I know we all have our own lives and things going on in them but I still feel like if your BFF sends you a text message about meeting up you should try to respond within that same day, even if to say you're really busy but you'd love to catch up later.

I confess that I feel like I'm never going to be thin. I'm having a really hard time staying motivated when it's been a strong three or four weeks of really focusing on my diet and starting to do some exercise and I'm still not seeing results. I just want it to be warm out. I always feel more drive when I can go outside and be active without my feet and hands going numb from the cold.

I confess I want to make more friends but I'm at a loss on how to get started. Two girlfirends who I was starting to form really close relationships are not in my life as much anymore because one moved out of state and the other got new job responsibilities that pretty much keep her busy all the time. Lately it seems like all my FI and I do is spend time with each other or just my family and we don't get out and socialize with other people and it kind of bugs me.

Swazzle

@Hummingbird125, @LivLeighton, @Dignity100 - PHEW! I can't tell you guys how relieved I am to know I'm not alone. I felt really shitty admitting that. 

labro

@Swazzle There are some days I'm in your boat too. I feel like a terrible pet parent for admitting it too. We used to be more spontaneous before Cinders and now I'm not sure if it's her or house responsibilities but I feel like we rarely go out anymore. I love Cinders and wouldn't give her up for anything but I sometimes miss the pre-dog flexibility.

[Deleted User]

@Swazzle - I am with you, especially since we got Baxter.  it was so much easier when it was just Bella, because I could leave her with my mom and it was no big deal... Bella was raised in that house, so it's just "home" to her.  but with Bax and his anxiety issues, it's not that easy, and I feel guilty asking them to take care of my dogs.  but I do love them to pieces and I'm glad I have them.

[Deleted User]

@Twodimes- I totally know what you're saying. It's like...H will tell me that I'm so good to him and I ask "Why" because I feel like I don't do anything. I'll do things around our apartment more than he does and he will thank me and say how much he loves that I do those things but honestly I feel like that's nothing compared to what he does for us. I feel so ashamed of myself because I seriously can't think of what I could do for him that would compare.

[Deleted User]

@lmhollister- I'll be your friend and hang out with you and your FI. Also, you're gorgeous and honestly look great! I don't think you need to lose a bunch of weight. If you really want to get rid of something, give me your boobs so I can make mine grow and then we will be fine. : )

 

ETA: Give me Cinders.

labro

@TwoDimes @southernpeach89 I also do a lot around the house for FI. And he thanks me for it all the time too. But I don't think it's something that makes him feel loved and happy. I read the 5 Love Languages recently and I think FI's love language is quality time so outside of me doing my regular stuff around the house (because that's just naturally how I express that I love him) I also make an effort to specifically give him one on one us time in different ways. Whether that's cooking dinner together or planning and implementing a project together, or going hiking...things like that. @TwoDimes Maybe if you feel like you're not doing enough while he's doing tons to make you happy then maybe it's time to try something different that you feel may be more fulfilling to him? Sometimes it's a good practice anyway to just ask...what can I do to make you feel more loved?

minskat30

Swazzle said:

@Hummingbird125, @LivLeighton, @Dignity100 - PHEW! I can't tell you guys how relieved I am to know I'm not alone. I felt really shitty admitting that. 

Nope, I have the same confession.  I love our dog but he is so damn leash-aggressive and food-aggressive (towards other dogs only) and barks AT EVERYTHING that I feel like a complete doggie-mom failure at least once a day.  I also confess that he has brought me to tears of frustration more times than I can count but I couldn't imagine not seeing his face every morning at the same time.

GoldenPenguin

- I also confess to having resentful feelings about Violet sometimes. I was going to try to find a getaway for BFs birthday, but then realized I'd have to find someone to take care of the dog, etc. If we lived closer to family (which will come up again in a second) it wouldn't be a big deal because everyone loves her. But I hate asking friends, and don't want to pay to board her just for a night away. 

- I confess that even though I really love my job, and I haven't even been here a year, I really want to move back to New England. I want to live in Boston or Rhode Island or Southern Maine or Southeastern Connecticut. I've brought it up to BF and I don't think he thinks I'm serious. He works in HR, and he's really good at his job (he recently got a promotion), so it wouldn't be terribly difficult for him to find a job - but he won't even entertain looking for something else.

- I also confess that I want to buy a house, and BF has told me that he doesn't want to live in this area long enough for us to do that here, which makes me more frustrated as to why we can't move back home. 

- I confess that sometimes BF does or says things that make me BSC and think that he's ready to propose IMMEDIATELY. I further confess that I sometimes get disappointed that it hasn't happened yet - and that he hasn't asked to see the ring I like (when we had our talk, I told him that when he was ready, I would show him. I go back & forth on whether he's forgotten or just doesn't want to know.)

- I confess that I haven't been a very good friend to a girl I work with, and it makes me feel crappy. She's awesome, and really nice, and we get along really well - but she's a few years younger than me, and single, and I don't really want to go out. Ever. I feel bad bailing on her whenever she asks to go get drinks or go out, but 98% of the time, I just want to go home and snuggle on my couch. I feel like we have two different dynamics, and I'm just not "in" her dynamic at this point.

- I confess that I honestly can't remember the last time I shaved my legs. I blame the cold, but it's really because I'm lazy, and can't get in the shower with enough time to get it done. 

- I confess that I'm really proud of myself for losing five pounds, but that I'm disappointed that I haven't gotten my ass to the gym yet. 

phira

I confess that I am definitely in the middle of a pretty nasty depression. I've been staying up late and sleeping in late, even on workdays. That's one of the most obvious signs of depression for me and I've been in denial about it for a while.

I confess that it's been a long time since I did any real cleaning. The bathroom is gross. The kitchen floor is covered in salt (from the sidewalks). Our bird's cage needs to be cleaned every week, and the only reason it's even being cleaned more than once a month is that my partner does it. BLEH.

I confess that watching Say Yes to the Dress is making me doubt my dress choice. I found my dress online but the only area boutique I could order it from didn't have a sample. I went to the boutique and tried on a couple other dresses (one was a similar shape, and the other was the same designer and very blingy) to see if I wanted to order The Dress. I did, and I ordered it, and it arrived, and it looks great. But the only person who came with me was my partner, and he is clueless about dresses and didn't watch me try on The Dress when we went to pick it up.

Only a few people have seen me in it, and the reactions have been positive, but I'm still worried that this wasn't the right dress for me and everyone's just being polite. It's going to be really hard to dance in--layers of tulle, and I'm not really good at dancing anyway--and I'm not a very BLING BLING person, so I almost feel like I'm playing dress-up. I also think the one picture of me in the dress looks TERRIBLE, and while I'm sure that most of it is the lighting, the angle, and the ridiculous expression on my face, I also fear that it's just not the right dress for me.

labro

@phira I agree with TwoDimes. I remember the picture you posted and I thought you looked beautiful in your dress! And I'm just a stranger too, so it's not an opinion based on being polite to your face. I think sometimes we second guess ourselves but you ordered that dress for a reason and you're going to look amazing on your wedding day in YOUR dress!