OUT OF TOWN BRIDAL SHOWER

jennalynn05

So my fiance and I currently live in NC and we are traveling to PA where are family and friends live for our bridal shower. we want to ask people to either just give money, gift cards, or money towards are trip. how do we go about doing this without saying, "we just want money". plus we would like to fly instead of drive because its a long drive! i need suggestions pleaseeeee! thanks!

MyNameIsNot

jennalynn05 said:

So my fiance and I currently live in NC and we are traveling to PA where are family and friends live for our bridal shower. we want to ask people to either just give money, gift cards, or money towards are trip. how do we go about doing this without saying, "we just want money". plus we would like to fly instead of drive because its a long drive! i need suggestions pleaseeeee! thanks!

A shower is for physical gifts.  If you only want money and gift cards, decline the shower.  

Instead, register for smaller items that can easily be shipped home or packed in an extra suit case.  If all else fails, some stores will allow you to return registry items at the shower/wedding location for store credit to repurchase the items at home.  

lyndausvi

I lived on a small island that you had to fly to and still had a shower in the states.   I brought extra suitcase and shipped a few boxes.      The larger gifts I returned to the store and had them ship them directly to me.
One thing I did that might clutch some pearls was taking most things out of it's packaging to save space.  It really made packing a lot easier.  If the wedding didn't go through I had the money to replace everything, so that was not an issue. It was just some packaging is twice the size of an item.  Wrapping something with my sock worked just the same.

*** copy/paste from another thread I replied to on the same topic. 

FWIW - I give gifts at showers and generally money at weddings.  If you don't need/want a physical gift at the shower then I don't see the point in having the shower and will not attend.

MNVegas

The point of the shower is to shower the bride/couple with gifts not cash or gift cards. If there are no physical gifts that you need, either decline the shower or suggest a tea/luncheon where no gifts will be involved. 

There is NO polite way to ask for cash. Please DO NOT do a cash registry or silly poem thinking that it will make asking ok.

chibiyui

Showers are for physical gifts.You can not ask for gift cards or money to be given at a shower. Think a moment, even if you did that, how boring of a shower that would be. Oh, thanks Aunt Jane, a $50 dollar giftcard to Target! Aw, thanks Aunt Sara, 20 bucks! It also makes it very obvious how much each person is giving and can make those who don't give as much feel really awkward.

Are you going really far north into PA, cause otherwise it's probably more cost effective to drive. And that would solve your hauling gifts issue.

vt&dt

jennalynn05 said:

So my fiance and I currently live in NC and we are traveling to PA where are family and friends live for our bridal shower. we want to ask people to either just give money, gift cards, or money towards are our trip. how do we go about doing this without saying, "we just want money". plus we would like to fly instead of drive because its a long drive! i need suggestions pleaseeeee! thanks!

There isn't a way to ask for just money without saying "we just want money."

Showers are intended for physical, boxed gifts.  If you don't want those, don't accept the shower.  

I think it's a little silly to accept a shower that you spend lots of $ to travel to, and hope that the people at the shower give you $ to offset your expenses.

thisismynickname2

I must add, I have been a guest at three showers for out of town brides and a baby (two for the same woman). The first bride didn't say a word about gifts. I shipped something from the registry to her home and brought a cookbook to the shower, assuming a flat gift would be easy to pack. I can only assume she shipped her haul home or her parents helped in some way.

The other woman.... For both bridal and baby informed the guests that we were encouraged to ship all gifts to her home to save HER shipping, and to bring a photo of the gift to the shower.

Are you as appalled as I was? I hope so!

delujm0

thisismynickname said:

I must add, I have been a guest at three showers for out of town brides and a baby (two for the same woman). The first bride didn't say a word about gifts. I shipped something from the registry to her home and brought a cookbook to the shower, assuming a flat gift would be easy to pack. I can only assume she shipped her haul home or her parents helped in some way. The other woman.... For both bridal and baby informed the guests that we were encouraged to ship all gifts to her home to save HER shipping, and to bring a photo of the gift to the shower. Are you as appalled as I was? I hope so!

Haha that is ballsy...but usually, as a guest, if i know i'm attending a shower for a person who will have to travel via plane to get home afterwards, i always just order a gift online and have it shipped for free to the bride/mother's address a few days in advance, and then print out a picture of the gift to stick in a card for the shower itself.  I understand how annoying it is to get gifts home (because i do this at Christmas every year, even though we repeatedly ask our families to please stop buying us christmas gifts at all).

 

The drive from NC to PA is not that bad.  Why not just drive up for the shower, just this one time, so that you can get your gifts home?  I was in a wedding a few months ago and the girl did exactly that...she lives in PA now, the shower was in NC, so even though she would normally fly (her now husband is a pilot so she flies for free) she drove to make this easier on herself and her friends/family.  Similarly, i live in NC but my shower is in NJ - since i know my FILs will be driving down to the wedding in May, I am going to give any large gifts to them after the shower, and they are going to throw them in the van when they come here in a few months.  You have a lot of options here other than "i'm going to be super rude and ask for cash!"

 

No one wants to go to a shower to watch a bride open up cards full of money.  They want to see all of the physical gifts you are getting.  That's what shower are for.

justcallmesamson

You should talk to your host regarding your concerns.  She and the people who are helping host the party can quietly spread the word that you will be traveling by plane and that small, easy to pack gifts would be great.  That being said, you have to make sure that there are plenty of those on your registry.

I wouldn't be too worried about this.  Surely people will know that you are coming from out of town and not decide to bring you a vacuum to carry home.  Every time I attend an out of town wedding or shower I have the gift shipped to the bride's home.  

kgd7357

Similar to @delujm0, I'm going to leave most of the gifts with my mom in CT where my shower is (I live in DC and will be going by train). She's going to drive them down when she drives down for the wedding a couple months later. We also strategically registered at BB&B, since there is one across the street from me in DC and one close to my mom's house in CT, so any gifts she can't fit we can return in CT, and I can just pick up the same thing in DC. This may be a good option for you.