PPDs At Engaged Encounter Weekend

lc07

Sabinus15 said:

lyndausvi said:

As far as I know pre-cana is required to get married in the catholic church. The fact there was a legal wedding is irrelevant to the church.    So I'm not really surprised.   

Now the question is are the lying to their family and friends?

So legal weddings are spiritually irrelevant to some people...religious people...otherwise they wouldn't have had the second one. I'm just trying to follow the logic of The Knot. It gets so convoluted and ridden with double standards, it's so hard to follow, lol. Forgive me if i'm wrong, I'm not Catholic, but isn't convalidation a second, yet purely religious, wedding ceremony?

And if you have yet to still celebrate your wedding by throwing a "big party," could not one follow the other? 

Sure, you can have a big party following a convalidation. The thing we tell people to avoid are bridal showers, bachelorette parties, wedding parties, first dances, cake cuttings. 

We considered our convalidation to be a blessing on our existing marriage. I was not a bride. The priest did not consider me a bride.

APDSS22

lc07 said:

Sabinus15 said:

lyndausvi said:

As far as I know pre-cana is required to get married in the catholic church. The fact there was a legal wedding is irrelevant to the church.    So I'm not really surprised.   

Now the question is are the lying to their family and friends?

So legal weddings are spiritually irrelevant to some people...religious people...otherwise they wouldn't have had the second one. I'm just trying to follow the logic of The Knot. It gets so convoluted and ridden with double standards, it's so hard to follow, lol. Forgive me if i'm wrong, I'm not Catholic, but isn't convalidation a second, yet purely religious, wedding ceremony?

And if you have yet to still celebrate your wedding by throwing a "big party," could not one follow the other? 

Sure, you can have a big party following a convalidation. The thing we tell people to avoid are bridal showers, bachelorette parties, wedding parties, first dances, cake cuttings. 

We considered our convalidation to be a blessing on our existing marriage. I was not a bride. The priest did not consider me a bride.

This.  A convalidation is a ceremony to recognize that the couple is out of communion with the Catholic church and would like to be welcomed back into the church.  The Catholic church does not recognize a marriage that takes place outside of the church and to have one has serious consequences to those of the faith.  Having a convalidation is NOT having a second wedding, it is a blessing of an existing, legally binding marriage that took place outside of the church and is more of a celebration of the couple being once more in communion with the church than a giant party or a second wedding ceremony.  And anyone can choose to throw a well-catered party with booze for any reason they like.  The offensive part is when someone pretends they are getting married after being legally wed, especially for material goods.

monkeysip

A convalidation does deserve a good celebration, since in the eyes of the Church, the couple have now become sacramentally married.  That's a big deal, so I don't mind couples celebrating it with a big shindig.

But I agree, the couple would still need to stay away from things like bridal showers, B-parties, REGISTRIES, etc. because they need to keep the focus on the point of the ceremony--not having their PPD.

crunchymamaof2

Other than a small portion of religions (Catholic, Greek Orthodox, to name a couple), most recognize legal marriage as a valid marriage. A courthouse or non religious wedding is acceptable in those other faiths whereas Catholic Church/Orthodox does not feel that way. So, while you can certainly ask to have your marriage blessed by these other churches/faiths, you don't have to and they'd probably look at you like you had 2 heads if they knew you were trying to re-do the perfectly valid wedding you already had.

Catholicism requires Convalidations because marriage is a sacrament. This is not taken lightly to those that truly care about their faith. The majority of Convalidations, I have to believe, are due to one spouse deciding to convert or a couple choosing to join the church after they were already married. My grandparents did the latter. They had a beautiful ceremony- my grandfather wore a nice suit, my grandmother a pretty dress (nothing formal) and their immediate family attended. It was short and sweet and didn't resemble a frilly wedding whatsoever. Then we went out to dinner.

A PPD or re-do is basically when a couple is married in the eyes of their country (the US and Canada is what we're usually referring to here) but insist that the legal wedding didn't count and/or wasn't "real" so they are entitled to a traditional frilly wedding. It also almost always involves lying.

So, after that long mess, people wanting their marriage blessed by their faith isn't an issue. It's when they lie about the fact that they're already married and turn what should be a small and meaningful event into a circus.

As for the couples that get married in a hurry when they already have their wedding day planned and partially/totally paid for; there's nothing wrong with keeping the original plans. Just scrap the ceremony part, or at the very least be up front with every.single.one of your guests. But keep the party plans and celebrate your marriage!!

lc07

@acove2006 the Greek Orthodox Church requires a ceremony in the Greek church to stay in good standing with them.

crunchymamaof2

@lc07 isn't Greek Orthodox a form of Catholicism?

monkeysip

acove2006 said:

@lc07 isn't Greek Orthodox a form of Catholicism?

Nope.  There's the Catholic Church and the Orthodox Church.

Although, to make it more confusing, there's also Eastern churches that are part of Catholicism.

nebullama

acove2006 said:

@lc07 isn't Greek Orthodox a form of Catholicism?

No, I think that was part of the first division within the Christian church in 1054, known as the great schism.

lc07

PPs have it covered but the answer is no, the Orthodox Church is not a part of the Catholic Church.

HisGirlFriday13

I would absolutely attend a convalidation that was presented as a convalidation and that had no trappings of a wedding -- no poufy dress or bridesmaids or parties or registries -- and I would attend it gladly and cheerfully. I would also probably give a (small) gift, because I would be genuinely happy for my friend/family member who was choosing to come back into communion with my church.

sarahufl

HisGirlFriday13 said:

I would absolutely attend a convalidation that was presented as a convalidation and that had no trappings of a wedding -- no poufy dress or bridesmaids or parties or registries -- and I would attend it gladly and cheerfully. I would also probably give a (small) gift, because I would be genuinely happy for my friend/family member who was choosing to come back into communion with my church.

See, I would too. Call it what it is. Getting married at church is important to me and FI. If we found out a friend eloped or had a civil marriage and then wanted to hav e a church ceremony and celebrate, we would totally be there. But the whole charade of a wedding is just too much for me.

crunchymamaof2

Good to know- I always thought they were Catholicism. I'll go edit my post :-)

PrettyGirlLost

acove2006 said:

Good to know- I always thought they were Catholicism. I'll go edit my post :-)

The Orthodox churches (Greek, Eastern, Russian, etc.) were originally Catholic churches, but they split during the East-West schism due to many political and  theological differences. 

MrsDeRuyter87

This has been a very interesting and educational thread so thank you to everyone. I am non denominational Christian so the topic of convolidation was new to me and made me very curious!

HisGirlFriday13

MrsDeRuyter87 said:

This has been a very interesting and educational thread so thank you to everyone. I am non denominational Christian so the topic of convolidation was new to me and made me very curious!

Glad we could help!