would you think this is disrespectful at all?

aeckburg87

i have seen before pictures of both bride and grooms parents wedding pictures, grandparents wedding pictures and any other (great grandparents and so on) i was thinking about doing something like that by the guest book.
now the thing is, both my mom and grandma have passed on. both dad and grandpa have remarried. i cant help but think it may cause my dads wife (of 2 years) and grandpas wife (of 6 years) maybe some greif. i may be over thinking this but i love when i see the history of marriages like that and would love to see those pics of my mom and dad and my grandma and grandpa on there wedding day. but i need some feedback if that would in a way be disrespectful to the new wives.
both ladies are very nice (no mom or grandma, but good people nonetheless) so i wouldnt want to disrespect them. so before i bring it up to the fam, i guess i wanted some feedback on that. advice is needed.
thank you-
amanda

morenachica110

I don't know. It's kind of tricky. Could you put up old pictures of them in general? Not just the wedding day?

ceh789

Could you put up photos of the first and second weddings?  If you had both, it would seem ok to me, but you might want to run it by step-mom/step-grandma.

Simply Fated

Well, my parents are divorced so this isn't a good option for me at all lol. Would putting pictures of both weddings up there help? Otherwise, skip it. Yeah, YOU want to see you mom and dad there, but if it could potentially really bother people, it's not really worth it.

naomikb

I think that's tough.

This is the same reason that we skipped the anniversary dance and giving the bouquet to the couple who had been married longest - I didn't want my one grandmother realizing that she didn't "win" the bouquet because my grandfather died, and my other grandmother still has her husband.

Personally I would skip it, but inevitably you know your family best.

kmmssg

You know, family dynamics are the deciding factor here.  If I were  your stepmom or stepg'ma, I'd think it was a lovely idea and would volunteer to help you frame the pictures.  Not everyone will share that view.

Are you close enough to these women that you can ask them how they would feel?  If, so, I would do that.  Since you know them all best, maybe run it by dad and g'pa first.

Since divorces aren't involved here and we are talking about your heritage, I think it is possible to approach these women if you think they are pretty sensible and not overly-sensitive about their DH's deceased wives.

hmacsine

[QUOTE]If you don't display the pictures, you won't hurt anyone's feelings. If you do display them, there's a pretty good chance you will. I wouldn't take that unnecessary risk.Posted by LucyHC[/QUOTE]

I agree. I think displaying pictures of your mom&g'ma may upset some guests (including step-mom& step g'ma). People coming to celebrate your wedding. They don't want to be reminded of loved ones who have passed. I would skip the pictures.

kateguess22

I don't think that it is disrespectful because of your intentions and your meaning behind it. However, out of consideration for them, I wouldn't do it.

mandctaft

What about ones of their first and second marriages? I'm sure second wives wouldn't be offended as long as they were honored too.

JennLax

If it's something that you want to include, but do not want to offend anyone -- you could try to do it in a more private way.

Instead of putting the pictures up on the guestbook table, why don't you bring the pictures with you and have your photographer take a picture of you and FI holding the photos?  Here's an example:





This way you will have that keepsake memory for yourself and FI, but you won't have it publicly displayed and risk making the new wives feel hurt.

TiffannieF

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_would-think-this-disrespectful?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:39ea4f07-6a77-4a46-91bd-e174f685ec24Post:bb633d00-5ec1-4b63-baa9-bf424c406b15">Re: would you think this is disrespectful at all?</a>:
[QUOTE]If you don't display the pictures, you won't hurt anyone's feelings. If you do display them, there's a pretty good chance you will. I wouldn't take that unnecessary risk.
Posted by LucyHC[/QUOTE]



Definitely this!

And I really like Jenn's idea that she posted precious!

Sydney91

Ask them. Only they can tell you the answer.

HeathenSwan

These are pictures of your parents and grandparents. I would think the stepmom and step-grandma should understand that you'd want pictures of your mom and grandma around. I do agree that including their wedding pictures as well would be nice. Check with them or, if you aren't as close to them, your dad and grandpa to see what they think. 

Honestly, I think it's a lovely idea.

MairePoppy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_would-think-this-disrespectful?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:39ea4f07-6a77-4a46-91bd-e174f685ec24Post:d89c9b6d-6056-4893-8427-a8e7ee197482">Re: would you think this is disrespectful at all?</a>:
[QUOTE]You know, family dynamics are the deciding factor here.  If I were  your stepmom or stepg'ma, I'd think it was a lovely idea and would volunteer to help you frame the pictures.  Not everyone will share that view. Are you close enough to these women that you can ask them how they would feel?  If, so, I would do that.  Since you know them all best, maybe run it by dad and g'pa first. Since divorces aren't involved here and we are talking about your heritage, I think it is possible to approach these women if you think they are pretty sensible and not overly-sensitive about their DH's deceased wives.
Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]


My husband was married and divorced before he met me. He has a son from that marriage. It would not bother me one bit to see pictures of my husband and his ex displayed at the son's  family events. It's an important part of his history. If it's important to you, you should ask the second wives how they feel about it. It would be nice to include pictures of the second weddings, too.

jnl1225

I know I'm new to this community. However, my mom passed away when I was a child. She will be "included" at my wedding. My grandmother has the honor of giving me away, but my mom will be included somehow some way. As will be my step-mother who passed away.

Ask the people involved how they feel? And if they aren't agreeable with what you want, have them suggest things that would make them comfortable.