People calling you "honey"

Blackbird230

This may be a bit of an irrational irritation, but I hate when people my age call me honey. 

Backstory: Sunday night FI and I met his best friend's new girlfriend. I knew some background about her, but it wasn't really on the top of my mind. (Going through a divorce, married right out of high school to her parents' disapproval, has done drugs, big smoker.) She barely spoke with anyone all night and when we left, I told her it was nice to meet her. AND SHE CALLED ME HONEY. She's a year older than me. I feel bad because she has a smoker voice so it was really deep and it just completely got on my nerves. I'm trying to not make it cloud my judgment of her, but even if my hairdresser/waitress at a restaurant/anyone calls me honey except my SO, it's just not appropriate.

Thoughts? Are there names that people use casually that really bug you?

Ollie08

Honey doesn't really bother me, unless it's from someone I just cannot stand. I'm sure there are things that drive me nuts, but I can't think of any off the top of my head. 

labro

Honey doesn't bother me much...but then again none of the women I know who are my age use it on me. The only women who call me honey are much older, very very Southern, and usually I've known them for many years. I do hate it when women my age use the word "hun"...most of the time it just seems to come off as condescending to me for some reason.

mbross3

I am with you! Whenever someone calls me honey (that's not BF) I have this instant image of them patting my head and telling me I'm a good little girl. I know it's also irrational, but I find it extremely condescending "Oh honey, well isn't it just so cute that you think that"--is along the lines of what I end up hearing, even if I know they have good intentions. 

I used to have a good friend that would call someone "honey" when she felt like they were less than intelligent and should just be mollified. I guess that's where I get the feeling.

phira

Besides a handful of friends who call me love, sweetie, hon, or babe, I don't tolerate being called anything like that. It's almost always done in a condescending way, but even when it's not, it's just ... look, that's not my name.

HaileyDancingbear

I knew a girl who used to call people honey, but only when she was being extremely condescending, which was all the time.  Like you'd say something she disagreed with and she'd be like "Oh honey…" and then go on and on about how that goes against her ass-backwards logic.  So she basically used "Honey" to try to sound like she was being nice while she was talking down to you, which was all the time because she was extremely judgmental- she once said my MOH was a slut because she lost her virginity to someone she dated for a year and a half.  She also told said MOH "Don't expect to get asked out because only pretty girls get asked out" right to her face, dead serious. Along with comment after comment on her weight. WTF???????  

This is why, although this girl will definitely expect to be invited and probably cause drama over it, I refuse to invite her to the wedding- it's one thing that she bothers me, but I won't have to deal with her much that day so if that was the only issue I'd let it slide, I just know if she comes she'll latch onto my MOH like a tick and spend the night being a total ass to her.  I'm not gonna let her ruin my MOH's night.

So yeah, honey leaves a bad taste in my mouth but I can put up with it if I know someone truly means well and isn't just trying to mask their shitty attitude.  

[Deleted User]

I'm on the same page as some PP's. I don't like it if the person is within a couple years of my age, it does feel condescending. I also don't like being called sweetheart for the same reasons. When I was working as a recruiter in the power generation industry, there were a lot of men that would call me sweetheart over the phone and it would drive me insane!

ShallowSeas

It's weird.  I was in the drive-thru at Taco Bell one evening and a girl probably younger than I am called me "sweetie" and I felt really awkward
My response is usually this:

loves2shop4shoes

I get annoyed when I'm at a bar and a guy puts his hands on me.

The first night I met @suzie211 and @minskat30, @suzie211, @buggle, and I were at a bar, chatting amongst ourselves.  This CREEPY guy came up from behind me and put his hands on my hips, and was like, "What's your name?" as he started stroking my back.

I then angrily replied, "My name is 'Get Your God Damned Hands Off of Me!"  Like seriously…what gives people the right to touch you?  This isn't a petting zoo and I'm not chomping on some hay!

GoldenPenguin

I hate it when it's used passive-aggressively, or condescendingly. Like a former poster here, who used to say it when she wasn't getting her way. 

Blackbird230

That's why I got so mad. I'm trying to befriend this girl because she is my SO's best friend's girlfriend. However, ummm no, don't be a brat to me. 

suzie211

I get annoyed when people call me mam.  It makes me feel old.  I know it's a proper form of etiquette,  but I just miss the assumption that I'm still a baby.   Just pretend I still look 21 and appease me, please:)

cu97tiger

TwoDimes said:

When strangers call me Honey, it often comes across as condescending. If someone close to me calls me Honey or a similar pet name, it doesn't bother me. 

This exactly.

Pepperally

I actually have it happen to me with servers and cashiers on occasion, and it's even weirder when the person is younger than me, but most times it's an older lady.  I don't find it condescending, I find it bizarre.  I think of Mel's Diner (TV show from the 80's).  It's just an old-school way of trying to sweeten people up so they will give a nice tip, but at this point it's so antiquated it just annoys me.  And the ones I seem to encounter using it, over-use it...like multiples times they will call me honey.  Once is bad enough.

CLoGreenEyes

Eh, this doesn't usually bother me coming from most people. There is a doctor where I work who will call the nurses "dear" or "darling" and be sleazy, which does annoy the bejeezus out of me (I had to get assertive with him once about that, and he never did it again). But if you're just using the vocabulary of your geographic origin, it doesn't bother me at all.

KeptInStitches

It kind of bothers me when it's from a stranger, but otherwise it just doesn't get to me.

minskat30

suzie211 said:

I get annoyed when people call me mam.  It makes me feel old.  I know it's a proper form of etiquette,  but I just miss the assumption that I'm still a baby.   Just pretend I still look 21 and appease me, please:)

This for me.  It happened this morning too and pissed me off.  And I rarely get carded anymore, which also makes me sad. 

bethsmiles

I only call people, other than BF, honey if I'm trying to be a condescending bitch. But if it's not clearly someone trying to be condescending I don't really care what people call me, it's just some people's way.

500days

"honey" ugh. 

I can clearly recall a few parents that I have telephoned that call me "honey" throughout the entire call. I say my name at the beginning of every call of course...doesn't matter.

Shiroyasha

I don't mind it if it's not in a condescending manner.  If a waitress or waiter calls me honey, I don't mind.  If someone calls me honey in the middle of a discussion, I'm more likely to be irritated.

Peaseblossom55

suzie211 said:

I get annoyed when people call me mam.  It makes me feel old.  I know it's a proper form of etiquette,  but I just miss the assumption that I'm still a baby.   Just pretend I still look 21 and appease me, please:)

This it makes me cringe and makes me feel so old.

beanbot2002

Shit. Now I feel bad. I call all my friends hun, honey, sweetie, love, etc. But it has never ever ever been meant to be condescending or rude. It really is out of endearment and love. I really love my friends. A lot. I guess I try to express that through terms of endearment and lots of hugs. I'm a big hugger.

labro

@beanbot2002 You can usually tell when it comes from someone who is sincere and who does it because that is just the way you are. I doubt your friends think you're being condescending or rude. The woman who runs my venue is the exact same way and I'm not bothered by it at all. It's just who she is and it comes across as very sweet and personable.

GoldenPenguin

beanbot2002 said:

Shit. Now I feel bad. I call all my friends hun, honey, sweetie, love, etc. But it has never ever ever been meant to be condescending or rude. It really is out of endearment and love. I really love my friends. A lot. I guess I try to express that through terms of endearment and lots of hugs. I'm a big hugger.

And your friends love YOU.

Ollie08

@beanbot2002 You can usually tell when it comes from someone who is sincere and who does it because that is just the way you are. I doubt your friends think you're being condescending or rude. The woman who runs my venue is the exact same way and I'm not bothered by it at all. It's just who she is and it comes across as very sweet and personable.

I agree, you can tell when it's sincere and when it's meant condescendingly. If it's sincere, it doesn't get to me. You can call me honey anytime @beanbot2002!

suburbanstepmom

I don't know which I would dislike more - being called honey or when people call me ma'am.

Excuse me... I am only 26. TOO SOON to be called "ma'am".

Emmy1493

Shit. Now I feel bad. I call all my friends hun, honey, sweetie, love, etc. But it has never ever ever been meant to be condescending or rude. It really is out of endearment and love. I really love my friends. A lot. I guess I try to express that through terms of endearment and lots of hugs. I'm a big hugger.

ITB: Don't fret, I do too! hahaha. Sometimes I don't mean too because I know it irks some people...but it just comes out.

IllusionsDepths

Being from the west coast, at least my part of the west coast, I grew up without random people calling me things like honey or sweetie. Since I have moved to the east coast I have had to get used to it real fast. Almost everyone calls me that. Except for my co-workers, but they're mostly men of my age group.

The thing I hate being called by anyone except my SO is dear. I barely know you, so I cannot be that "dear" to you. So stop calling me that.

LadyMorvenMacBeth

I call almost everybody honey, darling, dear, deary, sweetie, sweetheart (I actually use tweetheart and tweetie a lot to my girlfriend) ect, and never in my life have I ever meant it in a condescending way, so I'm really sorry if I've ever came off that way, however, almost everyone I know does it, especially elderly ladies. I used to work in a Nursing Home, and you couldn't count the amount of times I was called pet or petal in just one day.

The only ones that annoy me are love and lovie (which my aunt calls me everytime I speak to her). There was also a guy at my work University when I was only about 20, and he was in his late sixties I'd say, and used to leer at all the young girls , and he used to call me sweetheart, and it'd just make your skin crawl.

I think people calling you pet names when you don't know them really depends on where you live. And also, what they call you depends on where you live.

Oh god, I forgot about how Americans (not all admittedly, but I've never met someone from outside the USA who calls anybody it) call people ma'am or mam. Sorry, where I come from, mam means mum, and I'm not your mother.