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Wedding Party

Two WP Questions

We have decided on our wedding party! Yay!!!! And of course, now I have questions...

1) My MOH has been a friend for 23 years. We grew up together and we're like sisters (I'm an only child and she has a brother). She has gone above and beyond for me so far with EVERYTHING. Everyday when we talk, she asks me about anything WR going on and if I have an appointment or something, she always offers to come along. I'm in the camp that MOHs, BMs, etc job is to show up with the right dress on the wedding day so needless to say I'm very appreciative. Anyway, I told my parents who is in my wedding party and my parents weren't too happy with my choice of MOH. They always thought she was egotistical, had made up mental illnesses (she has ADHD and depression) and was always late on purpose to make an entrance. Every time I say "Oh mom, MOH is coming with me to try on dresses." she always says something snarky. In my MOH's defense she is always late, and it's expected. She went off her ADHD meds since she's TTC so at work or home she could go from one task to another and to another and not pay attention to the time. At home, she has a very demanding husband. 364 days of the year, idgaf that she's late, I just would really like it if she isn't late on my wedding day hahaha. Anyway, how to do I tell my parents politely that I've made my choice, I can't demote her or kick her out of the wedding and not offend either one of them? My dad has made it crystal clear he will not say one word to her even if she approaches him. I don't want this to be a pissing contest with me in the middle.

CN: Parents hate MOH.

2) FI's best man is dating one of my BM, and FI only has two people in his WP. After the ceremony when everyone walks back down the aisle, do I have the best man and his GF walk together, my other BM walk with the groomsman and the MOH walk by herself? Or do I do bestman walks with MOH, groomsman with one BM and one BM by herself?

Thanks in advance!

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image 59 Invited
image 36 Yes
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Re: Two WP Questions

  • 1) I think you tell them just like that.  You've made your choice, you're very happy with it and there will be no changes.  After that, a combination of "As I've already said, we're not changing our party and we're not discussing it" and bean-dipping to new/other topics.

    2) There are no set rules.  Everyone could walk out individually or you could pair people as you and they are comfortable.  Since it's really just walking out the venue, I'd probably go with whatever was quickest and least looked like people were dancing around to pair themselves up.
    image
    Anniversary


    buddysmom80doeydoPrettyGirlLost
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers

    We have decided on our wedding party! Yay!!!! And of course, now I have questions...

    1) My MOH has been a friend for 23 years. We grew up together and we're like sisters (I'm an only child and she has a brother). She has gone above and beyond for me so far with EVERYTHING. Everyday when we talk, she asks me about anything WR going on and if I have an appointment or something, she always offers to come along. I'm in the camp that MOHs, BMs, etc job is to show up with the right dress on the wedding day so needless to say I'm very appreciative. Anyway, I told my parents who is in my wedding party and my parents weren't too happy with my choice of MOH. They always thought she was egotistical, had made up mental illnesses (she has ADHD and depression) and was always late on purpose to make an entrance. Every time I say "Oh mom, MOH is coming with me to try on dresses." she always says something snarky. In my MOH's defense she is always late, and it's expected. She went off her ADHD meds since she's TTC so at work or home she could go from one task to another and to another and not pay attention to the time. At home, she has a very demanding husband. 364 days of the year, idgaf that she's late, I just would really like it if she isn't late on my wedding day hahaha. Anyway, how to do I tell my parents politely that I've made my choice, I can't demote her or kick her out of the wedding and not offend either one of them? My dad has made it crystal clear he will not say one word to her even if she approaches him. I don't want this to be a pissing contest with me in the middle.

    CN: Parents hate MOH.

    2) FI's best man is dating one of my BM, and FI only has two people in his WP. After the ceremony when everyone walks back down the aisle, do I have the best man and his GF walk together, my other BM walk with the groomsman and the MOH walk by herself? Or do I do bestman walks with MOH, groomsman with one BM and one BM by herself?

    Thanks in advance!

    1) Anytime your parents bring up your choice of MOH tell them that the decision has been made and you would appreciate if they would just drop it from now on.  If they keep bringing it up either leave the room (if you are in the same place) or tell them that you need to go (if you are on the phone).  The wedding party members are your choice, not there's.  As long as you are happy with your choices then that is all that matters.  They need to get over it.

    2) It is always nice to pair up couples who are in the wedding party but it isn't necessary either. Honestly, once the ceremony is over with your guests really aren't paying much attention once you and your FI walk back down the aisle.  At that point they are busy gathering their things, standing up and getting ready to make their way to the reception.  So if you want to pair up the couple then that is fine.  And you could always have the remaining GM escort both the MOH and the BM down the aisle if your MOH doesn't want to walk by herself.

    Finally, as for your friend being late.  It is good that you recognize that is the way she is.  I know you don't want her to be running late for your wedding but don't be surprised or upset if she does. Anyway, as with most weddings the bridal party usually gathers way before the ceremony to get ready and take pictures.  So even if she is a tad late she most likely won't be so late that she misses the beginning of the ceremony.

    buddysmom80OliveOilsMomKeptInStitchesPrettyGirlLost
  • Thanks @jaclyned and @maggie0829 for the advice!

    @maggie0829 in regards to her being on time for my wedding, even if she's late then I'm not going to stress it, I'm sure I'll have a million things on my mind that day I won't even pay attention to the time!

     Wedding Countdown Ticker




    image 59 Invited
    image 36 Yes
    image 2 No
    image 21 Unknown
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Your choices for bridal party should be no one's but your own.  I'm frankly at a loss as to why your mom would be surprised you chose a long standing friend as MOH.  If you, your mom, and your MOH attend things together, you need to politely tell your mom that if she cannot keep her comments to herself, she should stay home.  With her snarky comments, not only is your mom being rude to your friend,  she is causing you unnecessary stress.  Ironically, it sounds as if it is your mom who is creating the tension and anxiety.

    The wedding recessional is a 60 second walk.  It is a formality.  Everyone is an adult.  There should be no reason that such an easy, benign exit needs to be complicated by anyone's relationship.  The best man should walk out with the MOH.  If you announce the bridal party at the reception, the BM and his FI/your BM can be introduced together.
    buddysmom80doeydoPrettyGirlLost
  • @mobkaz my mom lives 200 miles away so she hasn't been able to attend most of the WR stuff so far. She came out last weekend to come with me to try on wedding dresses. One appointment that I had MOH and another BM came along and my mom was polite to her but more social with the other BM (if that makes sense). My mom just gets annoyed when people are always late, but that's just how MOH is, she's been that way for years so it's not like some big surprise that in 2014 her new year's resolution was to be late to everything.

    In regards to the recessional, I didn't want to ruffle anyone's feathers by having the Best Man walking with the MOH who isn't his GF. We're not doing introductions for the WP at the reception since it's a small wedding and everyone knows everyone else.

     Wedding Countdown Ticker




    image 59 Invited
    image 36 Yes
    image 2 No
    image 21 Unknown
  • Your parents need to suck it up. At least your mom is civil, which is the very least you can expect. Dear ol' Dad needs to put on his big boy panties and deal with it though, what business is it of his who is in your WP... I just don't get it. It doesn't sound like you passed up a sister to include your friend, nor does it sound as if your friend is abusive or kicks puppies for fun or something, so there's no reason he should refuse to speak to her.

    I think you need to tell them exactly what you told us. It's your wedding, and if they make your MOH feel unwelcome THEY will look like tools. So the least they can do is act like human beings and fake it for a day. Sheesh.

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