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Moms and Maids

Is it okay to ask my best friend to be my MoH in front of everyone at our engagement party?

My best friend and her fiance are hosting my first (and significantly smaller) engagement party in their house, and I was going to toast her and ask her to be my Maid of Honour in front of everyone. However, I ran this past my sister-in-laws (I have five) and three of them thought it was a bad idea, that it would embarrassing for her, insulting to my other close friends, and that she would probably decline, since she is engaged herself (they are waiting five years to get married though, so I thought that wouldn't be a problem?).

What do you guys think? You probably know the proper way to do this better than me...

Re: Is it okay to ask my best friend to be my MoH in front of everyone at our engagement party?

  • i understand your enthusiasm, but i would not do that. i'd take her to lunch or coffee and ask her in private, or even in just a phone call. if for any reason she wants to decline, being in public would be very awkward.  
    PrettyGirlLostdoeydo
  • I've declined being a bridesmaid before, and it was uncomfortable between just the bride and me.  I couldn't imagine if it had been in front of a group of people.  By no means am I saying your friend will decline, but it's the kind of question that should be asked one-on-one.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Yeah, I would find it awkward. 

    And am I reading correctly that you are having more than one engagement party? Why? 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    PrettyGirlLostdoeydo
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    You need to ask each attendant in private, not in the presence of anyone else.  If they have to say no, being asked in the presence of others, especially at your engagement party, makes it that much harder.  Also, asking anyone in the presence of others may lead those others to assume they will also be asked.  Presumably you are not asking everyone at your engagement party to be your bridesmaid!
    PrettyGirlLostdoeydo
  • GinnaNGinnaN member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited January 2014
    I agree with the previous posters. Its far too much pressure.
  • good intentions, but agree to keep it private. maybe ask her before the party?
    image

    Anniversary
  • erinlin25 said:
    good intentions, but agree to keep it private. maybe ask her before the party?
    I like this idea, but just in case she has to decline maybe ask her AFTER the party instead, so it's not an awkward party!

    But same as PPs, don't ask her in front of everyone.  It SOUNDS like a good idea - but there are just too many possible issues.  
    image
    Jen&Mike8
  • Are you having multiple engagement parties?
  • Yes, I am having multiple engagement parties. I'm having two. As I said in the question, I was going to ask her at the first one, which only has immediate family and people we plan to ask to be in our wedding party (and their significant others) attending.
  • doeydodoeydo Southwestern Ontario member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Hopefully you are aware that everyone invited to a pre-wedding party (ie. engagement party) must be invited to the wedding itself.  Also, it is inappropriate for you or your FI to host the 'second' engagement party, or any pre-wedding party for that matter.
    image
  • Yes I am aware that everyone invited to the engagement party has to be invited to the wedding. And yes I know it's 'inappropriate' to host the engagement party yourself (if you are being ridiculously old fashioned), my parents are hosting it. Now, if you've had quite enough of being patronising and judgemental, are you going to answer the question? (But I guess you'd just agree with everybody else anyway?) Also, why have you got quotes around second?
    jenijoyk
  • Thanks to everyone for their advice, by the way. It had never occurred to me that it would make it awkward. I'm having two engagement parties because both my parents and my best friend offered to host them, and since I'm not paying for them, I didn't see the point in declining either.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Yes I am aware that everyone invited to the engagement party has to be invited to the wedding. And yes I know it's 'inappropriate' to host the engagement party yourself (if you are being ridiculously old fashioned), my parents are hosting it. Now, if you've had quite enough of being patronising and judgemental, are you going to answer the question? (But I guess you'd just agree with everybody else anyway?) Also, why have you got quotes around second?
    She did answer the question. You just didn't like the answer.  Thing is, you're not entitled to control how anyone "answers" it or not, so responding with snark doesn't make you look good.

    Also, nobody here was "patronizing" or "judgmental" to you. (Using American spelling.)  Everyone gave you answers, but apparently you don't like them.  If that's the case, I'm sorry, but it sounds like you're going to have a hard time on the Internet, where the act of posting in any forum opens you up to "judgment" and any kind of answer the posters care to respond with. 
    chibiyuidoeydo
  • lc07lc07 Sunny Southern California member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I think it's nice that you want to spotlight your friend, toast to her and make her feel special in front of the group. Perhaps you can toast her at your rehearsal dinner? I was asked to be a bridesmaid for a wedding taking place in a foreign country via phone call. The bride had me on speaker phone with the other bridesmaids that she has just asked in person (I live 3,000 miles away from everyone else.) The bride had the best intentions, in that she wanted to ask me at the same time as all of the other girls and include me. But it was very awkward because everyone was so excited. I said yes because of the pressure. But later had to call the bride to tell her that I might not be able to make the trip overseas for the wedding due to financial problems I was having.

    I'd have preferred to have been asked privately.
    pinkshorts27
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Yes I am aware that everyone invited to the engagement party has to be invited to the wedding. And yes I know it's 'inappropriate' to host the engagement party yourself (if you are being ridiculously old fashioned), my parents are hosting it. Now, if you've had quite enough of being patronising and judgemental, are you going to answer the question? (But I guess you'd just agree with everybody else anyway?) Also, why have you got quotes around second?
    She wasn't being patronizing or judgmental.  She was just letting you know what the proper etiquette is for pre-wedding parties.

    doeydo
  • Sorry, I feel like I'm butting into a pretty much closed question here but "Hopefully you are aware that everyone invited to a pre-wedding party (ie. engagement party) must be invited to the wedding itself.  Also, it is inappropriate for you or your FI to host the 'second' engagement party, or any pre-wedding party for that matter." does sound really patronising to me, and a little judgemental. It came off (to me anyway, and I'm guessing OP) that @doeydo was assuming that OP had no idea what she was doing, when, if you have a look at other things she's posted on, she actually does. Maybe it's the word hopefully; it came off as majorly sarcastic to me, but that might be an America/Britain clash of culture.

    I feel like I should go hide in a box now.
    Jen&Mike8
  • doeydodoeydo Southwestern Ontario member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Sorry, I feel like I'm butting into a pretty much closed question here but "Hopefully you are aware that everyone invited to a pre-wedding party (ie. engagement party) must be invited to the wedding itself.  Also, it is inappropriate for you or your FI to host the 'second' engagement party, or any pre-wedding party for that matter." does sound really patronising to me, and a little judgemental. It came off (to me anyway, and I'm guessing OP) that @doeydo was assuming that OP had no idea what she was doing, when, if you have a look at other things she's posted on, she actually does. Maybe it's the word hopefully; it came off as majorly sarcastic to me, but that might be an America/Britain clash of culture.

    I feel like I should go hide in a box now.
    I didn't mean it to come off that way.  
    image
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