Inviting Out of Town Guests without expecting that they attend

maocms

Anyone have a suggestion on how to write a personal note on an invitation for an out of town guest so they feel no pressure to attend the wedding?  I want to invite a few colleagues who I also consider friends, but they live across the country and I don't want them to feel any pressure to attend because it would be very expensive for them.

Thanks!

lyndausvi

An invite is just that an invite.  It's not a subpoena.   No one (other than maybe immediate family) should feel pressure to go to an event they receive an invite for.     If I received a no pressure note I would feel like you didn't really want me there. Or even worse just wanted a gift (since a lot of people still send gifts when they can't attend a wedding).

Heart is the right place, but I would just send the invite without any additional notes.  Or maybe not send the invite and send an announcement after the fact.

ETA

thelastdreamer

I wouldn't do that because they might think you don't actually want them to come. Let them decide, they're adults and will be able to decide if they want to come or not.

KayDeee

Even though it may not be your intention, it may look like sort of a gift grab if you are inviting them with no intention of them coming.

But you know, they could also be the kind of friends who are insulted if they DON'T get the invite, even if they can't make it.

So yeah, send it and let them decide.

Most importantly -- just make sure you have the space if you do invite them and they DO come.

Jen4948

maocms said:

Anyone have a suggestion on how to write a personal note on an invitation for an out of town guest so they feel no pressure to attend the wedding?  I want to invite a few colleagues who I also consider friends, but they live across the country and I don't want them to feel any pressure to attend because it would be very expensive for them.

Thanks!

You could make someone feel guilty to either accept or decline.

Either they accept or they don't.  It's not a summons or a subpoena.  If they feel like coming, they will tell you.  And even local recipients of your invitation may decline.

AddieCake

Why is everyone always so worried about this? People know they don't have to attend. No notes stating such are necessary. 

emmyg65

It would be odd to receive an invitation like this. Most people understand that an invitation is just that, and can be declined politely for whatever reason.

lc07

The PPs are correct. An invitation is optional by virtue of it being an invitation. A note of this sort could easily be off-putting.

Maggie0829

I would see the small note as having more pressure to attend your wedding.

Just send them the invite (minus the note) and let them decide if they want to come.

sarahufl

A note would make me mad. I would probably go out of my way to attend just to make sure they knew how tacky the whole thing was.

saacjw

No note. Remember, you might think you know who won't attend because of distance, but you may be totally wrong. We had a bunch of my husband's extended family come who were on our "almost certainly will not show" list and I'm guessing they would have been insulted by such a note. It would have read like we didn't really want them there. 

SP29

I agree, send the invitation sans any notes. They are adults who can decide to accept or decline.

I also agree to not assume. We had local guests we thought would come who declined, and guests who had to travel and we expected to decline who accepted. 

HaileyDancingbear

PP's covered it, you mean well, but if they can't come they won't come.  And given that your heart is in the right place, it would really suck if they took your note the wrong way and got offended!  

maocms

Thanks for the feedback.  I wouldn't want to offend anyone, and didn't even think of that.

It is not a gift grab as we are not registering and asked people to donate our favorite charities instead of gifts if they want to do something.  Just didn't want anyone to think we'd be upset if they didn't want to pay for travel as it can be expensive.  If they do come, we'd love them to be there otherwise we wouldn't be inviting them.

I haven't sent anything out yet, was just looking for feedback.  No need to call something "tacky" that hasn't happened yet.

Thanks again to those of you offering advice in a positive way.

Wishing you all the best for your weddings.

maocms

Thanks for the good advice.
All the best to you!

cowgirl8238

lyndausvi said:

An invite is just that an invite.  It's not a subpoena.   No one (other than maybe immediate family) should feel pressure to go to an event they receive an invite for.     If I received a no pressure note I would feel like you didn't really want me there. Or even worse just wanted a gift (since a lot of people still send gifts when they can't attend a wedding).

Heart is the right place, but I would just send the invite without any additional notes.  Or maybe not send the invite and send an announcement after the fact.

ETA

THIS EXACTLY