out of state wedding

Tanwheat

Ok so my husband and I are already legally married however we are doing our big ceremony in October. I for him decided to do it in the state where his family is from so that they could come. I actually have some family from there as well so it at first didn't seem like such a bad idea. However now as people are receiving the save the dates I keep getting the same response "I will try my best to make it." I am so scared that none of my friends will show up other than my wedding party and my family. Which honestly hurts me because I have gone out of my way to go to all of their weddings in the past. And not only that I hired a babysitter to watch all of the kids for those of my friends who have kids and couldn't find a babysitter. So I feel I have gone above and beyond to make it as easy as possible for everyone. I do understand that time and money is tight for everyone but I feel like its not that difficult. I know you don't know me but am I sounding unreasonable? I hope not.

Jells2dot0

Do these people already know you are married? If they do, that is probably why you aren't getting many "takers." Some people won't mind, but most people will not want to travel and take time off of work to see a re-do ceremony. You can only get married once. So, I think it's a little selfish to be upset about people not wanting to travel when it's not even your wedding that they will be attending!!!

Jells2dot0

I highly recommend reading the following post on the etiquette board about how to handle a celebration of marriage held after you are already legally married:

http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/996776/legally-married-now-having-a-real-wedding-stop-here-first-aka-the-ppd-faq-thread#latest

MobKaz

Tanwheat said:

Ok so my husband and I are already legally married however we are doing our big ceremony in October. I for him decided to do it in the state where his family is from so that they could come. I actually have some family from there as well so it at first didn't seem like such a bad idea. However now as people are receiving the save the dates I keep getting the same response "I will try my best to make it." I am so scared that none of my friends will show up other than my wedding party and my family. Which honestly hurts me because I have gone out of my way to go to all of their weddings in the past. And not only that I hired a babysitter to watch all of the kids for those of my friends who have kids and couldn't find a babysitter. So I feel I have gone above and beyond to make it as easy as possible for everyone. I do understand that time and money is tight for everyone but I feel like its not that difficult. I know you don't know me but am I sounding unreasonable? I hope not.

Most people will tell a bride-to-be that no one will ever be as excited about your wedding as you. This will be particularly true in your case because you are already married.  I am sure friends and family would have been honored and excited to attend your actual wedding.  But they are not able to do that since you have already married.  It is not a matter of how easy you have made things for your guests.  No one wants to see a reenactment of something that has already happened.

Why don't you reconsider your plans.  Skip the ceremony altogether.  It really serves no point, and the responses you are getting from your STD's seem to bear that out.  (As an additional FYI, STD's are for information purposes only and responses are not required at this point.  No one is going to commit to attending something 8 months from now.)  Throw a great "We're married" party in October instead.  Celebrate the wedding you had with friends and family.

MarieNV

It's normal to have pre-ceremony gitters.  Don't worry, it will all work out and you are going to have plenty of your family and friends by your side.  But either way, it doesn't do much good to worry.  Just do what you can do and enjoy your happy day! 

Congratulations!