wedding questions

JaniV123

Last night FI and I were talking and we put on the table the possibility of doing a cake and punch reception instead of the dinner time reception we have wanted, in order to be able to afford other things we really want like a full service photog and a coordinator.

We have concluded that we really would like a coordinator because of our personal situations. 

So far we have sat down with one coordinator and contacted another through email. The first offered to do the coordination for free if we do flowers and decor with her (she does beautiful work). FI is unsure about this because she did not mention a minimum requirement in that field and he doesnt understand the idea. The second is a full coordination but it is way way way out of budget. 

are these good ideas? does the coordinator thing make sense? 

and finally is a cocktail hour required or can it be skipped? 

ETA: can the cocktail hour be done in the same room as the reception?

QueerFemme

JaniV123 said:

Last night FI and I were talking and we put on the table the possibility of doing a cake and punch reception instead of the dinner time reception we have wanted, in order to be able to afford other things we really want like a full service photog and a coordinator.

We have concluded that we really would like a coordinator because of our personal situations. 

So far we have sat down with one coordinator and contacted another through email. The first offered to do the coordination for free if we do flowers and decor with her (she does beautiful work). FI is unsure about this because she did not mention a minimum requirement in that field and he doesnt understand the idea. The second is a full coordination but it is way way way out of budget. 

are these good ideas? does the coordinator thing make sense? 

and finally is a cocktail hour required or can it be skipped? 

ETA: can the cocktail hour be done in the same room as the reception?

Honestly, if you are doing a cake & punch reception, what do you need a coordinator for?  Cake and punch receptions are typically very low key, and don't last that long.  so, I'm not sure what personal situations you have that make you think you need a coordinator, but a cake and punch reception is usually not that hard to coordinate. You could consider getting a "day of coordinator" to help do simple things and assist with decorating, etc., but, I doubt you'll need a full service coordinator.  Particularly when it means paying for that, and cutting back on hosting your guests.

To your other question. You don't NEED a cocktail hour.  Cocktail hour is done to host your guests normally, while you are taking photographs after the wedding. You could do a first look and do all of your photos prior to the ceremony, and go straight from your ceremony to the reception. No gap, no need for a cocktail hour.   

JaniV123

@QueerFemme

We would really like a coordinator because come July neither of us will be able to do much for wedding planning because of his work schedule and my studies (medical school). So having someone take care of everything would really come in handy in preparing the reception area, decorations, itinerary, etc. We want to host our guests properly and in order to do that and have the help that we need in preparing for the day, it would be really difficult to stay on budget and have a dinner reception 

JCbride2015

If you do a cake and punch reception, I also think you eliminate the need for a coordinator.  Are you really thinking of doing a ton of decoration in the space?  Maybe just get a DOC to put up decorations and handle itinerary, but there probably isn't much to handle.

Have you thought about pushing the wedding back a little bit so you can afford the dinner reception you really want, plus a DOC?

QueerFemme

JaniV123 said:

@QueerFemme

We would really like a coordinator because come July neither of us will be able to do much for wedding planning because of his work schedule and my studies (medical school). So having someone take care of everything would really come in handy in preparing the reception area, decorations, itinerary, etc. We want to host our guests properly and in order to do that and have the help that we need in preparing for the day, it would be really difficult to stay on budget and have a dinner reception 

You could probably place all of your orders now (order your flowers, do your cake tasting, etc.) and then just hire a day of coordinator, or honestly, even hire a friend of a friend or something to do minimal decor and wait for the cake delivery, etc.  You could probably hire someone to do this for a couple hundred dollars.  You won't have a lot of vendors to coordinate with a cake/punch reception, and I would really recommend you keep decor and other "extras" to a minimum. 

If your guests show up to your reception and it's decorated elaborately and you have a ton of huge centerpieces, etc., but you are only serving cake and punch, it will be clear that you focused on the wrong things. 

Also, look into having a brunch/lunch or late afternoon reception.  You can often serve bbq or pasta, usually for about $10-12 per person.

 

JaniV123

Thanks @JCBride2014 i ran it by FI and he doesnt want to spend more than we have budgeted even if we pushed the wedding back, so we are sitting down tonight to figure out at least 3 possible different scenarios for the wedding. I also thought of looking for a student photog and offer him x amount of money to do our pictures and get what i want there without the high price tag butit is still uncertain

JaniV123

@QueerFemme

We dont huge centerpieces or anything too flashy even if it was the dinner reception. The caterer we want is $17pp with a varied menu and includes everything from servers to plates and bartender

MandyMost

I think you need to sit down and figure out exactly what you want a coordinator to do. 

Do you just want someone there on that day (a DOC) to make sure everything is set up at the reception before you get there, and to cue the specific events that are on your timeline? That makes sense to me, and is something I know I really wanted. We didn't want to have to worry about getting everything done ourselves, and didn't want to have to task our mom's or the bridal party with that kind of thing.

For a "full coordinator", I assume you mean a total event planner? Someone that will essentially book all the vendors, make sure everything goes together, etc.? If you're watching your budget, I can't imagine going this way! 

If you know you'll be busy the month before your wedding, then just do stuff in advance and don't plan for a lot of crafty, last-minute prep work. And if you can, have a mom of the MOH or someone be tasked with lots of the phone calls to confirm everything in the weeks leading up to your wedding. 

But really, I don't think it makes sense to spend your money to coordinate a big event, when you have to cut that event way down in order to have it! 

JCbride2015

JaniV123 said:

@QueerFemme

We dont huge centerpieces or anything too flashy even if it was the dinner reception. The caterer we want is $17pp with a varied menu and includes everything from servers to plates and bartender

Wow, I know you are in PR so the markets are very different-- but I don't see how you can do much better than that.  This is for a dinner reception?  Does that include alcohol?  That's an awesome deal.

QueerFemme

JaniV123 said:

@QueerFemme

We dont huge centerpieces or anything too flashy even if it was the dinner reception. The caterer we want is $17pp with a varied menu and includes everything from servers to plates and bartender

that's a really good price.  You could still do it cheaper, if you wanted to budget further.   I guess overall, it's just a decision you have to make about what's important.

If you do a cake/punch reception, plan on it lasting probably about an hour to two hours.  I would skip having a DJ/band, and maybe just do some ipod/background music.  Your wedding ceremony should either be around 2pm, and end by 4 or 5, or after 8pm, and will likely end by 10ish.  You need to make sure you are avoiding meal times. 

BlueBirdMB

I also don't see the need for a coordinator.  Think about this:

Now, book all your vendors and make as many decisions as possible so that everything is set.  Even get your invites ready so that all you have to do is send them later.

Near the wedding, all you will be responsible for is gather RSVPs.  You'd have to do that even if you had a coordinator.  

Day of, make sure all your vendors show up.  I'd pick a venue where set up and break down is included.  Or if you are renting things, I'd pay for setup and and break down to be included.

I really don't see the point of having decor if it's a punch and cake reception.  Such receptions are normally very short, so no one will be around to appreciate decor.  If you do some decor, get something small that perhaps a florist will put out for you.

Cocktail hour doesn't make much sense with a cake and punch reception.  Simply have your ceremony, then have everyone gather for cake and punch- maybe a couple of non-sweet items as well?  People will most likely, eat and mingle for a while, say congrats, and leave.

If you want things to last longer, I'd suggest looking into a lunch/brunch reception as well.  Then people will hang around and eat longer.

JaniV123

Thanks all, I had not realized cake and punch receptions were so short and we definitely dont want that so sticking to the dinner reception will have to do. 

I really dont like the idea of a brunch/lunch reception plus the church would charge us more if the ceremony is before 3pm. 

@JCBride2014 it is a great deal unfortunately it does not include alcohol as far as I know, but we have yet to sit down with the caterer for full details. 

I guess the coordinator who would be free if we do decor could work, I might just ask her more bluntly if our $800 budget for flowers and decor would work for her if she was the DOC only.

thanks all again. this whole thing is stressing me out a lot because FI is adamant about wanting to spend x amount of money regardless of the date (the one we have or push it back) 

QueerFemme

JaniV123 said:

Thanks all, I had not realized cake and punch receptions were so short and we definitely dont want that so sticking to the dinner reception will have to do. 

I really dont like the idea of a brunch/lunch reception plus the church would charge us more if the ceremony is before 3pm. 

@JCBride2014 it is a great deal unfortunately it does not include alcohol as far as I know, but we have yet to sit down with the caterer for full details. 

I guess the coordinator who would be free if we do decor could work, I might just ask her more bluntly if our $800 budget for flowers and decor would work for her if she was the DOC only.

thanks all again. this whole thing is stressing me out a lot because FI is adamant about wanting to spend x amount of money regardless of the date (the one we have or push it back) 

Ahhh, yeah. Sounds like you need to rethink your plan.  Cake & Punch receptions are usually just quick mingling, congrats, and such. They don't usually have a party atmosphere, and are often held in church basements.  Without food and/or alcohol, people tend not to stick around for long.

If you don't want to do it as a brunch/lunch, you'll likely be around dinner time, in which, you really have no choice but to provide a full meal.