Pre-wedding Parties

Bridal shower

Ok, I know I am not supposed to throw my own bridal shower, but my sister does want me to get together a guest list, for her.  My FI's aunts usually throw bridal showers for the brides, but I am not sure if they are planning on throwing one for me. (I am not as close to them as the woman who have married into the family...  traveled a lot for work). I know they don't have to throw me a shower.  How do I delicately find out if they are throwing me one, so I know who to have on the guest list to my sister's party? I don't want to come off as asking for a shower, but I just need to know for my sister's guest list. I would hate to have a smaller party, for just my side, and his family feel like I didn't care if they were invited, if they weren't going to have a shower for me. But my sister needs to know soon to know where she can host the shower. If it's small, (I would only be having 15 people on my side), she would have it at her house.  If it is big, (his family) she may have to go with a hall, and would need to book that soon. And my second question is, if they do throw me a party, and I wind up having two parties, should his sisters (my bridesmaids)  be invited to both parties?  I don't want them bringing gifts to both events, or feeling like they should.  I just want them to know that they are my sisters, and if I have a family event with close family, I consider them a part of it. I know inviting people to two showers is considered gift grabby, but for his sisters, (my bridesmaids), would it be construed as me not considering them family? 

Re: Bridal shower

  • I don't think it would be inappropriate for your FI to call one of his family members (maybe on the aunts) and say something essentially like "Themuffinman's sister has offered to throw her shower and has asked for help with the guest list.  Who from our family is traditionally invited so that we can pass on names and addresses?"  I think this would give them the opportunity to decline for his side of the family, to offer to help your sister, or to give the names of those to be invited from his side.

    I don't think two showers, if planned for the two sides of the family, is gift grabby.  It can happen when families live far apart or have different customs for these events.  If there are two showers, and you have input on both guest lists, I'd invite parents, grandparents, siblings and your attendants to both. 

  • Thank you.  That is really helpful. I didn't want to put in an idea in their head that they had to throw me a shower, as I certainly don't expect it.  I am not even a shower type person, but my sister wanted to return the favor because I threw her baby shower. She knows she does not have to, but she wants to throw one. (I really did not want her throwing a shower because she has a tough pregnancy with back problems... she wouldn't hear anything of it.) So I guess I will just help her clean her house for the party, so she doesn't have to worry about that .  I don't think that would be considered co-hosting as long as I was not cleaning during the party.  Thanks, I will talk to FI.  I think bridal showers are so much scarier than weddings, because they are extreme etiquette landmines. Lol.
  • My aunt is going to host my bridal shower and she called my fiance's mom to see what they wanted to do (one big one or 2 separate ones)
  • agree to have your FI talk to his mom and/or aunt regarding a list. That way they will either submit names or say "we actually were planning on throwing one for her" and then you will know.  And in regards to being invited to both, it is common to have moms, sisters and bridesmaids invited to all the showers.  Does not mean they have to attend nor give a gift at both if they do not want to. 

  • Thanks, so much, ladies.  FI emailed his aunt, we are just waiting to hear back. 
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