NWR - Cover Letter Help!

JennyColada

I am applying for this position, and I would like some feedback on my cover letter (I feel it is a bit long, and would like feedback on what seems out of place or redundant): To whom it may concern, I am writing to confirm my interest for your position of Program Manager, Employee Recognition with Princess Cruises. I noticed this position listed on your website and I would be a successful addition to your team. My 9 years of customer service and management experience began at one of the top 25 Charlotte Russe locations. This $2M per year location allowed me to design new customer service training tools and develop the skills of all employees including management, sales, and visual teams. My opportunity at Guess Accessories (a quickly up-and-coming new concept by the Guess by Marciano brand) allowed me to travel from California to Florida assisting with new staff hiring and training; location set up and development; as well as designing and launching sales incentive programs. At Sunglass Hut, I set my focus on taking an active role in their non-profit sectors (OneSight Vision North America) and was a major contributor towards promoting the largest national growth of this program through associate training and motivation. Steve Madden has given me the platform in which to utilize my strengths in a Human Resources and Operations Management capacity and I have shown that I am a strong force in ensuring a high focus on customer service, business growth, and maintaining profitability through motivation and employee recognition. I am looking for a company that will allow me to utilize my own strengths in a Human Resources and Operations capacity full time. My passion is in the people: training and motivation is the foundation of any successful business and I would love the opportunity to grow with Princess Cruises. Attached you will find my resume, which also includes all of my current contact information. I look forward to your consideration in this position,

Cookie Pusher

IMO, this reads too much like just a summary of your resume. Your cover letter should link your previous experience to the requirements of the new position. This will help in translating skills from one industry/field to another. While you touch on that in the last paragraph, if I was a hiring manager digging through 32908472378 resumes and cover letters, yours probably would not have stood out as a good candidate. Remember, at this stage of the game, they're spending a minute (maybe 2) just glancing at your qualifications so you want to get to the point quickly.

pumpkinsandturkeys

My only feedback is that it sounds as though you're summarizing your resume rather than selling yourself. Your cover letter is the chance to say, "here's all of the fantastic things about me that will make me a wonderful asset to you that you won't get to read about in my resume."

Rather than name-dropping all of the places you've been employed, stick with the top two or three that will impress them the most. The rest of the cover letter can then speak to your skills and strengths, and how you plan to apply them to this new role. You said you'd love the opportunity to grow with Princess Cruises -- why? What is it about the brand that draws you in? What values do they have that you share? Why are you the best person to be a representative of their brand and what can you bring to the table to better the Employee Recognition program (specific details not necessary here, but a general overview/application of your relevant skills should be shared)?

Good luck!

JennyColada

I guess I just don't know what else to say. Everything that I've mentioned in my cover letter isn't outlined in my resume (other than, obviously, places of employment).

I've had a lot of Sales Management style roles, so I'm trying to show that I CAN do office work and HR work full time (I'm always getting stuck in sales roles which isn't what I want to do anymore).

Hrm...

Cookie Pusher

 I used to work for a large staffing firm, and the recruiters were really good at spotting potential talent. The resumes and cover letters that stood out the most to them spoke more about how the person would fit in the new company instead of talking just about what they did at their previous jobs. What exactly does this new position require? You could take one of the responsibilities it outlines and tell them how you could do this because XYZ. I went from a commissioned sales position in luxury goods to an office management position just by being able to tell the hiring manager that I could translate the sales reports/event planning/scheduling/product management into effective time and supply management for a big office.

jenna8984

Do you have hirer education that you could include? I always say something such as "My accounting degree from XXX and 8 years of experience in both public and private accounting make me the ideal candidate for your position" Throw in precise examples of things you do/ have done such as "I have fixed payroll accuracy by 20%, I have negotiated with vendors and cut expenses by 10% and increased working capital. I am confident that I will be able to do the same for your company."

 

JennyColada

jenna8984 said:

Do you have hirer education that you could include? I always say something such as "My accounting degree from XXX and 8 years of experience in both public and private accounting make me the ideal candidate for your position" Throw in precise examples of things you do/ have done such as "I have fixed payroll accuracy by 20%, I have negotiated with vendors and cut expenses by 10% and increased working capital. I am confident that I will be able to do the same for your company."

 

I don't have a degree, and I have a lot of those figures in my resume.

Thanks everyone for taking a look at this for me! It's very helpful to get second opinions!

pinkcow13

Agree with PP's, the cover letter should use the skills you have gained in past employment and tie them into the position you are applying for. I am going to PM you my cover letter for the position that I am in right now. It must have been decent since I got the job lol. I just changed the name of my company and stuff.