"helpful" answers only rant

Inkdancer

I've seen a couple of instances of ladies asking for "helpful answers only" and I'd like to make this statement:

By telling you what exactly went wrong, we are being helpful.

By saying "do this, not that", we are being helpful.

By giving you any advice at all, we are being helpful.

Just because you disagree with what we're saying or don't want to hear criticism, that does not mean that we aren't helping. Take what internet strangers say with a heaping spoonful of sugar, because we're offering good medicine.

LDay2014

Sometimes, the best way to be helpful is to be honest.

Emmy1493

And by being honest, you get straight answers, not sugar coated ones like family & friends sometimes give.

By being honest, were not being Bitches, or attacking you either.

You might indeed get snarky answers if you come on here claiming your being "attacked, or bullied."  

Cookie Pusher

Who gets to decide what answers are "helpful" anyway? If someone just wants to get smoke blown up their ass, they need to stay off the internet.

AddieCake

Yeah, that's my question, too, Cookie. 

PolarBearFitz

but @inkdancer 'I am super sensitive and my PPD is totes approved by everyone of my guests ever! I definitely have reason for my cash bar and making people give me cash for my honeymoon.'

Seriously though I am over the blasting insulting threads people are putting up because they are not receiving the answers or  'helpful' advice they wanted to tell them their etiquette-less idea is genius.

Inkdancer

PolarBearFitz said:

but @inkdancer 'I am super sensitive and my PPD is totes approved by everyone of my guests ever! I definitely have reason for my cash bar and making people give me cash for my honeymoon.'

Seriously though I am over the blasting insulting threads people are putting up because they are not receiving the answers or  'helpful' advice they wanted to tell them their etiquette-less idea is genius.

PolarBearFitz

Inkdancer said:

show previous quotes

PolarBearFitz said:

but @inkdancer 'I am super sensitive and my PPD is totes approved by everyone of my guests ever! I definitely have reason for my cash bar and making people give me cash for my honeymoon.'

Seriously though I am over the blasting insulting threads people are putting up because they are not receiving the answers or  'helpful' advice they wanted to tell them their etiquette-less idea is genius.

Yup.

So if you ladies want to spray your face with glitter, make your 'bride-slaves' plan your event, have your cash bar, PPD, not feed your guests, not have appropriate seating and demand gifts then enjoy your friendless rude lives and carry on.

hellohkb

I wish people would be more honest and just flat out say, "only respond if you're going to agree with me".

Cookie Pusher

Henceforth, I am going to consider myself Queen of The Knot, and I only deem answers with puppy pictures as helpful!

erinlin25

I just want to give them all awards

Cookie Pusher

I'm sorry, @erinlin25, but I consder your answer useless without a puppy gif. You should just stop posting.

HisGirlFriday13

As soon as I see 'helpful answers only, please,' I know that the poster is a special snowflake who believes that being helpful is agreeing with her and validating her bad ideas and that no matter what we say, we're all going to be told we're big meanie pants!

HaileyDancingbear

I never post anything without being prepared for people to disagree.  I'm a grown ass woman, I can handle disagreements, and if I'm asking for advice I appreciate any advice I am given regardless of what I was hoping for.

I didn't stay in art school for too long, but rule #1 for all critiques, was grow a pair, deal with criticism, because you will never improve as an artist if people only say nice things no matter what you put in front of them.  Frankly in critiques the only comments that were REALLY helpful were the criticisms.  It's nice to hear compliments on work, don't get me wrong, but commenting to keep doing something I am already doing doesn't do as much as telling me to stop doing something that is making my work suffer.  I had special snowflakes in my class who would regularly produce the crappiest work in the class then bitch for HOURS if anyone said anything other than "ZOMG ITS PERFECT!"  Needless to say their work was just as shitty when they ended as when they began, meanwhile people like me who could accept criticism and move on improved- I went from being "Meh" in my drawing course to having the teacher pull me aside and tell me my work was at the top of the class.

Obviously the situations are different, but I think the attitude towards critique is essential to improving in all aspects of life.  

vollebell

HaileyDancingbear said:

I never post anything without being prepared for people to disagree.  I'm a grown ass woman, I can handle disagreements, and if I'm asking for advice I appreciate any advice I am given regardless of what I was hoping for.

I didn't stay in art school for too long, but rule #1 for all critiques, was grow a pair, deal with criticism, because you will never improve as an artist if people only say nice things no matter what you put in front of them.  Frankly in critiques the only comments that were REALLY helpful were the criticisms.  It's nice to hear compliments on work, don't get me wrong, but commenting to keep doing something I am already doing doesn't do as much as telling me to stop doing something that is making my work suffer.  I had special snowflakes in my class who would regularly produce the crappiest work in the class then bitch for HOURS if anyone said anything other than "ZOMG ITS PERFECT!"  Needless to say their work was just as shitty when they ended as when they began, meanwhile people like me who could accept criticism and move on improved- I went from being "Meh" in my drawing course to having the teacher pull me aside and tell me my work was at the top of the class.

Obviously the situations are different, but I think the attitude towards critique is essential to improving in all aspects of life.  

THIS. As an actor, I actually can't STAND when my director doesn't have a critique. I can't have a better performance if I don't know what needs to be worked on. Only tell me I did well if I did well, don't blow smoke.

And I'm sorry @Cookie Pusher that there is no puppy gif attached. You may now banish me from the internet.

erinlin25

@Cookie Pusher

Cookie Pusher

@vollebell - I'll cut you some slack since you're an actor, but you better shape up or I'll send the Wedding Police after you!

@erinlin25 - You just made my day. You may continue to post on TK.

PolarBearFitz

Can we just all decide that when someone posts for 'helpful answers only' that we all just respond with puppy gifs and no advice if it's a repeat offender? That would make me so happy.

vt&dt

I'm a dance teacher, and tell my students - "If I take the time to correct you/give you constructive criticism, that is the most helpful thing I can do to your progress.  Your families and friends will tell you you're perfect even when you're not.  When I tell you how you can improve, that's me doing my job."

Plus, isn't the whole point of TK forums to get objective opinions from people that don't know you/care about you enough to try and protect your feelings and lie to tell you x is a great idea when in fact it's terrible?

And we usually don't get snarky or even borderline mean until people argue that their bad hosting/etiquette fail/etc is actually OK because their situation is ZOMG so different than anyone else's. 

Inkdancer

@vt&DT Completely irrelevant to the situation at hand, but dance teacher brofist!

HaileyDancingbear

vollebell said:

show previous quotes

HaileyDancingbear said:

I never post anything without being prepared for people to disagree.  I'm a grown ass woman, I can handle disagreements, and if I'm asking for advice I appreciate any advice I am given regardless of what I was hoping for.

I didn't stay in art school for too long, but rule #1 for all critiques, was grow a pair, deal with criticism, because you will never improve as an artist if people only say nice things no matter what you put in front of them.  Frankly in critiques the only comments that were REALLY helpful were the criticisms.  It's nice to hear compliments on work, don't get me wrong, but commenting to keep doing something I am already doing doesn't do as much as telling me to stop doing something that is making my work suffer.  I had special snowflakes in my class who would regularly produce the crappiest work in the class then bitch for HOURS if anyone said anything other than "ZOMG ITS PERFECT!"  Needless to say their work was just as shitty when they ended as when they began, meanwhile people like me who could accept criticism and move on improved- I went from being "Meh" in my drawing course to having the teacher pull me aside and tell me my work was at the top of the class.

Obviously the situations are different, but I think the attitude towards critique is essential to improving in all aspects of life.  

THIS. As an actor, I actually can't STAND when my director doesn't have a critique. I can't have a better performance if I don't know what needs to be worked on. Only tell me I did well if I did well, don't blow smoke.

And I'm sorry @Cookie Pusher that there is no puppy gif attached. You may now banish me from the internet.

Definitely, I owe the quality of my artwork to helpful critique, especially from the drawing teacher I mentioned- he'd stand behind you while you were drawing, compare the proportions of the nude model to the proportions of your drawing, and if you were off, he'd make you start over.  Yeah, it was frustrating to just dump a drawing you were halfway done with, and it hurt to hear it was so bad you had to do it over, but it was far more helpful to start over and try again than it was to complete a poor quality drawing.

And it really was super annoying to listen to the special snowflakes bitch.  I forgot to mention I was unfortunate enough to be roommates with three very special snowflakes so when someone mentioned something bad about their art, I had to listen to them whine for HOURS and talk about how whoever made the comment was so horrible.  

PolarBearFitz

@HaileyDancingbear - Definitely learned how to take criticism from my Studio Art classes. Everyone should have to go through art critiques.

HaileyDancingbear

@polarbearfitz definitely.  If you can handle a critique, you can handle pretty much anything.  

hellohkb

PolarBearFitz said:

Can we just all decide that when someone posts for 'helpful answers only' that we all just respond with puppy gifs and no advice if it's a repeat offender? That would make me so happy.

Yes!!

Cookie Pusher

Cookie Pusher said:

Henceforth, I am going to consider myself Queen of The Knot, and I only deem answers with puppy pictures as helpful!

As previously stated, puppy pictures will please the Queen greatly! Please leave money in the basket in the corner if you would like to be part of my house party.

APDSS22

Whenever I see "helpful answers only please!" inevitably followed by a sideways happy face I get the urge to quote random Dr. Seuss and just leave it there for the special snowflake to try to decipher.  Well, I was going to give you honest feedback on your terrible, etiquette-less idea but now I feel significantly less helpful.

hikebikebemerry

"Helpful answers only" is INCREDIBLY subjective.

IMO.. here is the difference:

Helpful:

Person A: How do I nicely ask for cash/ reign in my brideslaves/ etc., etc.?

Internet: Doing that can be incredibly rude/ disrespectful/ hurtful, and violates all of etiquette, ever.

Not helpful:

Person A: How do I nicely ask for cash/ reign in my brideslaves/ etc., etc.?

Internet: Hippos are the third largest land mammal by weight.

WildMagelet

Your royal Knotiness @Cookie Pusher

She's not a puppy anymore, but she still acts like one.

Cookie Pusher

Aww, how precious, @flutterbride2b! Come, you may now help me craft 2934874598 things for my wedding. Oh, but just so we're clear, you're not actually invited to attend.

WildMagelet

@Cookie Pusher

Just like a brideslave!  But not.  Since I'm not actually invited to attend I think I need a cute title so I feel better about my inevitable papercuts and glueburns.

Cookie Pusher

But if you have a title, it will take attention away from me!! Dammit, it's MY DAY!