Found the PERFECT venue...but...

freehugs015

So I am not sure that this is the correct forum, but i'll see what you ladies come up with.

So I am having a retro disney themed wedding, I really wanted to find an older theater or something like that for my venue.

I found a place, that is pretty and just a banquet hall, but has beautiful rustic decor. It is well within our budget, which is great because budget is really tight. I kept looking because, well why not? I ended up finding a beautiful Opera House, that they allow to rent out for weddings and ceremonies. I mean, it is absolutely PERFECT! I got info from them, it isn't as affordable as the first place, but still affordable. So I got super excited and got home and started describing the place to my FI, and...he informs me that his ex-girlfriend's grandmother owns the place, and his ex-girlfriend runs the weddings. My FI says he is okay with it, but doesn't want me to be uncomfortable.

This day is about us, so part of me feels like it shouldn't matter, and it would be perfect, but a bigger part of me feels like...it's my day, and I don't want to feel uncomfortable. The first place is still really beautiful, it's just the opera house would be amazing and what I have always dreamed of. I am very torn, and I really hope you ladies could help me out.

antoto

Mmmmm how long ago was this and how serious were they?

If it was like in high school for 2 weeks then screw it, get that venue!  If it was last year and they had been together for 5 years... then... yikes...

JustNicki

If you and FI are both okay with the ex working on your wedding, I say go for it (unless she's insane).  It sounds like you found a venue that perfectly meets your requirements, so I wouldn't pass it up if I were you.

mollyringwald15

This would be a hard choice to make. I guess if I were in your shoes, it would depend on how long they were together. Was this somebody he casually dated a few years ago, or someone he was in a long term relationship with?

It wouldn't bother me that she would be present at my wedding if she was part of the venue staff, but I may be worried she could have a poor attitude and might not be the easiest person to work with. What do you mean when you say she "runs" the weddings? Does she fulfill the duties of a day of coordinator? Or would she just be on the property supervising the vendors and the appropriate use of the space? Is there anyone else on the staff that could work with you instead?

OliveOilsMom

freehugs015 said:

So I am not sure that this is the correct forum, but i'll see what you ladies come up with.

So I am having a retro disney themed wedding, I really wanted to find an older theater or something like that for my venue.

I found a place, that is pretty and just a banquet hall, but has beautiful rustic decor. It is well within our budget, which is great because budget is really tight. I kept looking because, well why not? I ended up finding a beautiful Opera House, that they allow to rent out for weddings and ceremonies. I mean, it is absolutely PERFECT! I got info from them, it isn't as affordable as the first place, but still affordable. So I got super excited and got home and started describing the place to my FI, and...he informs me that his ex-girlfriend's grandmother owns the place, and his ex-girlfriend runs the weddings. My FI says he is okay with it, but doesn't want me to be uncomfortable.

This day is about us, so part of me feels like it shouldn't matter, and it would be perfect, but a bigger part of me feels like...it's my day, and I don't want to feel uncomfortable. The first place is still really beautiful, it's just the opera house would be amazing and what I have always dreamed of. I am very torn, and I really hope you ladies could help me out.

I think it really depends on the history your FI has with his ex.  Were they long term/living together?  Just a few month fling?  And did she take the break up really hard?  Or are they still on cordial terms because they are within the same group of friends?

freehugs015

It was about 2 years ago, and they were kind of more of a fling I guess, but it lasted for quite some time and I know he had real feelings for her. I think I may still go look at the place. I need it to be vintage, but not creepy and this place seems like there is a very fine line between that atmosphere. So I guess we will see. I also just feel like if she is there, she may try to come talk to him, and I know that will bug me, because of their history. We have had a rough past. But it is true love. Thank you for your help so far!

erinlin25

agree that it should depend on their history.  your FI may be over it, but if she is not over him it may be drama just waiting to happen, and uncomfortable for her as well. 

freehugs015

He no longer has contact with her or that group of friends. It was kind of a bad break off. She would most likely be supervising vendors. There also is no gurantee she will be there, he just knows that she used to do it when they were 'together'. If I am being crazy, please let me know. I am just all caught up in emotions and stress from planning.

OliveOilsMom

freehugs015 said:

It was about 2 years ago, and they were kind of more of a fling I guess, but it lasted for quite some time and I know he had real feelings for her. I think I may still go look at the place. I need it to be vintage, but not creepy and this place seems like there is a very fine line between that atmosphere. So I guess we will see. I also just feel like if she is there, she may try to come talk to him, and I know that will bug me, because of their history. We have had a rough past. But it is true love. Thank you for your help so far!

If it will make you uncomfortable to see his girl speak with your FI, then skip this place.  If she is the DOC there, your FI will probably have to speak with her at some point.  Even if you trust your FI, for your comfort, skip this place.

HisGirlFriday13

Also, if it was a bad break-up, is there any chance she would do something to sabotage or ruin your wedding? I hate to be the paranoid person here, buuuuut....stranger things have happened.

freehugs015

Thank goodness I wasn't the only one thinking that...It would be all too easy for that group of friends to come and crash the party as well. Thank you ladies for being so kind. I guess I just needed some reassurance, since the people close to me think I am crazy for being concerned about it. I know they want me to have the perfect wedding, but I would rather have it elsewhere if it means I wont be worried/stressed about it.

Jen4948

freehugs015 said:

He no longer has contact with her or that group of friends. It was kind of a bad break off. She would most likely be supervising vendors. There also is no gurantee she will be there, he just knows that she used to do it when they were 'together'. If I am being crazy, please let me know. I am just all caught up in emotions and stress from planning.

I don't think you're crazy.  If it was "kind of a bad break off," and it makes you uncomfortable to be around her or worried that she might behave negatively, then I think it makes sense to find another venue.

cupcait927

FI and I passed up a venue simply because he had taken his ex there for an overnight stay (beautiful Inn with an amazing spa) and I didn't want our day to have any reminders of her. They were together for 9 years, and broke up about 9 months before I came alone (broken up 2 1/2 years at this point). This ex is also the same girl that texted FI after she found out where he proposed to me because she was upset about it (don't know why, I'm assuming she still felt it was special to them). I couldn't imagine having to work WITH her to plan our wedding. Like PPs have said, if it was a short relationship a long time ago, I could see being ok with it. But if it had any significance and ended badly, I'd pass up the venue to not have to deal with any potential drama.

grumbledore

Given the new details you provided, I would skip using this venue. It's not worth the potential drama.

KatWAG

I dont think this is a crazy concern at all. The last person I would want to see on our wedding would be my ex or his ex.

mollyringwald15

With the extra details I would say skip it.

 

phira

Given the details, it sounds like this isn't a great idea.

If it helps, I wouldn't think, "It's the perfect venue except ..." I'd say, "It was not the right venue for us."

artbyallie

I would skip it. H's last girlfriend before me was a bad break-up for multiple reasons, and they/we only recently patched things up, 8 years later. We're cool now, even stayed at their apartment over Halloween last year, but I hated her two years out from the break-up and she made it clear she thought I was a bitch.

hellohkb

Normally I would say go for it, but if they had a bad breakup, I would skip it if I were you. It might be awkward and she could be very biased while working with your wedding.

cowgirl8238

I would only go for this venue if you had a different person helping you with your wedding.  If you love the venue and they have multiple people working you may be able to get someone else.

However if she is the only person working there, I would pass.  If it was a bad break-up and there are still some feelings there it just wouldn't be worth it.

climbingsingle

I don't think it's crazy at all to be concerned. If it was a bad breakup, I think you should skip this place. Like a PP said, there's too much potential for drama. 

firebabe6519

I agree with the skip it concensus. Weddings are stressful enough. Why risk adding more to your plate?

Cookie Pusher

I agree that you should skip it. I'd not only be worried about the ex, but also the grandmother. Depending on how bad the breakup was, it could end up being a huge mess.

Knope2014

You could always set up a meeting there with the wedding staff and bring him.  This way you can see if the girl even works there, and if so you can watch the interaction and see if she's able to work professionally with you two.  I mean, if you love the place you should talk to the wedding team beforehand anyway, and most places have appointments you can make with the professionals to discuss the venue and staff anyway.

JellyBean52513

The subject of this post, "Found the perfect venue but...." made me auto-complete it in my head before I even opened it; if you can find a 'but' then, usually, it's just not the perfect venue. In your case, you need to decide if you're willing to endure the ENTIRE planning process being involved with your FI's ex. There definitely can be drama, there definitely can be issues, and the last thing you need is anyone who might even possibly cause you extra problems.

I understand how important the aesthetical value of this venue is to you, but you can get married in any building, anywhere. How you decorate it can make all the difference in whether or not any other building, even an abandoned warehouse with no crazy ex, becomes the "perfect" venue

MissMWood

I would make an appt and check it out first. Maybe she has moved on from there and you could be missing out in this venue because you didn't look into it enough?