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Wedding Party

Mixed sex wedding party-mom getting in my head

So, after lengthy discussion and lots of deliberation, my fiance and I decided originally to have 4 people on each side of the wedding.  On his side would be his best friend ( a man), his father, his best man's wife, and a female friend of his.  On my side would be my maid and matron of honor, my brother, and my (female) cousin.  Last night, he called me to tell me he wants his father in a more traditional role and for his sister to stand up with him instead.  Let me be clear, on an individual basis, I have no problem with any of these women being in our wedding.  As a group, though, I think it's a little odd that we will have three times as many girls as guys.  All of the women have already been asked and said yes, so it's not like we can drop them, and I don't want a wedding party of 12 (us filling in 4 more guys to close the gap).  Even though I'm not thrilled with the arrangement, it's one I can love with. My mother (who is paying for the wedding), insists that this is highly unusual and doesn't bode well for the marriage.  Her opinion is that the people who stand up with you in the wedding are the people that you are going to for help and it doesn't bode well for me if he is going to a group of largely girls, one of whom is unattached.  So, now I'm freaking out and don't know what to do.  My fiance is frustrated with me because I told him it was okay and then changed my mind on further reflection and talking with my mother (a bad habit I need to break myself of).  So, the question is, what to do?  

Re: Mixed sex wedding party-mom getting in my head

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    MmeDokich said:
    So, after lengthy discussion and lots of deliberation, my fiance and I decided originally to have 4 people on each side of the wedding.  On his side would be his best friend ( a man), his father, his best man's wife, and a female friend of his.  On my side would be my maid and matron of honor, my brother, and my (female) cousin.  Last night, he called me to tell me he wants his father in a more traditional role and for his sister to stand up with him instead.  Let me be clear, on an individual basis, I have no problem with any of these women being in our wedding.  As a group, though, I think it's a little odd that we will have three times as many girls as guys.  All of the women have already been asked and said yes, so it's not like we can drop them, and I don't want a wedding party of 12 (us filling in 4 more guys to close the gap).  Even though I'm not thrilled with the arrangement, it's one I can love with. My mother (who is paying for the wedding), insists that this is highly unusual and doesn't bode well for the marriage.  Her opinion is that the people who stand up with you in the wedding are the people that you are going to for help and it doesn't bode well for me if he is going to a group of largely girls, one of whom is unattached.  So, now I'm freaking out and don't know what to do.  My fiance is frustrated with me because I told him it was okay and then changed my mind on further reflection and talking with my mother (a bad habit I need to break myself of).  So, the question is, what to do?  
    Having mixed genders in your wedding party is perfectly fine and normal.  So what if the people that your FI feels closest to is his sister and his BMs wife?  Guys are allowed to have close friends who are girls you know.

    To answer your question...you do nothing.  You should be happy that your FI has great friends and family members that he loves dearly enough to have them in his wedding.

    Stop worry about how it will all look or what your Mother thinks.  None of that matters.

    chibiyuiemmyg65KeptInStitchesdoeydo
  • Mkincaid2014Mkincaid2014 member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited February 2014
    Try not to let your mother's concerns get to you.  Our bridal party also has more women than men, partially because we have 3 sisters between us.  We have a groomslady standing up on my fi's side, and we initially had some surprised comments from family.  But they stopped as soon as we confidently said we couldn't imagine our wedding without her standing with us.  Honestly, I think it says a lot about your fi's character that he respects women and enjoys their company as friends.  If I were a guest at your wedding, I don't think I would even notice that there are more women than men, but even if I did, I would think it's sweet. 

    Also, to comment on your mom's opinion that the people who stand up with you in the wedding are the people that you go to for help and it doesn't bode well for your marriage that they are mostly female.  That's such outdated thinking.  I don't know about you, but I have a different relationship with every single person in the bridal party, male and female.  Some of his single friends have become very close friends I can turn to for anything, and there's nothing wrong with that.  My fi's groomslady is one of his closest friends from college, and he stays in very regular contact with her.  She's given him wonderful advice over the years, and I'm grateful that she's in our lives.  The gender of your friends and family do not matter when you are really in need, and it doesn't matter in your bridal party.   

    Please don't let your mom's comments get to you if you genuinely want all of those people standing up with you when you say your vows.               
    chibiyuiSKPM
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited January 2014
    This is the bridal party of you and your fiance, not your mom. The only male in our WP was our ring bearer. 




    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    chibiyuiJen4948
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Stop listening to your mom.  If she brings it up again, tell her the decisons made on the WP are done and final, so there is no need to try and get you to change your mind.

     

    Can chibiyui get extra points for her use of behoove and asunder?

    chibiyuiJen4948doeydo
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    It's not up to your mom who stands up with your FI.  Nor, for that matter, is it up to you.

    It's also not up to your FI who stands up with you.

    I'd stop talking to your mother about your wedding party, and if she brings it up again, tell her, "Mom, this is a closed subject," and bean-dip her from now on.
    doeydo
  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited February 2014
    Your mom makes me ragey. I am a 53 yo MOB. MY 2 very best friends for the last 25+ years are guys. We were the 3 amigos before we met our spouses. Their wives love me and my husband is very fond of them. If my generation didn't have their heads so far up our butts when it comes to weddings I would have had them in my BP. Mixed genders back then would have been scandalous. why? Because we were dumb about such things. One other thing, you don't take your marriage problems outside to others. This is part of why my wonderful guy BFFs have been my BFFs for over 25 years. Stop talking to your mom. This isn't her business. 
    AddieCakeOliveOilsMom
  • Your mom is a whackjob.

    doeydo
  • Your mom has no say in who stands up for you guys on either side, and you should be supportive of your FI with who he wants on his side. We have a groomsmaid  and I couldn't imagine it any other way. She's been like a sister to my FI (who is an only child), and she's been like a sister to me, too. 
  • JennyColadaJennyColada Awesometown, CA member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    Your mother is basically insinuating that you Fi will cheat on you.

    If this is an issue for you than you have much larger issues than who's in your wedding party.
  • You mother gets NO SAY when it comes to the wedding party.  This is up to you and your FI to decide.  You each choose your sides and just tell mom that its done and then bean dip her whenever she brings it up.

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