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NWR: may be visiting my dad today vent*UPDATE***

JaniV123JaniV123 member
Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
edited February 2014 in Chit Chat
I have kind of been avoiding going over to my dad's

back story:
My parents are divorced, they hate each other. My dad has been the kind of person to promise things and never everpull through. For many years he bailed on child support. My mother finally put in on ASUME which is part of the government to kind of "force" people to pay their child support. We always struggled because my mother is not good at managing finances but since my mom's family had money my dad assumed they would support us. Fast forward to 2011 a fight broke out between me and both my parents and I took a stand and convinced my mother to take him to court to settle the child support debt of over 25k. Back and foprth he made some payments but about 6 months ago he came up to court with some health issues and now he was diagnosed with cirrhosis caused by some auto immune diseases he did not know he had. 

He is in process of getting on the UNOS transplant list. He wants me to go over to settle the debt with an arrangement using my grandmother's house as 
"pay". I really dont understand most of the financial and legal stuff that is going on with that but I know his health is more important right now than any needs I may have. His family want to force me to be his next of kin and to take all the responsibility for him. We have never been truly close. I want and will be there for him but I dont know how involved I want to be. 

right now I am feeling really bad about everything, overwhelmed and confused. If you have read this thanks. 

***UPDATE***
I went by yesterday it it was much better than I expected. He was more straightforward than other times when talking about what he needs to do and get done. Since I am very tired of all the fighting and right now he needs to focus on his health I agreed to the promissory note of the remaining debt and told him I would not want all the responsibility to fall on me. He said he is going to start a project and wants to involve FI, if he wants to, to be his partner in this business. I reinforced FI that he doesnt need to do anything he feels uncomfortable with. It went much better than expected. I still feel very awkward with the whole situation.


Re: NWR: may be visiting my dad today vent*UPDATE***

  • I'm so sorry you're going through this. My family got into some ugly legal battles over money and property after my mom passed away, so I can sort of relate to what you're feeling. I hate to say this, but you need to take care of yourself first and let your parents and their attorneys work out all the legal stuff. As far as taking on next of kin responsibilities, tell your family that you don't feel confident that you will be able to make the right decisions. They shouldn't be pushing you into this.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker



  • I'm sorry to hear, Jani. I agree that you need to leave this one between your parents and their lawyers. Also, I would steer clear of becoming next of kin, because that could involve you having to make some difficult decisions down the line that you clearly don't have confidence making.

    I'm sorry that you've been put in the middle of all of this. Stay strong and stand your ground -- this is YOUR life.


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  • thanks, I have been keeping out of it but my father requested that since I turned 21 my mother would no longer be the person in charge of that so I am awaiting the sit-down with my legal counsel to see my options. 

    My dad doesnt want to force me so thats better in a way but I am just dreading having to make the decision, he is my dad and I love him but its a difficult situation.

    thanks all, it feels good letting it out because the only other person who knows is FI but i dont like to overwhelm him with this stuff. 


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