"OMG can't you hold it in for 20 mins?"

kitsunegari89

Ideas for shower gifts are endless. Get her something that would be really embarrassing to open in front of friends and family and you're all set. Unicorn-Shaped Bong? Ball Gag? Dildo? Leather négligée? Spanx?

hikebikebemerry

Even the rooster wants nothing to do with her shenanigans.

jdluvr06

cookie0803 said:

@hikebikebemerry, she is actually registered at one store, also, but it's written in tiny letters on the very bottom of the back of the invitation. Honeyfund is in enormous letters and is clearly listed as the preferred registry.
I'm totally going to this shower. My excitement cannot be contained. I need to see her face when she opens the pregnant rooster made of coal that I'm having made for her. ETA: I'm aware roosters can't be pregnant, for a number of reasons. This one, however, will be pregnant. Because the "bride" deserves it.

Hahaha, please keep us posted.

thisismynickname2

PhoneCardLady said:

This was the "WORST" Review from 2012:

This review is from: Haribo Gummy Candy, Sugarless Gummy Bears, 5-Pound Bag (Grocery)

Oh man...words cannot express what happened to
me after eating these. The Gummi Bear "Cleanse". If you are someone
that can tolerate the sugar substitute, enjoy. If you are like the
dozens of people that tried my order, RUN!

First of all, for
taste I would rate these a 5. So good. Soft, true-to-taste fruit
flavors like the sugar variety...I was a happy camper.

BUT (or
should I say BUTT), not long after eating about 20 of these all hell
broke loose. I had a gastrointestinal experience like nothing I've ever
imagined. Cramps, sweating, bloating beyond my worst nightmare. I've
had food poisoning from some bad shellfish and that was almost like a
skip in the park compared to what was going on inside me.

Then
came the, uh, flatulence. Heavens to Murgatroyd, the sounds, like
trumpets calling the demons back to Hell...the stench, like 1,000 rotten
corpses vomited. I couldn't stand to stay in one room for fear of
succumbing to my own odors.

But wait; there's more. What came
out of me felt like someone tried to funnel Niagara Falls through a
coffee straw. I swear my sphincters were screaming. It felt like my
delicate starfish was a gaping maw projectile vomiting a torrential
flood of toxic waste. 100% liquid. Flammable liquid. NAPALM. It was
actually a bit humorous (for a nanosecond)as it was just beyond anything
I could imagine possible.

AND IT WENT ON FOR HOURS.

I
felt violated when it was over, which I think might have been sometime
in the early morning of the next day. There was stuff coming out of me
that I ate at my wedding in 2005.

I had FIVE POUNDS of these
innocent-looking delicious-tasting HELLBEARS so I told a friend about
what happened to me, thinking it HAD to be some type of sensitivity I
had to the sugar substitute, and in spite of my warnings and graphic
descriptions, she decided to take her chances and take them off my
hands.

Silly woman. All of the same for her, and a phone call
from her while on the toilet (because you kinda end up living in the
bathroom for a spell) telling me she really wished she would have
listened. I think she was crying.

Her sister was skeptical and
suspected that we were exaggerating. She took them to work, since there
was still 99% of a 5 pound bag left. She works for a construction
company, where there are builders, roofers, house painters, landscapers,
etc. Lots of people who generally have limited access to toilets on a
given day. I can't imagine where all of those poor men (and women)
pooped that day. I keep envisioning men on roofs, crossing their legs
and trying to decide if they can make it down the ladder, or if they
should just jump.

If you order these, best of luck to you. And please, don't post a video review during the aftershocks.

PS:
When I ordered these, the warnings and disclaimers and legalese were
NOT posted. I'm not a moron. Also, not sure why so many people assume
I'm a man. I am a woman. We poop too. Of course, our poop sparkles
and smells like a walk in a meadow of wildflowers. Thanks for all the
great comments. I've been enjoying reading them and so glad that the
horror show I experienced from snacking on these has at least made some
people smile.

Thank you for ressurecting the thread as I just cried tears of laughter reading this post. You MUST bring gummies as a shower gift and ask her about holding it in.

chkmeowt

Am I the only person in the world who likes the metal chickens? 

LOL

We actually bought a metallic peacock last year and named in Reginald....

On a more serious note, you should get her the vagina balls - my mind is totally blanking on what they are actually called....but you know what I'm talking about. The balls you put in your vagina to strengthen your muscles. Tell her she can just hold those in.