This is bullshit!!

jenna8984

My brother, sister, and I are all a year apart so we're really close, especially since our parents live 9 states away. When my nephew was born a few years ago I got hourly update calls while my brother's ex-wife was in labor. I was actually on vacation so I couldn't rush to the hospital. Well now that he and his new wife are expecting my niece I expressed how excited I am to be here for it this time. 

So I wake up at 7am thinking it's a normal Saturday morning....I have a text from bro at midnight saying the baby was born. Then 3 more texts at 1am from friends saying "congrats! we saw it on facebook, she's so cute!" ARE YOU F-ING KIDDING ME?! You posted the birth on FB and didn't even tell me you were in labor?! 

And wife's best friend posted pics of herself holding the baby so clearly she got a call! 

Ugh. I know life is not all about me and it may have been an emergency c-section or something but still, I'm hurt that they posted it all before even letting me, sister and my parents know. I'm going to try really hard to not say anything when I go to the hospital because I don't want to be a bitch on their happy day but I plan on bringing it up in a week or two. 

HisGirlFriday13

You're right that it's not all about you, but you're also within your rights to be hurt that you found out through Facebook, because that's a shitty way to treat family.

I'm sorry, that sucks.

jdluvr06

I'm sorry that really sucks. I couldn't imagine finding out my nephews were born through Facebook. I was actually in the delivery room with her. You have every right to be hurt.

sarahufl

Oh, I would be furious. My sister called me at 5am telling me her water broke. Her husband texted me updates all day and she finally called me at 11pm to tell me she had a girl (they were waiting to find out). It was one of the most special things I can think of and I would be very upset if I found out on FB.

While you are correct that it is not about you, that doesn't make it less hurtful. No judgement from me.

lyndausvi

Congrats on being a new aunt.

sarahufl said:

Oh, I would be furious. My sister called me at 5am telling me her water broke. Her husband texted me updates all day and she finally called me at 11pm to tell me she had a girl (they were waiting to find out). It was one of the most special things I can think of and I would be very upset if I found out on FB.

While you are correct that it is not about you, that doesn't make it less hurtful. No judgement from me.

Her brother send her a text about the baby at midnight.  Not really his fault she didn't receive it to this morning.   Sure I would be disappointed to see the fist pictures on FB hours after everyone else, but what are you going to do?   

kmmssg

Both of my girls invited me to the hospital (but NOT the delivery room!) when they were in labor with all my grandkids.  If they hadn't wanted us there that would have been their choice also.

Howeverrrrrrrr, God help you if I find out my granchild has arrived via FB or any other social media.  That was just incredibly disrespectful.  Oh my - to say there would be a come to Jesus chat would be the understatement of the century.

OP - I am going to suggest that when you mention this to your brother you do it privately and calmly and ask him WTH?  Is there any reason to think his wife had something to do with this decision?

Teddy917

lyndausvi said:

Congrats on being a new aunt.

sarahufl said:

Oh, I would be furious. My sister called me at 5am telling me her water broke. Her husband texted me updates all day and she finally called me at 11pm to tell me she had a girl (they were waiting to find out). It was one of the most special things I can think of and I would be very upset if I found out on FB.

While you are correct that it is not about you, that doesn't make it less hurtful. No judgement from me.

Her brother send her a text about the baby at midnight.  Not really his fault she didn't receive it to this morning.   Sure I would be disappointed to see the fist pictures on FB hours after everyone else, but what are you going to do?   

Exactly this. It sounds like OP is more upset that she didn't get to be there.

sarahufl

Teddy917 said:

Congrats on being a new aunt.

sarahufl said:

Oh, I would be furious. My sister called me at 5am telling me her water broke. Her husband texted me updates all day and she finally called me at 11pm to tell me she had a girl (they were waiting to find out). It was one of the most special things I can think of and I would be very upset if I found out on FB.

While you are correct that it is not about you, that doesn't make it less hurtful. No judgement from me.

Her brother send her a text about the baby at midnight.  Not really his fault she didn't receive it to this morning.   Sure I would be disappointed to see the fist pictures on FB hours after everyone else, but what are you going to do?   

Exactly this. It sounds like OP is more upset that she didn't get to be there.

Fair point. I turn off my phone at night, so if I didn't know it was imminent, I wouldn't receive it either. I guess I would need to know more before I got too pissed.

IMO, putting anything on Facebook before you have a chance to talk to your family is never ok.

lyndausvi

I just dont' that is realistic in this day and age.   Your brother and SIL doesn't even have be on FB for the word to get out VIA other people.   It's the way life it now.   He sent text. Now we know your phone was off.   So even if he called you for 6-7 straight hours you would not have gotten a hold of you.  

Let it go. Enjoy being an aunt.

jdluvr06

I really don't blame her for being angry. If my sister was in labor I would expect more than a text after the baby was born. Idk. I guess it is just how my family does things but whenever someone in my family is having a baby we all know when they are in labor. Obviously I'm not going to go to the hospital when for my second cousin twice or something but I would know the baby was coming. ETA: she also never says her phone was off.

lyndausvi

She admitted that she turns her phone off.  SIL could have gone into labor, had the baby all while sara was sleeping and the phone was off.       Next time a sibling is pregnant I bet sara will keep her phone on as to not miss anything.

Not everyone has these 2 day long labors, my mom was in labor for 45 minutes with me.  45 minutes. Not a lot of time to contact many people.    Not saying that is what happened here, but it's very possible.

ETA - Sorry it wasn't OP who turned her phone off.   Got that all wrong.

sarahufl

She admitted that she turns her phone off.  SIL could have gone into labor, had the baby all while sara was sleeping and the phone was off.       Next time a sibling is pregnant I bet sara will keep her phone on as to not miss anything.

Not everyone has these 2 day long labors, my mom was in labor for 45 minutes with me.  45 minutes. Not a lot of time to contact many people.    Not saying that is what happened here, but it's very possible.

*stuck in a box*

It was me who turns off my phone, not OP. Although it is set to get calls from my family. No way anyone in my family would go into labor without telling us. No way it would end up on FB either. This isn't about "modern life", I would never put pictures of other people's kids on my FB either unless I knew they had a chance to tell the people they care about. That is just about decency, to me.

lyndausvi

sarahufl said:

She admitted that she turns her phone off.  SIL could have gone into labor, had the baby all while sara was sleeping and the phone was off.       Next time a sibling is pregnant I bet sara will keep her phone on as to not miss anything.

Not everyone has these 2 day long labors, my mom was in labor for 45 minutes with me.  45 minutes. Not a lot of time to contact many people.    Not saying that is what happened here, but it's very possible.

*stuck in a box*

It was me who turns off my phone, not OP. Although it is set to get calls from my family. No way anyone in my family would go into labor without telling us. No way it would end up on FB either. This isn't about "modern life", I would never put pictures of other people's kids on my FB either unless I knew they had a chance to tell thepeople they care about. That is just about decency, to me.

oops.  READING COMPREHENSION FAIL.

JCbride2015

Yeah, I think OP has a right to be a little pissed because of the Facebook angle.  I understand labor can happen quickly, maybe SIL wanted a more private labor after having a lot of people around the first time.  And they probably sent a text out of consideration not to wake her up in the middle of the night.

But posting on Facebook before telling family would piss me off, too.  We've had a lot of conversations on here about people announcing engagements via Facebook, which is rude enough.  I would hate to find out I had a new niece or nephew that way!

hikebikebemerry

OP, I would be super hurt by this as well.

I feel like there might be larger implications of this?  Unless I am misunderstanding, ex-SIL kept you super involved, which allowed you to stay close to your brother.  Not getting in touch with you gives the message that, "this is the way things are now; your relationship with your brother is going to change whether you like it or not"- not saying that's the message they tried to send, but that's how I would take it.

Then again, I have a lot of feelings.

lyndausvi

Jcb - same brother different SIL.  Very possible this SIL didn't want everyone to know when she was in labor.  

sarahufl

I don't blame people for not wanting to tell others they are in labor. My siblings have wanted to avoid anyone just showing up at the hospital and I don't blame them. There is about one person in the world I would want at my labor and that is my sister.

The FB thing is uncool, though.

MyNameIsNot

Meh, I get that you are disappointed, but he sent you a text before he put it on FB.  You didn't find out from FB.  It's a little unfair to expect him to wait for you to wake up and check your phone before he is allowed to post on FB about his own child.  I'd give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he texted instead of calling because it was late and you might be asleep.  Which you were.  

bethsmiles

I think you should just let this go. They sent you a text. Would it have been nice if they called? Yup but that ship has sailed. Bringing it up isn't going to change anything.

Also, you don't know that her best friend got a call. Maybe she stays up late, maybe she's a light sleeper and woke up when she got the text. Or maybe she did get a call but your SIL just delivered a baby and if she wanted her best friend there asap I don't see how that's something to be upset about.

jenna8984

Yea, I know it wasn't bro's fault that I didn't hear the text at midnight however her water broke at 3pm...they had several hours to let me know that it was happening. Again I realize the world doesn't revolve around me but a text takes 12 seconds! 

I tried so hard not to say anything at the hospital but SIL mom was there and they joked how she jumped right in to cut the cord and I blurted out "Oh, she can cut the cord and I can't even get a phone call?!" SIL and her mother were both shocked and said oh my god, you didn't know?? We both would have called you but we assumed your brother did! They were both very apologetic even though bro said "whatever, I had a lot going on". They both yelled at him for me so that was nice. Drama over and the baby is frigen adorable and they're all healthy Yaaay! 

kmmssg

Well, glad that has been put to bed!

Maggie0829

H found out that his only sister gave birth to her first kid via Facebook. His Mom posted a picture but never bothered to call. I was pissed for him but he didn't seem to care. There are just certain things that don't need to go on Facebook right away.

hikebikebemerry

It's kind of a pet peeve of mine when I go to Facebook and see status updates of how much people are dilated.  TMI.

Also, I would be completely pissed if I was in labor and FI was telling the internet what was going on with my lady bits.

Vivandiere8

MyNameIsNot said:

Meh, I get that you are disappointed, but he sent you a text before he put it on FB.  You didn't find out from FB.  It's a little unfair to expect him to wait for you to wake up and check your phone before he is allowed to post on FB about his own child.  I'd give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he texted instead of calling because it was late and you might be asleep.  Which you were.  

This. And I know a lot of parents that had everyone there the first time they had a baby, and sent lots of updates and calls the first time around as they went through labor, and then the second time around decided they wanted things to be a little more private.

misshart00

MyNameIsNot said:

Meh, I get that you are disappointed, but he sent you a text before he put it on FB.  You didn't find out from FB.  It's a little unfair to expect him to wait for you to wake up and check your phone before he is allowed to post on FB about his own child.  I'd give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he texted instead of calling because it was late and you might be asleep.  Which you were.  

I agree with this.

Also, when my water broke, we didn't even tell our parents until we had been at the hospital for a while, hours after I had technically gone into labor.

pumpkinsandturkeys

I agree that finding some things out via FB is rough, and a little insensitive.

My brother eloped and I found out via FB, after a number of their friends already knew. I was really hurt and upset that he didn't call to tell me personally, or even send a text (which is how we usually communicate). I later found out that my parents knew in advance that they were eloping, and they told my sister but not me -- so I was the only one in our family who found out a day or two after it happened, via social media. That one stung for a while.

Unfortunately, at this point all you can do is try to put it behind you. It wasn't the ideal way to find out, but it is what it is. I'm sorry that you didn't get a chance to be there, or at least support them from afar and await the announcement of the new baby. The good thing is that you'll get to be that child's auntie for the rest of their lives