Dislike the idea of "walking down the aisle" - alternatives??

cosmo102

I strongly oppose walking down the aisle and having all eyes on me. I considered having my two sisters, who are bridesmaids, walk with me all at the same time, but it still creates that awkward "all eyes on me" moment. 

Does anyone have any suggestions? I want the ceremony to be relaxed because I really don't handle that kind of pressure well. Please feel free to be as outlandish as you want because I really don't want a traditional ceremony :-)

Here are some facts that might help: 

It's my first marriage, his second

I do not want to be given away or presented

My father is not around

My sisters are the only bridesmaids and they are very important to me 

My dog will be a part of the ceremony some how

I'm searching for an alternative to bouquets

Thank  you all!!  

Maggie0829

No matter how you walk in, whether it be down an aisle or from the side or even if you parachute in, I am sorry to say that all eyes will be on you at some point during the course of the ceremony.

If you aren't opposed to seeing your FI before the ceremony you both could walk down the aisle or in from the side together.

emmyg65

My husband and I walked down the aisle together. That way, we walked into the marriage together, side by side. I wasn't given away. 

I also attended a wedding once where the bride and groom were out mingling with guests as they arrived. Then everybody moved over to the ceremony area and and the ceremony began. No one walked down an aisle at all at that wedding.

Here are some bouquet alternatives. Remember, you can also not carry anything at all.

Jen4948

cosmo102 said:

I strongly oppose walking down the aisle and having all eyes on me. I considered having my two sisters, who are bridesmaids, walk with me all at the same time, but it still creates that awkward "all eyes on me" moment. 

Does anyone have any suggestions? I want the ceremony to be relaxed because I really don't handle that kind of pressure well. Please feel free to be as outlandish as you want because I really don't want a traditional ceremony :-)

Here are some facts that might help: 

It's my first marriage, his second

I do not want to be given away or presented

My father is not around

My sisters are the only bridesmaids and they are very important to me 

My dog will be a part of the ceremony some how

I'm searching for an alternative to bouquets

Thank  you all!!  

You don't have to walk down the aisle or be "presented" or "given away."  But you are going to be the center of attention just by virtue of being one of the principals.

The bolded is something I'd be very cautious about.  If you plan to have photos of your dog or something like that, that would be fine, but if you plan for your dog to actually be at the wedding, you need to make sure you can even bring the dog to the venue, keep it away from your guests (especially if any of your guests are allergic to dogs), make sure its needs are taken care of (walking, feeding, etc.), clean up any messes it makes, and take it home later.    Also keep in mind that it will be in an unfamiliar environment surrounded by lots of strangers, some of whom may not be comfortable around dogs (which I think dogs can pick up on).

All of that's a tall order, so we usually advise that pet owners not bring their pets, no matter how well trained they are.

cosmo102

Thank you- I guess I didn't really think it through.  I'll reconsider the dog at the ceremony. 

mlg78

You're the bride! All eyes WILL be on you regardless of where you are! Walk down the aisle together and enjoy that moment if you're not willing to be escorted or go down by yourself as most brides do...

cosmo102

what if we had a small ceremony, like just family and our best friends, then go directly to the reception where everyone else is? is that strange? would the guests feel like they missed out on the point?

PrettyGirlLost

cosmo102 said:

what if we had a small ceremony, like just family and our best friends, then go directly to the reception where everyone else is? is that strange? would the guests feel like they missed out on the point?

Yes, and they may feel that you only invited them to get gifts.

If you want to have a small ceremony, then you should really have a small reception too.  People will likely be hurt that they couldn't celebrate your actual marriage with you.

Also, you are going to be the center of attention on your wedding day for the entire day; Whether you are walking down the aisle, standing at the altar, or at the reception everyone will be watching you, looking for you, seeking you  out, etc.  If you are really uncomfortable about that perhaps you could take something to just take the edge off on your wedding day, or consider a much smaller ceremony and reception.

cosmo102

Thank you and I see your point, however, we are not registered and request that any gifts be to their local ASPCA. As ridiculous as it sounds, I never really thought about the idea that people would be looking at me all day- so this discussion has been an eye opener- thank you all who helped me realize this.

manateehugger

cosmo102 said:

Thank you and I see your point, however, we are not registered and request that any gifts be to their local ASPCA. As ridiculous as it sounds, I never really thought about the idea that people would be looking at me all day- so this discussion has been an eye opener- thank you all who helped me realize this.

The bolded is totally fine - just make sure you aren't posting this anywhere or putting it in your invitations. Only make this suggestion if a guest actually asks you what you'd like.

Of course, if someone gives you a cash gift, you're welcome to donate it yourself. 

Gina0887

What if you are standing at the alter with your groom talking when guests arrive and just stay there and let the bridesmaids walk down to start the ceremony?

cosmo102

How about this, based on the good ideas you guys presented: 

My fiance and I are mingling with the guests during a pre-ceremony cocktail hour. That way I've had a bit to drink (not too much) to take the edge off. Everyone is mingling around the alter and not seated just yet. Then my bridesmaids pass out candles to the guests as a que to take their seats. Parents will be the last ones to leave the alter and take their seats. The bridesmaids begin to walk down the aisle from the back of the guests, lighting the end candles and the candle of the person sitting on the end. (I forgot to add that this is a dusk ceremony) The bridesmaids make it up to his groomsmen and light their candles, which are his two children. Then the bridal party lights our candle and we light the unity candle. Then the officiant starts. 

Please tell me what you think and be honest. 

Thanks!!

OBX2011

cosmo102 said:

Thank you- I guess I didn't really think it through.  I'll reconsider the dog at the ceremony. 

Our yellow lab was our "ring-bearer" so to speak and she laid right at our feet during the entire ceremony. Only you know your dog best and how he/she will react around a crowd of people, so you have to do what is best for you.

Jen4948

OBX2011 said:

show previous quotes

cosmo102 said:

Thank you- I guess I didn't really think it through.  I'll reconsider the dog at the ceremony. 

Our yellow lab was our "ring-bearer" so to speak and she laid right at our feet during the entire ceremony. Only you know your dog best and how he/she will react around a crowd of people, so you have to do what is best for you.

Sometimes the "do what's best for you" argument doesn't work, and this is an example.  The OP has to do what is best for the dog, the venue, and her guests, as outlined above, even if it's not what's best for her.

J9lawrence

Having all eyes on you might not make you feel as uncomfortable as you think. I don't really like to be the center of attention either and I walked down the aisle with my parents. I was so caught up in the moment and was looking at my husband at the end of the aisle that I wasn't focused on people lookin at me.

mlg78

J9lawrence said:

Having all eyes on you might not make you feel as uncomfortable as you think. I don't really like to be the center of attention either and I walked down the aisle with my parents. I was so caught up in the moment and was looking at my husband at the end of the aisle that I wasn't focused on people lookin at me.

I agree. Keep your eyes on your husband and you may be so overwhelmed with emotion you won't realize all eyes on you. But really, if you have this big of an issue having people watch you then maybe you should have a smaller, private ceremony...

I agree. Keep your eyes on your husband and you may be so overwhelmed with emotion you won't realize all eyes on you. But really, if you have this big of an issue having people watch you then maybe you should have a smaller, private ceremony...

hellohkb

emmyg65 said:

My husband and I walked down the aisle together. That way, we walked into the marriage together, side by side. I wasn't given away. 

I also attended a wedding once where the bride and groom were out mingling with guests as they arrived. Then everybody moved over to the ceremony area and and the ceremony began. No one walked down an aisle at all at that wedding.

Here are some bouquet alternatives. Remember, you can also not carry anything at all.

Ditto this! These are what I was going to suggest.

hellohkb

Jen4948 said:

show previous quotes

OBX2011 said:

cosmo102 said:

Thank you- I guess I didn't really think it through.  I'll reconsider the dog at the ceremony. 

Our yellow lab was our "ring-bearer" so to speak and she laid right at our feet during the entire ceremony. Only you know your dog best and how he/she will react around a crowd of people, so you have to do what is best for you.

Sometimes the "do what's best for you" argument doesn't work, and this is an example.  The OP has to do what is best for the dog, the venue, and her guests, as outlined above, even if it's not what's best for her.

I agree. Like you mentioned, the venue may not even allow dogs. Best to assess your situation and see what will work best for everyone.

PrettyGirlLost

cosmo102 said:

How about this, based on the good ideas you guys presented: 

My fiance and I are mingling with the guests during a pre-ceremony cocktail hour. That way I've had a bit to drink (not too much) to take the edge off. Everyone is mingling around the alter and not seated just yet. Then my bridesmaids pass out candles to the guests as a que to take their seats. Parents will be the last ones to leave the alter and take their seats. The bridesmaids begin to walk down the aisle from the back of the guests, lighting the end candles and the candle of the person sitting on the end. (I forgot to add that this is a dusk ceremony) The bridesmaids make it up to his groomsmen and light their candles, which are his two children. Then the bridal party lights our candle and we light the unity candle. Then the officiant starts. 

Please tell me what you think and be honest. 

Thanks!!

Be careful with that.  If your officiant thinks you have had too much to drink and aren't sober, he/she might not be willing to perform the ceremony.  I know for many church weddings you have to be sober.

The rest sounds pretty.

Jen4948

cosmo102 said:

How about this, based on the good ideas you guys presented: 

My fiance and I are mingling with the guests during a pre-ceremony cocktail hour. That way I've had a bit to drink (not too much) to take the edge off. Everyone is mingling around the alter and not seated just yet. Then my bridesmaids pass out candles to the guests as a que to take their seats. Parents will be the last ones to leave the alter and take their seats. The bridesmaids begin to walk down the aisle from the back of the guests, lighting the end candles and the candle of the person sitting on the end. (I forgot to add that this is a dusk ceremony) The bridesmaids make it up to his groomsmen and light their candles, which are his two children. Then the bridal party lights our candle and we light the unity candle. Then the officiant starts. 

Please tell me what you think and be honest. 

Thanks!!

The bolded has me worried.

Whenever I hear that someone needs something "to take the edge off," it immediately makes me think that the person in question needs to figure out how to live and operate with the edge on.  Don't deal with this by having a drink.

You are marrying the person you love-make that your overriding thought throughout your wedding.  Don't worry about the things that might not go perfectly, and if something doesn't go exactly right, just go with the flow (and have someone like a DOC available to help you with it).

jennyleigh16

I have a friend who has anxiety issues and she was nervous about walking down an aisle too. She absolutely wanted to marry her (now) husband, she just didn't like the attention. What they did was a city hall marriage early in the day to make it legal and then had a ceremony and cocktail reception at a small art gallery. They came in together, mingled with the guests and then on a cue the bridesmaids started shuffling the guests to one side of the room and the music was turned off and their friends/ attendants "married" them. It doubled as speeches. They had written their own vows to each other, exchanged rings and then went straight into their first dance. It was short and sweet and got all of the big moments where all eyes are on the bride and groom out of the way at once so she could relax and mingle for the rest of the evening. 

I think your ceremony idea is beautiful and I don't think that being anxious or nervous means you're unsure about your life choices or freaking out about your wedding going perfectly, it just means you're uncomfortable with the attention. 

clg1213

It was in the context of photos but someone said the following to me: "It's the day you are probably at your most beautiful with the hair, the makeup, and the fancy dress. Celebrate it and be seen!" I'll still be nervous, but that helps a bit

doeydo

You could always use a segway 


But seriously, you are the bride so like it or not, you will be the center or the attention all day.  You could have a truly private ceremony (ie. no more than 20 people) and a reception with more people, if you wanted, or have the entire wedding be small.

doeydo

Jen4948 said:

show previous quotes

cosmo102 said:

How about this, based on the good ideas you guys presented: 

My fiance and I are mingling with the guests during a pre-ceremony cocktail hour. That way I've had a bit to drink (not too much) to take the edge off. Everyone is mingling around the alter and not seated just yet. Then my bridesmaids pass out candles to the guests as a que to take their seats. Parents will be the last ones to leave the alter and take their seats. The bridesmaids begin to walk down the aisle from the back of the guests, lighting the end candles and the candle of the person sitting on the end. (I forgot to add that this is a dusk ceremony) The bridesmaids make it up to his groomsmen and light their candles, which are his two children. Then the bridal party lights our candle and we light the unity candle. Then the officiant starts. 

Please tell me what you think and be honest. 

Thanks!!

The bolded has me worried.

Whenever I hear that someone needs something "to take the edge off," it immediately makes me think that the person in question needs to figure out how to live and operate with the edge on.  Don't deal with this by having a drink.

You are marrying the person you love-make that your overriding thought throughout your wedding.  Don't worry about the things that might not go perfectly, and if something doesn't go exactly right, just go with the flow (and have someone like a DOC available to help you with it).

This.  Lots of people with social anxiety or other issues start drinking to 'take the edge off' and turn into alcoholics.  

doeydo

If you know your dog would be OK being a ring bearer or something, I don't see an issue with is as long as you hire a dog walker or someone to make sure he has been exercised and peed and pooped before the ceremony.  Also, this person could then take the dog back to your house (or wherever) once you are finished the ceremony and had some pictures taken.  But make sure the venue allows dogs, don;'t have him off-leash due to people's dislike/fear of dogs or allergies, and have a plan for clean up in case he does have an accident. 

hikebikebemerry

doeydo said:

You could always use a segway 


But seriously, you are the bride so like it or not, you will be the center or the attention all day.  You could have a truly private ceremony (ie. no more than 20 people) and a reception with more people, if you wanted, or have the entire wedding be small.

@doeydo Segway entrance is the first thing that came to my mind when I saw the title of the post!!

I don't think that OP meant that she was planning on drinking in order to take the edge off, rather, she will mingling/ sipping a beverage and she knows that alcohol will take the edge off.  IMHO, it's a big difference.  I do agree, that if it was the mindset of "I have to drink to be around people" that could be problematic.

cosmo102

I want to clarify, I dont have a drinkig problem and I dont think having a drink before my wedding will send me down a path of perilous behavior. But I appreciate the concern.

cowgirl8238

@cosmo102, what kind of candles are you using and will there be anyway to prevent the wax from dripping onto peoples hands/nice dress clothes?????

cosmo102

I'm planning on using the candles that have the "boats" attached to the bottom of them. Much like the ones that are passed out at a church or holiday service. They have a little cup around them to catch the wax. 

Do you think that will be sufficient? Thank you!

Rikki_5

Why not just elope then?  

JennyColada

Rikki_5 said:

Why not just elope then?  

It sounds like she still wants some of her close friends family to be there. She'll miss out on that with an elopement!