Vow Renewal Dress Code

MairePoppy · February 2014

Inkdancer said:

Ooh, wish I could be on vacay. Then I would have missed all the newbie drama.

In that case, you would miss out on an annual event. Every year the Christmas B2Bs start posting some pretty strange ideas. Then they accuse us of being mean old hags and sympathize with our poor, poor husbands, report us, or GBCK. Some actually hang in there, realize we are trying to help them and become regular posters. It's like salmon swimming upstream. The next wave comes after the Valentines Day engagements.

Inkdancer · February 2014

MairePoppy said:

Inkdancer said:

Ooh, wish I could be on vacay. Then I would have missed all the newbie drama.

In that case, you would miss out on an annual event. Every year the Christmas B2Bs start posting some pretty strange ideas. Then they accuse us of being mean old hags and sympathize with our poor, poor husbands, report us, or GBCK. Some actually hang in there, realize we are trying to help them and become regular posters. It's like salmon swimming upstream. The next wave comes after the Valentines Day engagements.

MairePoppy · February 2014

LOL.

happywiggle · February 2014

@MairePoppy Are there other annual events besides christmas and v-days that us new posters should be aware of?

Vivandiere8 · February 2014

MairePoppy said:

Inkdancer said:

Ooh, wish I could be on vacay. Then I would have missed all the newbie drama.

In that case, you would miss out on an annual event. Every year the Christmas B2Bs start posting some pretty strange ideas. Then they accuse us of being mean old hags and sympathize with our poor, poor husbands, report us, or GBCK. Some actually hang in there, realize we are trying to help them and become regular posters. It's like salmon swimming upstream. The next wave comes after the Valentines Day engagements.

OMG you know what should happen?!?! The day after these sorts of holidays there should be a sticky put up that says "Just engaged over *insert holiday*? Stop in here!" And it would be an attempt to explain what happens with new brides on here, and how they need to take a breath and see the good advice for what it is.

misshart00 · February 2014

amrhodes23 said:

@MairePoppy Are there other annual events besides christmas and v-days that us new posters should be aware of?

Prom.

MairePoppy · February 2014

Those are the two main events. The holiday one starts, right before Thanksgiving and peaks right after New Years Day. It's, by far, the greatest spectacle. Sort of like the Olympics.

It starts off nice, then this happens

mrs4everhart · February 2014

misshart00 said:

amrhodes23 said:

@MairePoppy Are there other annual events besides christmas and v-days that us new posters should be aware of?

Prom.

Please tell me this is a joke. I'm clearly getting old, because that's super icky.

misshart00 · February 2014

STBMrsEverhart said:

misshart00 said:

amrhodes23 said:

@MairePoppy Are there other annual events besides christmas and v-days that us new posters should be aware of?

Prom.

Please tell me this is a joke. I'm clearly getting old, because that's super icky.

Not a joke. There aren't many, but it does happen.

phira · February 2014

I remember one of my friends in high school was engaged, apparently, for a couple years. It was a secret from the adults.

HarlequinnAshford · February 2014

My husband and I did not have an actual wedding, it was just us, our best man and maid of honor. So we are now having a big reception to invite all the family who we werent able to have attend the first time. We have the money for a big party and we want to celebrate our union. I didnt realize their was a time limit on celebration, sorry for some taboo topic ive obviously come across. And I only said Maid of Honor because she was originally my maid of honor. We are having a small ceremony similar to that of a wedding, including a ring bearer to bring out our new engraved bands. It is a vow renewal but also a mesh of a wedding since we werent able to do a real one the first time. A lot of these comments seemed really rude and after this I will not be posting anymore. I certainly dont feel welcome and I really do not want to deal with any negativity going forth. Thank you to those who were polite in their responses I appreciate you taking the time to offer your advice.

RebeccaB88 · February 2014

HarlequinnAshford said:

My husband and I did not have an actual wedding, it was just us, our best man and maid of honor. So we are now having a big reception to invite all the family who we werent able to have attend the first time. We have the money for a big party and we want to celebrate our union. I didnt realize their was a time limit on celebration, sorry for some taboo topic ive obviously come across. And I only said Maid of Honor because she was originally my maid of honor. We are having a small ceremony similar to that of a wedding, including a ring bearer to bring out our new engraved bands. It is a vow renewal but also a mesh of a wedding since we werent able to do a real one the first time. A lot of these comments seemed really rude and after this I will not be posting anymore. I certainly dont feel welcome and I really do not want to deal with any negativity going forth. Thank you to those who were polite in their responses I appreciate you taking the time to offer your advice.

If you got married, then you had a 'real wedding'. That's really insulting to those brides here who got married at the courthouse or eloped or had very small quick casual weddings. What you're planning isn't proper etiquette-wise, and we were nice enough to try to keep you from embarassing yourself in front of your friends and family. If you want to do that, go right ahead, be our guest. It won't matter to us. But people will talk about you behind your back.

If you have the money for a big party, then go for it, have the epic party of the century to celebrate your anniversary. Blow it out of the water with food, a DJ or band, big venue, cake, booze, etc. Have one hell of a party and enjoy it thoroughly. That would be 100% etiquette-appropriate and people will love it. Just don't pretend to get married again while you're there. You're already married, so a do-over won't make a difference. People will think it's silly. Just have a kick-ass party.

mimiphin · February 2014

HarlequinnAshford said:

My husband and I did not have an actual wedding, it was just us, our best man and maid of honor. Oh FFS! That was a real/actual wedding. So we are now having a big reception to invite all the family who we werent able to have attend the first time. We have the money for a big party and we want to celebrate our union. I didnt realize their was a time limit on celebration, sorry for some taboo topic ive obviously come across. And I only said Maid of Honor because she was originally my maid of honor. We are having a small ceremony similar to that of a wedding, including a ring bearer to bring out our new engraved bands. It is a vow renewal but also a mesh of a wedding since we werent able to do a real one the first time. A lot of these comments seemed really rude and after this I will not be posting anymore. I certainly dont feel welcome and I really do not want to deal with any negativity going forth. Thank you to those who were polite in their responses I appreciate you taking the time to offer your advice.

happywiggle · February 2014

HarlequinnAshford said:

My husband and I did not have an actual wedding, it was just us, our best man and maid of honor. So we are now having a big reception to invite all the family who we werent able to have attend the first time. We have the money for a big party and we want to celebrate our union. I didnt realize their was a time limit on celebration, sorry for some taboo topic ive obviously come across. And I only said Maid of Honor because she was originally my maid of honor. We are having a small ceremony similar to that of a wedding, including a ring bearer to bring out our new engraved bands. It is a vow renewal but also a mesh of a wedding since we werent able to do a real one the first time. A lot of these comments seemed really rude and after this I will not be posting anymore. I certainly dont feel welcome and I really do not want to deal with any negativity going forth. Thank you to those who were polite in their responses I appreciate you taking the time to offer your advice.

You DID have an ACTUAL, REAL wedding, even if it wasn't the one you wanted to begin with. You came to the etiquette board with an etiquette question. It was answered. In your OP, you mentioned another thing that no one understand, so we wanted clarification. To be frank, I don't see the difference between what you are planning on doing and having a PPD as you said it's "also a mesh of a wedding since we weren't able to do a real one the first time", which is a huge etiquette no-no.

Knope2014 · February 2014

phira said:

I remember one of my friends in high school was engaged, apparently, for a couple years. It was a secret from the adults.

All I could think of when I read this is if you can't tell mom and dad you're engaged, maybe you should re-think the choice you've made.

phira · February 2014

http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/996776/legally-married-now-having-a-real-wedding-stop-here-first-aka-the-ppd-faq-thread

HERE YA GO

MNVegas · February 2014

OP, if you didn't have a real wedding then you would not be married!! You are married right?

Just because you did not have the wedding you wanted does not mean you did not have a real wedding. You need to get that nutty idea out of your head.

If you want a anniversary party fine, but don't redo the wedding. You will just look really silly!!

LowerEastSiiide · February 2014

HarlequinnAshford said:
So its our five year anniversary and we are doing a vow renewal. My dress will be lilac and my maid of honor will be wearing dark purple, as is the color theme for the event. What is the best way to put on the reception card/invite that people not wear purple? I dont want to just write "Dont wear purple" cause obviously that seems rude, but I really dont want anyone matching me or my Maid of Honor, its basically the same principle as someone not wearing white to a wedding, only that usually goes unsaid so ugh Im stuck and need help.

Writing this on your invites is just as ridiculous as having a freakin vow renewal after five years... Seriously ?

Jells2dot0 · February 2014

Schatzi13 said:

If OP's wedding wasn't real because it was tiny, does that means my wedding wasn't real, either?

According to some posters around here, my wedding was doubly fake! Since it was just the two of us, AND we eloped, it's super duper fake!!!! I suppose that means I can have two vow renewal re-dos so I can make up for both atrocities.

zitiqueen · February 2014

College graduation season (May/June) is also a big proposal time. Because after all, now that you're done with college, the next logical step is to get rush out and get married.

KeptInStitches · February 2014

@schatzi13, I was dearly hoping that had been your wedding cake ...

JoanE2012 · February 2014

HarlequinnAshford said:

My husband and I did not have an actual wedding, it was just us, our best man and maid of honor. So we are now having a big reception to invite all the family who we werent able to have attend the first time. We have the money for a big party and we want to celebrate our union. I didnt realize their was a time limit on celebration, sorry for some taboo topic ive obviously come across. And I only said Maid of Honor because she was originally my maid of honor. We are having a small ceremony similar to that of a wedding, including a ring bearer to bring out our new engraved bands. It is a vow renewal but also a mesh of a wedding since we werent able to do a real one the first time. A lot of these comments seemed really rude and after this I will not be posting anymore. I certainly dont feel welcome and I really do not want to deal with any negativity going forth. Thank you to those who were polite in their responses I appreciate you taking the time to offer your advice.

@HarlequinnAshford - You're married, so yes, you did have an actual wedding.

I don't know the circumstances surrounding your wedding 5 years ago. It may not have been the wedding you dreamed of, but that doesn't mean you get a do-over. No matter what the circumstances were. Part of being an adult is living with the consequences of your decisions.

Also, if nearly everyone here is saying the same thing, perhaps you shouldn't say we're rude and instead sit down and really think about it. If we all are thinking this, surely your guests will. The only difference is, your guests won't tell you the truth, we will.

phira · February 2014

@schatzi13 YES BEST CAKE

MrsMarende · February 2014

You cannot put any attire requested on the invitation, however I would incorporate the purple color into your invitations.

Even at a wedding where the bride is wearing white there is usually a color theme that the BP will be in. If I am sent an invite with a color theme I steer clear of that color. Part as a courtesy to the bride but mostly because I don't want to match the flowers and tables.

As PPs have stated word of mouth that purple is your color will likely give enough hint not to wear it as well.

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